Author's note: This is my first fanfic in a long time. It's actually my first one in five years. This is the product of my friend and mine's boredom. Please review and tell me what you think of it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto so hah no one can sue me! I only own Emiko and the storyline. And I'm a poor college student so if you sue me, you ain't getting anything but my textbooks.
Itachi sighed as he popped his neck for the thousandth time. It had been his first mission as a member of Akatsuki and he was exhausted. His partner was rather talkative and had refused to give Itachi a moment of peace.
"So, Itachi-san, what do you think of the Akatsuki so far?" Kisame asked his younger partner.
Itachi shrugged. "It's not much different from being and Anbu."
The two continued trudging through the forest until they finally reached the large boulder that hid the Akatsuki's hideout. Kisame and Itachi began to do the hand signs to move the boulder when Itachi noticed something in the grass.
Kisame watched curiously as Itachi made his way over to the long grass. He couldn't see what Itachi was doing until Itachi stood up and turned towards Kisame. Kisame's mouth dropped open.
"Itachi-san, what is that?"
Itachi looked down at the small bundle of blankets he held in his arms. He moved one of the blankets aside and revealed the contents to Kisame.
"It appears to be a baby, Kisame."
The baby was sleeping. It had chubby baby cheeks and its small hands were incased in small pink mittens. Small wisps of black hair stuck out from under the blanket. The baby shifted uncomfortably in Itachi's strong grip.
"What should we do with it, Itachi-san? Is it a spy?"
Kisame was now standing by Itachi, looking down at the baby cautiously. He poked the baby's chubby cheek repeatedly, waiting to see if it would attack.
Itachi resisted the urge to roll his eyes and held the baby in an odd hug so that his hands were free. He glared at Kisame, waiting for him to do the hand signs. Finally, the two made their way into the hideout.
The hallways were dark, lit only by a few torches along the way. Towards the entrance it was quiet but as the trio got closer to the center of the hideout, they could hear the voices of the other members.
Itachi opened the door to the main area of the hideout, balancing the baby in one arm. He walked in and plopped the baby on Hidan's lap.
"What the fuck is this thing?!"
Hidan took the baby out of the blankets and held it up by one of it's small legs. He shook it around a little, trying to get the other member's attention. He glared at it when the baby began screaming at the top of it's tiny lungs, it's onyx eyes now open and filling with tears.
Konan looked up from her origami and squealed. She ran over to Hidan and scooped the baby up into her arms. She cooed softly to it, trying to calm it down.
"That would be a baby, you idiot." Kakazu answered.
Hidan glared. "I know what the fuck it is. What the fuck is Itachi doing with a baby and why the fuck did he bring it here."
"Don't use that language in front of HER! It's not an it you heathen." Konan continued to rock the baby back and forth while chastising Hidan.
At this point the other members had migrated into the main area, curious about the yelling and sounds of a baby.
Tobi bounded over to Konan and began tickling the baby's tummy. Zetsu stared at it curiously, debating whether it would be wise to try and steal the baby from Konan. The glare he received from her told him no. Deidara sat on the couch watching Tobi make a fool of himself and Sasori was completely unfazed by the new arrival. Orochimaru grinned evilly at the baby; he was already planning on the best way to steal the baby after taking Itachi's body.
"Would somebody care to explain to me why there is a baby in our hideout?"
Pein stood in the doorway, looking less than pleased. He walked over to Konan, ignoring how she held the baby closer to her. He roughly grabbed the baby away from Konan and glared at it. Pein loathed babies. He had killed many babies just for hiccupping when he was annoyed. There was no way he was going to allow this weak baby stay in his hideout.
The baby girl looked at Pein and giggled. She reached up with one of her mitten covered hands and pulled on Pein's lip piercing. She giggled when she saw his eye twitch and blew a spit bubble at him.
Konan carefully approached Pein and stood beside him.
"Can we keep her, Pein?"
"Hell no! I don't want that fucking thing here! It's evil!"
"But Tobi likes the baby! It makes funny faces!"
Pein took in a deep breath and looked back down at the baby. He turned his gaze over to Itachi and Kisame.
"Where did you find her?"
Itachi nodded his head towards the entrance.
"She was outside hidden in the grass. Nobody was around."
Pein looked at Konan's hopeful face and sighed.
"We'll keep the baby for now. However, everyone will have to help take care of her and she becomes to troublesome, I'll kill her."
Konan clapped her hands and took the baby from Pein.
"If I may ask, Pein-sama, why are we taking this baby in?" Sasori asked, watching Konan with mild interest.
"I don't want that fucking thing in here!"
"We can raise her to be completely loyal to Akatsuki. When she gets a little older, we can send her into the villages to gather information. Who in their right mind would suspect a child."
Konan sat down on the couch in between Hidan and Sasori, cooing to the small baby. Suddenly, her head shot up.
"We need supplies! She'll need blankets, a crib, clothes, bottles, milk, diapers, and wipes! Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, and Kakazu, you four go get the supplies."
Hidan was forcibly dragged from the hideout, cursing the whole way.
The four men wandered through the town, grabbing anything baby related. In two hours they had found a crib, a few blankets, a changing table, the food, and diapers and wipes. They were currently looking at clothes for the baby and Hidan was pitching a fit.
"That is too much fucking pink! Why does the damn thing need so much pink?!"
Kisame rolled his eyes and picked up another pink onesies. He threw it at Kakazu who put it in the cart with about fifteen other similar outfits.
Itachi was milling about the story, thinking about how he had gone shopping with his mother when she was pregnant with Sasuke. Now that he thought about it, the baby looked similar to Sasuke. He paused at the stuffed animal display. A small white weasel had caught his eye. He picked it up and carried it over to the check out line, where the other three were purchasing the clothes.
The four men walked out of the store and made their way to the hideout. Once they were inside, they could hear the baby screaming. The four rushed into the main area where Sasori, of all people, was trying to calm the baby. Zetsu glared at the four men.
"What took you so long? She's been crying for almost an hour now."
Konan ran over to Hidan and snatched the bag with the bottles and milk formula from him. She scampered into the connecting kitchen and began heating up the milk.
"Here, hold her."
Sasori handed the wailing baby over to Deidara who looked at her with disdain. He held the small baby under the arms and gently bounced her up and down.
The baby looked at Deidara and giggled. She blew a spit bubble at him to show her approval.
Deidara grinned, proud with himself at making the baby stop crying for the moment.
"She's not so bad once you get used to her. She's actually kinda cute."
Konan came back into the room and the Akatsuki sat around to watch Konan feed the baby.
"So what she we call her?" Tobi asked.
"I vote for brat."
Konan glared at Hidan while she fed the baby.
"Oh Tobi knows! Tobi knows!"
"What, Tobi?" Zetsu asked warily.
"We should name her Rrrrrrrrrr!"
Everyone was silent for a minute.
"What about Hana?"
"Just because you're a plant doesn't mean she needs a plant name."
The group continued to debate. Konan had finished feeding the baby and handed her to Hidan.
Hidan glared at the baby in his arms.
"What the fuck am I supposed to do with this thing?"
"You need to burp her. Just gently pat her on the back. You need to bond with her anyways."
Hidan glowered at the small baby and put her over his shoulder. He gave her a rough slap to the back and then let out a shriek.
"What the fuck is this shit all over me!?"
The other's held back a their laughter.
"You usually should put a towel over your shoulder in case the baby spits up." Orochimaru said.
"So this is fucking baby vomit all over me!? Does this shit even come out!?"
Everyone looked at Itachi. Itachi merely nodded his head toward the small baby that Hidan was holding away from him. She was smiling and giggling, seeming to take joy in the Jashin worshippers distress.
"Tobi likes that name! Tobi thinks Emiko-chan looks like an Emiko-chan!"
"Now that the name is settled we need to decide where she is going to sleep tonight."
"She can sleep in my room."
The group looked at the Uchiha curiously. He ignored them and walked over to Hidan, taking Emiko from him.
"I've already put her crib up in my room. We can move it to the next person's room tomorrow."
Emiko yawned sleepily in Itachi's arms, closing her onyx eyes slowly. She could vaguely feel people patting her on the head, a flick on her ear, and a gentle kiss on her forehead. She felt Itachi changing her into her new pajamas and then being placed gently in the crib.
Itachi placed the small weasel plushie in Emiko's crib. He hid a small smile as he watched one of her tiny hands close over one of the weasel's ears. He stroked her patch of black hair in an almost loving manner.
He crawled into his bed and blew out the small candle on the nightstand.
"Good night, Emiko-chan."