A/N: So despite the recent…happenings…they actually have made this story easier to write…I think. And this was requested, by the way.

I own nothing.

Don't hate me for what I did. Please, don't hate me.

She already does. I don't need everyone else hating me, as well.

But then I forget…You already do hate me.

People make mistakes, okay? It's been awhile since I made my last major one. I paid my dues. I earned back my respect.

I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

It's been awhile
Since I could
Hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand
On my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

Put yourself in my shoes. Wait, you can't. You will never understand the pressure that I'm under. Yeah, the fans love me, and I can't be happier about that. I'd be even lower than where I am right now if they weren't behind me all the time. I have the greatest fans in the world.

They really thought I was going to take the title…

And so did I.

Did you think that the thirty foot Swanton Bomb was painless?

Did you think I just magically floated down to earth when I did the Whisper in the Wind off of the steel cage?

If you did, then you're more delusional than I thought.

I did this to myself.

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that are rendered
I stretched myself beyond my means

And now I'm back to where I started.

It felt so good to be clean for that while.

Have you ever given up something that you loved?

I bet you went right back to it.

Human nature, right?

But I didn't give her up.

She gave me up.

And she hasn't come back to me yet.

And it's been awhile
Since I could say
That I wasn't addicted
It's been awhile
Since I could say
I loved myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and
Fucked things up
Just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit
Seems to disappear
When I'm with you

Yep, that's me.

Jeff Hardy, the amazing fuck up.

She tried to get me out of it. Damnit, she really did.

I didn't listen.

Now she's gone, and I'm about two seconds from going under again.

Painkillers are for physical pain, right?

Oops.

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
Have gone and fucked things up again

I want this to go away, but I don't think it will.

This mistake will haunt me…forever.

And I know that I have my doubters. I know that I have my believers.

But I also know that I don't have her.

Why must I feel this way
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

The only thing that makes all of this goes away is more of what made me feel like this in the first place.

She won't forgive me.

I told her that I was sorry.

But that was forever ago.

Like…two months, maybe?

She knew I was going to get caught. I wouldn't listen.

And now I'm the one that has to live with my mistakes.

It's been awhile
Since I could
Look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said "I'm sorry"
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way
The candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember
Just the way you taste

I'm not going to be one of those angry kids who blames their problems on their parents. That's not cool.

I'll take the fall for this one.

The believers think I'll come back with a vengeance.

The doubters say that I'll mess it up six months after my suspension is up.

With the way I feel right now…

I'm going with the doubters.

And everything I can remember
As fucked up
As it all may seem to be
I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

Please, believe in me.

Because Lord knows that I don't believe in myself anymore.

It's been awhile
Since I could
Hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said "I'm sorry"