As with every chapter of my life came a story and an ending. In this chapter, I felt pain like no other. It seemed like the death of Nathan, Llana, and Andreas all came rushing back to me with the new death of my papa. I ruminated for months on how quickly my life went from being normal to bad, then to really bad, then to the worst it could ever be.
It seemed that whenever something terrible happened to me, something good happened not long after it. When I was taken from my family to Oskar Schindler's work camp, I was reunited with my parents not long after. When I was informed about the death of my brother I met a life long friend, Elijah, to help me survive. Then there was the time I found out about Andreas and his death. I thought I would never recover from that. I believed that nothing would ease the pain. That's when I met Adam. I met one person that I knew would never take the place of my first love but found could love just as hard.
It was like a pattern. A hard, emotional pattern in my life that would never quit. Bad, good, bad, good, bad, good. But now it was bad. What good could possibly happen after something as bad as this? There are no people I could meet, no person I cold befriend to help me live through this phase in my life.
There is something. It came to me after the third month of grieving. A wedding. My wedding. Could that have been the good after my something bad? I could've laughed when I thought about it. I felt like God was playing tricks on me. I felt as if my life was just a way to prove the power he can have over people's happiness and pain. I'll admit, I had said to myself dozens of times how I hated God for what he had done to me. Then I got thinking again. I had a lot of time to think. Maybe God hadn't done this to me. Maybe it was the only way that I would truly appreciate what good I have coming for me in life.
I think that I really lucked out that night I went for a walk by myself. The night I met Adam in an unfortunate, but exciting way. Had I known what a good man he was, how well he would take care of me during my long months of grieving after papa's death, I wouldn't have waited so long to marry him. But that's the thing with love. You have to wait for just the right moments to act. They will come, I promise you. You just have to be patient.
It took many days of resting in Adam's bed and staring off into space for me to realize how lucky I really was. I had survived a war, a loss and the hardships my future had brought me. I had found love in the most unlikely way, twice. Some people never find love in their life. I did and that's a main reason for my will to move on. I did exactly what I did when I found out about the death of Andreas. I grieved but then I got back on my feet. I fell down but had help getting back up. Who says that help is wrong?
Adam and I got married as soon as things were beginning to sort out again. After so long without speaking, I almost forgot how to talk with him again. He took care of that as well. Adam understood with so much compassion everything I was going through. All he had to do was hold me and not leave my side, no matter how grey I had been acting.
I worried myself to the point of spending the night in a bathroom with my head in a toilet over the chance that Adam might get sick of my depression and not want me anymore. What if all this moping I was doing was the last straw for him with me? Every morning I was afraid that I would find him waiting in the kitchen, ready to tell me to move out with my family. But it never happened. It never happened.
Every day he was there, ready to help me get through yet another day. When the time came that my weight loss and depression was at its all time low, I knew it was time for it to stop. Mama on the other hand never fully recovered.
Our wedding was simple and as traditional as we could make it. Only Hannah, mama and Elijah on my side and a few of Adam's relatives. It really was a beautiful wedding. Mama cried as soon as she saw me in the dress Adam's aunt Petunia bought me for the wedding since mama's had been lost in the fire.
I can see the look on Adam's face each time I close my eyes. I had never seen a pair of eyes that adored so badly before. Of course, my vision was blurred from crying as soon as I came up to the canopy. The rabbi, a friendly, old man with a long beard, blessed us with a smile.
I have to admit, of course my insides were aching as I looked at the missing person standing beside my mama. But then I heard his voice in my head almost half way during the ceremony. My throat tightened up as I heard the voice of my father, my brother and Andreas in my head.
Oh, Sarah. Why so full of tears? My father's distinctive, gentle voice rang out in my ears. Have you forgotten what day it is? My child, this should be the happiest day of your life. You are marrying a wonderful man.
But papa, I miss you. I miss Nathan.
I'm with him and I'm with Andreas. We're all watching you, my child. We always will.
And with that, I smiled and took in a deep breath. I listened to the rhythmic chants of the rabbi and felt Adam's eyes on me as he circled around seven times. He looked so professional as if he had been taught this all his life. It made my eyes swell with tears of happiness.
After that ceremony, Adam and I succumbed to each other's wants almost the entire night. Our lips never parted, neither did our bodies. It did feel different making love to Adam as a married couple but was just as wonderful. I couldn't think of a time when I felt so at ease, so safe, so happy before in my life.
My life had been so much more than I had expected. Sometime I think about the beginning of it all, the day I first was sent into the ghetto with my family and how it affected me. What would I be like if none of that had ever happened to me? What if I had never taken that walk that night?
Too many questions, Sarah.
There was no point in asking those kinds of questions anymore. There is no more need for feeling sorry for myself, friends and family anymore. The point in surviving was to live on and try to repair your life, to make it into what was going to be before all the horrible events from war happened.
And that's what I did. I forgave every single soul that harmed me. There was absolutely no point in staying bitter and unhappy for the rest of my life, especially when I was with my loved ones.
I had two children with Adam. Two beautiful children, Marie and Daniel, who Adam and I absolutely adore. I never thought I could love another person so much until I had my babies and having a father such as Adam for them just made my life so much happier. He loves them just as much as I do and would put his life on the line for all of us. Is that God's way of showing how much you really care for another? By sacrificing yourself for them? I know I would in a heart beat for my family. I've known that ever since the day I fell in love with Adam.
We try not to bring up our pasts as much as possible not only for our children's sake, but for our own. Those kind of bad memories are ones that shouldn't be apart of your life anymore. Why wallow in the past when there's so much to do in the present?
Sometimes when I'm all alone and the children are at school and Adam is at work, I find myself tracing back to my younger years. And sometimes, once in a while, I think of Andreas, never forgetting him and the countless others that helped shaped me into the woman I have proudly become today.
"Fear not that thy life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning."
-John Henry Cardinal
Hello, everyone! OMG I can't believe that I have finally finished my story. I really, really hoped you enjoyed reading it and thank you so much for the wonderful words of encouragement I have received. You have no idea how much they helped.
I thought that I would end the story with a real SLAM! I choose to give Sarah's life one more chaotic spin and then leave her alone for the fact that no one's life should be miserable forever.
I also think that I should tell you guys that I was THIS CLOSE to bringing Andreas back from the "dead" somehow. But then I got thinking and said to myself "Oh come on, Lizzy. Don't make this into some sappy soap opera." J
See, that's the great thing about writing. You can change your story with the drop of a hat and still like it! You can make it into exactly what YOU want it to be for your characters and not have to worry about the after affects.
Thanks again, everyone, and for the final time I'll say…
HAVE AN AWESOME LIFE!