Disclaimer: Not mine.
Author's Notes: This fic came out of nowhere. It's Derek/Cameron. I guess it's an odd pairing, even for this fledgling fandom. Title of story a lyric from Adema's song "Planets". Quote at the end from an Aesop fable. Written in less than an hour, not beta'd. Enjoy.
Summary: Her dance, the way she moves is almost too good. Too human, too soulful. It really is beautiful and I hate her for it. [Derek/Cameron; spoilers for Dungeons and Dragons; The Demon Hand
I Won't Cry Wolf
The music stops.
I can't move. I simply can't move and there she is just looking at me. Looking at me with her warm eyes, soft face, lean frame. Why the hell can't she be more robotic? Why do I have to find her so beautiful, so inviting? Why do I have to constantly remind myself, remind everyone that this Terminator can not be trusted? None of them can be trusted. None of them.
"Derek Reese. I didn't hear you," Cameron says to me. My soul deflates some, listening to her speak. I hear inflections in her tone, bits of human-like expression when she talks. "You may enter, if you wish."
"No," I say, my voice hoarse. The tears in my eyes refuse to fall. I don't even know why I'm so emotional. None of this should affect me. I shouldn't be moved by her attempts at humanity.
I shouldn't be, but I am.
Her dance, the way she moves is almost too good. Too human, too soulful. It really is beautiful and I hate her for it. I hate her beauty. I step back about a foot from her door, putting more distance between us. "No, I'm not going to come in and I'm not going to be fooled by you. Some day, Sarah and John will see what I see."
Cameron tilts her head to the side, her expression thoughtful. "What do you see?"
"A killer," I tell her boldly. "You are a killer."
"So are you," she states simply, now walking over to a window. She stands there, looking out. I expect her to say more, but she doesn't. She just looks out the window.
I need to go, I need to leave and get away from her. Get far away, but I can't move. I'm stuck, just like before. I can't seem to get unstuck around her. She's mesmerizing and even a jump back in time won't change her pull on me.
I step forward. Cameron turns slightly, looking at me again. She's waiting for me.
Another step, I'm inside her room. Her room. As if this machine could own anything, have material possessions.
She moves, gracefully. She's standing before me, warm eyes looking into mine. She says, "I thought you wished to leave."
I stand tall, the tears in my eyes finally fall. I feel them roll slowly down my cheeks as I swallow hard and tell her, "I know you. Don't forget that."
"I don't forget anything," she says. That's when I feel her hand on my cheek. A thumb over my lips. I shut my eyes, tears burning through my skin, dripping off my chin. No, she doesn't forget anything. I wish she would forget. If she could forget, maybe I could forget too.
Forget what her touch does me, forget what I know about her.
I told Sarah that Cameron could not be trusted. I told John that she's capable of lies. Lying, however, is a very human attribute and that is how I get through each day in this re-invented timeline. I lie to the Connors and I lie to myself.
Cameron tells lies. I tell lies. Humans tell lies to other humans.
"Stop touching me," I order her. She does as she's told and I'm thankful because I'm not sure I would've been able to push her away.
"Your dance means nothing," I say, forcing my eyes open, willing my tears to stop. "Don't think it makes you more like us. I will always know. I will not be fooled by you."
"My intent is not to fool you, Derek Reese," Cameron says, already ignoring my orders, reaching up to console me once more. The tips of her fingers brush strands of my hair off my sweat dampened forehead. "I only wish to gain your trust."
"Gain my trust, "I repeat, managing a trite laugh. "You already have John's."
"Why do you lie to him?" she asks. "Why have you not told him?"
I ball my fists, leave my arms at my side. I don't answer.
"He knows I know you," Cameron continues. "I told him who you were, what you did in the future. Why haven't you talked to him about that?"
I shake my head. "Why do you ask so many goddamned questions?" I reach up, pull at my hair. I turn away from her, head for the door. "Just leave me alone. Stay the hell away from me."
I storm into the living room, nearly knocking Sarah over. She grabs onto to me, mostly to steady herself and then says, "Hey, where's the fire, Reese?"
"That thing. . .," I point down the hall. "That. . .I don't want to see her for the rest of the night."
"Okay, calm down. What did she do?" Sarah asks.
I look away, sighing. "She didn't do anything."
"I highly doubt that," Sarah says, raising an eyebrow. "She's obviously pissed you off. . ." She pauses, then grabs my shoulders, turns me to make me look at her. "Reese? Were you crying?"
I'm sure my eyes are still red-rimmed, still puffy. My cheeks probably stained. I pull away from Sarah's grasp, shrug at her. "So what if I was? You would've too, had you seen what I saw."
Sarah folds her arms. "Okay, what did you see then?"
I look down the hall, back toward Cameron's room. I remember the future. I remember the music. I remember her dance. It wasn't nearly as graceful as it is now, she didn't have any teachers to help her, but she taught herself anyhow. She learned how to dance and despite her heavy metal frame, she managed to take my breath away.
She still enthralls me. I still feel for her. I feel and the inner turmoil I feel over my emotions is taxing, exhausting.
"She was dancing," I say finally.
I see Sarah smile, hear her laugh. "Dancing? You saw her dance and that made you cry?"
She doesn't believe me. Why would she? How often have I told her that Cameron is a menace? That Cameron is a machine with no feelings, no grace, no beauty? How many times have I said that? And here I am, telling her that Cameron's grace and beauty made me cry. That Cameron is surely on the verge of discovering what humanity really means.
Even a jump back in time won't change her pull on me.
"Reese, why don't you get some rest," Sarah suggests. Then she walks past me, into the kitchen to check up on John and his homework, I'm sure.
When I look down the hall again, I see Cameron looking at me.
Looking at me with her warm eyes, soft face, lean frame.
She fooled me once. Made me feel for her.
Well not anymore.
I will continue to lie. I will continue to tell Sarah and John that she can't be trusted, because I can't let them make the same mistakes I did. I have a chance to change my future, to reverse what I have done.
Cameron will never make an honest man out of me ever again.
"Even when liars tell the truth, they are never believed.
The liar will lie once, twice, and then perish when he tells the truth."