Chocolate Roller Coasters
by Impervious Marr
Summary: Ulquiorra glared at anyone who looked at the blue-haired Espada for more than two seconds, and pulled Grimmjow inside the amusement park, growling. Grimmjow smirked. GrimmUlqui.
Warnings: AU-ishishish. More 'ish'. MxM, GrimmUlqui, swearing, all the good stuff. Fluff and stupid humor. :D
A/N: Well, read the story status in my profile to know what's going on and my I'm 'taking my own sweet damn time to update'. End quote. xD Like I said, my laptop's busted, and I gotta get the motivation to continue.
Read and review, please!
E I G H T
Maybe I'm In Like With You
They were thinking of what to do next when Grimmjow had a sudden epiphany. Well, not really thinking more than tripping bubbly teenagers with a well-placed limb or two, while walking around the park and watching the sky turn dark. Whatever it was, he really did have an epiphany.
"I don't know what an epiphany is," Grimmjow said out of the blue, and Ulquiorra paused in his footsteps.
He resisted the urge to smack himself. Or maybe Grimmjow.
"... You just experienced one," he said dryly.
"Yes." Oh dear lord.
"Eh, right. Anyway, it's like - I forgot something really important, you know? I mean, something we're supposed to do, but I can't put my finger on it. It's just... Nagging at the back of my head." On cue, he clutched the back of his head. "Agh!"
"Really?" Ulquiorra asked flatly, raising an eyebrow. "I feel the same way too."
Grimmjow gave him a Look.
"Very funny, Ulqui, very funny."
"I do try," Ulquiorra said airily, before he could hear a loud explosion behind him. He immediately turned around, furrowing his eyebrows while looking out for the source - but he ultimately blinked at the spectacular scene of dazzling lights in different, pretty colours.
"Oh hey! I think that's it! Fireworks!" Grimmjow grinned and grabbed the shorter man's hand, intertwining their fingers and pulling him closer towards that fountain earlier. It had a better view in here.
"... I'm so totally suing Gin and Aizen for letting you live under a rock after all these years. Yes, Ulquiorra, those things are called fireworks. Now come on, I wanna get the best view - Ulqui?"
He couldn't stop staring and he watched as if it was the prettiest thing he had ever seen.
Grimmjow stared at Ulqui and he thought He was the prettiest thing he'd ever seen. (Of course, he couldn't exactly use the word 'pretty' unless he wanted to die a slow and painful death a la enraged Fourth Espada.) He smiled anyway.
"Come on, Ulqui. Let's just find a better spot to sit down and watch."
"Okay." Ulquiorra was about to turn over. "Where exactly are we going to -"
"Hey you!" Grimmjow shouted, pointing shamelessly at a couple lounging on their spot (back with the fountains) on their place with their - well, you get the meaning. Grimmjow wasn't very happy that it was taken, but it is a popular spot...
Still, couldn't they read? He put there in big bold words of imaginary handwriting 'Do Not Sit, Goddamn Bastards'.
"That's my seat! Get the fuck off!"
The couple looked suitably offended (well, actually, more of the guy than the girl. She was sporting on a lovey-dovey-shitty look on her face that bugged Ulquiorra and he death-glared at her), and the guy was this giant brutish type of man who Ulquiorra could easily take down but other people couldn't because he's just cool like that. But really. "Who d'you think you are, eh, orderin' me 'round like tha?"
Grimmjow rolled his eyes. "That's my name, genius. Now move the fuck over."
The male suddenly stood up - teenager, Ulquiorra realized; large body but still a teenager - with a strange, strange, leering face. "Whatcha gonna do if I don't, eh?"
The spit. Oh dear lord Aizen, the SPIT! Ulquiorra promptly used the back of his palm to wipe his cheek, disgusted. He turned menacingly towards the boy.
"How dare you spit instead of speak, especially in my face, you piece of trash -"
Grimmjow sailed past him, landing a solid kick to the gut. The boy doubled over and immediately rolled down to the giant body of water below, splashing at the end. The girlfriend shrieked and ran after him, while Grimmjow waved a fist in the air.
"And that's for fucking spitting in my boyfriend's face, loser!"
He just... Blinked.
"Boyfriend?" Ulquiorra echoed, furrowing his eyebrows. Again.
Grimmjow snorted, sitting down on the floor and dragging Ulquiorra with him. "If he has a problem with us then it's only natural - oh wait. Shit."
"Well. I assumed. And, um." Grimmjow coughed and looked to the side. "Considering you look like the type to be committed -"
"I am the committed type." Ulquiorra turned over and invaded Grimmjow's left personal space. "And so help you, Grimmjow, if those girls or any of those other guys who have been eyeing you get into a meter's radius of yourself, I will not hesitate to kill them slowly, gut them alive and string up their guts everywhere - oh, o - oh -"
Ulquiorra's next words were smothered all over and into that 'damn sneaky trash's lips while Grimmjow just took his own sweet time calming Ulquiorra down.
When they broke apart, Ulquiorra glared. "I hate you."
Grimmjow grinned stupidly. "I'm in like with you."
Ulquiorra's heart stopped and stared before kickstarting again. He blinked twice (Grimmjow counted) before he steadily turned very, very, very red.
Or at least pink.
Or maybe that's just Grimmjow's imagination.
"This better not be a joke. I'm possibly the worst person you could actually ever like and -"
"And I never knew you had self-esteem issues. Shush, Ulqui, I mean it." Grimmjow tugged him down to lie on the grass as well. Ulquiorra fought the urge to run away, very far away, just to get away from the embarassment. "And before I beat myself up for being totally sappy - you're smart, you're totally freaking hot, you're homicidal and you call people trash, how in the world am I supposed to not like you?"
Ulquiorra sighed and looked up to the light above. The pretty, pretty, very pretty light. Just anything to avoid looking straight into Grimmjow's face.
"This is going too fast, but suddenly, I don't really care."
"Well duh, we've already went past second base. In one day. I'm pretty sure I'm gettin' some the moment we step into Las Nachos -"
Before Ulquiorra could hit him for that, Grimmjow suddenly sat up straight, and his hair almost turned white. "Oh my god oh my god oh my god. Las Nachos - how could I freaking forget -"
"What? Breathe, Grimmjow, breathe!"
Now that snapped Ulquiorra back to Earth and straight up his nether regions because damn, it's hurting like a bitch right now. He immediately stood up and ran a hand through his hair, eyes wide open.
"How could I forget - of all the things in the world, a direct order from Aizen-sama!"
"Um, if you're forgetting something, I'm screwed too."
"But I'm me and you're you!" Suddenly Ulquiorra's eyes narrowed. "We'll have the rectify the situation. Grimmjow, you search the east while I go west -"
"Dude, it's way dark and I think we should just get back to Las Nachos and explain what happened. Ulqui, you're the favorite out of all of us, so you'll probably get off lightly. Just let me take the heat and you'll be fine," Grimmjow said exasperatedly, raising an eyebrow.
Ulquiorra stared at him. Grimmjow grinned, and pounced, and kissed the other Espada senseless.
Ulquiorra hit him on the arm painfully a minute later.
"But you gotta admit though, I can't wait for Aizen's trademark 'WTF' look."
Aizen gave both his trademark 'WTF' look. He's seen it all - but this? Wtf is this, he didn't know. Gin was beside him and trying not to laugh.
Too loudly, in any case.
He rubbed the middle of his forehead. "So you're telling me that both of you were... Distracted?" Ulquiorra looked just as apologetic as ever.
"Yes, Aizen-sama. I apologize."
"This has never happened before, and I have to ask you Grimmjow - did you somehow influence Ulquiorra in all of this?"
"Hey, a man's gotta do what he has to, right?" Grimmjow replied easily, stuffing his two hands in his pockets. Ulquiorra glanced at him once, before Aizen sighed and stood up from his seat.
"Is there anything else I need to know?" he asked lightly, raising an eyebrow.
Grimmjow coughed. "Nothin'."
He really is taking all the blame. Why do I feel like I... Don't... Want him to take the blame? Wait - is this - no, no, no. ... Fishcakes. Gin was actually right. Ulquiorra stared at his leader without any emotion on his face -
Before taking up Grimmjow's hand in his and glaring defiantly at Gin, who was laughing his head off.
"I dare you to say something about this. I dare you, Ichimaru Gin."
"Ulquiorra - what are you doing?" Aizen asked, kicking up the 'WTF' on his face to 'OMGBBQWTF HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SON!?oneon111'. And on cue, he turned to Grimmjow with a twitching eye. The blue-haired Espada backed away, before looking at Ulquiorra as if he just went 'Woo Hoo!'.
"Gin made the passing comment that Grimmjow and I are perfect for each other a few days ago... But that's not the point. I dragged him into the amusement park after being provoked. And I came into the sudden realization of a great truth - that I like Grimmjow. A lot," Ulquiorra added under his breath, before looking up at Aizen with his gigantic eyes and his expression poised to pout outrageously. "There's quite a few things that I found out about myself, and... I apologize for being in like with a piece of trash like him. He's stupid, retarded, psychotic and absolutely infuriating to be around - but I can't help myself."
Aizen coughed and - did he just wheeze?!
"He's a great kisser, he buys me chocolate and he makes me feel horny. Of course there's also some other things about him paying attention to me and making me feel loved but mostly horny. And the chocolate's great -"
Aizen looked as if he wanted to double over and die. Gin was already doing that, only that he was laughing like a madman.
"Wait, no, I mean, Aizen? Sama? Are you... Er, I know it's a bit hard for you to take," Grimmjow cut in, still twitching at being called a retard earlier (but that's okay because Ulquiorra's fucking cute in defending him), "But it's -"
"Grimmjow?" Aizen interrupted, sighing.
"... Yes? Aizen? Sama?"
Aizen looked between them once, before smiling widely, grabbing Grimmjow's hand and shaking it.
"Congratulations! Ulquiorra, I'm so proud of you for opening up to someone! Granted, it is Grimmjow - of all the people in the world -" He added to the side.
"Agreed," Ulquiorra muttered too, and Grimmjow twitched -
" - But that's alright. After all." Aizen looked at Grimmjow, grinning, and squeezing his hand just a little bit too tighter with every passing second. "You'll take good care of my son, won't you?"
"Yes, yes I will," Grimmjow wheezed. He nursed his hand when Aizen let it go. "Ow, ow, ow."
"And to tell you the truth - the mission was a fluke to get you two to get along. I never knew it'll work so well."
Wait a minute what the FUCK?
"Well, Gin suggested the idea. You should thank him for getting you two together. DIsmissed, you two - and congratulations again!"
"No. Fucking. Way," Grimmjow said, looking at the silver-haired demon. "You mean I have to thank this guy for the sex I'm gonna get later?"
"Ohh yeah," Gin said, grinning. Grimmjow twitched.
"No details, please, Grimmjow."
"If you keep up with that, Grimmjow, I'll make sure you'll be unable to havesex in the future!"
"Sorry, Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra?" Grimmjow pleaded, draping his arms over the Fourth Espada's shoulders. "Ulquiorra, come on. I'm sorry, I really am! I really do like you, but that's just too much. Not the sex, please. I'm like, begging here."
"I'll kiss you some more and give you more chocolate."
"Yes. Really, really. I'll make you that pinky promise too."
They exited the room and abruptly took a detour towards Ulquiorra's room to crash.
"Hey, it didn't turn out so bad after all, eh?" Grimmjow asked, lying down on the bed. Ulquiorra was busy unbuttoning his shirt when Grimmjow pulled him down to sprawl all over his chest. "So, what're we gonna do now?"
"Have a mind-blowing love-making session, like the one you've been harping about for the past one hour?" Ulquiorra asked flatly, and Grimmjow laughed.
"That, yes. And I'm gonna be stuck with you for a long, long time, right?"
"Yes. Commitment, Grimmjow. Commitment."
"Man, I used to hate that word," Grimmjow admitted, pulling Ulquiorra's head down so that his lips hovered right over his with an inch of space between them.
Ulquiorra smiled softly and the blue-haired Espada could barely resist him.
"But with you I don't mind at all. Psychopath."
The Fourth laughed, a rich sound that Grimmjow was quickly getting used to - and was fast becoming his favorite sound. Ever, ever.
And with Gin and Aizen?
"Oh yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, I'm the man. Who's the man? I'm the man. Oh yeah, uh-huh."
"Gin, stop dancing. Still, great work."
"Thank you, Aizen-sama. Now who should we go for next?"
"Stark and Szayel? I swear, that pink-haired boy's been giving Stark the look since forever."
"Oh my god, lawl, totally. They should get stuck on a deserted island or something."
Both of them glanced at each other, before smirking.
"That's not a bad idea at all."
"Agreed, Aizen-sama. Agreed -"
"Ohhh, Grimm - Grimmjow - more, please -"
"Hmm, Ulquiorra? Can't hear you -"
"OH, FUCK! YES!"
Aizen and Gin stared at each other before Aizen fell down abruptly, foaming in the mouth.
"My son - my - my son -"
"Aizen-sama? Aizen-sama - shit! Breathe, man, breathe!"
A/N: If you're wondering, no, I'm not making a sequel about Stark and Szayel. XD That was a reference to The Espada's Guide to Parenting, Chapter 5.
Thank you for being with me through this fluffy story all this time if you have! And thank you for all the reviewers and favs. x3 I love you all.
See you soon!
Have a nice day everyone! :D