Disclaimer: I own none of this, otherwise it would have been stupid to read the books – I mean, they'd be mine.
Summary: More often than not, Blair and Chuck have conversations that Blair later edits out of the perfect movie that is her life, never to be remembered again. Starts from the Pilot and goes from there.
Pairings: Primarily Chuck\Blair, but all the cannon pairings – which, this show being awesome, would take about three pages and would look like the alphabet gone mad (Example: C\B, C\N, S\N, S\D,)
Spoilers: Up until The Thin Line… and nothing more! I know nothing and I like it.
A huge thank you to gleechild for being an awesome, attentive beta, and entertaining me to no end with her own fics while I'm at work.
A Waldorf Soiree
Spotted: B and C, having a heart-to-heart. Can someone say 'aw'?
Repression: The rejection from consciousness of painful or disagreeable ideas, memories, feelings, or impulses.
Chuck dropped into the seat next to her, as if he owned the place. He was sitting way too close and they both knew it. "Well, well," he drawled. "What is a girl like you doing in a place like this?"
Blair chuckled, but didn't move. She knew he'd only call her a tight-ass prude if she did, and she loved proving Chuck Bass wrong. "I don't know, maybe I own it? Or, more accurately, my mother owns it, and she owns me. It's only sensible to keep your belongings in the same place, so they don't scatter."
"Why, Miss Waldorf!" he gasped, mock-seriously. "All this champagne is doing nothing for those Waldorf graces." He examined her closely, making sure not to look down past her neck for anything in the world, so as not to lose that precious ability to procreate that he valued so much. But over the neck was just enough to spot new taunting material. "And, if I'm not mistaken, it seems one of your bra straps is twisted."
Blair's hand shot to her shoulder instinctively. Her cheeks reddened as she quickly fixed the offending strap, but her glare never faltered. "Perv."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm a perv, I'm despicable, I should be put down," he repeated her mantra obediently. "So…" he smirked. "Serena's back."
Blair rolled her eyes, as always, making a show of being much more bothered than she really was. There was no use in showing him that he really didn't annoy her that much. Knowing him, he'd only try harder. "Thank you, Chuck, but I too was blessed with the gift of sight," she snipped.
Chuck smirked, happy to have caught the wholesome Blair Waldorf in a lie. To her credit, she seemed to realize it at the same time.
"And, of course, I knew already," she tried to cover.
Chuck raised a teasing eyebrow. "…Right. You wanted it to be a surprise."
Blair straightened defensively, "It worked, didn't it?"
"A little too well, I'd say."
"Lucky no one's asked," she snapped, and now he was annoying her that much.
He chuckled. "Oh, snap."
Blair threw her head back in laughter, surprising them both. She was usually not prone to such sharp movements; it was most discerning. Why, her headband might fly right off her head and ruin her hair! Still, she couldn't bring herself to stop. "I can't believe you just said that. Snap? Where are you from?" She giggled.
Chuck let her have her fun, smiling despite himself. It was refreshing to see Blair Waldorf cut loose every once in a while. She was almost, dare he say it, cute. Of course, she would have his head for even thinking that, let along bringing this whole thing up in the future.
He knew just what she wanted, therefore knew she would want to forget about this conversation as soon as possible. Maybe a less threatening environment would be better. "How about a walk, B?"
She looked at him incredulously, "A walk? Won't your limo mind?"
He chuckled, "I'll send it flowers tomorrow morning. Come on, I'll have a smoke while you glare at me in dismay. It'll be fun." He even extended his hand to her.
Blair looked at it for a moment, as if contemplating all the repulsive things he might have done with that hand, but took it eventually, allowing him to hoist her up. She figured she could wash it thoroughly four or five times later, at least. She probably had some disinfectant somewhere as well.
"Where'd Nathanial go, anyway?" Chuck asked in a way that was in no way innocent. "Think he's with Serena? I mean, they haven't seen each other in a while. Probably have a lot to catch up on."
Blair fought a strong urge to stick her tongue out and smack him. "No. Serena went home, to sleep."
Chuck smirked, "Alone? What a shame."
For this, he received an annoyed scoff. "Of course alone. Nate's probably in the bathroom." She added as an afterthought, "You sleaze."
He winked, "You know you love me."
She lowered her voice in a mockery of Gossip Girl, "XOXO."
Blair motioned to Katy and Is that she'd be back in a few minutes, in case anyone – namely Nate, when he finally appeared – would ask, and followed Chuck to the elevators.
Outside, she sighed, struggling with herself, before finally saying somewhat bashfully, "Hey, Chuck?"
Chuck cocked his head in her direction as if he had been waiting for this for hours. Truthfully, he was surprised she even made it past the elevator ride. "Yes, Miss Waldorf?" he answered sweetly.
She smiled, trying desperately to undermine the whole thing. This could all be a little insignificant scheme if she just pretended hard enough… a little gossip between two friends, if you will. Nothing major really, she and Chuck did this kind of thing before breakfast.
"How would you feel about a little recon work?" her voice was even at that just right tone of husky mixed with mischievous.
He smirked, "Depends. What's in it for me?"
"What do you want?" she asked without thinking.
Chuck raised an amused eyebrow, "Must you even ask?"
She sighed. "And besides that?"
He shrugged, contemplating his options. "I'll let you know. Perhaps simply knowing that you owe me will be enough."
She bit her lip, her shoulders stiffening. "Uh… great. Anyway, could you-"
"Talk to Nate about having sex with you?"
She raised her chin, "Not interrupt?"
He rolled his eyes. "Sorry. Do carry on, oh great sun around which we all revolve."
Blair ignored him. "Talk to Nate about…" she trailed off, choosing her words carefully.
Chuck smirked, "Having sex with you?" She averted her eyes and he knew he had been right all along. "See, I said it so you wouldn't have to go through the trouble of finding an appropriate prude way of phrasing it." Now it was Blair's turn to roll her eyes, but he still felt insufferably pleased with himself. "You take me for granted."
"I think I'm gonna regret this," she said conversationally.
"Oh, please. I wouldn't want my partner-in-crime to be all… unsatisfied," he winked. "And if you won't let me take care of that troublesome little chastity problem for you, which I would gladly do, I guess Nate is as good a second choice as any," he sighed regretfully. "Hopefully I've trained him well."
Blair smirked, "Hopefully not by giving him private tutoring."
Chuck felt like clapping, but settled for a proud, full-on beam. "Snap, yet again. Have you been working on that wit?"
Blair wasn't deterred in the least. "Will you ever stop trying to flatter your way into my pants?"
Neither was he. "Highly unlikely, given how fetching said pants are."
"You're heinous," she scoffed.
It was actually nice to be able to flirt with a girl without the promise of actual sex or an actual slap; kept things light. He winked even more obnoxiously this time, thus setting a world record. "Well, you wouldn't be saying that if…"
Finally, Blair's endless patience wore out. "Could we put a lid on the lewd comments for thirty seconds or so? It would be greatly appreciated."
"I'll put on a timer," he promised, nudging her shoulder in a playful manner.
Blair smiled gratefully but found that she had a headache. She was hungry and Serena looked beautiful. That bitch. Even after riding the filthy train for God knows how long and showing up at the party wearing her traveling clothes, she still looked better than Blair in her apparently poorly-fitted fancy outfit.
"Listen, I have to go," she started to turn around. "Could you just… make sure everything's…"
"In check?" he offered.
She grinned. "Exactly."
Chuck saluted, eyes twinkling. "Just remember that you owe me." He stood by his limo and tried not to feel like he was just being a Blair's bitch and didn't actually have anything to claim from her.
Blair started to walk away while murmuring, "Yeah, yeah." Just before reaching her building's door, she turned around and called, "Hey, how about one last inappropriate and degrading comment before I go? You know, as a thank you."
Chuck considered this. You look beautiful, he wanted to say, not oblivious to her many issues concerning Serena and measuring up to her. Said issues never seemed as ridiculous as they did at that very moment, with Blair's hair moving softly in tune with the wind and her eyes twinkling with glee - and that dress! With those pantyhose.
She pouted, "What, you have nothing?"
What the hell. "You look hot!" he yelled simply, earning himself a strange look from the doorman.
Blair laughed. "Not your best!" She turned away.
Chuck realized he forgot all about the joint.
First Gossip Girl fic everand I'm very nervous. Be kind, Review-d.