My Unexpected Bad Habit
Slash Alert: ALWAYS read the label. The last thing you want to do is to be reading something and discover too late that it's a 'hide the sausage' fic. XD
Set during "My Cake" (Season 4) - trust me, if you watch that episode after you've read the first few chapters of this fic, you'll never look at it in the same way again!
R & R pleasey-please! M for sexual content now, later on, and who knows when? Om nom nom nom. Enjoy, my lovelies.
Chapter One - My Cake and More
"So now you're making fun of me because I need a little help getting through this?"
There it was again; that flash in Dr. Cox's eyes that told me if I didn't shut up soon, something very, very bad would happen and I'd end up in far worse trouble than I'd started out in. The trouble was, that day couldn't possibly get any worse – or so I had thought. Apparently, Dr. Cox's indifference would hurt far more than I'd wagered.
I saw him take a millisecond to keep his temper in check, and that almost came close to appeasing me – it wasn't often that he, my mentor, my tormentor, actually took time to think about what it was that I needed. I prepared myself to just shake my head and tell him to forget it, when he, sarcasm rolling off of his recently sharpened tongue, said,
"No, I'm… I'm really trying."
Well, that was it, wasn't it? I had tried, for years, to be everything he could have wanted from me, done everything he could've needed – let's face it, I would've probably halfway killed myself just to make him feel even the slightest bit proud of me. And now, in one of my darkest moments, he was laughing at me. Mocking me. Don't get me wrong, Dr. Cox never made life particularly easy, but at that moment, all I could think of was how much I hated him.
And hating him made it hurt all the more.
I shut my eyes for a second, to prepare myself for what I was about to do. It wasn't like I could stop myself – but I wanted to prepare for it just the same. I opened my mouth and that… that is where it all began. "You know what? I am sick of getting dumped on, and I'm sick of you!"
I shoved him.
Not hard enough for him to stagger, just hard enough for his shoulder to move back and for his eyes to slowly find mine, controlled anger swimming beneath the surface as that dangerous smile slipped onto his face. The thing that I was steadily realising underneath my hatred was that my emotions, and my reactions, weren't as normal.
Usually? Well, I would freeze up in terror and my mind would manipulate images of all the different ways he could kill me at that very moment, ending with a stupid phrase being blurted out (something I'd been working on stopping, but decided one day it would be the makings of my fame) – yet here I was, standing in front of the one man I feared most in the world, looking him directly in the eyes after pushing him hard enough for his body to move.
"Newbie," he said, his voice low, that smile still on his lips, "don't shove me."
"Oh really? Why not?"
Cue the second shove, slightly harder than the first, and filled with move bravado and less real feeling than the first. I tried desperately not to listen to my head, which screamed "for crying out loud you idiot, stop, stop now!" – I was enjoying this new sense of power, even if I knew it would all end in tears, namely, my own. I had to savour it, because I knew in the next few minutes he was sure to reclaim it back.
"Because whenever anyone shoves me more than twice, my mind goes blank and all I see is this white-hot flash of fury." The smile was gone by now, and he was looking at me with his eyes very slightly narrowed, cold, his voice back to that indifferent tone that it had been when discussing the hug, which, because of my new-found bravado, still hadn't happened.
I knew I should have accepted that damn hug…
Too late. Thoughts had to take a step back, because actions were playing the main character today –
"When someone shoves you like this?" Cue SHOVE; the hardest of all – worst part of it being that I kept my eyes directly looking at his as I did it, which meant I could hardly fail to see that flash of a challenge leap into them. For one second, I saw a tiny smile appear on his face, almost as if he were considering me – but what was there to consider?
All bravado fell out of me at that little smile, because I knew that this was most likely to be the end of at least one of my limbs – all that I was filled with now was a cold fear that didn't taste too great at the back of my throat. I swallowed hard, finding it impossible to tear my gaze away from his icy grey one.
All I could think about was asking if he still wanted a hug.
I didn't have time to think; within seconds, there was a flash of white lab coat as I felt myself winded, strong arms throwing me up against the wall behind me. I stumbled, the chair I had been sitting on and the couch behind it blocking my movement, but I was caught and shoved up against the cold wall, my head hitting hard against it.
I could feel the cold of it through my scrubs, but it was nothing compared to the terror that was spreading through me, and the ache that made its way across my skull. I slid slightly down the wall so I was now kneeling on the couch, the upper half of my body pressed up against the wall. I looked up, finding my eyes parallel to Dr. Cox's as his strong forearm blocked me from moving, he also kneeling on the couch, knees either side of mine.
The anger in his eyes... without any sort of warning, it sent a jolt of electricity through my body and renewing the energy that had failed me before. I went to move, but the forearm threw me back, head cracking against the wall again.
I made a noise of pain, trying to move my hands up to touch where it hurt, but my mentor ensured that his arm blocked use of my left arm, and his hand stopping the right.
I was officially stuck.
"Look, Dr. Cox, I -"
"Shut it, Newbie," he interrupted, pushing harder on my chest with his arm. "Or I swear to god I'll make you scream so loud that even Nurse Roberts will come running."
I shut my mouth. He'd been angry at me before, but this had turned out very differently to how it usually went. By now, he would have hit me across the head and told me to get out – but apparently, we'd bypassed that. Now it had reached the point where he had to physically block me from moving to get his point across.
"Now, you should just consider yourself damned lucky that today it was red-hot fury, not white," he informed me in a low voice, as he moved his arm – but, to my shock, replaced it with the weight of his body. His chest leaned into mine, pressed right up against it, keeping me pressed against the back of the couch and the wall far better than his arm did. He shifted slightly, and I realised he was taking off his lab coat – what the hell?!
I blinked and gulped, trying to move myself further backwards as he balled it up and threw it to the floor. He then lifted his chest from me once more, replacing it with that arm. He looked at me, looking at the panic in my eyes and grinned. "Well, I wouldn't want to mess it up, would I? I only washed it Friday."
So that's why it smells like heaven…
"What are you gonna do to me?" I squeaked, eyes darting around for some kind of weapon to use against him, maybe a new grown cactus or the plastic sword Carla let Turk bring into work that day for funsies.
For a few seconds I could feel that light-headedness that came with my daydreams start to grow, and I knew that if I let myself slip into it, it would almost definitely be this situation turning into a huuuuuge hug…
Still, however tempting this was I also knew it would probably result in me hugging him in real life, and no one wants to risk the death sentence that could come along with it.
Well, maybe it was worth it…
"Well, Rachel, I really don't know. I mean, there are options here – dismemberment, ruining that nose job you saved up for, cutting off that pubic hair you've been waiting so long to appear… what to do, what to do…"
"I think you're cutting off the circulation to my neck -"
"Awww, come now Newbie, can't you handle a little rough handling? I mean, yes, I could be generous and let you move freely around the room whilst I decide what your punishment will be, but let's admit it, there's no fun in that for either of us -"
I shut my eyes knowing that this could be a long one, and tried to imagine that it was someone else pressed up against me. Elliot? Nah, not anymore. Snaggletooth? No, that tooth really was too distracting. Oooh, but there was that new doctor in OB/GYN that had the most gorgeous smile, what was her name? Oh yeah, Doctor Tamsin…
"- not to mention that hairstyle, I mean really Priscilla, what was Mommy thinking? I know, I know, you just love those kids from Fame and all their fashion disasters but is there really any need to -"
...Oh Doctor Tamsin, that's just naughty...
"- and yes, Hugh Jackman probably does try his hardest, but come on, does he really need to be so crap at it? Give me a break, that's not talent at all. Speaking of no talent, what the hell was Barbie thinking when she indulged in the naughties with you, Newbie? I honestly thought she was not a lesbian, but as she slept with you, it would -"
...I didn't realise that's what those stirrups were for...
" – vagina action, as I'm sure you'll agree. But what did you and Barbie do, exactly? I know some vagitarians go for a little grinding perhaps, or a bit of old-fashioned finger fun, but what is it with all the toys nowadays? Clips, rings, strange objects shaped like a pyramid that vibrate but surely hurt like hell -"
...How did you get that stethoscope so warm?...
" – and what in gods name are you doing Newbie?!"
The situation had taken a huge turn for the worse thanks to my little OB/GYN daydream; without realising what I was doing, my hips had thrust themselves forward slightly, and in doing so, had just about pushed slightly against his own, well, area.
The only difference was, of course, I had been fantasizing about a beautiful woman, whereas he hadn't. The difference being that I was now pressing my erection up against his groin.
My erection was pressed up against Dr. Cox's groin.
My eyes travelled slowly from his icy stare down to below our navels, and rested there in utter shock. I stared, open-mouthed for a second, before my gaze flew back to his and I shook my head wildly.
"I'm not… it's not… this isn't what it looks like!"
"I should damn well hope not, Newbie, because if you don't explain yourself in five seconds, I'm going to end up doing something I regret."
His eyes penetrated mine, darker and more dangerous than they had been before. I gulped, knowing that in five seconds, I was going to be dead meat.
"OB/GYN doctor… stethoscope… stirrups!"
The words coming out of my mouth sounded like a cheesy porn movie, but there was nothing I could do to take them back – Dr. Cox was looking at me with a raised eyebrow, shaking his head. For a second, I didn't think he was going to say anything, that maybe he would let me go to be embarrassed on my own – but just as this welcome thought appeared, he grinned.
"And there was me thinking that maybe the Princess had finally fallen in love with the Prince; and, I have to admit Newbie, if that were the case, I wouldn't blame you one bit. I mean, look at me! Seriously, look at me! I am, and I mean this, in the prime of my life. I have what can only be described as a twelve pack residing on my chest, I am handsome like only roguish, sexy doctors can be, and I am a demon in the sack! So, Newbie, if it's time for confessions of a teenage drama queen, I suggest you get it over and done with now!"
I blinked. What the hell was he talking about? Did he think I was turned on because of him?
I shook my head hard as it tried to de-clothe him and place him in various positions all over the room, and, incidentally, all over me, and opened my mouth to speak, but it was at that very moment that I realised I had not yet moved my groin away from his, and furthermore that my erection, during those images of Dr. Cox in the nude, had not gone down in the slightest.
What the hell is wrong with you Mr Peeps? Take a cold shower, for crying out loud…
"Careful there Newbie, he's shifting by the second. Whatever you're thinking of, I suggest you stop right now before your little friend, and I mean little in every sense of the word, gets over-excited."
I shifted, starting to feel frustrated and angry once again. Why did he have to mock me about every single thing? Granted, this wasn't exactly a normal occurrence, but did he have to be such an asshole about it? I wasn't the one practically mounted on top of my protégée here. "Can you please move off of me?"
He grinned. It scared me a little. "Why? Come on Barbara, give me one good reason and I might just put you out of your misery."
I shifted again, trying to move my erection away from him.
"Because you're making me uncomfortable."
"Well that's obvious, Gladys," he replied, moving his arm away from my chest and crossing both of his arms, muscles now straining against his t-shirt. "Every time you move it makes it even clearer to me. Can't you stop squirming already?"
I stopped moving, humiliated into submission. He nodded, still with that dangerous grin on his face.
"That's better. Now. What are we going to do about this little situation here?"
What? What the hell does he mean by that? He can't seriously think I'm attracted to him.
"If you get off -"
"Actually, I think it's you that needs to get off, Newbie, not me. From what I can feel through your scrubs and my trousers, you're far more inclined to play the skin-flute."
"Stop it! I'm trying to be serious here, so stop harassing me and making stupid innuendos and we can just -"
Quick as a flash, he had leaned forward, his palms resting against the wall as his face moved past mine, his lips next to my ear in mere milliseconds. A harsh, hot whisper. "Just what, Newbie? Just get right down to it? Is that what you want? Do you want me to make all this tension disappear?"
I had tensed up as he had started to whisper, and not just my muscles. My ears had always been extra sensitive, and this new assault on my senses was one that brought results. Results that would have been far better to stay lurking beneath the surface.
It was starting to ache.
Why aren't you shoving him off? He's not holding you down properly anymore, you could just shove him off of you and escape through that door –
I could hear my breath coming in more ragged, and I knew that he'd be able to as well, considering he was practically on top of me. This was getting crazy – completely out of control, and if I didn't move soon, I'd have to accept the fact that no matter what started this whole thing off, it wasn't the reason I was ridiculously aroused anymore –
He moved away from my ear, looking at me again. I blinked slowly, finding it ridiculously difficult to concentrate as he stood up, leaving space and cold air between us; I felt my face flush as I moved my hands to subtly cover my erection, watching out of the corner of my eye as Dr. Cox walked over to the window, looking out of it with that indifferent look once more.
Realising that he was actually just being a decent guy and letting me stand up and gather what was left of my respect together, I rose to my feet, trying to ignore the weakness that had spread through my legs throughout the whole thing and cleared my throat so he would know I was sorted.
He turned, and fixed me with a stare. It was intense, indifferent and interrogatory all at the same time, and made me want to bolt from the room.
"You can't do that again, Newbie," he said in that quiet, low voice that he had used earlier whilst warning me not to shove him. For a moment I thought he was talking about what had just happened/not happened/somethinged on the couch, but then he continued. "You can't just lose it every time something goes wrong. You can't always get what you want from people, and you need to realise that sooner rather than later – otherwise you'll always end up disappointed."
"Like you, then?" I replied, trying to inject some humour into my voice, but finding it impossible. What had just happened? One second ago he was practically coming onto me, and the next he's distant and serious again. It confused me, and made me want to escape to the open corridors of the hospital even more.
Dr. Cox shot me a look.
"Like me," he replied bitterly, and before I could say another word, he turned and yanked the door open, striding out of it. As the door slowly began to shut again, I heard Elliot's chirpy voice and his low grumble, but it was only in the background of my mind; I was still completely dazed from whatever it was that had just happened, and couldn't quite get my mind around it.
Did I just get aroused by Dr. Cox?
Did he just try and make me aroused, or am I completely getting it wrong?
Something warm had started to drip onto my lip; surprised, I reached up and touched my finger to the substance, and glanced at it – blood? How long had that been there? It had been a long time since fear had caused a nosebleed, and I hoped to god that Dr. Cox hadn't seen it. No doubt he'd find some amusing comment to make next time he saw me.
If he'd even speak to me.
I sat down, burying my head in my hands.
Now Dad's death wasn't the only thing on my mind.