(AKA Chapter 9: For The Lulz)

What in the world did Severus Snape get himself into?

He liked Harry. He really did. The boy was charming, interesting, and shared Snape's sense of humor. Most importantly, he never showed any regret of establishing their unexpected relationship, and that made Severus believe that Harry's intentions were genuine. The boy was... decent.

But... dear Merlin, Harry never tired of snogging.

At first, Severus had no qualms with this. He adored the pressure of the boy's lips against his own. He loved to feel Harry's tongue trace the shape of his mouth and worm its way inside. He enjoyed sucking and biting Harry's neck to the point where he left ugly purple bruises on the pale flesh. Yet, at the same time, each snogging session exhausted him because Harry insisted on necking every goddamn day. And since the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was retiring in two years, and Albus offered an apprentice job to Harry, this only meant that the desired obligatory sessions were happening every goddamn day.

Severus was going mad. His tongue always ached, his back would sometimes give out due to long periods of being in an awkward position, and on some nights he would go to bed with an extremely painful erection.

Worst of all, his disgust of all the excess germs in his mouth was escalating to an extremely dangerous level.

He had to put a stop it. So, whenever he heard footsteps in a Hogwarts corridor, he'd quickly hide behind a statue and breathe a sigh of relief when he realized it was just another staff member.

This, however, did not work all the time. Once, after watching Filch trudge past him and turn the corner, Snape stepped into view and continued walking down to his office. He was about to turn when--



He turned around and forced a crooked smile on his face. "Mr. Potter."

Harry advanced toward his partner and tilted his head. "Where've you been? I've been looking for you."

"I've had potions to bre--"

He couldn't finish the end of his sentence because Harry was immediately on him, trapping the man against a wall, and asking for a snog then and there in the hallway. With the way Harry's hard length was rubbing against his thigh, who was Snape to resist?

But he most certainly didn't want it.

Another strategy he tried was to feign illness and retreat to his haven at Spinner's End. He usually left for his home on the weekends, but decided to spend two weeks in solitude there, rather than two days. It worked for the first four days, but on the fifth day, someone had knocked on the door. Upon opening, the man's heart sank. Lo and behold, Harry Potter had arrived with a large bottle of Pepper-Up potion, and a suitcase.

"Just thought you'd miss me," he simply stated.

Of course he did, Snape thought. But he also missed... his office and... Books... so, the boy really shouldn't have felt so special when Snape let him in the house.

Snape even tried blatant rage at the boy's feisty behavior, but honestly, who could stay furious with Harry's mouth on his cock?

Having no other options, Snape chose his last resort.

Two months after the Closing Ceremony found the man sitting uncomfortably in Dumbledore's office. Being in the man's abnormally cheerful presence for too long was unbearable, but at least Severus wasn't being forced onto the floor or against walls or leaning on desks or...

His pants were growing tight. Best not to continue with that trail of thought. He returned to the present where Dumbledore was eagerly recounting a tale of his past.

"...and with the help of a flying dragon and Dr. Albert Hoffman, I was able to fathom the concept of transcendentalism."


"Let me assure you, it was a life-altering experience, Severus," Albus finished as he took a sip of his tea.


"Ah, Harry! A pleasant surprise. Sit down, my boy."


Snape almost choked on his drink. He turned around in time to see Harry shift his eyes from Snape to Dumbledore. "Good evening, sir. I was actually looking for Severus. I have to discuss (the boy coughed) important matters with him."

Severus was mortified. Could the boy make it more obvious? Albus smiled and his eyes began to twinkle. "Of course, Harry. I've kept him in here for too long. Almost two hours," he said as he looked at the grandfather clock. "I do apologize, Severus."

The man grunted. "Are you positive that we've nothing else to discuss? I must insi--"

But the elder man had already stood from his seat and began to usher Snape out, along with Harry. "No, no. Your, ahem, matters are far more important than my stories. But if you do wish to hear more, I will drop by at your office tomorrow afternoon. Good evening."

Severus cringed. He was not looking forward to the next day. Or the upcoming hour, for that matter. Well, maybe a little.. No! He must have some self-control. The man quickly marched through the hallways and to his chambers, with Harry catching up behind him. "You're welcome," Harry said with a grin.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, you don't exactly enjoy listening to Dumbledore's stories, no matter how interesting they are."

Snape scowled. "Well, Mr. Potter, today's tales were particularly exhilarating, so I did not, in fact, enjoy your interruption."

Harry laughed as they both turned a corner. "Of course, Snape. It's why you were practically asleep on the chair. Exhilarating, I could tell."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"You are such an immature, little brat," the man sneered as he opened his door and allowed Harry in. He could have left Harry outside and let him go back to his own rooms, but...

...Actually, he had no excuse for that.

As soon as Severus sat down on his black couch, the boy jumped on top of him and began to kiss the man feverishly, tugging at the man's hair and grinding his heat against Snape's.

It was too much.


But that just granted the boy access to his mouth, damn it! The tongue was now twisting and circling around his own and.. it... too... much... guh...


A muffled "Potter" was barely heard through Harry's loud groans. Harry broke the kiss and began to nip at the man's jaw. This gave Severus his only chance.

"Harry, I... fuck..."

One of the boy's hands had somehow trailed down his chest and past his waist. He had managed to undo Snape's belt, unzip his trousers, and squeeze his hand through to touch Snape's cock. Luckily, the jolt of electricity in his pants was enough to bring the man back into reality. He pushed Harry off him, sending him tumbling down to the floor. The boy recovered quickly and smirked. "On the floor, then?"


Harry raised an eyebrow, a habit he learned from the man. "So, what was that all about?" Then, realization broke through his features. "Oh, you want a blowjob!" Harry crawled toward the man and attempted to push the trousers down, but Snape stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"No, Harry. I... can't do this anymore."

Harry had a vacant expression on his face for a good five seconds before sitting back down on the floor. "Me neither."

It wasn't the reaction Snape was expecting, but he sighed in relief anyway. He was about to stand up and take care of his problem himself when Potter spoke.

"I think we should have sex."

"What?" Snape's voice rose three octaves. "Potter, are you insane?"

"What?" Harry asked apprehensively. "Don't tell me you don't want to."

"I don't want to."

Silence. Then, Harry laughed, much to Severus' annoyance.

"Just what, pray tell, is so goddamn hilarious?"

"You," Harry managed to say through his heaving. "What's the matter with you, tonight?"

Snape exhaled loudly and made himself more comfortable on the couch. Harry followed suit, seating himself next to him. "I'm sure you remember your last Hogsmeade outing when you were still a student, correct?"

"You mean, our first date? Yeah. I remember." Harry's fingers slowly inched their way towards Severus' groin.

"Do you recall that I mentioned my aversion to any physical intimacy?"

"Of course." Harry's mission of getting his hand down Snape's pants was a success. The man shifted and attempted to continue speaking.

"Well...mmm... What makes you--fuck, that's good...an exception?"

"Maybe because you haven't complained before?" Harry suggested in Snape's ear. He managed to release the man's length from his boxers and was pumping it in a slow and steady rhythm.


"Admit it. You like me."

Severus was gripping the couch with his eyes closed. "I like... this."

"So then, what makes you think you won't like sex? I'll be bottom, if that's what you're worrying about."

The thought of Harry topping was comical to Snape, the mirth evident in his smirk. "It's been... a while, mmm..."

"If it helps," Harry began as he ran a thumb over Snape's head, "I don't have anything to compare it to."

The man's eyes shot open. "You're a...?"

Harry nodded.

It really was too much.


"Whoa, Snape! Your dick is huge!"

Severus felt heat on his cheeks as he looked at Harry sternly. "Your inappropriate comments never cease to amaze me. And I would think that you would know my size by your eh, past endeavors."

"Well, yeah," Harry said as he propped himself up on his elbows in the center of the bed. "But I've never seen you completely naked like this, it's... kinda hot."

Leave Severus to choose a randy Gryffindor for a partner. Nevertheless, he advanced towards the bed and relished the sight of Harry Potter laid out on his green sheets with absolutely nothing on. Harry already had an erection that curved toward his stomach, and looked like he was already leaking pre-cum.

It was delicious.

Severus climbed onto the mattress and propped himself over his partner. "You are sure?"

Harry responded by licking the side of Snape's chin. A bit gross, but a turn-on, anyway. He claimed Harry's lips as he settled himself onto the boy's flesh. His erection rubbed against Harry's, eliciting loud moans from both partners. Snape grinded against Harry until Snape broke the kiss. Both of them were now panting heavily. He took the time then to explore Harry's body, starting with the boy's neck. He bit before sucking on the salty taste, causing Harry to groan aloud. Snape's hands traveled downward, one on his partner's hipbone, and the other circling one of his nipples. He pinched the nub and Harry's half-lidded eyes shot open. "Fuck, that's...oh god!"

Severus' mouth had found the other nub and was now mercilessly biting it. He continued for the next ten seconds before stopping and kissing Harry once more. Then, he slowly made his way down, licking, sucking, and biting every patch of skin before he found Harry's navel. Then, something poked his chin, and he found himself face-to-face with Harry's cock.

Panic rising in his chest, Snape attempted to lift his head up, but was stopped by a hoarse plea from his partner. "Do it, please," Harry asked, thrusting as the head of his cocked rubbed against Snape's closed lips. The man backed away.


"Please," Harry pleaded. "I've done it for you!"

Severus scowled. "Do stop your whining, it's very unattractive. I'll... do it. Just give me a moment," he said as he prepared himself mentally.

"Come on! It's not that ba--HOLY FUCK!" Harry cried as he threw his head back, fingers tightly gripping the sheets below him. Severus had grabbed the Gryffindor's shaft and opened his mouth to swirl his tongue around the head. It wasn't as bad as he assumed it would be. The taste of Harry's cock was a bit bitter, but the look of pleasure on the teenager's face when Snape licked the length of Harry's vein on the underside of his cock was divine. In fact, Severus began to enjoy hearing the loud cries as he took in all of Harry into his mouth, saliva dripping down the sides.

"God, Severus... Mmm... more," Harry uttered. Severus took such delight in the moans. No one could render Harry speechless like he could. Harry's right hand gripped the back of Snape's head, running his fingers through the strands and tucking it behind his ear to watch his partner suck his cock.

"You look... so fucking amazing," Harry breathed, rocking his hips and not realizing that Snape was almost choking. Snape released the organ with a pop and glared, but Harry did not register the man's irritation.

"Fuck me," he demanded. Snape obliged.

He brought his hand to Harry's lips. "Suck." Severus inserted three fingers into the teenager's mouth and brought them back out after a few moments.

"Spread your legs," he ordered, and Harry followed, spreading them as much as he could.

"Is this going to hurt?"

"Shut up for a minute," Snape said, preparing himself for the physical intrusion. Then, looking into Harry's eyes, he inserted his index finger into the Gyffindor's entrance. Harry gasped and scrunched up his face. "Well?" Snape asked.

"Feels... strange," Harry admitted. "Keep going." Snape pumped a finger in and out, stretching the hole as much as possible. He then inserted a second finger, much to Harry's delight. The boy writhed under him, thrusting his hips and rolling his eyes back. "God, Severus..."

Severus was reaching his limit, as well. Harry was too goddamn tight, and he knew the both of them wouldn't last very long. He inserted his third finger and twisted them around inside Harry. He lowered his head and caught Harry's lips in a kiss. Finally deeming his partner ready, he removed his fingers and looked at him once more.

Harry pushed strands of hair from Snape's face and sighed. "I love you."

"Shut up. I'm going to stick it in now." And with that, he penetrated the ring of muscle, eliciting loud gasps from both men.

Euphoria. The tightness was pure euphoria. He watched Harry's eyes roll to the back of his head, heard him as he dropped his jaw and moaned nonsensical words aloud, felt Harry's legs wrap around his waist, urging Severus to go deeper. Severus slid back out and thrusted deeper into the wonderful nirvana, groaning his lover's name out loud.

He bit the Gryffindor's shoulder and began to thrust steadily into him. Harry groaned with each thrust, the volume growing louder and louder as he rammed the boy harder.

"Fuck... me... harder," Harry pleaded in Severus' ear. The man just panted heavily, biting and sucking the boy's shoulder until it began to color.

It was so fucking good, and when Severus slid out and turned the boy around to a different position, it was even better. He set one hand on Harry's shoulder and the other on the boy's hip, positioning himself until finally, he was hitting that spot with every thrust. The boy cried out, and leaned back until Snape was breathing heavily on his neck. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he chanted, eyes closed and glasses askew on his face. "Touch me, I'm gonna fuckin' come..."

Those delicious words were just what Severus needed. He pushed Harry back down on the bed and grabbed the teenager's dick as he synchronized the pumps of his hand with the thrusting of his own cock. "Oh, fuck!" Harry yelled after a few thrusts, spurting onto Snape's hand and sheets. The man brought the stained hand to Harry's mouth and Harry eagerly sucked his own cum, and that image finally sent the man over the edge. He grabbed Harry's waist with both hands and thrusted, calling out for his lover with each push and, fuck.

He drained himself inside Harry, groaning until he was spent, and collapsed on top of the boy, panting heavily, Harry doing the same. After a minute, Snape pulled himself out and rolled over next to Harry, staring at the ceiling.

"Final verdict, Mr. Potter?"


"Yes, we just did."

Harry propped himself on an elbow and looked down to his lover. "I love you. I really do." Severus snorted and closed his eyes, a smirk threatening to form on his lips. Harry continued, eyebrows furrowed in feigned disappointment. "Okay, fine. I don't love you, you git. But that was fucking amazing, and you know it."

Severus could no longer hold the smirk. "Foolish Gryffindor."

"Sexy Slytherin," Harry muttered before kissing Snape. Oddly, the man no longer felt exhausted.



"And that, my boy, is how I managed to find the great wizard, Waldo."


"It was a most difficult task, let me assure you, but the satisfaction was well worth it."


"Ah, Severus! So good to see you here!"


Harry almost choked on his tea. He turned around in time to see Snape shift his eyes from himself to Dumbledore. "I am afraid I cannot stay, as I've potions to attend to. However, I did need... a helpful hand from Mr. Potter, if that is all right?"

Harry winced inwardly. Could Severus be any more obvious? "Actually, Severus, Albus and I were in the middle of someth--"

"Harry, don't be foolish! I have kept you here--Oh, my. Five hours!" Albus chuckled and began to usher both men out of his office. "I apologize for keeping you so late, Harry. Please, go with Severus. Good night!"


He realized he was already at the bottom of the spiral staircase and sighed. Severus eyed him and smirked. "You're welcome," he said, and briskly walked in the direction of the dungeons.

"I like his stories!" Harry followed, though slowly. His lower body ached terribly due to last night's events. "Slow down!"

"Do hurry up, Potter. I've an erection that needs to be sated, now."

Harry groaned. They had been having sex every night, and he was exhausted. It wasn't that he didn't love feeling Snape inside him, but he was literally using all his strength to stand and walk nowadays.

"Snape, can't we just lie in bed and talk tonight?"




Harry sighed. What in the world did he get himself into?



A/N: Thank you for reading. I couldn't have done this without my two betas. I hope you enjoyed. Yesss. Oh, and in case you were wondering, Snape and Harry make up a schedule for teh sexxorz and stay together forever. Gregory Walters grows up and becomes the first homosexual Minister of Magic. The two protagonists in the story can't help but feel slightly responsible.