I can't go on alone.
I have to let you go.
I sighed and turned around to him again. "Look, I'm just not in the mood for this right now, alright?" I snapped. The damn Cat had been pacing for nights on end. He looked like shit from lack of sleep and now so did I; super-sensitive hearing does not help when your cousin sounds like a marching band every fucking night. I did not need this right now. "I'm tired. Go home, Manabe-san."
Kakeru grinned even more insanely and ruffled his hair. "I'm not being picked up for another half an hour."
"So walk," I said smoothly, placing the file on the shelf.
"To the other side of town, through the scary dark alleys, when I can just hang out with you? Nah, I'm happy here with you, thanks." His eyes were positively sparkling. Idiot.
I ignored him and continued to stack the files. To be perfectly honest, I sort of forgot he was there. It was my turn to cook (with Tohru's help, of course) and I was wondering what to put in the onigiri. He made a noise that sounded suspiciously like 'hai-yah!' and in an extravagant jump he was behind me with his arms clamped around my waist.
My heart soared.
I never get touched. Well, occasionally Kyo will land a lucky punch, or Haru will try and prove he loves me a little too much but I never, ever get held. It felt utterly wonderful, but my head was spinning madly. The dizziness was enough to make me feel rather nauseous, but I still loved every moment of it. "What are you doing?" I asked coolly.
"Getting to know what every girl in this school craves. I just wanted to know what it felt like to hug Yuki Sohma." His breath was ridiculously ticklish against the nape of my neck, and his hands were hot… on my hips… Paying way too much attention to the detail, I reminded myself.
"You're an idiot, you know that?" I murmured softly. He laughed, once, but in my many years I've learnt to distinguish between sincere and insincere laughter, and I knew what his was instantaneously.
He seemed to linger there for a moment, his hands burning, before slowly detaching his arms from me and yawning widely, ruffling his hair gently. "Maybe I will walk," he commented mildly, hurtling back into our previous discussion with a randomness I had to pause momentarily to follow. "The sun's setting and it looks all orange, see?" He gestured out of the window and, sure enough, the air was shimmering.
"It's beautiful," I murmured, but all I could honestly think about was Kyo, perched on top of the roof… watching the sun go down… with Tohru…
"You know, if you smiled when you said things like that it might make it more believable." I looked at him incredulously, and he grinned. "I mean, I don't mind bullshitting my way along like the rest of your fangirls, but quite honestly I'd like to see what you really feel." His eyes glittered dangerously. "Or am I not good enough?" he whispered softly. It made my breathing flutter dangerously.
I sighed, rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. "Come over here," I said firmly.
He raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Why?"
I rolled my eyes again. "Because I feel like I'm going to fall over any minute and I need someone to lean on, so shift." I perched on the windowsill and watched him walk nonchalantly towards me. He stood beside me and I let my head flop onto his shoulder with a sigh, hair falling over my face as I revelled in the intimacy I hardly ever got. It was nice to have someone warm beside me. Just… nice.
"You could have just sat down, you know," he murmured, and I felt his whole body shift with every word.
I smiled into his shoulder. "But this way I get to annoy you too. Kill two birds with one stone, as the saying goes."
He chuckled softly; from my vantage point it felt like a sudden, overwhelming reverberation. It made me shudder softly but it was lost into the room. "You should sleep more, President-san," he said softly, running a thumb across one of the bags under my eyes.
"If you did your job like you were supposed to I would be able to sleep," I grumbled teasingly. He laughed and draped one arm across my shoulder, squeezing once before letting it drop again. I let my head fall back onto the glass, orange light seeping through my eyelids. It reminded me too much of Kyo and I let them flutter open again.
"If it means our President becoming bedridden I promise to do more work," he said in all seriousness.
I grinned and cuffed him gently. "There are people who are supposed to arse around and have fun, and there are people who do all the work and tidy up. Former," I pushed my finger into his chest. "And latter," I added, pointing to myself. "You go have fun, 'cause it would be way too scary to see you pull your weight for once." I sighed in a rush of air. "You're a people person. I'm a file person." I frowned as I was struck by the image of myself with cardboard arms, before shaking my head to dispel it quickly. Too bloody disturbing. I looked over to Kakeru, who was still standing beside me, but he was staring at me with wide eyes. "What?" I snapped.
"I think I just ODed on your voice. I haven't heard you speak that much, ever." He was staring at me with mock-horror printed across his face. I cuffed him across the head gently but he caught my wrist, and stared at me oddly. Sort of… softly. He broke the whatever-it-was (no, not UST, dammit) with a jaw-splitting yawn. He ruffled his hair yet again and let my wrist drop in the process, but even though he'd turned away I watched him track its progress towards my side again. "Well, I guess I should start walking," he grunted sleepily. "I'll probably get lost on the way. Or asked to become a martyr for Japan and get carted off to the Olympics again, and Mum'll only freak if I get talent-spotted for a homo-erotica magazine for the fourth time."
I didn't rise to it, turning back to my precious files, feeling their imprint under my fingers. I ran my hand down the spine, sighing sadly. "Goodnight, Manabe-san," I said softly.
"'Night," he muttered, shrugging on his bag. I bit back another yawn.
"Was… was it worth it?" I whispered suddenly. I heard him pause behind me, door half-open in his hand. "The hug… was it worth all that anticipation?" My heart thundered in my ears.
The door fell from his hands with a slam. It perfectly mirrored the sound of both of our resolves breaking. I turned to him and he was staring at me but it was closer than I remembered – he'd strode across the floor, but my heart thundering in my ears had stopped me hearing – and when I turned around he was already right beside me, right there in front of me. I tried to back away but my files, being my only friends, pushed me back towards him. "Fuck yes," he whispered, and came crashing down on top of me.
The first thing I did was shut my eyes. Firstly, they'd look ridiculously crossed and secondly it actually hurt to try and focus on Kakeru's forehead this close up. Unfortunately, as soon as they fluttered closed every other sense in my body erupted into feeling. My heart was thundering, soaring, and I was close enough to hear Kakeru's too. I could hear my breath rasping in and out; I could feel our shared carbon dioxide slipping easily between our mouths, followed by a considerate amount of water as he slid his lips against mine softly. I felt clumsy, disorientated; first kiss. First bloody kiss. This is what it feels like, I thought in a detached way. I felt my hands drift of their own accord and bunch ferociously in his hair. Feels… nice, I added. Oh, fuck does it feel nice. I heard him let out a sighing moan and I replied with my own groan as he slammed me up against my precious files, pushing against me to try and deepen the heat, the softness. My legs began to drift away from the floor as he pinned me, and I wrapped them around his waist to anchor myself to him. I nipped and pulled and ravenously tore at him. I suddenly realised that the dizziness clouding my vision was almost as much to do with lack of oxygen as it was the tingling, shuddering mess my body had become. He pulled away and took in horribly deep, gasping breaths as he pushed as hard as he could onto me, only our mouths separate. He let me fall back to the floor with a gentle sigh and I just felt myself collapse forward onto him. It had been an exceedingly long day.
"Do I get to call you Yun-Yun in bed?" he gasped, and I laughed breathlessly.
"Go fuck yourself," I retaliated, and he grinned sadistically.
"Well, if you won't…" he muttered, smiling. I felt my whole body sting with the connotations of it and bit back another groan.
"Wow, I'm out of it," he spluttered breathlessly, taking in huge gasps beside me. "Haven't had enough exercise lately, but I guess you can help me rectify that, hmm, Yun-Yun?" I bit my lip. I'd never be able to hear that nickname again. "Mmm…" he sighed happily, leaning forward and pecking me softly. I felt my head follow his up, craving more, and blushed. "Oh, I have to do that more often," he grinned. He ran his hand across the side of my face.
"Tell me I'm adorable and I will kill you," I murmured. He grinned and pulled me close. It felt lovely to just have someone hold me without having to worry about transforming. My eyes flickered over to the clock. "What time were you supposed to meet your Mum again?" I whispered.
He swore softly and pulled away, sweeping up his bag and shrugging on his coat. He wrenched open the door, hurtled into the corridor, paused, turned around and stood in the doorway, staring at me. He paused for a moment, rushed back over, kissed me gently in a surge of warmth and dashed back out. My eyes fluttered open, lips gently parted, trying to pin him there, but he'd gone. I felt the blush spread across my face in a terrible rush.
Consequences… didn't matter. I think I just fell in love with Kakeru Manabe.