A/N: According to my Word count this one is one thousand words exactly (excluding the title and this author's note, obviously), pretty good for my first try at stories this short, I think. This is just something to keep me entertained when I get bored and am not in the mood to work on Time and Again. Most of them will be funny… or will try to be anyway… though maybe a few will be more serious if I'm in the mood, who knows. This will probably be the only Yaoi story I ever write (if this can even be called a yaoi story), but eventually I'll probably run out of girls to hook Naruto up with so I might have to switch over to the guy-guy stories… or I could just quit, I suppose… review if you want to (I certainly won't tell you not to), but this story is just for fun and to see if I can write a story that hits 1K exactly, so I'm not too worried about getting responses. I think the next chapter will be Naruto and Tayuya… that should be fun, what with her being evil (not to mention dead) and all.
Naruto and Sasuke
It was strangely lonely lying alone in the dark, watching the dying embers of the fire burn themselves into nothingness, but Naruto had grown used to it. He'd lost track of how long it had been since he'd last seen another human. Weeks? Months? A year, maybe?
Obviously not since a few weeks after the last battle with Pein in Amegakure where the Akatsuki leader had unleashed his final attack and poisoned the waters all around them as he died. Everyone had grown sick as the plague struck in the following days. No one even knew if it was a virus or just a poison, but apparently Kyuubi's healing abilities were up to the task of keeping Naruto from being susceptible to it, unfortunately that meant that he got to watch everyone else around him die.
And now he was alone.
As if summoned by his loneliness, a twig snapped in the woods around him as something stepped into the dim firelight just on the other side of the small clearing from him.
"Sasuke," Naruto asked as he sat up.
"You're a hard man to find, dobe," Sasuke replied with his usual smirk.
"You're… how… Am I dreaming?" Naruto asked rubbing his eyes and then slapping his cheeks in an attempt to wake himself.
"No. I'm real. I used one of Orochimaru's less publicized jutsu and hid myself away until the plague burned itself out.
Naruto hadn't even realized how much he'd longed for human companionship until that moment. Tears streamed down his face as he got up, crossed the distance between them and threw his arms around his long, lost friend. Sasuke didn't hug him back, of course, but he didn't pull away either.
"There's something we need to talk about," Sasuke said at last once Naruto had composed himself.
Naruto wiped at his eyes and smiled happily for the first time in what felt like years. "What's that?"
"I've been traveling around a lot since the plague. I don't think anyone else made it."
"No one? That's impossible. I mean, someone…"
"I've been to every village, every town I've ever seen on a map, everywhere. There's no one else."
Naruto was silent, absorbing the information. They were the last people left on the continent, probably on the whole planet. It was a terrifyingly lonely thought.
"So," Sasuke continued with a strange look in his eyes, "we need to discuss where we go from here."
"What difference does it make?" Naruto asked. "There's no one left, we could go anywhere or just die right here and there wouldn't be anyone to care."
For the first time ever, Sasuke bit his lip and looked extremely nervous, or at least uncomfortable. "The human race can't die out."
Naruto shrugged. "Unless you're wrong and a girl survived, there's not much we can do about it."
"Yes there is."
Naruto blinked. "Huh?"
"There's a jutsu… a very strange jutsu… that Orochimaru created. It allows the user to change the chromosomes in his body and to adjust the body's anatomic make up to account for the change."
Naruto blinked again. "Huh?"
Sasuke sighed. "One of us can become a girl – a real girl – and we can try to repopulate the planet."
Naruto didn't say anything for a long time, but then he threw his head back and laughed long and hard. Sasuke had expected this reaction and so he waited patiently for Naruto to finish.
Finally Naruto calmed down enough to shake his head at Sasuke and say, "You're insane."
Sasuke nodded. "Maybe, but I've also come up with a plan that will save the human race, what have you been doing with your time lately?"
"Sasuke, even if youare the last person on Earth, I'm not having sex with you – I don't care if you turn yourself into the hottest girl I can imagine."
"Who said I was going to be the girl?"
"Well, I'm not, so that leaves you or no one. It doesn't really matter anyway, if I was a girl, I wouldn't let you touch me with that thing. After all that time you spent with Orochimaru, who knows where it's been!"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sasuke snapped.
Naruto laughed again. "Oh, come on, Jiraiya was my sensei, you think I didn't hear about Orochimaru's… er, tastes?"
Sasuke glared at him, but ended up letting it go rather than fighting over something so pointless. "Look, without us doing this, when we die, there won't be any other humans left. It'll be like Sakura, Kakashi, and all the others never even existed. You always said you wanted to be greater than all the other Hokages, well, this is about the greatest thing a person could possibly do. We'll be the founders of a whole society."
Naruto didn't have a come back or insult for that. He thoughtfully mulled it over for the next couple of hours.
"Okay," he conceded in the end, "I'll do it, but only if I get to stay male and if we make absolute sure that there's definitely no one else anywhere first."
Sasuke nodded reluctantly, sealing the deal. They spent the next three years searching every village, every cave, anywhere a human could have survived, but found nothing. In the end, Naruto had to concede that they really were the last.
They found a quiet place near the ocean that would make for a good home and Sasuke preformed the jutsu. When it was done, his hair was just as long and silky as ever, but now it framed a beautiful woman's face. His body was the sort that had once left Jiraiya tongue tied and slack jawed. He actually was the hottest woman Naruto had ever seen.
Naruto stepped closer Sasuke, gently touching his… her… face and lowered his lips onto hers….
And quickly pulled away.
"I don't care! It's too gross!" he yelled, wiping his tongue and lips on his dirty shirt. "I'd rather the species end than go through with it!"