Drowning in his sweet suicide
My lover touches my cheek
I want to scream and run from him
So why can I not speak?
I feel a breeze, tainted and cold
Rippling through my skin
When he is gone and I'm still here
Will I still want to sin?
Once when I was all alone
I did not wish to live
If he is there and I am here
Does he have nothing to give?
Drowning in his sweet suicide
I want to die.
Sweet Suicide (Original Poem by ME!)
Bella likes to play games. She likes to take Rosalie's dolls and smash their faces in, then hide them so the beautiful blond vixen will never find them. Bella likes to hurt. She enjoys taking a knife to her arm, feeling the crimson juice spread out over her pale skin. Bella's twisted and screwed-up and. . .broken.
Bella frowned for the forty-fifth time that day. Alice had counted. "It's not right."
"Bella. . .please." Alice begged as she raced around the room, trying to fix the mess she had made earlier.
Bella turned a little in the long dress to see how she looked in the vanity mirror, taking little steps to avoid tripping. It flowed over her petite frame, making her look like one of Rosalie's stupid dolls. Alice smoothed out a few wrinkles and stepped back, admiring her work with grim satisfaction.
"I'm not going." Bella pulled at the neckline of the black silk dress - the only dress fit for mourning that the Cullens had. She winced as a pin poked into her back - Alice had been forced to pull the dress together, since it fell off Bella's slender frame. Bella had lost five pounds in two days, she hadn't eaten a bite since she got the bad news.
"You are too. Now stop fussing about, you're going to rip that dress!" Alice scolded gently.
"Funerals are stupid things. What use is it to stand around honoring someone's life when they have no idea you're doing it?" Bella murmured, obviously pissed off.
"Oh, I don't know. But you're going. And that's final." Alice ordered.
Bella made her way down the carpeted aisle to the casket. She paused just before she reached it, and choked back the tears sparkling in her eyes. I won't cry. I won't cry. She thought, stubbornly. But once she reached the casket, tears poured out relentlessly, paying no heed to the thoughts.
In the casket lay Bella's mother, Renee, in all her youth and beauty. Her hair flowed around her beautiful face, and the white dress brought out the pure, loving spirit of Renee. Bella bent over as the tears flowed, and kissed her mother's cheek, wincing when her cracked lips touched the cold surface of the body. "Dead." Bella whispered to herself, as the original shock flushed out of her and was cloaked by sadness and realization that after today, she would never again see the child-like face of her mother, or hear her speak in that carefree voice that Renee always had.
A hand came over hers, rough and warm. "Bells," a familiar voice said. "She's in a better place." Bella spun around and cried into her father's shoulder, not even noticing the musky smell of moth-balls on his tuxedo.
"You came." her voice was muffled by the cotton suit.
"Why wouldn't I? She was important to me, too." Charlie had refused to speak Renee's name since he'd found out, he resorted to calling his ex-wife 'she'. He patted Bella's back lovingly.
The music started, and Bella separated from her dad to take a seat by Edward as the ceremony began.
"Dearly Beloved," the gray-haired preacher said in a brusque voice. "We gather here to say our goodbyes. . ." And Bella shifted closer to Edward, pressing into him as if she could melt into his body and make all her hurt go away. Edward didn't register her, aside from wrapping his arm around her comfortingly.
"We can accept the loss of Renee, but recognize it is not the end. . . " Bella frowned. She didn't like that sentence. It was the end. The end of seeing her dear mother. Forever.
After the service, Bella didn't want to go to the graveyard. She ignored Alice's begging words, kissed Charlie goodbye, and walked out to the car, Edward agreeing with her wordlessly, and Alice racing after her, her heels clicking against the concrete pavement. She slid into the passenger's seat of the Volvo and breathed slowly as she waited for Edward to pull himself into the driver's seat.
"Go fast." she ordered.
Once Edward had reached his house, Bella dipped out quickly, as did Edward, but Alice stayed in the car, sulking. Bella, traveling as fast as her dress would allow, rushed into the trees behind the house, not stopping until she'd reached a small brook where water babbled, drowning out her sobs.
But not even the loud gurgles of the water rolling over rocks cloaked her sobs well enough. At least, not for Edward. He had followed her in hot pursuit, and now, as he watched her crying, he had not the faintest idea of what to do. He wanted to embrace her, but if she pushed him away everything would be awkward. He stepped toward her, not making a noise, and wrapped his arms around her. She didn't push him away, instead she crumpled into his arms like a rag doll, whimpering and sobbing even louder.
She looked up at him, her black eyeliner running from the tears, and choked out, "She's gone, Edward. She's really gone."
Edward gingerly tried to wipe away the black with his finger, but he only managed to smear it. He noticed a little stream of tears run down her stained cheek and bent down hurriedly to delicately kiss it away.
Bella nestled her face into his chest, hiccuping. "Edward. She's dead. Everyone dies. I don't want to die. Ever."
At that, Edward, having no tears left to cry, felt that if he could have any human function back at the moment, it would be crying.
TO BE CONTINUED!