Edward's Point of View
"Emmett is going to be so jealous of this prank," I whispered to myself. Carlisle would definitely not approve of what I was about to do. I still couldn't believe that Alice hadn't stopped me from completing my devious plan.
I slowly crept through the basement of the hospital, carefully checking everyone's thoughts to make sure I wasn't noticed. When I finally made it to the right door, I slipped through and laid down.
Miranda's Point of View
Another day, another dead body to cut up, I thought, walking into the staff lounge. I put my things into the locker and changed into my scrubs. My mind drifted over everything that had happened in the last month…nothing. The man of my dreams still didn't notice me, my mother still called me daily about my relationship status. The only thing that changed was my cat's weight and my hair.
I slowly made my way down to the morgue so I could start on the next autopsy. I was used to seeing the insides of dead people now, so it hardly ever fazed me to see someone lying on my table, waiting. But the one who was on it now was so handsome; he was almost out of a fairytale.
When I looked in his file, something didn't seem right, but then again, who could write a report while looking at this god. Stop that thought, Miranda! You are too old for him and he's dead! My mind is coming unraveled.
I started prepping my tools and putting on my protective clothing. My favorite blood protection outfit was ready and waiting! Once I put it on, I did a little spin. Who knows? Maybe the doctor of my dreams would walk through the door and admire the effort I put into being safe.
I did the mandatory once over to make sure he was dead. Just by touching him, I knew. He was cold as ice. I wonder if he died in a tragic freezer accident. It would explain why his skin was so hard. Just for the sake of knowing, I peeked under the sheet that covered his lower half. WOW! So sad this boy was dead. I thought I saw his eyes tighten, but that would be impossible!
Oh well, I better get started on cutting this poor guy up. His file said they hadn't found the cause of death yet. It's time to get out my trusty bone saw! There is nothing like the first cut into a new 'client'!
My bone saw glistened as I lowered it to this boy's chest. When it hit his skin, my favorite saw's blade, shattered! This boy was going to get a few extra cuts when I got another saw! I went to the supply closet, but we were out of replacement blades. Great. Now what am I going to do? Stupid boy with his icy skin!
When I opened the god's-I mean boy's-file I saw that his family hadn't been called yet. There were a couple of numbers here, but after I called the supply company I found out it would take a few hours for the new blade to come in, so I might as well make the calls myself.
After I finished talking to the supply dispatcher, I chose to make the calls in order, starting with this Mary girl. I dialed the phone and the moment I finished dialing, there was a giggling girl on the other end of the phone line.
"I'm waiting," a tinkling voice said, bringing me out of my little trance.
"Hi, is Mary Brandon there?" I asked.
"What did you just call me?" she yelled into the phone. "Oh, that boy is going to get it for that one!" How is he going to pay?! The boy is dead! I am just trying to get a hold of Mary so I can inform her of this tragic news!
"Um, excuse me but is this Mary?" I asked sheepishly.
"The name is Mary Alice, but if you ever put the Mary part in there again, I will come break your little human neck!" she threatened. This woman is crazy! I better do this quickly, like a band-aid!
"Okay,MissAlice.itseemsyourbrotherisdead. Bye!" (A/N: "Okay, Miss Alice. It seems your brother is dead. Bye!") I blurted out, before slamming the phone down. I really hoped the next call wouldn't be like that one! Only three more calls on the list. Hopefully, my new saw will be here by then. I wearily grabbed the phone and dialed the next number on the list.
"Hello?" a very pleasant sounding man answered. Good. This one shouldn't be as bad as the last one.
"Hi, is this Carlisle Cullen?" I asked with a smile. I don't know why I smiled; it's not like he could see it.
"Yes, who is this?" he questioned.
"This is Miranda. I'm with Mercy Hospital." The man groaned and then I heard something that sounded like two boulders smashing together. "Is everything alright there Mr. Cullen?"
"Stop beating around the bush and ask already!" he yelled.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what you are talking about, sir."
"So you're going to pretend that your hospital hasn't called me five times this week to try and convince me to join your staff?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about. I just called to tell you that your son died," I stuttered. To my surprise, the man just burst out laughing.
"What did Emmett do now?" he said between laughs. You would think that he would be hyperventilating, but he just kept laughing.
"Um, I'm actually calling about the fact that your son Edward has passed away from an undetermined source," I said, in a confused tone.
"Really? Edward? That boy has been spending too much time with his brothers. Would you mind telling his body that Esme wants him to bring Bella over tonight?" he laughed.
"I guess so. I really don't understand why I would tell a corpse to bring someone home. But if you insist." Who was I to hurt the man who just found out his son was dead?
"Thank you for calling. Please make sure to tell him," Carlisle said, in perfect composure, before the line went dead. This family was absolutely insane! Only two more calls. Where is the blade delivery guy when you need him? I dialed the next number and heard some song about a lumberjack.
"Emmett, here. What can I do for you?" a muscular voice laughed.
"Hi, Emmett. This is Miranda and I'm with Mercy hospital," I sighed.
"I think you want Carlisle," he muttered.
"No, I want to talk to Emmett McCarty." These people were getting very annoying!
"Oh, well then, what can I do for you, pretty lady?" his voice almost sauntered. There was a very loud smack before I heard. "Ouch, Rose. Come on, it was just a joke!"
"Mr. McCarty, I am sorry to inform you that your brother, Edward, has passed away," I said with remorse.
"So who ripped him up?" he laughed. Why was this family laughing at losing a relative? Wait, what did he mean by ripped him up?
"Sir, his body is fine, he died of un-known causes. We will be doing an autopsy soon to find out," I said, very confused.
"Ah, so that's his game. I guess I better step mine up a little," he pondered. "Well thanks for the heads up, doctor lady. Hope you have a nice ass!" The line went dead and I was left stunned by him talking about my ass instead of mourning! Then again, I hoped I had a nice ass, too!
Only one call left. I just need to take deep breaths. I dialed the final number and took one last deep breath.
"Hello, may I please speak with Isabella Cullen?" I asked.
"What the hell are you talking about?" a man screamed from the other end of the phone.
"I need to speak with Isabella Cullen, sir," I said calmly, hoping that would work this time.
"Sir, may I please speak with Isabella Cullen?"
"That boy is dead. He will never come near my daughter again!" the man fumed. "How could she run off with that boy when their wedding is two weeks away?" That poor girl.
"Please, sir, this is Miranda, with Mercy Hospital. I need to speak with Isabella!" I was finally getting so upset with this family I yelled at the man!
"NO!" he yelled back, before slamming the phone down. Another call just got added to my list. I really didn't like today. I would rather be cutting someone open, than making calls to this crazy family. I dialed the alternate number for Isabella and prayed to God she would be remotely sane! The phone rang a few times before someone picked up.
"Hey Carlisle, Edward isn't here. He left his phone in my room," a lovely sounding girl said.
"Actually this is Miranda. I'm with Mercy Hospital," I said politely. It sounded like this one may not scream or laugh!
"Why are you calling, Edward?" she asked skeptically.
"I'm actually calling to speak with Isabella Cullen. Is she there by chance?" Please, please let me be talking to her already!
"What is this about? And why did you call me Isabella Cullen?" she asked.
"I am sorry to inform you that your husband, Edward, passed away," I said with remorse.
"My husband is going to be dead the moment he gets done there! I know you can hear me Edward! You are in so much trouble!" she yelled, before the line went dead, once again. I tried to smack my head, but it was deflected by my forgotten blood shield. After a few minutes of banging my head against the wall, the delivery man finally showed up.
"It's about time," I whined, before seeing a wonderful man in uniform. Maybe this wait was worth it, just to see this delivery man.
"Hello there, miss," he smiled.
"Why hello there, sir," I said, as I sauntered toward the autopsy table. We stood on either side of the table. He kept his eyes on my face and I saw a flirty grin spread across his face.
"I like your uniform." Crap! I forgot about this stupid thing again. Wait, he likes my uniform? Wasn't I just wishing I could find a man who would admire it?
"I like yours, too!" I said, in what I hoped was a flirty voice. He reached across the table and handed me the box, slightly touching my hand in the process.
"Thank you," I smiled.
"No, thank you." He turned and started to walk out of the doors and out of my life. He stopped dead in his tracks and turned the top half of his body so he could look at me. "What kind of flowers do you like?" This man could shove a dead body off an autopsy table and take me now if he wanted!
"Lilacs," I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. With that he left.
I suppose I should start working on this boy again. I can defiantly see why he would want to be dead. No one in his family cared. That must be awful for him. Something must be really wrong with me today because I thought I just saw his nose crinkle a bit.
I opened the box and took out the new beautiful blade. After it was put into place, I moved the saw toward him slowly. All I could think was, this is what you get for breaking my blade! The corner of his mouth seemed to twitch. I think I need to go visit the psych ward for a bit.
I couldn't take anymore of this, so I decided to take my break early. His autopsy could wait a little longer; there was no way I could concentrate on trying to find exactly why he died, when I was in this state of mind. Once my suit was removed and I was all washed up, I headed upstairs to the break room. Not even caring that there were gorgeous doctors in the room, I sat and daydreamed about that sexy delivery man. I wish I had gotten his name and number.
When my break was done, I found a new file and body was now waiting. I hurried, wanting to be finished with the boy's autopsy, so I could get him out of my life. When I walked through the room to get my protective suit on, his body was gone!
I am going to get in so much trouble for this! I called the hospital security and they hadn't seen anything suspicious. Then I decided to see if the admissions department had anything on him. When I looked for his file, it was gone. All traces were gone except my box of blades and a sheet of paper lying on top.
When I looked at the paper, I saw very fancy handwriting filling the page. It read:
I am so sorry to run off on you like this. Please forgive me. I just wasn't ready to leave this earth yet. I also have a present for you. Here is your sexy delivery man's name and phone number: Jonathon, 555-432-5565. I hope you two have a wonderful time. Please do not try and look me up. All traces—including video—have been destroyed by the dead. They just wanted to protect me and let me stay on this planet a little bit longer.
As long as this is the right name and number, screw the missing dead body! I now have a hot delivery man!
A little present for you! I hope you liked it! Thanks E. C. Cullen for being a two in the morning beta!