Title: Who's Behind Door Number One?
Characters/Pairings: Ron, Hermione, Draco/Harry
Summary: Ron's off to investigate a situation and Hermione follows.
"Ron! Ron, where are you?"
"Bloody hell…Would you keep your voice down, 'Mione? You want Filch to find us?"
"And if I do?"
"Quiet down! I'm—oww! What'd you smack me for?"
"What are you doing out this late? You are breaking dozens of school rules!"
"And you're not? Oww!"
"Tell me what is going on."
"Quit hitting me, woman! And—and I followed Harry…He's in that room, there."
"The old Charms classroom? What's Harry doing in there?"
"Do you really think I'd be out here if I knew?"
"Would you like me to honestly answer that, Ron?"
"…I think there's someone in there with him but I can't—"
"Shh! Do you hear that?"
"What? The sound of you shushing me? Yes—loud and clear."
"No, the sound of—of… moaning?"
"Myrtle does not moan like that"
"Then he's… wanking? Oww! Christ, 'Mione!"
"You are so crass. And why would Harry be…doing that in a classroom?"
"…Because he can?"
"Potter, please inform your measly friends that I am fucking you and while they think they are being quiet, they are in fact not."
That night, when Harry came back to the common room looking scandalously rumpled and flushed, Ron and Hermione were there to greet him with pale and confused faces. Nothing was said until Harry flopped down next to Ron one of the plush couches.
"Bagging a Malfoy…" He looked perplexed at the thought but he moved to clap Harry on the shoulder. "Is it true they use snakes?"