The mid-autumn night was cool and still. Every now and then, as she walked through the park, she could hear the wind scatter the leaves across the ground. The sky was dark and cloudy and not a star could be seen. Even the bright full moon was hidden from view. The trees, now bereft of their leaves, stretched their skeleton branches menacingly towards the sky. She was the only one in the park at that late hour and she sat down on a bench reveling in the silence. She stretched her legs out before her and threw her head back to look up at the melancholy sky. Maggie ran her fingers through her hair and a sigh escaped her lips, she was so tired. Midterms were coming up and she'd been studying almost non-stop. Her study group had just ended and it was nearly one in the morning.
A particularly cold wind brushed past her and she shivered. A walk through the park had seemed like a good idea, a way to clear her mind of the endless chemistry calculations. While she was no longer running formulas through her head, other problems presented themselves, mainly concerning her brown-eyed best friend. Earlier that day she and Bianca had seen the baby for the first time during her sonogram and it had been amazing. She had witnessed a brand new life that had so much potential. Thinking of the baby brought to mind its mother. She was blown away by Bianca's attitude toward the whole situation. She had taken something that could have destroyed her and turned it into something beautiful. She saw it as a blessing, but then that was Bianca. Maggie didn't know anyone who could be that strong, but Bianca wasn't just anyone. She had the biggest heart in the world and she was so unselfish. She had kept her rape a secret from her family so as not to cause her family pain, and now she was going to raise a baby, a very lucky baby who would know all the love in the world if Bianca had anything to say about it.
Hopefully Maggie would be part of the baby's life. One of her greatest fears was that Bianca and Lena were going to get back together and Bianca would leave and Maggie would be alone. It wasn't so much the being alone that bothered her; it was being alone without Bianca. She knew that they couldn't live in their little apartment forever. Bianca would find someone special, someone she could share the rest of her life with and Maggie would be left behind. She remembered how complete she had felt earlier as she sat in the clinic room with Bianca. She had felt like part of a family, and she didn't want to let it go or share it with Lena or anyone else. It was selfish of her, she knew. She wanted Bianca to be happy, she wanted to make Bianca happy, but she couldn't.
Once the baby was born and Bianca moved on with her life maybe she and Bianca would stay close. Maybe they wouldn't grow apart, they could still be friends… but Maggie wanted more. She tried to push that thought away, she had buried her thoughts and feelings for so long that she didn't know what she wanted; it was all so jumbled up in her head. Did she want to be friends with Bianca or more? Did she love her as a friend or more? Deep down she knew the answers to those questions but she wasn't able, or willing to admit them to anyone, not even herself. Things with Bianca were good right now, they were closer than ever and Maggie felt like she could tell Bianca anything… well almost anything. There was one thing she couldn't… wouldn't... tell Bianca because it would strip away every wall she had ever built around her heart and she couldn't be that vulnerable to anyone not even someone she… well, not even Bianca. Maggie took a deep breath and stood up, she had to get home, Bianca might be worried.
She unlocked the door as quietly as she could and then and walked into the apartment. The lights were on and Bianca was sprawled out on the couch, asleep, a notebook in one hand and a pen in the other. Maggie sat her keys down on the table and walked over to Bianca, she brushed her hair away from her face and let her hand trail down Bianca's cheek, she didn't know how she could want someone so much…
She quickly brushed the thought aside, now was not the time to have thoughts that would mean the end to a friendship that meant everything to her. There was just something about sleeping Bianca that made Maggie happy inside. Such peace, such beauty. She was so beautiful. She wanted nothing more than to snuggle up next to her and fall asleep herself. Maggie gently shook Bianca's shoulder and the brunette woke up, when she saw Maggie she smiled. "Hi," she said sleepily.
"You're going to be sore if you don't get into bed and we both know how grouchy you get in the mornings," Maggie said sternly with a smile. Maggie maneuvered herself behind the couch and then leaned forward and started massaging Bianca's shoulders. Bianca gave a happy sigh and then looked up at Maggie and smiled.
"You are a godsend, do you know that?" she said as she closed her eyes in pleasure. Maggie continued rubbing her shoulders and then worked her hands up towards Bianca neck. Maggie tried to ignore the sounds of contentment that she was eliciting from her best friend. It was very hard to stop herself from kissing the creamy white neck.
"So, what were you doing?" asked Maggie as she tried to distract herself from how wonderful it felt to be touching Bianca, and making her happy.
"I was writing a letter to the baby. I know it's stupid. She's not going to know that I'm her real mother anyway, but…" she trailed off. Maggie knew that Bianca was less than thrilled about the plan to let everyone think that her baby was a baby she had decided to adopt but it would keep the baby safe from the reputation of being a child of rape. That was most important. That the baby grew up loved. Maggie loved it already.
"Can I read it?" she asked hoping that it was something that Bianca wouldn't mind her reading. They had gotten so close lately. Maggie wanted to know her every thought.
"Of course," said Bianca handing her the notepad. Maggie walked around the couch and took a seat next Bianca. She inwardly smiled as their legs touched. She took the notepad and then began reading.
This is your Mama and I just wanted to tell you how much I love you. I never thought that I could feel so much for such a tiny person but I love you so much already, you've been such a blessing to me and I hope that I can give you the kind of life that you deserve because you deserve so much. When I was growing up I sometimes doubted my mother's love for me and I promise you are never going to know what that feels like, I'm going to love you even when you don't want me to. You have brought so much meaning to my life and you will always be surrounded by people who love you.'
Maggie handed the letter back to Bianca, "That was really beautiful." It was beautiful, but everything about her was beautiful. It was strange but Maggie sometimes allowed herself to wonder about how great it would be if she and Bianca raised the baby together. Just the two of them. A family. She knew that it would never happen but it was one of her deepest, most secret, desires. She couldn't ever remember wanting anything more.
"You really think so? It's not finished yet but it's a start. I get way too tired lately. I can't seem to stay awake to save my life," she said laughing.
"Sleep is never a bad thing. You should be getting to bed anyway. You know, this baby is so lucky to have you. So very, very, lucky. You are going to be such a wonderful mother, Bianca." She wanted to ask her if she could be there for every moment of it but she bit her tongue. It was late and saying silly things that would make her feel stupid wasn't the best of ideas. "Here, let me help you up," she said standing up and reaching for Bianca. Bianca pulled herself up and they stood there standing mere inches from one another.
"Maggie, there's something I wanted to ask you, I was going to wait until later but…"
"But what?" asked Maggie wondering what it could be. She hoped she didn't sound too breathless. She hoped her heart wasn't pounding loud enough for Bianca to hear it. They were so close. So achingly close. Maggie wanted nothing more than to lean forward and capture those lips with hers. Running her hands through Bianca's hair. Loving every inch of her body. She was a coward. She knew she was coward but she wished she had just enough courage to take one little step.
"Since the... since the rape you have supported me in every way. You've been here for me and for the baby and I don't know what I would do with out you. I think I would've lost my mind long ago if you hadn't been here. You are my best friend. My very best friend and I want you to be part of my life, part of our lives forever. I know you'll always be here for both of us. Which iswhy..." she said with one of her trademark grins. "I want you to be the baby's Godmother. I know it's a little soon, the baby's not even born yet but I know that you'll be there. So will you?"
Maggie was taken a back. She didn't know what to say. Well, of course she knew what to say. She felt so warm and full inside. So wonderfully complete. She wrapped her arms around Bianca, pulling her close.
"Yes, yes, of course, thank you!" They stood there for more than a minute. Maggie was loathe to pull away. She could feel the warmth of Bianca's body and it made her feel all silly inside. Maggie had her head rested on Bianca's shoulder and Maggie smiled as her grip tightened pulling her closer. She wondered how Bianca felt about her. It had been so long since they'd discussed that. Since Bianca had told her that she was in love with her. Right then at that moment she longed to hear those words. Three simple words.
She heard Bianca make a little sound and Maggie wasn't sure if it was good sound or no?
"Should I let go? Are you okay?" she asked wondering if she had over stepped her boundaries and inadvertently upset her. She felt Bianca shift a little bit.
"Give me your hand," she said her big brown eyes widening in surprise. Maggie obeyed and she felt Bianca entwine their fingers together. Bianca moved their hands between them and then Maggie felt her hand resting on her belly. Bianca applied pressure and all of a sudden Maggie felt a small movement, almost like a vibration.
"Is that what I think it is?" asked Maggie, barely able to contain the excitement in her voice.
Bianca nodded, looking just as thrilled and excited as Maggie. "See, I think baby likes being close to you, just as much as I do."
Maggie smiled. She was at a loss for words. Being there with Bianca alone like this. It gave her every reason in the world to be happy. There was nothing that she could want for at that moment. But she knew that it couldn't last. Pulling away she grasped her hand.
"It's time to get you to bed," she said pulling Bianca towards her bed room. Maggie needed time to think. Maybe a few hours of sleep would clear her mind of all of these thoughts and feelings. Bianca was under enough stress and Maggie had no intention of adding to it. She would keep her feelings to herself until after the baby was born. Maybe then they would both be able to deal with things. Maggie hoped so. She didn't know how long she could go on being only friends.