A collection of ficlets I did as a Christmas present. Things the team did to pass the time during Unending.


"I know what we need," Vala announced over breakfast. She stabbed her fork into a piece of her pancake and used it to mop some of the maple syrup out of the corner of her food tray.

The rest of the team cast nervous glances back and forth across the table. None of them spoke for a few moments. Then Daniel cleared his throat and took a breath, deciding it would be better to deal with whatever new scheme she was cooking up right away.

"What, Vala?"

"We need a better ship's comm system," she said.

"What?" Daniel asked.

"Think about it, Daniel. There are only five of us. Suppose we all need to communicate from different parts of the ship."

"She does have a point," admitted Sam. "Right now, we can only do that two ways, or make general announcements ship-wide."

"We have walkie-talkies for that," Cam pointed out.

"Their power supply isn't going to last forever," Sam reminded him.

"And we need to have a…switchboard thing on the bridge. Like on Star Trek. I'll be Uhura!" Vala beamed.

Daniel covered his face with his hand. "Who let you watch Star Trek?"

"General Landry," she replied.

He, Cam, Teal'c, and Sam, all turned to face the general, who had been quietly polishing off his pancakes as the discussion went on around them. He looked up and offered them a faintly sheepish shrug. Then, glancing briefly at Vala, he let the left corner of his mouth turn up.

"I'm a closet Trekkie," he admitted.

"Um…" Daniel responded.

"That's…" Sam attempted.

"Indeed," rumbled Teal'c.

"So where are we gonna to get this thing?" Cam interrupted. "Sam's supposed to be spendin' her time figurin' us a way outta this mess, not riggin' up some fancy intercom."

"So, I'll do it," Vala shrugged.

"You," Cam said, flatly disbelieving.

"It's not as if I have anything better to do with myself, my dear Colonel. And if you recall, I did steal the Prometheus once. Altering the Odyssey's comm system shouldn't be that difficult."

"Fine," Cam shrugged.

"Fine?" Daniel echoed.

Vala gave him a thwap in the back of the head. "Hey!"

"Sam's right," Cam shrugged. "'Sides, it ain't gonna hurt anything. And it'll keep Vala out of trouble for a few weeks, at least."

"I'm more worried about the trouble she'll get into when she's done with it," sighed Daniel.


Three weeks later, after enough false starts and malfunctions to make the whole team regret Cam's willingness to go along with this scheme, Vala had her "switchboard." Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, and Landry, all gathered on the bridge to help her test it, but Cam was conspicuously absent.

Daniel glanced around in confusion. "Where's Mitchell…?"

"Oh, don't worry, darling," Vala replied as she reached to press a button in front of her. "He volunteered to help with the test."

"Oh," Daniel nodded.

"He just doesn't know that yet," Vala grinned.

"What?" asked Daniel.

Vala tapped another button, and the intercom came alive with what was clearly the sound of running water. The team gave one another a series of confused glances, and then Mitchell's voice registered through the water.

There's a campfire burning on the Missippi River bank
My old pickup speakers are cranking out alot of Hank
That's the sheriff's daughter dancin' on my hood
with an empty bottle this can't be good.

There's an unwritten law in this sleepy little town
there ain't no drinkin on the river when the sun goes down
think I see the blue lights comin' through the woods
its the sheriff and his posse, this can't be good

Everybody is runnin' like the end of the world is comin'
with a Buffard T kinda law man closin' in
She just keeps on rockin guess i better do some talkin
she's too dumb to run n' i'm too drunk to swim
this can't be good, this can't be good, this can't be good

aww stay tuned…

"What is he singing?" Daniel asked. The song was obviously one of Mitchell's trademark annoying, twangy country songs, but he didn't think he'd ever heard this one before.

"I don't think I want to know," Landry replied.

"Indeed," agreed Teal'c.

"Shh!" Vala urged, waving her hand. "I want to hear the rest.

This ol' haybarn's full of last years grass
I got a whole tin can full of campfire gas
theres a little bitty flame on this piece of firewood
and when it all comes together it can't be good

Everybody is runnin like the end of the world was comin
with a wildfire burnin' like a freight train outta control
she just keeps on rockin', babe there ain't no time for talking
throw her over my shoulder run with everything I can
hold on babe looks like were jumpin in...

now you know, when we get to the other side, were gonna have to take all
these wet clothes off, and hang out awhile... you know, this could be good.