Chapter one: Why it happened.

Disclaimer: I do not own Terminator. The movies, the series or even a personal one. But if I did, I would probably use it's tracking abilities to find out where my socks keep disappearing to. I have my suspicions, but I can't figure out what Darth Vader would want with them. And no, I don't own Star Wars either. Cameron will be out of character once she picks up the virus; but come on, that's why your reading right? At least I hope you're reading. Other wise I'm typing to myself. Hmmm, they say talking to yourself is the first sign of mental instability. I wonder what it means when you're typing to yourself.

Derek shouts, "She killed another one!"

John responds, "He was trying to bang her in a stair well!"

Sarah speaks up, "Okay, so the guy was a perv, but she didn't have to kill him. She didn't even have to go into the stair well with him."

John argues, "She didn't know what he was going to do!"

Derek replies, "That's the point. A normal, human girl would have known. The guy was undressing her with his eyes and said that they could have some fun in private." Derek isn't shouting anymore. He is being as calm as possible while he tries to explain to the future leader of mankind that the terminator is trouble.

Sarah says, "She can't keep killing people. Sooner or later someone's going to find a body. They're going to figure out she was involved and they're going to come after us."

His mom has a point, but John isn't going to get rid of Cameron for defending herself. "We hid the other bodies. We can hide this one."

Derek asks, "How many do you think we can bury in the basement? This isn't Arsenic and Old Lace."

John questions, "Arsenic and what?"

Derek answers, "It was before your time."

"I'm older than you." It's true, even if the man is his uncle.

"Yeah, but you've got cable, DVDs and the internet. In the future recreational items are rare. If you can find a movie that works, you watch it. Even if it's old and in black and white. Arsenic and Old Lace was your father's favorite when he was little. Well, that and Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future."

Sarah cuts in. "We're getting off topic here."

That's Sarah, always focused. John has discovered that he can sometimes distract Derek, but his mom is another story. "I'll watch her better. She won't cause anymore problems." 'It sounds like I'm trying to convince them to let me keep a pet.'

Sarah and Derek look at each other. They seem unconvinced. "We need her." John adds. His uncle and mother shake their heads and let out a sigh. They know he is right. They do need the terminator. She is the only one they had who can stand toe to toe with the other terminators.

Sarah replies, "Okay, John."

"But she had better have permission the next time she kills someone." Derek adds.

Unknown to the humans Cameron's cybernetic hearing has allowed her to listen to the entire conversation from upstairs. John is always defending her, and she causes him so much trouble. She never means to. It just always happens that way.

For a machine built specifically to infiltrate human environments, she has a terrible time mimicking human behavior. Of course, the resistance did deleted all her infiltration subroutines when they wiped her memory and reprogrammed her.

She is always trying to reeducate herself. She spends her nights, her free nights anyway, reading any information she can find on human behavior and her days observing human interaction. But it just isn't going fast enough.

So, Cameron decides that tonight she will access the information online directly. It will be a lot faster than using the household computers. Cameron reaches out with her inherent wireless network abilities and taps directly into the house's ISP.

She begins downloading every file she can find on human behavior. To speed up the process Cameron suspends all her other systems and goes into the closest thing to sleep that a terminator is capable of. Her projections tell her that, by the next morning, she will have compiled over a hundred and fifty gigabytes of human information.

Now this may seem like a good idea, but there is a problem. In the future Skynet controls all the integrated computer systems and has eradicated all computer viruses. Well technically Skynet might be considered a computer virus, so maybe it's better to say that it wipes out all other computer viruses. Anyway as a result, terminators have very little anti-virus protection.

The next morning John wake up early. He wants to talk with Cameron before the rest of his family wakes. He goes into her room, but she isn't there. One problem with terminators is that they don't sleep. As a result Cameron is always difficult to find in the mornings. John never knows quite were his "sister" will be. He begins to search the house and finally finds her in the kitchen.

"Cameron, we need to talk."

Cameron spins around and John notices that she's wearing an apron. With sickeningly sweet voice, the terminator replies, "Yes John, what would you like to talk about?"

John is momentarily distracted. "What's with the apron?"

"I'm making breakfast. Please sit down." She flashes John a big smile.

"In minute. First we have to talk."

"We can talk while you're sitting." Her voice still has that sickeningly sweet quality.

John just stands there for a moment. He can tell that something is wrong with Cameron.

Cameron's voice changes from sickeningly sweet to calm and threatening. "Sit down."

John takes a seat. A worried expression begins to form on his face.

Cameron's voice goes back to sickeningly sweet. "Thank you ever so much."

Cameron puts a mixing bowl down in front of John. She sets the milk down beside the bowl and puts a spoon into John's hand. She walks around behind him and gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek. Then Cameron walks over to the cupboard and pulls out a can, while John rubs his cheek. Cameron walks back to John, who by now is quite stunned. A thoroughly confused John asks, "What's that?"

Cameron smiles. She holds the can against her cheek and displays the label. "A can of soup. A meal in itself." She positions the can over the bowl and squeezes. A tomato past pops out and enters the bowl. John gulps.

Cameron is still smiling as she pours the milk into the bowl and uses an egg beater to stir the soup. She does so too quickly, and more than half the soup spills out of the bowl and flies around the kitchen. Once she is done stirring the soup, Cameron reaches under the table and pulls out a welding torch.

John has a look of utter horror; okay make that shock and horror, on his face as Cameron ignites the torch. Luckily, she just uses it to heat up the soup. Cameron seems satisfied with her job. She grabs the milk and walks over to the refrigerator.

John looks around the room. It looks like someone exploded. John has no doubt that if his mom or uncle were to walk into the kitchen at this moment, they would assume that Cameron had killed again. And, with the way she's acting, John isn't sure if that would be a bad thing or not.

Cameron laughs "Oh, silly me. I almost forgot." She walks back over to John and adds a half a can of wiped cream to his soup. John's jaw drops open.

Cameron, as if finally noticing John's confusion, simply states, "Everything's better with toppings." She kisses him on the top of the head and ballets out of the room singing Zipadee Do Da. (No, I don't own that song either.)

(Well, I hoped you liked it. This first chapter wasn't very funny it was mostly just back story. Please Review. I have funnier ideas for the rest of the story. Next chapter: chewing gum wrappers, the family finds out what's wrong with Cameron and our favorite female terminator goes on a mouse hunt. The pour mouse has a very bad day.)