Kakashi Hatake is the property of Masashi Kishimoto but if Kakashi were mine, I would marry him right now! Enjoy!
NOTE: The girl the story is centered around is named Karen... Hmm, I wonder who I wrote this about!
I mentally chastised myself for not remaining next to that warm, lean body on that incredibly comfortable king size bed. His light, slate colored hair was sprawled over his pillow just as he was sprawled over the bed. Furious at myself, I stood in the shadows of his dark bedroom wearing only his oversized long sleeve black shirt. I silently leaned against the wooden dresser just staring at him and waiting. In a rare moment of impatience, I glanced at the clock on the night stand and found to my apathy that it read 4:38am. To someone who almost never slept, time was not much of a concern. I just slid my alert eyes back to my sleeping lover as I uncomplainingly folded my arms across myself.
I watched his pale chest rise and fall in calm, even breaths as he slept and dreamt peacefully. The thin, black winter blanket he slept with kept slipping further and further down his body. The top of his loose black pants were now exposed but those were slipping down as well. I drank in the sight of that sculpted porcelain torso, which looked even paler in the moonlight. He looked so innocent and vulnerable but it took only one glance at his small black ANBU tattoo on his upper left arm to know that he was neither. Even still, I hated myself for putting him through this time and time again but I needed to know. I hastily wiped away a guilty tear when I saw him shift in his sleep.
He turned over a bit to face the other side of the bed while I waited patiently for his next move. Excitement then rose in my chest as I saw him lazily grope at the spot where I had been laying about forty minutes before. Anticipation and fear crawled up my spine as I observed his reaction closely. He lethargically felt around a bit before realizing I was missing. Even in his half-asleep state, I could see the chain of reactions perfectly on his face: first confusion, then doubt and finally panic.
"Kar--!" He began to shout as he sat straight up in bed, both eyes flying open. He stopped mid-yell when he realized I was standing not ten steps away from him. I saw his shoulders fall and his Sharingan eye close in relief at the sight of me and I felt my own do the same. I have always feared that one night it would not be my name that he cried out. To a jaded heart, a single mistake would be one mistake too many.
"What are you doing way over there?" He asked tiredly as he, in his usual gesture of nervousness, scratched the back of his head and smiled. I smiled as well when I saw anxiety slide slowly down his temple in the form of sweat.
"Nothing.", I stated plainly, finally satisfied with the situation. I memorized the pain and fear in his eyes at that very moment. That look proved what I so desperately needed to know time and time again; I had to know that he not only wanted me, he needed me.
His hand fell onto his lap and the smile faded from his lips. He draped the blanket around his half unclothed body as he rose from the bed and walked over to me. I looked down in shame and slight embarrassment as he wrapped his arms and the blanket around my waist and pulled me to him. I wanted to apologize to him for being so…well, just for being me.
"I know what you were doing." He said simply and then leaned down to kiss my lips. I pressed my hands against his warm chest as I kissed him a little harder. He swept me up effortlessly and laid me softly down on the bed. After he took his shirt off of me, he wrapped us up in the warm blanket once again.
"You know I'm not going to sleep." I muttered, which ended up being the worst apology in the history of apologies. I really was sorry and I wanted to tell him as much but I just couldn't. All I could do was look into his eyes and pray that he could read my thoughts because if he could, he would get the explanation he deserved.
He rolled over, swiftly placed his upper body over mine and whispered, "That's okay, neither am I. You know I don't sleep right if you're not next to me." He looked into my eyes for just a second before he kissed me again but it was at that moment when I saw it. I saw a need in his eyes that rivaled only my own. But it was a different kind of need. It was a need for a woman, this woman that he was now holding and kissing; it was not some stupid need for reassurance as mine was. I knew just how much I needed him and it frightened me to think that his need may not be as fervent. The rational part of me knew how he felt and that he was right but there was also a part of me that was still stupid, fearful, childish, and insecure. That part needed reassurance; that part…I despised.
He must have known what was going on in my head because he broke the kiss and just stared into my eyes again. This time he did not look away to kiss me but instead just looked at me and smiled. Still feeling uncomfortable, I turned my shameful face away from him but he quickly took my chin between his fingers and turned my face back to his own. He wanted to say something to me. I could practically feel the words rising up from his chest to his throat but they did not quite make it to his mouth. He just gave me a small peck on the lips, slowly pushed himself off of me and lay gently down on his back beside me. He effortlessly pulled my torso onto his own and tenderly laid my head down on his pale chest.
Once we were both comfortable enough for us, well, him to go to sleep, he wrapped his strong arms around me. I could finally feel his breathing beginning to calm down now that he had me back in his arms. I could tell that he was not going to sleep anytime soon either. He would give my still body a soft squeeze every now and then as if he were reassuring himself that I had not slipped away again or perhaps reassuring me that he was there. He also seemed to hold me much tighter than he did at 3am when we had first gone to bed. I didn't mind though, in fact, I was glad for the lack of freedom. I sure as hell wasn't going anywhere.
After about 10 minutes he whispered into my hair, "I know and it's okay." At first I was a bit confused but then I realized he was simply answering my unspoken apology from earlier. I was rather relieved to know that he was not angry with me as I thought he should have been. He still loved me even after all that I had put him through. I hugged his warm body tighter and nuzzled his neck. I lightly pressed my soft lips to his neck and simply mouthed the words 'love you'. He did not say it back to me but instead softly murmured against my forehead, "I need you, too."