(decidedly not) playing the field

eight more people ginny weasley never slept with (and it's starting to get creepy)


"But every-von likes Quidditch players!"

"Sure. But not you."

"Vhy not?"

"For one, I don't take Hermione's sloppy seconds. For another… your nose."




"I can't be with you, Dean."

"What? Why not?"

"You see… you're just a background character."

"So are you!"

"Iwon't be once we break up."

"You're a bitch."

"At least people will remember me."


"This whole time-turner business is insane…"

"Hey, Evans—wait, who are you?"

"Whoa. You look just like Harry…"

"I don't know who Harry is, but I know I like redheads, and you're pretty cute. How would you like to—"

"This is just way too weird."

"I know, isn't it? I don't think I've ever seen you around here, why don't we go figure things out over a butterbeer?"

"Thanks, but no thanks, James. I've got to go to… well, I've just got to go, see you around."

"Wait. When did I tell you my name?"





"Ow.That's my foot!"


"OW! Neville!"

"Sorry! Ugh… really, I am."


"Say… do you want to just give up on this and go back to my dormitory?"

"If you're anything in bed like you are on the dance floor, then no."




"D.A. meeting tomorrow night, Creevey. Don't forget."

"Oh, thanks."

"No problem."

"Hey, will you go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?"


"I think you're really pretty."

"Thanks, but no."

"Well, can I at least take your picture?"

"Creepy. No."


"No way in hell."

"Oh, come on, Ginny…"

"Youcan't be serious."

"Er… Hermione wants us to. She thinks… well… it's a turn-on for her, see."

"That doesn't make a bloody difference. There is no reason I would ever—"

"Harry's rather turned on by the idea as well."

"…thisis what you talked about while you were off hunting Horcruxes?!"


"Forget it, Ronald. We took baths together. I am not going to—"

"Even if Harry wanted you to?"

"You can tell Harry—and Hermione, and anyone else who would be turned on by the two of us being together—to sod off."


"Okay, that was way too many turns, I am not messing with this thing anymore."

"Hello, miss. What's your name?"

"Er… Ginny. What's yours?"


"You're… kinda attractive, Gellert."

"Sorry, I'm, ah, already involved with someone."

"Oh. Who?"

"His name is Albus Dumbledore."

"Right, then, I'll be leaving now."


Oh, Tom, you're the only one who's ever really understood me, and—

I need you to terrorize your schoolmates and become a tool of evil, then I'm going to kill you so that I can come back to life and rule the world.

I hate you.