A/N – I blame the pairing generator. It gave me the prompt Blackout/Optimus Prime/addiction. And who am I to resist the will of the mighty Random Pairing Generator?
It was a fantasy he'd never be able to tell anyone about. They needed him to be the source of their strength and morality, depended on him to show them the right path through the dark times the war had brought. It was also the sort of fantasy that just wouldn't go away.
The others worried about him, he knew. Those closest to him each tried, in their own way, to get him to open up, to let down his guard and relax. Bumblebee with his earnest friendly manner, Jazz with his outrageous antics that often bored on insubordinate, Ratchet with his blunt honesty, and Ironhide with a gruff slap on the shoulder and a container of high-grade. They didn't realize that it was their devotion and friendship that kept him at arm's length.
It was the sort of irony that Megatron would have found hilarious.
In the safety of his own head, Optimus Prime could admit to himself that he envied his wayward brother. Not for his position, and certainly not his subordinates, Starscream in particular. Or rather, he envied him one specific subordinate. Blackout.
He never let it show on the battlefield, but sometimes, late at night, he thought about it would be like have Blackout serve him with the same devotion he gave Megatron. Someone never questioned, never demanded anything from him except that he be allowed to serve... Optimus would never ask any of the Autobots to follow him blindly, or to go against their own conscience, but sometimes the idea of having one person who didn't expect an explanation from him was appealing. Someone who he didn't have to temper his words around, or worry about letting down.
And someone who he wasn't afraid to touch, lest he hurt them. Even Ironhide, tough as he was, was so much smaller than him that Optimus feared to spar with his old friend.
Alone in his quarters, Optimus allowed himself to slip into fantasy, imagining running his hands up the long rotors and feeling Blackout shiver in response, and stroking delicate circuitry and hearing him moan.
He could almost see it, the ever-proud Blackout kneeling humbly before him, pledging his undying loyalty, wishing nothing more than to please his master.
Blackout straddling him, sliding massive hands over his chest, teasing the seams of his armor, stroking sensitive wiring, his whole attention focused on making Optimus moan in pleasure...
He slowly drifted into recharge, wishing for just one moment that the universe could be different.