Disclaimer: I own nobody but Jaicelyn
Author's Note: This is a one-shot. The idea just sort of came to me. I thought about making it a multiple chaptered storry but I thought it'd be better as a one shot. It's long so enjoy it. I'd really enjoy reviewsD and if you'd like maybe I can add another chapter or two but just maybe. I don't know though a certain somebody could persuade me and I know that Randy and Sam were married BEFORE the baby on the way but this is my story so the gutter slut got pregnant and Randy married her to do the right thing. READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!
I looked across the dance floor. My eyes landed on her. I didn't want my eyes to be on her, I was married and my wife was pregnant with my child. I know I shouldn't be looking at this girl that I have feelings for but she's just so alluring and perfect. Every single one of my friends told me I was in love with two women but they all agreed that I couldn't have the woman that I wanted. Yes, it may seem that I have the woman I want but I'll be honest, I don't. I could never have the woman that my eyes were on again.
My best friend sat down next to me and studied me as I sipped on my beer. It didn't taste very good but it was warm. I had let it sit too long and now I was just nursing it down. I let my eyes wander over her body once more before turning back to the bar.
"Watching her again?" John asked, glancing at the woman in question.
"What would make you say that?" I asked quickly.
What had he seen? What would he think about it? The thoughts were going through my mind faster than ever. I didn't want to be seen as the husband that has wandering eyes or the man that can't keep his eyes to one woman.
"You're always looking at her or watching her on the backstage monitors," John chuckled as he took a drink of his beer.
I frowned a little. That's not true—well, okay maybe it is but looking isn't bad. It would be bad if I touched her or talked to her. Talking's not bad, right? Wrong, it's bad; very bad in my case. If I talk to her that would make me want her more and more every time I glanced at her. It sucked that I couldn't be anywhere near her. She was probably the most beautiful diva in the history of WWE divas but it sucked that she was in a storyline with Mr. Kennedy. He didn't treat her right on screen and I was thankful that they weren't together off screen.
"John, she's beautiful, simply beautiful," I told him shrugging my shoulders.
"You have wife and a child on the way, man, be careful," John said, patting my shoulder.
"I know and I love Sam dearly," I sighed as I ordered another beer.
"I know you do but you clearly love Jaicelyn too," John pointed out taking another drink of his beer.
I looked at him. I thought I had kept everything on the down low, you know? I thought I kept my feelings to myself. I did keep my feelings to myself but I guess my stares towards her were a bit more than just stares. I looked at her with a longing in my eyes, one that nobody but John could decipher and for that, I was thankful. I didn't want the entire roster to know that I longed for her touch, her scent, and just to hear her voice.
"Love? Is it really love, John, or is it just lust?" I asked, looking at him.
John raised his eyebrows at my little comment. I knew he didn't buy the whole lust thing and I knew that he knew I loved her but if I could fool myself into thinking that I was just lusting after her and try to make him think it as well then I believed that it would be okay.
"Whatever you need to tell yourself, man," John smirked as he finished the last of his beer.
I was about to answer when Maria walked up to John. She giggled lightly before tapping John's shoulder. John turned and smiled at his girlfriend of two months.
"Hi, John," Maria said sweetly.
"Hi, Ria," John smiled at her.
"Oh, hi, Randy," Maria said, smiling at me.
I nodded my head towards her as I went back to my beer. I thought about the past I had with Jaicelyn. Yes, there was a past, a hurtful past and it sucked. It pained my heart to even think that I could do what I have done to her. I know she still loves me and that she doesn't want to love me at all. I had broken her heart and she hates me for it but yet, she still loves me. She doesn't have a boyfriend or does she prefer to have one night stands. She's comfortable in just being alone. My eyes wandered to her as she danced with her friends, a smile on her pretty face. She looked as if she had no cares in the world, but I knew the truth. I knew that her heart was broken and unrepairable. I knew I had done damage to her that nothing but time could fix. I stood up, ready to go over to her. John looked at me then followed my gaze. He stood up and stood in front of me.
"Just leave her alone, man," John tried to tell me.
"John, you don't understand, I need to talk to her, I need to make sure she's okay," I said, pushing him out of my way.
"You know you're just going to ruin her night, Randy. She's enjoying herself, it's one of the rare things that happen," he told me.
"If I'm going to ruin her night, then so be it but I need to speak to her, I want her to be able to love somebody again, even if it kills me to see but she doesn't deserve to be alone, John. She deserves to be happy," I said, loudly.
"She's working on it, Randy. It will take time. You crushed her heart, man. Do you think she wants to talk to you?" John asked, glaring at me.
"Do you think I don't know what I did? I didn't mean to fall in love with her while I had a fiancé, I didn't mean to be with her when I was engaged to be married," I snapped at him.
"Then why did you do it? Randy, you were engaged to Samantha, you gave her your heart the minute you slipped that ring on her finger," John said, glaring at me.
"No! I never gave Samantha my heart, I gave Jaice my heart but she doesn't even know it, Sam doesn't know it either," I said and walked away and over to Jaice.
The music stopped and she stopped dancing. I felt like turning back and just let her be and I was going to do so when she turned around and looked into my blue eyes. Her green ones, pained but she smiled at me. She was trying her hardest to forgive me.
"Randy, what are you doing over here?" she asked me, with a light smile but her eyes said a different story.
"I need to talk to you, Jaicelyn," I said, quietly.
She looked into my eyes. I looked back, hating to look into hers because they showed her evident pain.
"Okay," she said, nodding her head.
"Let's go for a ride," I said, motioning to the door.
She nodded then followed me out to my Hummer. I unlocked the vehicle and opened her door for her. I held my hand out for her to help her get in. She hesitated before taking it and getting in the passenger's seat. I walked around to the driver's side and got in. I inserted the key into the ignition and started the wonderful vehicle. I pulled my vehicle away from where it was parked and onto the street. I didn't know where to go but I decided that anywhere would be good. I was a little hungry so I decided to go to McDonald's. I parked into a parking stall once we arrived to the fast food restaurant. She looked at me with a smile. I remembered she loved McDonalds.
"Yes, Jaice I remembered," I said with a smile as I got out.
She smiled as she got out and walked into the fast food restaurant. We walked up to the cashier. I ordered a number eleven and so did she. She smiled at me, remembering that we liked the same stuff. We grabbed our trays after I paid for hers. We walked over to a table for two and sat down.
"So…how have you been, Jaice?" I asked as I ate slowly.
"I've been good, how about you, Randy?" she asked, smiling.
"Good, I'm good," I lied through my teeth.
We were both lying but for good reasons. I knew she didn't want me to know how vulnerable she was about the subject and I knew she definitely didn't want me to know that she was in love me and isn't able to move on. I know she isn't able to move on because Maria tells John everything and then John, being the good friend he is, tells me that I have ruined her life. It makes me feel so much better about myself. Not. It makes me feel like shit. It makes me feel like I have been punched in the stomache by the world's fattest man. I never meant to hurt her and I never meant to fall in love with her either.
We ate in silence. We both enjoyed each other's company and the talking that I needed to do with her hasn't come yet but it will, give it some time. I looked at her. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a messy yet stylish fashion, her make up perfectly done, and she was dressed to impress. I missed her. I missed her laugh, her touch, and her intelligent mind. She had a lot more going for her than just her looks and I ruined a part of her that she can never get back. I took four years from her that she can never get back.
"Randy, stop staring at me like that," she said, with a pained look on her face.
"Like what?" I asked, slightly taken back.
"Like…I don't know," she said, shrugging her shoulders.
I think she just didn't want me to look at her any more. I knew she hated me and I wondered why she agreed to come with me. Maybe she wanted closure to this. Maybe she wanted to move on but couldn't because she felt that maybe if she stayed single that I would come back to her. I wanted to go back to her but I can't. I'm married and have a child on the way. She understood; she always understands. She may hate me but she understands.
"Sorry," I mumbled as I popped a couple French fries into my mouth.
She nodded her head as she ate slowly. I knew there were things on her mind and I couldn't help but wonder what they were. I had to help her get over me. She was beautiful and intelligent; she didn't deserve to be hung up on a prick like me. I don't see how she was so understanding about the situation. I wouldn't have been if I was her but I'm not her. She's too kind to make me stay with her. When I told her about Sam and me being engaged to my pregnant fiancé, she never once asked me to leave Sam. She knew that since I had a one night stand with Sam and got her pregnant, that it would be wrong to ask me to stay with her. She just simply nodded her head, gave me a kiss, and walked away.
"We better get back to the hotel, I bet Maria has no clue where I went," she said, quietly after finishing eating.
"Yeah, I bet John's worried sick," I said, sarcastically.
She smiled a little as we got up and dumped the trash into the trash can. We walked out to my Hummer. I opened her door for her and helped her get in. I smiled at her before shutting her door. I jogged over to my side and got in quickly. I started my car and backed it out of the parking stall with ease. I drove us to the hotel we were staying at, in silence. I pulled into the parking lot of the Hilton and parked in an empty stall. I got out and after I saw Jaice get out, I locked it. We walked into the hotel, still in silence and into the elevator.
"What floor are you on Jaice?" I asked her.
"I'm on floor six," she said.
I pressed the six button. The elevator started to move up. I knew she wasn't going to talk about what I wanted to talk about so I pulled the emergency stop button on the elevator. She looked at me like I was crazy.
"I'm not crazy, Jaice but I need to know if you're okay," I told her, standing in front of her.
"I'm ok-," she started.
"No! Not the lies again, Jaice. You're not okay, you can tell me that I ruined your life and your plans, just let me know and I can try to fix it," I said, loudly.
She looked at me and tears filled her eyes. Damn it, I hated to see her cry. I didn't mean to make her cry but I wanted her to tell me what she's really feeling.
"Fine. I am hurt, Randy. I'm hurt deep inside to where it can't be repaired. I'm not going to lie to you. I don't need to put on an act for you because you obviously care about me. No, wait if you cared about me, you wouldn't have walked away from me, you wouldn't have chose her, you would have stayed with me, Randy," she said, loudly and letting the tears spill down her face.
"You told me to be with her, Jaicelyn!" I said, loudly and motioning with my arms.
"I didn't mean it! I wanted you to fight for me and to show me that you loved me but no, you just let me walk away," she said, still crying.
"Why could you have just told me that you wanted me to stay with you? I would have stayed, Jaice," I yelled at her now.
"I didn't want to be selfish, Randy," she whispered as more tears slid down her cheeks.
I pushed the button, allowing the elevator to move again. I didn't know what else to say. I had gotten her to open up to me a little. The elevator stopped at the sixth floor and we both walked out.
"You don't need to walk me to my room," she sniffled.
"I want to, Jaice," I told her.
"Why? Why can't you just let me be?" she asked, looking up into my eyes.
"Because Jaice, I want you to be able to move on and love again. I don't want to see you hurt any more, I want you to find somebody that will love you forever and give you all your dreams on a gold platter," I told her.
"I had that once and it was jerked away from me in a month. I had four years of it with you, Randy, and I don't want to share my life with another man who will just rip my heart out again," she sniffled.
I closed my eyes, not wanting to see her cry. We stopped in front of her room. I looked down at her and forced a smile even though I was in pain.
"You should let somebody share their life with you and you should share yours with them. Not everybody is as stupid as I am, Jaicelyn. I'm one of a kind, believe me," I said.
"I still love you and I don't want to stop loving you Randy but damn it, I need to. I want to move on but I don't want to share my life with another man because he'll end up screwing me over in the long run and I'm better off alone," she said, looking down at the ground.
I felt even worse than before because it seems as if I have ruined her confidence. I probably have too. I wouldn't doubt it; I've ruined everything else in her life.
"I wish it was you that is carrying my child, Jaicelyn," I said, quietly.
"Do you know how many times I've wished and dreamt that I was Samantha? Too many times. I've wanted to escape your trance that you have on me in my dreams, but no I can't do that. I dream that I'm walking down the aisle, getting married to you but as I'm about to reach the alter, Samantha runs in, yelling that she's having your child," she whispered.
I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. Her dreams were even about me. I felt bad, I wanted to take her into my arms and hold her and tell her that everything was just a bad dream but I can't. I'm a grown man and I have to take responsibility for what I've done. I can't push it away and act as if nothing has happened.
"Do you know that I wanted to marry you? Did you know that I was planning on asking you to marry me?" I asked her.
She looked at me and more tears slipped down her face. Oh shit. I shouldn't have told her that. I am so stupid.
"I have to go," she said and turned and slipped into the room.
She sniffled and it pained my heart to see the tears fall down her face. I knew that she loved me and still wanted to be with me but the facts are there and I've all ready chosen the path I wanted to go. It might not have been the path I wanted to go but it was the right path. I married the woman that was carrying my child.
"You're holding my heart," I whispered to the closed door.