Look At Me
by Impervious Marr
Summary: I'm blaming you, damn it. You made me into this crazy guy who can't stop thinking about green, and goddamn, it's making me high, and the best thing of all? You don't even look at me. GrimmUlqui.
Warnings: UlquiGrimm, so it's MxM. A first-person perspective writing style that would be a bit confusing. But still. :3 Oh. A lot, and I mean a lot, of swear words. It's Grimmjow. You can't beat that.
A/N: Typed up when I was reading a strange KenIchi fanfic. Yes. Now you know. I'm just dealing with my emo-ness again. D:
It's from angsty to floofy like shitas. I needed something to cheer me up.
Please read and review, thanks.
My name is Grimmjow Jeagerjacques, and
I've got a story to tell, yo.
Just listen this fucking one time.
Now that I have your attention, I would like to bring it to something that I want you to notice, I want you to know because just anybody wouldn't do, I don't want them to listen, I want you to listen.
I N V I S I B L E
Did you know that?
I guess it's surprising, because I'm practically noticable but I'm actually
So painfully invisible that sometimes
I can't even see myself. But I'm invisible mostlynoalways - to you.
Take a breather.
But then again, I could make myself visible. There were so many 'maybe's and 'if's that if I stopped once and counted them all, I'd never finish.
Maybe if I dared to shout at you in your face, you would hear it.
Maybe if I waved in front of your eyes you would see me and
Maybe if I dared to bump into you once, you would actually feel something. Me.
But as it was, right now, at this very moment, I'm just invisible.
You can't see me. You can't see me.
You can't see me.
The first thing that came into my head after that dream with my weird, distorted voice, was that I thought about stupid things. Like a stupid fucktard. I always fought back, but never corrected the assumption that I was just a stupid fucktard, because I was a stupid fucktard.I'm being serious.
A stupid fucktard who admittedly fell in love with someone who was supposed to be his worst enemy.
Very, very hard.
Three guesses and the first two don't count.
Yes, Ulquiorra Schiffer.
I'm still baffled why he hadn't beat me up into a bloody pulp yet. If anyone could guess that I had a fucking crush-love-infatuation-love thing towards Ulquiorra, it had to be the man himself. The only reason that I could think up on why the guy hadn't noticed yet was that because I was 'useless stupid trash', and he ignored me most of the fucking time. Well, all of the fucking time. Even Yammy didn't get this sort of cold treatment. He just got called trash.
Me? I'm being fucking denied in my existence. I know what's the difference between acknowledgement and fucking ignorance. This was the former.
At least he wasn't like that woman with the power to reject stuff. I mean, with the amount of non-acknowledging thing going on between us, I think I would've disappeared by now if the guy stared hard enough. And if he had stupid rejecting powers.
But seriously, though.
I didn't know when it started, to be honest.
I mean, the first time I laid eyes on him - the very first freaking time, he pissed me off with his expression that had fucking nothing on it.
The first few months, at least, were bearable. He still called me trash then.
I guess it grew on me.
(I told you I was a stupid fucktard. What kind of moron gets high from being called trash?)
Then, it all kinda changed. I got obsessed over trying to kill the fucktard called Ichigo, and we got into a little tiff, I mean seriously. Something small. I got pissed off, so I ignored what he wanted. Whatever, you know?
The whole fiasco with that fate-woman ended well enough. I didn't miss the drag queen and that pink-haired bastard anyway.
Then it happened.
We usually sat opposite each other during the weird tea times Aizen wanted in the conference room. He changed his seat. I thought he wanted a change, so I thought, right, whatever.
I didn't really know it was permanent. So after the first week I just said oh fuck it. Fine.
I went destroying rocks that day. The whole place was swept clean, and everybody stayed away. They always assumed stuff, and now they assumed that I was pissed off that Ichigo was away, and why does everybody think that I had something going on with that sorry little pain in the ass, anyway?
The week after that, he completely avoided avoiding me in the corridors, opting to pass by me like it was a normal occurence, or that I was a speck of dust. Of course I was a speck of dust to him - he's Four and I'm Six. It's natural.
But I had the feeling that it wouldn't end. It bothered me so much that I went destroying more rocks.
The week after that shit, get this - he stopped stopping me when I went disrespectful to Aizen.
Said Aizen probably noted the change, but most of them were blur, so I didn't care much.
Okay fine, most of the rocks were wiped out the second Aizen let us off and I headed down to the desert. I was half-tempted to shoot down the fucking moon to get more rocks, but I called it a night. Only because you can't call it a day. We ain't got no fucking days here.
Then the mother of all shitty things happened after the day when I came back from visiting the human world, just to scare a few kids and maybe pick up a fight.
He stopped calling me trash.
That day, Aizen called me up to stop destorying the castle walls just because I eradicated all of the eradicatable rocks around Las Noches.
I didn't answer.
Nah, I'm just too fucking stupid to do anything smart. You're smart, aren't you? You'll probably have some explanation for this.
You're always too fucking smart. You see everything and gauge it according to the situation and fuck it, you are so
Maybe even too fucking blind.
It was an attack on a scale that I didn't want to think about. Of course Aizen was gonna win, but the Shinigami ain't backing down too fast either. They wanna go down slow.
Like a hot air balloon. Those take forever.
I shunpo-ed like crazy, cutting down random people when they looked at me or when they didn't, not really finding anyone strong enough to be entertaining - and stumbled on Ulquiorra's fight.
He still stuffed his hands into his pockets. Like always. The cero blasts were also green.
And somehow in the middle of shunpo-ing, we got close, and our eyes met.
It reminded me of everything I didn't want to remember, like his ceros. Or that tear make-up.
Or maybe the fact that he looked at me. For one stupid, really small moment that I had no idea why but was important to me by the shitloads.
I didn't give myself time to admire. Seamlessly, I was about to step out, turning my back on an attack that was meant for the love of my life - at that split second I realized I wasn't paying attention, eyes still seeing nothing but green.
Then a sword went through me, shredding my guts and splattered blood everywhere.
The burn was like liquid fire.
I could feel my insides exploding.
The blood that splattered and ran down Ulquiorra's face was almostidentical to his tear tracks.
And the best thing
The best thing of all
I remembered him mouthing something I wanted.
The word swam in my head for a few moments, overwhelming the pain.
And for the first time, I let myself be dragged willingly to the immediate darkness.
I wasn't supposed to save you, you moron.
At least you called me trash again.
My fucking thanks.
But seriously though.
I wasn't supposed to wake up. I know I wasn't supposed to. I didn't want to. Or did I?
But soon enough I was cursing everywhere above, below, the stupid white and the stupid 'I-can't-move-feeling' weighing me down.I was on a bed, and that really, really pissed me off for some reason.
I sighed anyway, in the end. Everything should be back to normal after this. I'd be going back to being unacknowledged trash, and he'll be the 'unattainable'.
I placed my hands at the back of my head. Well everything wasn't so bad - okay, so it was.
Still, he called me trash.
(Still a stupid fucktard through and through, my friend.)
The door opened, and Ulquiorra stepped through.
I stared. I couldn't help it.
His face was impassive, but he was actually glaring at me. Glaring. I could read him like a book. What do you think I always did when I didn't destroy rocks all the time? Study, of course.
"You fucking, stupid, imbecilic trash," he muttered, and the only reason why I caught it was because the silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Or was it the 'tension'? Whatever. It worked either way.
I grinned. I couldn't help it; he was actually talking to me, and he was here in the same room with me for reasons unknown but - told you I fell hard.
Man, I was a pure fucktard.
That didn't make sense.
Ugh, I must be of meds to think this stupid.
"So, what's up?" I asked casually, and yeah, it really must be the medication, because who in their right mind would talk to anyone like that after waking up from being stabbed badly on the back by a jagged sword?
Ulquiorra stared at me like I was the biggest moron in the world.
He must've thought that I'd forget everything when the effects of the medication went away. Maybe even, he finally gave in to impulse.
But I didn't care either way.
Because at the next second, he was pushing me back into the bed and straddling me and fuck his glare was so fucking sexy and crushing our lips together as if every single tension between us needed to go away - it needed to go away anyway - and he let go with an obscene sound that kindofmaybe turned me on, staring down at me.
I stared back at him, blinking. I knew I made a noise something like 'ughbla?' and his glare softened, but it didn't change from, you know, Ulquiorra.
I mean, he still had that frown on his face.
And I still had my grin. Come on, I just had the best kiss of my life.
So we were still Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. But...
"You insufferable, little..." He whispered, as if I was the lowest of the low he'd ever seen,
"So you can see me now?" Slipped out of my lips but his expression didn't change. No surprise, no nothing.
"I am not blind, you moron. That's Tousen's job."
He kissed me again and again and again and I just sat back for the ride, enjoying it as much as I could. I mean, who wouldn't? Okay, anyone wouldn't. But still.
The sulking worked after all.
At the end of it all, the strangest thing - he never told me why he ignored me. But I had a feeling.
Maybe it was because all I saw for one moment was only orange. And not the green I thought I would never get, but I already had anyway.
It was only for a moment. But later into our times together, please ignore me if I sound like some sappy shithead, I eventually realized he was a possessive fuck.
A seriously possessive fuck.
Because the second time he saw Ichigo, and I was there, he totally, immediately blasted a cero meant for the berry-head's ass, and fuck, the expression on Ulqui's face - it was sexy.
Of course after that I was shunpo-ing for my life when Ulqui tried to blast off my ass for even talking with the strawberry.
So maybe, you know? Everytime I think about it now, the destroyed rocks were worth it, the sulking and all was worth it, ignoring Aizen's knowing looks were worth it, and the reason why -
Ulquiorra was jealous.
And it was seriously fucking cute.
A/N: ;w; I sorry. Tis was boredom.
Have a nice day everyone:D