alright, since you guys are so awesome and got me to a hundred reviews, I decided, hey, why not post an extr? A bonus? A funny short chapter? So here it is! It's not the same as most of them are... no sappy moments, humor all the way through. Sorry if you liked the fluff!

And Jasper was born in the 1800s. So as a baby, he would wear a dress. Hee, don't ask! Just read! Takes place just under a year after the last chapter. Maybe 11 months, not yet a year though, cuz Bella is still strong.

Disclaimer: I do not own History Channel or Twilight. Or Alaska... but that would be pretty awesome, to own a state.


"EMMETT!!" Bella screamed from her ice prison. It was so much more fun to play pranks on her when she was a vampire! Edward would probably kill me, but first he needed to get her out from under the lake's surface…

Unfortunately for her, Bella was just as klutzy as she was when she was human. That, however, was an excellent source of entertainment.

Bring! Bring!

The phone beside me rang annoyingly. Who called at this hour? I mean, no, we didn't sleep, but still! Someone has to!

"Hello?" I answered, wanting to get back to the window, where I had been watching Edward hack at a chunk of ice.

"Hi, Emmett!" Renee, Bella's mother practically screamed. "Is Bella there? I have good news!"

"Sorry, Renee, Bella is… busy," I answered quickly. If Renee was anything like Bella, I was not telling her that I had locked her daughter under a thick sheet of ice.

"Oh, with Edward?" she inquired, hinting at something quite inappropriate for a mother to be asking about so calmly.

"Kind of…"

"Not with Edward?" She was shocked and I just had to laugh.

"No, don't worry, she's with Edward. But they aren't doing what you think they are. Bella is swimming in the lake."

"You're in Alaska, it must be freezing! And there must be ice coating it!" She shivered and I could hear it even through the phone.

"Hehehe, yeah, about that… that's why she under the ice… You see, we were ice skating before and she thought it would be nice to get into the water and-"

"You locked under the ice, huh?" Renee's voice and accusation was blunt, to the point.

"Yeah…" I didn't expect her to crack up laughing, but it sure did make me happy.

"Just a second, I'm on the computer. I have to camera up, go, I want to see!" So, I took our two way cameras (so handy!) and went to the window. Renee's laughter became even more hysterical as Edward tried to melt a hole big enough to pull Bella through- while pulling her through.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO RIP ME APART AND BURN ME? EDWARD!! LET GO!" There was a splash and Bella screamed once again.

"Either he's dead or you are, Emmett. If you ever need to hide, I have room," Renee offered, but I just shushed her. It might be a good idea though…

The ice cracked and Bella came running up to her room, where I was currently residing.

"Um, Renee? I gotta go…. And if I show up tomorrow, don't be surprised!" I hung up the phone and ran. Fast.

Why? Bella was still a newborn. And when she tries to hurt you, she hurts.

The next day, I dragged myself off the couch, where I was recovering. I grabbed and piece of paper and limped my way back. Jasper had taken my spot and was flipping to the History channel.

"Hey, I know him!" I mentioned as I was staring blankly at the screen. I had recognized someone… and he was sitting next to me. "Freeze it!" He did so.

"You don't know anyone from that old portrait, Emmett! You weren't born for decades later! That was made right before the Civil War," he argued and I gave him a pointed look.

"Jasper, you happen to have a copy upstairs. And you're a baby!! And in a dress!!"He actually decided to look at the screen and his eyes widened. The TV turned off with a flash.

"What are you doing?" he asked, glancing at my paper.

"Making a list."


What Emmett Cullen Will Never and Can Not Do

1. I will never annoy/prank/make fun of/tease/ taunt (or any other thing that would get her pissed) Bella again.

"That's your list?"

"That covers everything, I think," I mentioned, rereading it as the pain took over. I groaned and collapsed back, ready to take it full length. Jasper watched me, pity in his eyes.

"Yeah, I think it does."

Whoo! Poor Emmett... I really abuse him in my stories. In one, Bella slapped him and nearly cracked his neck (while she was newborn). Later, in the next one shot in that oneshot series (Wood and Diamonds, different scenarios if Bella chose Edward/Jacob/OC) Emmett wanted Edward to either be destroyed or leave. In this I had him torn apart... twice. Here and the last chapter. I'm just waiting for an Emmett fan to kill me. I love him though, don't be mislead! It's just much fun to write jhis reaction!