Hot Fuzz Fanfiction, Simon Skinner/Nicholas Angel

Disclaimer: A lot of the plot in this belongs to Hot Fuzz. I just remade some scenes and slashed 'em up ;) some lines do too, I've listed them at the end.

(In case you don't quite remember, Skinner ran the supermarket that Angel attacked at the end.)

This oneshot isn't based on anything and wasn't even written to make sense :D it was to try and get my thoughts flowing more smoothly today. Plus I had nothing to do.

Be warned, this has some smut in it. Also rather AU

When Simon Skinner first saw the new Sergeant in the town of Sanford, he couldn't help but be considerably attracted to him. Nicholas Angel had something about him. His body was lithe, and judging by the morning runs and the action he'd experienced in the London police force, fit. He was stoic, yet his face was open, and Simon would learn later that he was extremely passionate and dedicated to his work.

Simon first talked to him when on his own morning jog, joking that he was a murderer, to see just what Angel would do. He had watched with delight the nervousness that overwhelmed Angel, how his face had paled and his body tensed, as if about to jump him, pin him to the ground and slap some cuffs on him.

He relieved Angel of his anxiety, though, revealing his teasing and reluctantly jogging off, not particularly wanting to leave the beautiful Sergeant, who he could feel watching him go.

Simon found himself hard pressed to keep calm after seeing Angel. He was constantly sitting behind the desk of his supermarket so people couldn't see the physical evidence of his rather naughty fantasies. He wished he had someone to help with his frustrations, yet he had let go of his previous partner just two weeks ago, when people began to suspect their relationship.

Simon often wished he didn't have such a reputation to carry. If he hadn't, he would have pounced on Angel the first moment he saw him. Yet, Simon was a respected man. So he held in his desires, satisfying himself with brief glimpses of Angel.

He especially enjoyed the view of Angel on the job. That police outfit suited him and got Simon rather hot around the collar. The first time seeing Angel in his uniform, he'd had extremely x-rated dreams for days afterwards, filled with handcuffs and police hats and just where Simon would lodge that delicious baton.

He knew it was a mistake to drive by a second time at the scene of an 'accident'. If the first time, with the decapitation, hadn't made Angel suspicious of his involvement in the collision, the second time certainly did. Yet Simon couldn't help it. He needed to see Angel.

However, the real highlight was before all of this, was when Angel visited his supermarket. Simon had him called up to his office and shooed his assistant away. She left with a sigh, smacking her chewing gum loudly.

A few minutes later, Angel entered. Simon stood to greet him, shaking his hand.

"So glad to see you in my store," Simon said, holding his hand for possibly a little longer than necessary. Angel wet his lips and let go of his hand. Simon smiled and sat down, gesturing to Angel to do the same.

"So, what's the trouble?" Angel asked, alert and sharp eyed. Simon chuckled to himself.

"No trouble, I just wanted to talk with our prestigious Sergeant Angel... or is it Angle?" he joked, holding up the paper that had misspelled Angel's name. Angel's lips tightened and Simon resisted the urge to shift at the almost scolding expression. Angel had the ability to make him feel like a naughty child, apparently. Odd, the last time he'd felt like that ... was when he was a naughty child.

"With respect, sir, I should be getting back to my duties," Angel told him, making to stand up. Simon smiled, letting out a huff of laughter.

"I apologize Sergeant, I just assumed that since you were loitering in our frozen food aisle, you had some time on your hands." Angel frowned and sat back down again. Simon smirked.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Angel asked, and Simon could sense a hint of curiosity. Perfect. He had Angel curious.

"How's Sanford so far? I suppose it's not as action riddled as the scenes you're supposed to, now is it?" Simon asked, same pleasant expression as always on his face, although he knew nothing could hide the calculating look in his eye. "Do you miss that?"

"Well... I suppose. Sanford's got it's fair share of action so far, though." A blatant lie, Sanford was extremely boring.

"Now, now, Angel, I hold no particular loyalty to this village. It's quite all right to say how you feel." Angel said nothing. Simon didn't really expect him to. The police officer seemed far too polite to actually say anything bad about where he was living.

"Everyone's been pleasant, I trust?" Simon probed. Angel sighed.

"Is this really all you wanted?" he asked. Simon wondered if that was disappointment in his voice.

"No," Simon admitted, standing and moving around his desk. Angel stood as well, a little wary. Simon grinned charmingly, coming to stand right in front of Angel, looming over him fairly easily. Simon was on the tall side, while Angel was a little on the short side.

Simon bent so his lips were just inches from Angel's. "I think I need to confess something, Sergeant," he whispered, lips brushing lips. However, at that moment, the door flew open. Simon looked up to see another police officer standing in the doorway, panting.

"Danny?" Angel asked, moving away from Simon, who rolled his eyes. The boy was that bloody son of that maniac Butterman.

"There's some kid shoplifting, he got away from me," Danny told Angel, who cast one glance back at Simon.

"We can continue later, I trust?" Angel asked and, without waiting for a reply, he and Danny ran out. Simon grinned, turning to survey the chase through his supermarket through the CCTV.

"Oh yes we can."

The next time Simon got Angel on his own was after watching an abysmal take on Romeo and Juliet. He was incredibly glad that those God-forsaken 'actors' wouldn't live long enough to once again destroy Shakespeare.

He rescued Angel from a ridiculously bad news reporter for the local Sanford newspaper and dragged him off the bathroom, not stopping to talk to the actors attempting to thank Angel for coming. Butterman's boy talked to them instead, making some obscene raspberry noise.

When Simon got Angel into the bathroom, Angel rounded on him, scolding look in place.

"What gave you the right to drag me into here?" he demanded, though Simon knew he wasn't really angry. More like anxious. The Sergeant was rubbing his lips together, something Simon identified as a nervous habit.

"Surely you didn't want to stay out there?" Simon questioned incredulously. Angel sighed, shaking his head.

"So why did you choose here to escape to?" Angel asked. Simon wondered if he was acting naive or if he was honestly confused. Whatever it was, Simon advanced on Angel, backing him up until they crashed through the door into one of the small stalls. He locked the door and shoved Angel against it, pinning him with his own weight. Angel gasped, but didn't struggle.

"Surely it's not too hard to guess," Simon said, before lowering his head and capturing Angel's bottom lip between his teeth. Angel's breathing picked up slightly as Simon nibbled on the lip before running his tongue over it. He then released it to kiss Angel passionately, lips pressing against lips, Simon's tongue finding it's way into Angel's mouth to entangle with his own.

Angel groaned and pressed against Simon, arms wrapping around his shoulders to clutch at his greying hair. Simon's hands moved to grasp Angel's hips, rubbing them against his own and letting out his own breathy exclamation of pleasure. Days of sexual frustration due to Angel's presence in Sanford being released in one encounter.

They rubbed and thrust against each other, trying to keep their moans quiet, finding exquisite pleasure in the act of rutting with another man. Angel, normally so reserved, was clawing at Simon's back as Simon sucked on his neck, thrusting at just. The. Right. Angle.

Angel groaned out 'Skinner' as he came, and hearing his name uttered in such a husky tone of voice proved to be Simon's undoing. He came moments later, soaking his trousers.

Angel had slumped against the door, panting and still holding Simon to him. Simon huffed out breaths, relishing in the afterglow and realising he hadn't come in his boxers since he was a teenager. Oh, the things this Sergeant made him do.

But the moment was broken by Angel suddenly coming to his senses and pushing Simon away, looking at him with wide eyes.

"I... have to go... can't believe I did this," Angel muttered, unlocking the door and running out, straightening his shirt collar and pulling off his jumper to wrap around his waist, hoping to cover the large obvious wet patch.

Simon felt a surprisingly strong wave of despair as he watched Angel run off, bursting out of the bathroom and probably making a mad dash outside, to the hotel he was staying in.

Simon sighed, putting the walkie-talkie back on the table in front of him and looking around at the anxious faces that watched him from underneath hoods.

Nicholas Angel was dead. And Simon had had to be the one to hear the news first.

Quickly suppressing the tears that threatened to close his eyes and clearing his blocked throat, Simon grinned at the others, nodding.

The opening ceremony for the gathering began. Simon didn't chant along with the rest of them.

When Simon saw Angel alive, the relief he felt was unbelievable. The sound of that voice shot him into wakefulness and he was sure his expression lit up when Angel came into view, although he felt concern at how battered the man was. Thankfully, everyone's attention was on the new arrival, not Skinner.

He'd feel this sort of relief again soon, when Angel rode back into town after having been supposedly killed by his partner, Daniel Butterman. Simon had almost laughed at the description brought to him by one of his employees, of Angel riding in on a white horse, laden with all sorts of firearms. However, as laughable at the thought was, it was also rather sexy, and Simon wished he'd been there to see it, or to at least see Angel when he strode into his office, ready to arrest him, instead of through the CCTV before he fled.

However, the last time he'd ever speak to his Sergeant Angel again was when he held a ginger kid at gunpoint, snarling that he was about to kill someone with his bare hands, something he'd never really done before. Others did his dirty work for him.

The kid bit him and Simon threw him to the side as Angel advanced on him. Simon grinned winningly, grabbed Angel and snogged the living daylights out of him, feeling Angel practically melt in his arms.

Their tongues battled against each other furiously and Simon wrapped his arms around Angel's waist, their bodies flush against each other. Angel was letting out little gasps and groans that only served to heighten Simon's arousal.

Angel was ripped away from him, however, by Danny Butterman. Simon was punched by the oaf of a constable and the next few moments were a blur of punches, kicks, yells, and finally, unimaginable pain as Simon was thrown and landed, right on the spire of a church in the model village, the spire impaling his chin and going through into the cavern of his mouth.

Simon was arrested. There was a short court case and he was throw into jail for life.

His fantasies about Angel never stopped, and he realised then that he had fallen in love with the uptight Sergeant. Sometimes he wondered if the man ever missed him. But he highly doubted it.

Simon vowed to find him if he ever got out of prison. Just to talk to him one last time.

Lines belonging to the film:

' I apologize Sergeant, I just assumed that since you were loitering in our frozen food aisle, you had some time on your hands' – Probably not completely right (I couldn't find the exact qouote) but it's basically the same.

'No trouble, I just wanted to talk with our prestigious Sergeant Angel... or is it Angle?' Again, not completely right, couldn't find it, but basically the same.