Yeah, another plot bunny. Luckily, this was a little one! Hope you guys like it- when the list comes up, number 1 was just something that I hate on fanfiction. But that's personal opinion, I just don't think it can/will happen. Even Edward isn't that great!
Mike is very annoying. That is why he is in here with his part.
This takes place during Eclispe- forget that he proposed in New Moon. Forget about it completely! He never proposed! Not here at least!
Diclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I am only Stephenie Meyer in my dreams ( but since I barely remember those, that means never)
"Look, are you going to the dance with any one? Because, well, I was wondering if you wanted to come with…me," Mike said over the phone. I groan inwardly and turned to Edward. Help, I mouthed desperately, but he just doubled over in silent laughter. Stupid, strong, shiny Volvo owning vampire…
"Mike, how many times do I have to tell you? I have a boyfriend! And I'm pretty sure that Edward doesn't want me going to the dance with another guy!" I practically screamed into the phone.
"So… does that mean that if it weren't for Edward, you'd go out with me?" I groaned out loud this time. Now I would have to talk to him like he was three.
"Mike, I have a boyfriend! I am not available! So don't ask me again! I love Edward and I do not want to go out with you- ever!" I screamed.
"Oh," he said in a small voice, before brightening up. "Well, if Edward happens to be busy that day, just give me a call!" He hung up the phone with a click. I turned to Edward, who was currently recovering. Laughing fit had ceased and now he wore the "concerned boyfriend" face.
"Bella, honey, I'm sorry, but that was hilarious!" I struggled to keep his face. I glared at the phone before taking a deep breath.
"Can you kill Mike Newton? Actually, can you kill the entire male population of Forks High School?" He grimaced at the image and shook his head no.
"For one thing, Mike Newton's blood isn't very appetizing. Actually, it makes me lose my appetite. For another, your dad already wants to kill me for being your boyfriend- I don't need to give him another reason to hate me." I walked around Edward to plop down on the couch angrily. Suddenly, he was sitting beside me, stroking my hair.
"Bella, that's one thing I can't do." My eyes flew wide and a grin slowly spread across my face.
"There are things that Edward Cullen can't do?" I asked, excited. He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and nodded his head.
"Yeah, a few. Why do you-"
"Make a list of them for me!" I insisted. The look on his face was bewildered. Well, why wouldn't it be? I had asked him to make a list of your faults.
"I'll give it to you later." He promised, settling me down again. "No wonder Alice forced me to write that on the way to our last camping trip." I laughed- that was just like Alice.
He left a list on my window sill, just as I was waking up.
Things Edward Cullen Can't and/or Will Never Do (with commentary by Alice)
1. I can't turn off my power. And people can't block me either, no matter how hard they try! However, they can keep him from finding out their thoughts by always doing something annoying when he's in the room. Say... singing bad songs in their head, translating things like the Constitution… you get my point. Or you could be Bella, but we have enough of those!
2. I won't live without Bella. Oh, how sweet… but Edward? You're already dead. I meant exist! That's better.
3. I can't suddenly fall in love with Tanya. Aww, come on Edward, we know you used to like her! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! I saw a vision of you guys getting married! That was three decades ago! So?
5. I can't and will never have a soul. Edward, how many times to I have to say it? YOU HAVE A SOUL! No I don't! Do too! Don't! Do too! Don't! DO TOO! Okay, I'm scared now… why did you just punch your husband while yelling at me?
6. I won't and can't kill Mike Newton and the rest of the male population in Forks. Sorry, Bella, I know you want him to. But would Forks include Jacob Black? He would do that no problem! I WOULD NOT! Would too! Would- I'm not even going to get into this argument again!
7. I can't and will never stop loving Bella Swan. Actually, I was thinking about changing that… I want this number to say "Stop loving Bella Cullen." And soon. Hint, hint! He just PROPOSED! I think she'll understand that, Alice! Just in case she doesn't… so, is it yes? JUST SAY YES WOMAN! Don't pressure her Alice! I'm not! Are too! Are not! Are too! Are not! Are too! Are not! Give me the pen Alice! Well, anyhow, that proposal was terrible and corny, but I don't think Bella will ever see it, so I have time to think of something better. Right, Alice? Alice, why'd you leave me in the car! And- open the doors you idiot!
PS This paper is ripped because Alice Cullen locked the door of the Volvo and I had to use it to bribe her into opening it. She thinks I'm going to give it to Bella… my sister is insane, isn't she?
I laughed and stuck the list in my pocket. Then I headed off to school.
"Hello, my love," Edward said, sweeping down to peck me on the cheek. "How are you today?"
"I'm good, and you?" I asked, trying to sound casual and thoroughly failing.
"Hi, Bella! Did you like Edward's list? We were bored on the car ride to Colorado, so I made him write it!" Alice was smiling slyly, her eyes darting towards my pocket.
"Oh, yes, I loved it! But Edward- where's my ring? I mean, if I'm to be Bella Cullen, I need a ring!" I smiled at Edward. I had made my decision on the way to school- who cares what my mother thinks? Okay, I do care, but I would deal with that later, after I had teased Edward for a while.
"Right here," he said, pulling a ring with a pearl on the center out of his pocket. "I take it you say yes?"
I pulled him in for a kiss and he chuckled.
"I take that as a yes. But just so you know, I really wasn't intending on you seeing that."
"I know. But now there's one more thing I need to ask you…" I stepped back and looked at him in awe. "When am I being changed?"
"That, my dear," he purred, wrapping his arm around my waist. "Is something I will never do. That and kill Mike Newton for you."
"Hey Bella!" I heard a familiar voice yell from a distance. Edward eyes turned black in an instant.
"We'll see about that," I grinned before walking off to class.
Hope you guys liked it! Oh, isn't Mike annoying? I had to put him in though- I mean Tyler already was humiliated in Twilight! Besides, Mike is more annoying. This was really fun to write, and even more fun to share with you guys Aww, this is Alice again. Isn't that so sweet? Alice, get out of bookworm's AN! No! Yes! No! Yes! No! Alright, I'll let them fight that out. But before that, please give feedback! I love feed- Alice, get off of Edward! No, stop fighting! Edward, how come you won't kill Mike, but you'll try and destroy your sister? No, stop it now! You're ruining my room! Gotta go pull them off eachother, bye and thanks for reading!