Hey guys, this is a revised & edited version of the oneshot. Someone really nice pointed out my mistakes that made me laugh at how miniscule they were but kind of confused people.
So thanks, mandaraxsharingan
Ashuurii: Yo peeps! We're gonna do a CRACK-fic today. Well at least I'm going to ATTEMPT one… again.
Naruto: YAY! I'm in it right?
Ashuurii: -nervous laugh- -inches away- Eh, hehehe s-sure Naruto…
Sasuke: No your not, dobe.
Naruto: Why you teme!!
Sakura: Leave him along baka! And Sasuke! Stop starting trouble!
Sasuke: … pfft! Don't tell me what to do woman!
Ashuurii: Uh Sasuke… I wouldn't rile Sakura up…
Sasuke: -suspicious stare- …why?
Ashuurii: -nervous laugh- eh, hehe… because the crack-fic is about you getting interrogated for the ANBU exams and Sakura's going to interrogate you along with Kakashi and Naruto, and let's just say… Sakura's questions may be a little… provocative.
Sasuke: . . .
Sakura: -evil laugh- SASUKE!!!
Ashuurii: ANYWAY! I don't own Naruto sadly but I do own the plot for this fic, just not any Naruto related themes.
This is a oneshot, my second in fact and I hope you like it!
WARNING!: There are mature terms used in this oneshot, but nothing so explict as descriptions.
The scowl of a familiar and notorious Uchiha sat chained to the floor of an interrogation room in an underground ANBU quarters. Ibiki Morino smirked as a gray-haired man walked in and sat across from Sasuke.
"Hello Sasuke." Kakashi smirked and Ibiki left him to his job.
"Kakashi." Sasuke acknowledged and suddenly an orange book was placed in front of him.
"What the fuck?!" Sasuke shrieked in horror. I know, super manly right? HAH!
"I believe, you need proper education Sasuke." Kakashi smiled, or so it appeared since his eye crinkled due to his mask.
Kakashi flipped page after page, making sure Sasuke gets a good look at the graphic pictures the gracious Jiraya-sama bestowed upon him.
"Take a good look Sasuke. You'll be doing the same thing. Maybe with a certain green-eyed, pink-haired kunoichi we all know?" Kakashi egged.
"Huh?!" Sasuke said through heavy breathing and wide-eyes.
"How else do you expect to repopulate the village with little Uchihas? They pop out of thin air? No… it takes process my friend. A lovely, satisfying, pleasureable, intoxicating process of love and lust. When two bodies intertwine-" Kakashi began before Sasuke gagged.
"Spare me!" He choked out and Kakashi smirked.
"Well, I'll leave you to your next proctor." He said before slyly slipping the book into his pocket and leaving the room.
Sasuke's mind was buzzing with the images displayed on the pages of that little book.
Something in him was… pumping. He felt light-headed and over-heated. He'd be in for quite a test.
15 minutes passed before an unsuspecting spiky blonde-haired, blue-eyed lad waltzed in, pulling in a TV cart and video with him.
"Yo TEME!!" Naruto screeched and Sasuke winced.
"Let's… get this over-with." He said as Naruto grinned.
"I think you'll enjoy this. Your going to watch… THE VICTORIA'S SECRET SUMMER FASHION SHOW!!!" Naruto cheered and Sasuke laughed before raising an eyebrow.
"Who's Victoria? And what's with this secret fashion show?" Sasuke asked bluntly. Really, the poor man was deprived of anything having to do with the opposite sex. So his teammates took it upon themselves to educate him. –insert snicker here-
"Just watch Sasuke. Just watch." He said killing the lights and popped in the video.
Within seconds the TV screen came to life revealing many very appealing models, displaying skimpy summer lingerie which was much more revealing than the winter collection.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Sasuke yelled out of frustration.
"You see Sasuke. Victoria's Secret is a lingerie store. A store that sells bras and panties for women in many varieties and these are versions of lingerie which are outfits that arouse the male before-" Naruto began while Sasuke screamed in frustration once more.
"I GET IT!!! DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD!!!" Sasuke demanded and Naruto snickered slyly before stopping the video after 10 minutes of agony.
"Well Sasuke my friend, I believe your ready." Naruto said before leaving Sasuke to stage 3 of his ANBU test.
Sasuke's insides were burning and he felt as if his nose would erupt with crimson fluid any second.
"So… -twitch- many… -twitch-… models… -chill-" Sasuke said rocking back and forth on his chair.
Poor Sasuke. Maybe Sakura can cheer him up. –insert mischievous wink here.-
20 minutes of agony and Sasuke's horniness passed before a young woman with pink hair, and green eyes appeared.
"Sakura?!" Sasuke gaped as Sakura came into view.
She was wearing a form-fitting white tank-top, with black spandex shorts and black combat boots. Her hair was pulled into a pony-tail and her bangs framed her face.
She was honestly the last person he wanted to see in his… predicament.
"Hello Sasuke." She smirked as she sat on the edge of the table next to him, examining her nails.
"Your not gonna make me read Icha Icha Paradise, or watch some lingerie show are you?" He asked cautiously and she chuckled before shaking her head.
"No." She said innocently.
He let out a sigh of relief and she looked him over.
Blood ready to flow from his nostrils.
Tight hold on the table.
YUP! It was safe to say, Sasuke Uchiha did have hormones! For Sasuke was horny.
Typical for a 19 year old male right? Well let's see what Sakura has planned.
"How are you feeling?" She asked cheerfully and he raised an eyebrow.
"Uh… fine?" He asked and she smirked.
"Good because I have a few questions." She said before sitting across from him at the table.
"Uh… ok?" He said before chuckling nervously.
"What is your sexuality?" She asked as she had a pen and chart ready.
"What the hell?" Sasuke asked confusedly and she sighed.
"Do you prefer men, women, or both? Are you bi, straight, or gay?" She asked and his eyes widened.
"Whoa there Sakura, I'm straight." He said quickly and she smirked as she scribbled something down.
"Are you a virgin?" She asked and his eyes widened.
"W-well… y-y-you see… I-I uh-h…" He mumbled and she smirked.
"Yes." She said innocently as she wrote it down. Ouch, that must have left a dent in his ego, ne?
"What attributes of a woman do you prefer? Let's start with boobs." She smirked and he started sweating rather much.
'Wait a minute, was she testing him to see if he'd crack? HELL NO SAKURA!' Sasuke vowed as he smirked and kept his cool composure.
"A, B, C, or D cup?" She asked and he shrugged. Maybe if he played along he'd be able to rile her just as much as she did him.
"B or C. Don't care much." He smirked and she nitted her eyebrows. Pfft, what an asshole. He was a tough cookie alright.
"Hm. Let's go to the ass. You like big or small?" She smirked and he chuckled.
"Medium." He shrugged and she nodded before scribbling down.
"Let's see. Thin and curvy, or a little more plump and curvy like Ino-pig?" Sakura smirked.
"Healthy and curvy." He smirked and she laughed before continuing her scribbling.
Many personal questions later…
Sakura was now frustratingly leaning forward on the table I front of him, dangerously close to his face as she interrogated him.
"Hair color." She said and he smirked before answering.
"Hn. I'd have to say Pink." He said before crashing his lips on hers.
A few seconds later he broke the chains from the attachement on the floor and pulled Sakura into his lap as he hungrily kissed her.
She let out a moan and he smirked.
"CONGRATS TEME! YOU PASSED!" Naruto cheered as Sakura jumped off his lap and high-fived Kakashi.
"How'd he take it?" Kakashi asked and Sakura smirked.
"Hm. He was more mature than the last guy. All I had to say was erection for the last one and he passed out." Sakura chuckled and Sasuke chocked on the water he was drinking.
"Oh don't be embarrassed Sasuke-kun! I know all about what happens to a guy's body and a girl's body. I'm a medic after all, it's my job." She smirked and he smirked back.
Kakashi yanked Naruto and Sasuke swept past Sakura but not before giving her a quick kiss and muttering in her ear.
"I'll see you later." He smirked and then left to see the Hokage.
Maybe repopulating the Uchiha Clan, wouldn't be so bad after all…
Sasuke: Well Sakura, I didn't know you could be so perverted…
Sakura: Not my fault!
Naruto: Oh shut up teme, you know you enjoyed all that stuff… especially that kiss… MAN WAS THAT SOME ACTION OR WHAT!?
Sakura: -crackles knuckles and strangles Naruto- YOU BAKA! YOU WERE WATCHING! YOU LITTLE PERVERT! THAT ERO-SENNIN IS GETTING TO YOU ISN'T HE!!! KNOCK IT OFF OR I'LL BURN THE RAMEN STAND!!!
Naruto: RAMEN NO!!! –choke, choke-
Ashuurii: Psh! Weirdos…. –sigh- well there! Hope you were laughing, I know I was but that's me so yeah! Byee!!