THIS equals WORK OF FICTION. CHARACTERS equal NOT MINE. ME equals POOR. :(
You're just a sad song
With nothing to say
About a lifelong
Wait for a hospital stay
This never meant nothing to you
"Disenchanted" by My Chemical Romance Disenchanted
JD01 (Emerald Lies)
It was fairly early, but he didn't care. He was a boy on a mission, and since when do boys on a mission care about frivolous things such as time?
The boy clutched the letter tightly in his little tan hands, a nervous smile etched on his lips as his sapphire eyes gleamed with determination. He stalked up his courage and stared at the imposing door with convulsive trepidation. He made it this far; why not go all the way? But see, the blonde's perseverance can only take him so far what with the fear of imminent rejection looming in his every step. One might assume that someone so accustomed to being spurned wouldn't fret over such silly things. One might assume that it gets easier with time, that he should grow a backbone and stop caring. Didn't they understand how terribly petrifying it was to throw yourself in the fire once you have felt its violent crackle sear you alive? After a deep sigh, the young boy took a hesitant step forward. Oh well. What's the worst that could happen? That he gets brutally rejected? That he becomes the laughing stock of the village? That the village council becomes so repulsed by his bold confession that they decide to crucify him? He shuddered at the thought. No. He was getting ahead of himself. He was getting paranoid. He gently slipped the precious letter in the small slit between the ostentatious door and the marble floor. He then placed a single bleeding red rose before the Uchiha manor. He supposed that today of all days- when crushes and love was celebrated throughout the globe- a certain prodigy would be the recipient of endless zany romantic declarations and naïve promises. However, the blonde child believed that deep down inside his letter would be different. His would definitely catch the ever-popular aloof heartthrob's attention. It had to!
He would spend entire classes shamelessly admiring and ogling the ebony haired teen sensation. Uchiha Sasuke, at age sixteen was already a jounin and aspiring ANBU captain. To gain additional favor among the villagers, the council of elders suggested that the teenager devote some of his time aiding Iruka sensei in 'forming Konoha's future pillars'.
The next morning, Naruto's pygmy heart skipped a beat upon seeing a letter accompanying a small package in front of his door. His little body effervesced with hope as he eagerly ripped the letter open. However, he felt a sinking feeling in his heart once he realized that he was holding his own letter- the one he had written addressed to the Uchiha. Except the letter had been modified. It had crimson correction marks soiling the paper. In the corner of the letter, in neat and elegant calligraphy, was scripted a little note.
'Before contemplating wasting my precious time on such pathetic idiocy, at least make the effort of learning how to spell dobe.'
Yes, he had managed to catch the emotionless teenager's attention… just not in the way he had imagined. Naruto opened the package, and sure enough, he had received a dictionary along with a copy of 'Guide to Spelling for Idiots'. The ten year-old boy's pygmy heart broke; his sapphire eyes darkened with unshed tears. Ah yes, rejection scythed his heart once more. He clenched his fist as the agony in the pit of his stomach churned into edacious rage. He knew then with baffling clarity that he loathed Uchiha Sasuke.
He loathed Uzumaki Naruto.
His black army boots resounded in an intimidating fashion on the dirt, his onyx eyes glared at the three useless and incompetent wastes of oxygen panting and huffing pathetically.
The clingy pink haired teenager eyed him hesitantly, borderline ogling with repugnant fervor. But at least she had the decency to try to look discreet. Though the murderous glance thrown her way that made Sakura blush and finally turn away. Beside the violent and sadistic female ninja stood the smiling raven dunce. Apparently the idiot- Sai was it?- was too stupid to be scared of the Uchiha prodigy. He just stood there, his lips turned in that creepy, fake –flirtatious?- smile of his. Then there was the blonde retard, heaving and puffing like some impudent child, piercing blue eyes glowering him. And then there were people even stupider who boldly, suicidally declared war on an Uchiha.
"Each and every one of you inapt apes is incapable of taking care of a spoon, let alone protecting an entire village!" Sasuke spat out with utter disgust, contorting his chiseled features savagely.
The all mighty Uchiha stalked smugly to and fro, in front of the band of dunderheads who were supposed to defend- God help us all- Konoha. Suddenly, he spotted movement from the corner of his eye. Someone dared to move while he was delivering his 'you're-all-a-bunch-of-shitheads-but-more-eloquently-put-of-course' speech?
A dark eyebrow rose elegantly, twitching in annoyance at having his glorious lecture interrupted. Not that he had rehearsed it in front of a mirror or anything. What a preposterous idea! He turned to see the dumb blonde quaking slightly. Maybe the idiot was epileptic and was currently having a seizing episode. Maybe he would drop dead at any second. The Uchiha quickly suppressed the sadistic smile threatening to spill across his face.
"Uzumaki!" growled the young man, armed with a fierce scowl.
The flaxen-haired teenaged looked up, azure meeting onyx once again.
"Yes, sensei?" Naruto mumbled weakly, his face sickeningly livid.
Sasuke froze, not used to receiving such a revoltingly mawkish response from the usually volatile airhead.
"What's with the ugly face, Uzumaki? Your horrendous jutsus making you sick?" he asked, basking in his shameless taunting, when suddenly Naruto's eyes widened. The teenager clutched his stomach and… a stream of vomit came spewing out of his mouth and spilled unceremoniously on to Uchiha Sasuke's once very shiny boots.
Oh yes. He reiterated: he loathed Uzumaki Naruto.
In this gigantic, cold and unpredictable world there were seldom things that were certain- well three things actually.
Rub your eyes after eating something spicy with your hands and your eyes will sting and they will burn, and oh God! No matter how virile, manly you are, no matter how huge your penis is, you will cry.
Garlic makes your breath stink and Sakura-chan will never kiss you
Puke on Uchiha sensei's lustrous boots and you'll be certain to get your pretty little head decapitated.
And so, an uncharacteristically blanching Naruto sauntered clumsily behind a furious Uchiha-sensei who marched angrily towards Hokage tower. The acrid stench of his vomit still lingered unpleasantly in the air. The blonde boy stumbled, as the bitter bile rose in his larynx and as he tried desperately not to breathe in the foul odor bustling in his nostrils. It was awkwardly silent with only the sound of clicking boots filling up the air.
"Perhaps this might be an inconceivable notion for a moron like you, but some of us do haveimportant matters to attend to," thundered impatiently the raven ninja as he increased his speed.
Naruto glared at the inconsiderate bastard who was spitefully stalking speedily. The heartless ANBU captain knew the blonde couldn't keep up in his state, and yet he continued moving hastily.
"What do you care? Why are you even accompanying me?! I'm not a kid you know! I probably just had some expired milk or something …" Naruto said defiantly, a childish glare marring his adolescent features.
Sasuke simply snorted in response, without slowing his pace the slightest bit.
"You are a retard incapable of-"
"Oh shut up! If I didn't know any better, I would think Uchiha princess actually cares about m-"
But before the still ashen Naruto could have the luxury of finishing his sentence and season it with his trademark impudent smirk, he was greeted with a violent and stinging punch. The flaxen-haired student was utterly shocked as he tumbled ungracefully on the floor from the brute impact of the hit. He scrunched his face in agony, gently rubbing his bruised cheek. He shot a betrayed look at Sasuke, his dark blue eyes gleaming fiercely.
"Uzumaki, it would be best if you remember your place. You are the student. I am the teacher, regardless of…" he snapped his mouth shut as he realized what he was about to say. A small tinge of pink colored his cheeks.
Oh. Yes, he was referring to…that. That thing. The incident that –upon silent unofficial agreement- never happened.
Naruto could feel the nausea bubbling inside him. His blanched face contorted unpleasantly as he could taste the acrid remnants of his vomit still stinging in his mouth. And then, without any warning, Naruto emptied the now meager contents of his stomach on his sensei's once pretty black boots.
A fuming Uchiha stared at his dilapidated boots with hopeless aversion, before closing his eyes, desperately trying to control his mounting anger. He ordered through gritted teeth for the obnoxious blonde to get up. The miserable duo continued marching in dense silence until they arrived before their destination.
"Hokage-sama. She ordered me to keep a close watch on you. She wished to be alerted upon the slightest trouble, including if you got your pansy ass sick," Sasuke sneered haughtily, relishing in the delicious slander.
"I can take care of myself!" Naruto exclaimed, weakly flailing his arms in puerile vigor, despite his frail condition.
"Clearly you can't," the raven smirked before adding, "and apparently the Hokage seems to agree."
Naruto, even weakened by consecutive puking, glowered at him fiercely, his hands itching to connect with the snobby man's face.
"Now, stay. It shouldn't be a difficult task. It's a command that even dogs can follow," the Uchiha said, an arrogant complacent smile on his face.
Naruto was left seething as he watched the figure retreat in all its infuriating grace. The Uchiha stopped mid-way and threw back a lofty sneer.
"Oh and dobe?" he called back casually as his face split in a composed smirk, "these boots are coming out of your pocket."
"Uzumaki," the gruff voice scolded.
Azure eyes shot up to meet dark onyx ones. He stumbled his way off of the floor and roughly rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. It had been what? A few hours since the arrogant asshole had ordered him around like some vile mutt?
"The Hokage wishes to speak to you," he explained succinctly, walking away.
"Y-you're leaving?" Naruto asked weakly as confusion washed over him. Why bother walking him all the way here and spend hours talking to the Hokage, if it was to leave before even finding out what was happening to him?
The Uchiha raised an elegant black brow and threw him a disgusted glance.
"I thought you said you could take care of yourself."
"I-I can you bastard! It was just a question!" the blonde ninja shot back defensively through clenched teeth. Just when he was starting to think the arrogant jerk had some semblance of a heart, the arrogant jerk had to go be all arrogant jerky-ish.
And such a cheeky and childish retort made the Uchiha soundlessly shake his head as he continued his journey home.
"She wants to speak with you,privately," he finally supplied, as he disappeared through the bushes.
Naruto ran a hand through his flaxen hair and sighed, staggering his way up to the dragon's den, also known as the Hokage's office.
"What's the deal brat?" was the fiery question that greeted him upon entering the dragon's den/witch's lair. Tsunade unabashedly scrutinized him, taking in his sickly pallor with motherly concern.
"Uchiha is a-"
"Uchiha-sensei is such a girl! He is just being a pricky bastard! I have a cold so I kinda sneezed on his boots, and now he's PMSing!" Naruto rambunctiously explained, making wide circular motions with his hands to emphasize his point.
"Oh? Is that so? You 'kinda sneezed'? Don't lie to me brat. You retched all over his pretty boots," the older blonde stated matter-of-factly, a simper gracing her lips.
"They're not that pretty! I don't get what all the fuss is about," Naruto exclaimed in exasperation; his face scrunched up in muddled confusion. "And anyways i-it's just a mild case of stomach flu!" he cried out indignantly.
"I thought you said it was a cold?" replied the Hokage, a crisp golden brow raised challengingly.
"Whatever! It's nothing serious," Naruto mumbled feebly in a tone that lacked conviction.
"Brat, I am a friggin medic nin. I'm the one who gives the diagnosis! Don't go playing doctor with me," scolded the older blonde, a vein beginning to throb on her forehead in annoyance. This conversation had just begun and she knew it was going absolutely nowhere.
The teenage ninja scoffed disbelievingly.
"Ha! Some medic nin you are! You're always drunk and you're terrified of blood, and you-"
"And if you don't want me to castrate you, you'll shut the hell up," Tsunade warned through clenched teeth, the vein's palpitating motion amplifying by the second.
"Shutting up now," Naruto said solemnly, swiftly clamping his mouth shut.
"Now Naruto, remove your pants," she gestured lazily to his crotch, a hand on her temples desperately trying to mitigate her growing headache.
The mischievous ninja's sapphire eyes widened in mock shock, his jaw grazing the floor.
"Wha-?! Baa-chan! I-I'm flattered but you're too old for me and what would the villagers think?! And-" the young boy rapped out in pseudo indignation.
"What did I say about you and shutting the hell up?" Tsunade retorted acerbically, her golden eyes flaring in fury as her little headache morphed into a raging migraine.
"Dropping pants now," Naruto said in sheer scared obedience, as he hooked his fingers on his waistband. "Just try not to stare too much. I wouldn't want you drooling all over the floor, or worse, hemorrhaging from a severe nosebleed!" he exclaimed, throwing his superior a mischievous smirk.
The unwise retort earned him a well-aimed lofty book hitting him square in the face.
An ominous aura emanated from the usually hyper Hokage. Naruto shifted uncomfortably underneath her calculating gaze. He was mentally and physically exhausted at this point. The shying sun was setting in the horizon, engulfing the village in assuaging orange light. He clasped his eyes shut as he let an earth-shattering sigh escape his lips. He had spent all day being poked and prodded by the team of female medic nins underneath the Tsunades's golden watchful eyes. After the first thirty minutes had elapsed, the Sannin's face was blemished with a worrisome frown. She downed a whole bottle of sake in one impressive gulp. By that point, the flaxen-haired boy had guessed that something wasn't quite right. Perhaps he was suffering from something a bit more serious than a mere stomach flu. His skepticism only intensified when Shizune dropped his chart upon seeing his blood test results, or when Sakura-chan kept gaping at him like some mentally retarded fish while she conducted an ultrasound or even when Hinata-chan fainted upon activating her Byakugan. His suspicions were confirmed when the infuriating women refused to utter a word as he kept badgering them with a plethora of questions. They proceeded to gasp mysteriously and whisper all day long. It was starting to irritate him. Damn it. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong with him, and people were veiling the truth from him. Hedespised being kept from the truth.
Now, drained to the marrow, Naruto gathered his last iota of patience, hoping to receive some semblance of clarification.
After a grave moment of silence pregnant with tension, the blonde middle-aged woman cleared her throat, drawing the attention of her pupil. She chugged her seventh bottle of warm saccharine sake and leaned forward, resting on chin of intertwined fingers.
"Did you get laid recently?" Tsunade blurted out in all her brazen glory.
The young blonde spluttered from sheer shock at such blunt question.
"What the fu-? What has that got to do with anything?! Quit stalling baa-chan! What is wrong with me?!" he asked, his eyebrows twitching. Confusion erupted from within as his cerulean eyes betrayed his fatigue.
Tsunade sent him a softened, affected look in a maternal fashion.
"It has everything to do with it, brat. Now spill it, Uzumaki! Did you have sexual intercourse lately?" Tsunade inquired, her impatience only mounting as the boy fidgeted nervously.
Naruto turned his head away, huffing angrily with a pink tinge coloring his cheeks. The Sannin exhaled; the teenager's reaction has sufficed as response.
"Was it your first time?" she queried, the assuaging timber. She gazed at the boy affectionately.
The usually overzealous blonde ninja bit his lower lip, mutilating the poor plush flesh between his teeth and nodded slowly.
"Hmm, well that would partially explain it," Tsunade muttered, evaluating Naruto with her hazel eyes. It made him feel so terribly naked in front of the wise albeit drunk Hokage.
"Explain what, damn it?!" Naruto cried out, oozing of exasperation.
"Explain the fact that one of my best ninjas, future Hokage of Konoha, has a bun in the oven!"
Saucers. That would probably be the most accurate term to describe the current state of Naruto's sapphire eyes.
Tsunade could literally feel the boy's brain fry from trying to desperately process the overload of information.
'His brain cells must be dying,' Tsunade mused amusedly as she watched the boy comically open his mouth a few times, though no sound was produced. But eventually bored by the absurd spectacle, Tsunade decided to hurl a hefty book on the dazed retard. The violent thwack ungracefully knocked the rueful boy on the floor.
"Ow! What the-" Naruto began whining puerilely, once successfully snapped out of his daze
"You're pregnant," Tsunade declared, getting rather bored with this conversation.
"Don't you have any bedside manners, doctor? You shouldn't go around beating up pregnant women!" Naruto cried out with ire, nursing a nasty bump on his head.
"But you aren't a woman," the Hokage pointed out in a matter-of-factly manner, twirling her fingers to entertain herself.
"I-" the boy sputtered in genuine befuddlement. "You really aren't bull shitting me huh?" Naruto asked solemnly. Suddenly all humor had evanesced. He threw her a perplexed and woeful expression.
Hazel eyes locked into deep cerulean. At that moment it struck Naruto like an ominous, foreboding epiphany. He knew that from this moment the life he led would be forever and irreparably altered.
"But how?" he asked, unable to shake off the disarraying turmoil threatening to engulf his soul.
"I'm not quite sure, but I do have a vague idea. We'll get to that later. But more importantly Naruto, I have to know who the father is."
"Uhh, me?" the boy replied, contorting his face, puzzled by the obviously stupid question.
"Tell me," Tsunade inquired once more, grinding her teeth in frustration, seriously reconsidering nominating this dunce to replace her.
Then it dawned on the young blonde as his face turned into a pretty shade of vermillion.
"Sensei-teme," he mumbled dimly.
"As in Uchiha? Uchiha Sasuke? Your Uchiha-sensei?!" shrieked the bewildered Hokage, suddenly feeling her temples throb in utter agony.
"So let me get this straight. A sixteen year-old minor got fucked by my very adult captain of ANBU?" she asked in restrained calmness- a bit like the calm that preceded a storm.
"Err… yes?" he answered hesitantly.
"So, how was it?" she asked impetuously, slightly digressing from the matter at hand.
"Well you see… Idon'tremember," he spoke in a rushed manner, jumbling his words as his face turned crimson.
"And pray tell, why is that?" she asked. Her face remained impassive but her eyes promised a slow and torturous death.
"Because I was plastered?"
"So you're telling me that not only did you have underage sex, not only did you break Konoha's fundamental code of ethics regarding teacher-student relations, not only did you literally break the laws of Nature by getting knocked up, but you also indulged yourself in underage drinking?!" screamed Tsunade in utter outrage. "I have never been so disappointed with someone in my life!" slamming her palms flat on her desk.
"Hey! It takes two to tango!" cried out the young ninja defensively.
"Oh believe me, my esteemed captain will hear of this!"
"NO!!!!" Naruto screeched much like a savage banshee, sweats of trepidation lathering his forehead.
"Y-you can't tell him!"
"He will find out eventually," Tsunade reasoned, her face grave.
"No. No. He won't. Not from me and certainly not from you," Naruto said, determination glistening in his enchanting sapphire eyes.
"Naruto! He is the father of your unborn child," she tried to reason with the stubborn young man.
"I- stop. That means nothing to me. I-" Naruto uttered, stumbling on his words, clasping his eyes shut. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. It was a mistake. It had to be! This was some sick, disgusting joke. Any moment now someone will come running out shrieking 'April's Fool!'. Yes, yes that had to be it.
"T-this is just so surreal to me. I- Just give me time to process all of this, to deal with…" his voice trailed off as he stared at the mesmerizing horizon, "with this. Promise me you won't tell him, OK?"
"Please baa-chan! This is my body! This is my life. Not his. Don't involve him in this!" he cried out, the urgency evident in his voice.
"Ok," she said reluctantly.
For the first time in her life, Tsunade witnessed the young confident man's deep blue eyes obscure with something akin to profound fear and despondency, and it terrified her.
"Ok" Tsunade repeated, sighing in resignation.
"Promise me!" he pleaded in chagrining desperation.
"I promise," she finally replied after a pregnant pause.
"But I don't see how Sasuke can't find out. How do you plan on hiding your pregnancy from Sasuke? Eventually you'll start showing… unless if – are you going to terminate it?" she asked cautiously.
"I-I just need to breathe. Give me the time to breathe, please. All I need is some air."
"You're pregnant Naruto! How can you be so irresponsible!"
"I didn't plan this! I'm a man for God's sake! I'm not supposed to get pregnant if the guy who shoves his dick up my ass doesn't don the rubber! I'm notsupposed to get pregnant at all! Are you sure it's not a mistake? Maybe it's a STD? It wouldn't surprise me if the bastard was crawling with them!" he exclaimed in despair.
"You're sixteen. You're a child having a child. Don't you understand the enormity of the situation?" Tsunade yelled, furious that he would dare to joke at a moment such as this.
"I'm a ninja." That said it all, didn't it? Age. Frivolous thing such as age didn't carry a modicum of import when at any moment a ninja, soldier of Konoha, was ready to die and was trained to kill, to rob another human being of life. How can age matter? Naruto had stopped being a child long ago.
"D-don't worry, OK? I'm Uzumaki Naruto, you can't get rid of me that easily! I have to replace a certain old had as Hokage after all!" he said after a long pause, plastering his best toothy smile.
"Brat," Tsunade muttered, rubbing her head and surveying the young man tenderly. "Know that whatever you decide to do, I'll be there for you, ok?" she said in a firm but softened inflexion.
Naruto nodded earnestly. His chest constricted painfully. He was suffocating here. He couldn'tbreathe. He yearned for oxygen. He swiftly left the room, his head in complete disarray. As Naruto exited the Hokage tower, his eyes riveted to the purple bars molding in the sky. His hand dazedly drifted on his flat and toned stomach. And suddenly a realization birthed in him and it hit him like a ton of bricks.
'Oh my God. I'm fucking preggers.'
I always told myself that I wouldnever write Mpreg. Gah. Whatever. I seem to be contradicting myself a lot lately. Mhmm, live with it. XP
I truly hope that the first chapter was as enjoyable to read as it was to write. Now it is open for your judgment and slander (praise? Maybe?), should you choose to submit it.
Peace, Love & Empathy
L-word you all.