Title: Bitter End 10
Author: Daedalus / Tak / Whatever, as long as the clock keeps ticking
Pairing: Gibbs/DiNozzo – Allusions to Tony/Jeanne and Gibbs/Mann
Genre: Angst (a lot of it) – Action – Character study – First Time
Summary: What could have been a tragedy forces Gibbs and DiNozzo to realize they can't deny what they long for any longer. But a ghost rises from the past and beats them to the game.
Spoilers: Every season from season 1.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Thanks to Joey, who does an amazing job, for betaing this fic.
The ride home had been long and spent in silence. Tony had been staring out at the dark landscape that flashed by behind the window.
Dark. Calm. Although the city was still alive, at night, the only sound they could hear was the sound of silence – that, and the muffled screams of the tyres racing off on the asphalt.
When Gibbs' imposing home came in sight, Gibbs felt Tony tense. He helped the younger man out of the car, trying not to think too much about what had happened, about the fact that Tony really might like him, about the fact that what he had longed for was, perhaps, possible.
'Come. Let's eat something.'
'I've already eaten', said Tony, looking away.
'Mh. Well I need to eat something. You can… have something to drink.'
Instinctively, Gibbs knew he wanted the taste of the other man's cock off Tony. As far as he knew, he hadn't had time to come, and they had used a condom, but he could still imagine it and it was already too much.
Coming 'home' after this was a bit strange. Though Tony had been sleeping in the spare bedroom for the last month, he had been accustomed to his presence, had taken it for granted. Half of Tony's wardrobe had been moved to his house out of sheer necessity, and it had felt as if Tony was there to stay. And even his suffering from the fact that they were not 'together' as a couple did not hamper his hurry to come home, most days. Tony was home, he knew that. He didn't think he could do without his constant companionship now he knew how it could be like.
What he did not understand was why he had waited at all, this whole month, to act on his feelings for Tony, while they had been in a kind of weird relationship all along, except they hadn't been kissing and bouncing and slurping and fucking, and they had yet to be honest with one another – and with themselves.
It seemed ludicrous. He shook his head when Tony's distant voice reached him. He sounded annoyed.
'Boss?' he sighed.
'I left them at hom- I err… didn't take them with me when I… went to the club tonight.'
'Oh. Right. The keys.'
Gibbs opened the door, suddenly very tired. Tony didn't dare avoid the confrontation and followed him into the kitchen, where Gibbs ate silently, whilst Tony bit into an apple, staring at the wall in silence. He was uneasy – it wasn't hard to tell. But then again, if Mike had caught him in flagrante delicto, in the middle of a blow job, Gibbs certainly would have been uneasy as well. And given Tony's insecurities…
Gibbs sighed after a while, putting down his knife and fork as he looked at his agent.
'I know what it is you want.'
Tony raised an elegant eyebrow, tearing his gaze from the wall he had been staring at.
'Aw. Do you, now? Well, I'd sure love to hear that, 'cause I sure as hell don't know what it-'
Gibbs did not give him that much time to think. He had grabbed his sleeve, reached to cup the back of Tony's head, winced when he saw him try to avoid the usual slap, dipped his head to the side and kissed him, square on the lips, hungrily.
Tony was too stunned to respond in any kind, so Gibbs let him go, but not before he had licked Tony's lips, keeping one hand on Tony's cheek. He smiled hesitantly.
'You knew there had to be a reason why I would dress you like one of the 'Macho Men'…'
But if Tony had flushed, and looked dazed for a while, his gaze completely unfocused. Gibbs took his hand and stroked it, but then Tony's expression changed, his eyebrows contracting in a pang of pain, and he was now looking at him with an air of concern and regret.
'What did you do that for, Boss?'
Not the kind of reaction Gibbs had expected. He saw the pain in Tony's eyes, and couldn't figure out why he seemed so dejected. He was confused.
'You don't want this?' he asked softly.
Gibbs gestured between the two of them, reluctantly letting go of the cheek he was stroking with his thumb. Tony looked clearly conflicted. Gibbs did not like it one bit. He had thought it would be easy, that Tony would crawl all over him… That they could be together at last, work something out, and…
He didn't know what he had thought anymore. Was he too late?
'I don't know… I know I want this, but… You're kind of a… family man… I can't give you kids Gibbs and…'
'Well, do you think at her age Hollis could have borne my children? Do you think I could be selfish enough to ruin a child's life by giving birth to a child at my age? With the job we do?'
'Well… You know if you just want to be nice to me, and us being friends, if you just want us to spend some time together like we did for the last month, you don't have to tongue me… I'd be nice, us being friends. It is nice. I like it, I do. Well, if you could just refrain from glaring at me all the time in public.'
'That I'm not sure I could do, Tony.'
'Why? You sure don't glare at McGee all the time… Except when he fucks with your coffee…'
'Because I couldn't let my guard down with you.'
'Well, whatever you mean, you sure have let it down, just now.'
'Yeah I have. And you know why? Because however hard I fight it, in the end it's all the same.'
'What is? Fight what? What's the same?'
'You're not that dense, DiNozzo. I know you know.'
'Perhaps I'm not confident enough. Perhaps I don't want to think you're offering to give me all I've ever wanted because I'll be waking up and all I'll have to do is-'
'Wake up every morning in my arms…'
Tony was avoiding his gaze.
'You didn't need to let your guard down with McGee when you came back… He was all over you, and you let him…'
'Oh, for goodness sake!'
'I thought… I thought we were family, boss. You don't leave your family like that… You don't leave your family when you know that…'
Gibbs stood up, placed himself before him and grabbed both sides of his face to look into Tony's eyes. He had not realized how much the agent was hurting. But for a split-second, there, he saw the depth of his pain and anguish and it hurt him more than he ever thought it could.
'Oh God Tony… I'm so sorry… I did not realize that-'
'Well you're a talented investigator. More experienced than I am. You should have. Eons ago.'
He freed himself and stood up, wincing at the pain in his thighs, and shoving Gibbs out of the way in his attempt to flee.
'Wait… Tony, we need to talk. We can make this work.'
'Fuck rule 12. Tony… Stop… Listen to me…'
'I need time to think.'
'Yeah, but we can do that together…'
He was following Tony down the hall, down the stairs. The younger man didn't run, he was still too wounded for that anyway, but he hardly stopped to open the door. By then, he had grabbed his coat and shoes, put them on, grabbed his crutches and opened the door, while Gibbs was doing everything in his power to resist the urge to just tackle him.
'Look. I know what we did… and said. But realize that…'
Tony had a weary smile. He looked at him with kind eyes. There was regret there too.
'You should go back in and put on some shoes on or something. It's freezing. I don't want you to catch a cold.'
Gibbs froze, reality hitting him suddenly. He had lost his mind, hadn't he? He had been so sure Tony would be more than glad to just kiss him back with all he had. But he hadn't. And it was so confusing to him that he had followed the younger man outside, despite the freezing cold of a winter night, and hadn't even realized.
Gibbs had been pacing for half an hour, raking uncharacteristically nervous hands through his gray hair. He didn't know where Tony had gone: the young man could not drive yet, so he had gone on foot, or rather on his crutches, and Gibbs was afraid he would catch a cold. Yet he knew Tony needed that time to himself, that time to think.
So he let him, resisting the urge to nip at his nails, or better go down to his basement and sand his boat to dust. He had not been that nervous since Shannon delivered Kelly. He felt lost and somewhat stupid; he thought he was going mad because of the wait. So he was too late, wasn't he? He hadn't taken his cue when he could – nearly a month ago – and now Tony was insecure and thought it wasn't worth the risk… Didn't he? Why did he even have to think about it, if he wanted it as much as he did? Gibbs had been reined in by his morale, due to his position as Tony's boss… and his being an ex-Marine, with no assurance whatsoever that if he declared himself to a completely straight DiNozzo, things would get hinky at work and he didn't want that. Tony was the best Senior Field Agent he ever had – better than Stan – and even though he knew he would have to give him up
eventually if Tony chose to stay that long in NCIS, Gibbs wasn't ready yet to let him go, even less with The Bitch around, when she could take Tony out in a heartbeat.
He had needed him close; even though he had felt something had developed between them, he had not dared to hope it was 'it' because it could have been wishful thinking… After all, Tony had always liked touching; shake hands, squeeze shoulders, tap beneath the chin… Things that he acknowledgedly craved and Gibbs scarcely dispensed for fear to get too used to it. And – he admitted – because it kept Tony always craving for more, it kept him going, it kept him want to outdo himself to impress him… Gibbs knew Tony would never let his work get sloppy… But he could keep it just accurate – or so Gibbs liked to think.
And now? Tony would still do his best – Gibbs knew this. But it'd be awkward. In a way it had never been between them. Gibbs had always enjoyed Tony's presence. His smiles. His jokes. His so-called presents (he still had that book on MMORPGs, written in Spanish… Tony would never know how very pleased he had been by the teasing gesture…). The way he downplayed any serious injury – like the one he received after his jump, or when he had the plague, joking around all day long to make everyone feel better – and whined for a paper cut.
Kate had told him, after the plague. Gibbs had been sitting in the ward, in a corner, where Tony couldn't know he was keeping watch and tell him to just go to bed. Sipping coffee. Kate had been there, quiet for a while, and then she had started babbling about everything that had happened in the ward. How Tony had kept bothering her with movies to keep the atmosphere light, how he had flirted with the nurse to make it seem normal, how he had… How, when Kate had baited him about being ill, and told him he'd be sorrier… How Tony's immediate thought had been that he had endangered Gibbs – and how devastated he had looked, for an instant.
Of course, Kate had been too angry at the time to say anything, but then, retrospectively, it had struck her like everything that she saw between them… If Tony was already… kind of attracted to him… Perhaps she might have picked it up back then, in fact. Perhaps that's why she had told him there was never enough time, that day.
And then, there had been Ari. His personal nightmare. And she had been taken away by him. And Gibbs… well… he had been too busy trying to make the world right again that he buried whatever he thought he could have done to show Tony he cared.
Had the world ever been right, anyway?
He was still thinking about Kate – God… how he missed her – when the phone rang. Never had he picked it up that fast.
A pause. He held his breath.
'Lost your puppy, Gibbs?'
What the fuck was the guy calling him? He frowned, remembering that Jenny had sent him on the case. He sighed, rubbing his jaw tiredly, and raised his eyebrows.
'Not lost him. You have something for me, Tobias?'
'Yep. Apparently, the manager's lover saw 'something' while he was carrying the trash outside, saved the life of a guy, seems like it. The guy freaked out, and the manager's lover wanted to call your puppy, but the other guy – the one who was nearly clubbed to death – didn't know nor trust NCIS, so he asked him to call FBI instead. We're on the scene. I don't know what there is between DiNozzo and that waiter, Jethro, but he will only talk to Tony 'bout what he saw. He kept the guy indoors, which is good, but he's in shock and rambling, and no use to us for the time being.'
'The guys didn't have time to do much. Scared, yeah he was. Wet his pants. Oh, and Jethro. Be careful.'
'The… resemblance… with your puppy… on photographs… it was unnerving… But you have to see that guy… It's not the right day, since it's Saturday and not Friday, and there were three of them yesterday already, but it's… well, discount the swell to his jaw… You have to see this for yourself. It's 'The Bitch' or I'm not an FBI asshole. Get your ass here fast, alright?'
'Will do. You stay there?'
'Of course. Don't want you to take over the investigation now.'
'I won't. Not on this case.'
'Right. As if I could believe you.'
'Trust me on this one.'
''Kay. Good thing your puppy is living at your place, just now…'
'Don't get started on him…'
'Woah… overprotective, aren't we?'
'Something the matter?'
'Nothing. Nothing I'd tell you over the phone anyway.'
'So something's the matter, then…'
'I'll tell you later. Maybe.'
'More like never. Be careful what you do and say… Everybody saw the stunt you pulled earlier at the bar…'
Gibbs said nothing. But he frowned. It wouldn't do any good. Not to Tony, not to himself.
'Don't worry, kept it quiet. Don't know what's going on here, but be careful. You don't need the Bitch to know she's right.'
Gibbs froze. If Fornell suspected 'something', then it was pointless to even try to hide, anyway. He sighed.
'Got you. See you in a few.'
'Yeah. Go get your puppy.'
Gibbs hung up, snatched his keys from the table, grabbed his coat and opened the door. Tony was behind it, looking lost and tired, and seemed to have been about to barge in, his hand on
the handle already. Their eyes met, and they both froze, fixed in an awkward moment. Tony flushed and looked away, tucking his hand back into his pocket.
'Ah… Look… Boss… I know the Bitch's after me, but you don't have to-'
'We got a call, Tony. From Fornell. Says your friend at the bar has something to tell you.'
'Chris? God, is he alright?'
'He's perfectly alright, Tony. He just wants to talk t'you.'
Tony studied his face, apparently gauging the truth of his words, and relieved at the diversion. He sighed, turning around. Gibbs closed and locked the door, following Tony to the car.
'You shouldn't have walked away like that', he offered softly. 'Tis freezing. You could catch a cold. And with your weakened lungs…'
Tony sat down and closed the door of the car. He was looking at some spot on the windshield.
'It's… nice to know you care…'
'I've always cared.'
Tony didn't answer, so he started the car and pulled away.
Tony had been talking to his friend Chris and his lover for the last half hour. Gibbs had been studying him from the corner of his eyes all the while. The Marine boyfriend of the guy who had been attacked had come over and picked him up, escorted by Fornell.
And Gibbs had been stunned by the similarities between the guy – Thomas – and Tony. And, in a lesser degree, his older Marine lover and himself. Tony had looked at him, keeping whatever thoughts he had to himself. But given the way he kept glancing in Tony's direction, it was obvious that Thomas himself had noticed, though he said nothing either.
And now, looking as Tony slowly relaxed in the company of the two men – Chris and David who, stripped off all his makeup and wig, looked more like the photo on his ID and like a human being than he had earlier – Gibbs had to try very hard not to just invade their 'privacy'. Although David and Chris looked very much in love, and Chris was in David's arms all the time, Gibbs could only notice how very attractive the young man was, and how very hot David was himself in his own way, and he felt threatened by it. Why? He still didn't know. Because Tony was stalling, and that meant they weren't in a relationship – yet. And perhaps they wouldn't ever be.
But Tony was smiling genuinely at that guy – his friend – and Gibbs felt insanely jealous. Not just because he had kept all that part of his life from him. But because this guy – this hot, sexy,
attractive young guy with muscles all in the right places and not an ounce of fat – was looking at him in a way that showed that he cared, and at times some things he said made Tony look so pleased that Gibbs couldn't help but feel jealous.
God, he was way too tired. He needed a good night sleep – though he knew sleep would evade him. He frowned at Tony and somehow managed to catch his gaze. Tony held it, sighed, and nodded once before he said goodbye to the managers of the club. Chris held his forearm, whispering something with concern etched all over his face, and snatching a look in his direction. Tony just shook his head and smiled tiredly, sadly. Gibbs averted his gaze, staring at an expensive looking round table standing in a corner of the room.
When he heard Tony 'crutch' his way to his side, he turned sharply, saluted the two men and went out to wait for the younger agent next to his car. McGee and Ziva, whom Gibbs had called during the interview, were already there.
'Done with the flirting, DiNozzo?' Gibbs grumbled.
'My, boss, sounds like you're jealous.'
There was something half-teasing, half-hesitating behind the words.
'I just don't want to do your paperwork for a whole week because you got to close to a murderer. Again.'
'Come on, boss, we had no way to know that the waitress was the girl who took Atlas.'
'Nope. So I have no possible way to know if that 'waiter' is a potential murderer.'
Tony glanced around, and gestured for Gibbs to take it elsewhere. To his utter surprise, his boss relented. Once they were out of earshot from the other agents, the young man started to talk.
'You know, boss, that's not fair. You know Chris is not a killer.'
'What isn't fair?'
'You making me pay 'cause I hesitate 'cause I don't wanna get hurt.'
'I wouldn't intentionally hurt you, Tony.'
'Like you haven't hurt your three ex wives and Colonel Mann?'
Gibbs narrowed his eyes. He was hurting, and he knew he wasn't fair, but he felt like he was groping his way in the dark and Tony wasn't helping at all.
'Look, DiNozzo. I know I can't have you – you've made that point very clear to me.' That was a lie but he didn't care. 'I don't care who you fuck as long as you're safe. But I still want you. I still love you. So I'll try to keep you safe, as hard as I can. Deal with it.'
There was something in those ice blue eyes that crushed Tony from within. He wanted that man so much – that was clear even to Gibbs himself. He wanted Gibbs to love him. And yet, Tony did want to take some distance for a little while, and Gibbs could not understand – not really. Not when he had been so sure that Tony wanted him.
'You know', Tony said after a while. 'I think it'd be better if I crashed at Tim's for a while…'
'Don't be ridiculous. My house is safer and-'
'Don't take it like that… It's just… So I can sit back and… Think about all this for a while…'
Tony seemed genuinely distressed by the whole ordeal, but it didn't explain why he would want to get away from Gibbs 'for a while'. Or so Gibbs thought.
He looked at Tony in the eyes for a moment, then looked away.
'It's okay. I understand.'
Of course, he didn't. Not really.
There was a moment of silence, and then Tony furtively kissed his cheek and it was so sweet that Gibbs didn't know why he felt so depressed.
Gibbs really didn't understand… But Tony did. It has always worked that way. Tony understood. Gibbs could push him, pull him, hurt him – he took it all. Anyone would have broken by now. Not Tony. And in exchange? He cared. Had he shown it? How much he cared? Hardly ever.
He shook his head, the shadow of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
'No. If anyone here should be apologizing, it is I…'
Tony frowned, gazing at him, then nodded.
'Take care, boss.'
'Be careful, Tony… Should anything…'
'I'll be alright. If anything comes up, McGee'll protect me.'
'You saying that to reassure me?'
'Ooh come on. You picked that man. You know he's good.'
'Yeah. Well. I'd rather not delegate your security.'
'You know, actually, that was rather cute…'
Gibbs looked up, narrowing his eyes, and was about to utter a scathing remark when he caught sight of the man… Tony was offering a tentative, boyish smile that made him look years younger.
'Mhh', he huffed, 'have fun with McGee.'
'Thanks. See you at the office…'
Tony hesitated, hovering for a moment, so Gibbs smiled at him.
'Go, Tony. McGee'll be going without you.'
And Gibbs watched him go, grin at McGee and voice some joke that he knew wouldn't fool anybody – it didn't fool him anyway. It was too half-hearted for anyone not to notice.
Gibbs frowned, pulling his Sig out of his holster.
A week and a half had gone by, and their relationship was still the same. Not strained, not really. Strictly professional. Nothing more, nothing less. Tony still lived at McGee's, and though he had stolen many speculative glances in Gibbs' direction, the team leader had no idea whatsoever what Tony would decide in the end – and truth to be told, he was terrified Tony would say 'no'.
But as time went by, he thought more and more that it had all been a dream. And that as long as Tony was happy… hell… of course Gibbs could not be, but he wanted him safe and happy anyhow. Sure, he wanted to be the one who made him happy. But should Tony choose anyone else…
Gibbs shook himself out of his thoughts. His now usually locked door had been shut, but was unlocked. He closed the door quietly after he entered and locked it. It could delay the Bitch if it was her who had entered.
He cleared the living room, the kitchen and the spare bedroom – Tony's bedroom – before he checked the basement.
So he went up the stairs. The door to his room was half-opened. Gibbs got a better grip on his firearm and pushed the door open, gun at the ready.
When he entered his bedroom, he did not lower his weapon straight away, somehow paralyzed at the sight before him.
Lying on his bed – lying naked on his bed – was one Anthony DiNozzo, looking very much like an offering to God knew which pagan god of sensuality. He felt his mouth water just by seeing how deliciously vulnerable the younger man looked, like this, the bedcovers just above the curve of his arse, the long line of his back turned to him as he had apparently fallen asleep waiting for him.
Gibbs did not know what to think. Was that Tony's answer to him? After the whole agonizing week and a half it took for him to decide whether or not Tony would risk it all to be in a relationship with him, Gibbs had almost ceased to hope. He had to move on, or he would not make it. Tony… Tony had wormed his way into his heart and his flesh craved for the younger agent's.
Coming out of his daze, he lowered his weapon, placing it as silently as possible on the bedside table, glad he had locked the door already – and angry Tony hadn't. He listened to the quiet breathing of his agent, sat down on the bed, feeling the mattress shift slightly under his own weight. He reached tentatively towards Tony, his fingers ghosting over the young man's skin, feeling it shiver under his touch. His hand moved up his muscled back, stopping just under the nape of his neck.
Tony was too cold to his liking. So he lay down and draped himself around the young man, protectively. Better than any bedcover.
'Gibbs?' came the faint voice from the man lying underneath him.
Gibbs held his breath for a few seconds. Not asleep, then. He stroked up Tony's arm with his palm until he reached his fingers, and interlaced them with the younger agent's. He felt him swallow.
'Did you mean what you told me?'
'… If you didn't believe me, I doubt you'd be lying naked in my bed…'
Tony shifted and Gibbs moved to let him face him, let him lay a hand on his cheek to stroke it, let him gaze intently into his eyes…
'You… want something? With me?'
'You know I do…'
'You know… I know I won't replace Shannon and Kelly… And I don't want to… I know your heart is big enough for you to feel something for me as well…'
Gibbs laid a hand on Tony's, took it, and pressed a kiss in his palm.
'I do love you, Tony. I don't want you to replace Shannon. You're different. You're Tony. And I do want you in my life. It's you I want. Every day. Not just at work… To watch you wake up… To watch you go to sleep… To keep you safe…'
'Mmh… I… I don't want to have to lie… about us… I don't want to hide…'
Even though he was naked in his bed – or perhaps because of that? – Tony was tense, and had tensed further at his own words. Gibbs knew even now, if he didn't utter the right answer, he could still lose Tony. But Tony was tensing even more and as he opened his mouth to speak, Gibbs silenced him.
'I don't want to hide either. We'll have to tone it down 'cause I can't promise you it won't get us into trouble, and I don't want to give any reason to The Bitch or other fucked up people out there to go after us just because I love you, plus I don't kiss and grope in public, but I swear I won't lie if it is being addressed, or even if our… work relationship will remain more 'formal' than anything, I won't stop looking or smiling at you. I will swat your ass if I feel you deserve it. I could never deny that I'm head over heels in love with you…'
Tony looked into his eyes for a moment, and Gibbs wondered if he had made a mistake. It was all he could offer. Surely Tony knew that, didn't he?
Tony had spoken, flushing, apparently ill-at-ease.
'Then?' Gibbs asked.
'I… I'd like you to… err… make love to me…'
Resisting a sigh or relief, Gibbs' free hand roamed down Tony's body, eliciting a delicious tremor that had Tony's eyelids flutter. He smiled as he cupped one firm cheek.
'Usually you start by dating and kissing.'
Tony flushed bright red.
'We've kissed once, boss… And there'll be plenty of time for dating later.'
'That was not a kiss… and I was just teasing… Tony…'
'Love you, boss…' murmured the younger man as Gibbs leaned towards him tentatively to capture his mouth.
A soft pressure of lips against lips. Nothing more. His thumb stroking a rough cheek. He pushed a little, and Tony was kissing back, softly, almost shyly, laying his large hands on his back, fingers gliding up and down the fabric of his shirt. They broke the kiss, but remained close. Gibbs looked down at Tony's eyes, which were observing his lips. He felt curious fingers trace them, softly, amorously, and he pushed a hand through Tony's hair. The younger man looked up, and Gibbs marvelled at the darkness of those eyes, as how deep they looked like up close, at how large his pupils were… From desire? For an old man like him?
He felt as if whatever God there was above had just remembered him. He pushed a hand through Tony's hair. It had been longer, once. Looked softer. Perhaps he could talk Tony into letting his hair grow a bit once more…
'Love you too…'
He tilted his head, and soon, Tony was growling into the kiss; three minutes into it, Gibbs found himself on top of his subordinate, between his legs, touching that delicious trembling body with his calloused fingers, kissing his open mouth, sucking at his tongue, pinching nipples, as Tony was fondling his arse, tugging at his shirt, undershirt, trying to touch the skin that he was denied. Gibbs broke the kiss, at last, enjoying how Tony followed his lips till it wasn't humanly possible for him to follow any longer, and moaned at the loss; one of his hands darted between his legs and squeezed his turgescent cock. Gibbs sat back a little to enjoy the view.
Tony's face was flushed, hair mussed, half-lidded eyes dark with desire… His chest rose and fell with each breath he took…
He was beautiful…
Gibbs got rid of his vest, shirt and undershirt, still straddling his soon-to-be lover, and Tony's hand left his gorgeous member to try and pry his belt open. The necessity to get up and out of his trousers left them both panting with need, and Gibbs was already half hard when he settled again between Tony's legs… He had never guessed he would fit so perfectly between his arms – but he did. Tony's hands were touching him again, feverishly, and they were groaning and moaning and kissing and rubbing against one another.
'Boss… Jethro… Please… I need… fuck me…'
Gibbs groaned again, and sat up, crawled towards his bedside table, trying very hard not to break skin contact, and fumbled through his drawers to retrieve a condom and the lubricant he used for masturbation.
'Have you already done this?' he asked Tony.
'No… I mean… yeah… I'm no virgin… but I've never… uh… You know...'
Tony was clearly embarrassed and Gibbs kissed him to reassure him. If anything, he was glad he was the one who would make love to Tony – really make love to him – the first time… It would almost have been funny – Tony, of all people, admitting there was something sexual he had not yet done – but he was far too enthused at the idea of making love to Tony at last that he really didn't care what people could think in this situation.
He was back between Tony's thighs – back where he belonged – and Tony was apparently trying to coax him to take him like that. He shushed him, stroking the sharp line of his jaw, thinking they could have had this for years if only they had been more courageous…
'Shh… I wanna do this right…'
Tony gave him a quizzical look, and when Gibbs' thumb stroked his bottom lip, he opened his mouth to suck it, and Gibbs had to close his eyes to remain in control of himself… He leant down to kiss him while his lubricant covered fingers snaked between their bodies to find Tony's hole, and pushed in slowly. Tony tensed, so Gibbs stopped.
'No… Yeah… Don't stop… It's just… Feels strange… Cold…'
Gibbs smiled and kissed his cheek.
'Don't worry… It's gonna get warmer…'
And it did.
The ex-Marine took his time to prepare his younger lover, until Tony, who had been writhing on the bed for the last quarter of an hour, grabbed his dick suddenly, making him gasp, and said:
'Fuck me, already… I'm gonna go mad… I swear…'
And so, Gibbs did.
Tony was the kind of men who were always confident when it came to sex. Yet now, probably for the first time in his whole life, Gibbs could tell Tony was feeling completely at a loss. He clung to Gibbs' shoulders, his arms, clumsily, refused to let him turn him around because he was afraid if he broke eye-contact, he would wake up and Gibbs would be gone, or there would be one of his look-alikes in his stead – one with whom he would have been weak enough to go further than a quick blow job in dirty backrooms reeking of sweat and sex…
He was shivering all over, but not from the cold. His skin was on fire, his entire being was on fire, and even Gibbs' hot body seemed a lot cooler… His eyes kept darting from left to right, before they settled again on Gibbs as if his was thinking: That's right. He's here with you. You're in his bed. He's fucking you – wait! He's making love to you. That's all you've ever wished for…
But even though he kept thrusting into this delicious body, Gibbs kept whispering and shushing and stroking him like he would to reassure a frightened animal, and Tony was still shivering and clinging to his shoulders, but it was okay. It was a wonder Tony even managed to sustain an erection at all. But he did, and it felt good and he kept babbling 'Gibbs… Gibbs… Gibbs…' and Gibbs shushed him with kisses, stroked his jaw, reminded him that he was there, with him, that he wouldn't go away…
Later, that night, with Tony pressed against his chest, and his own arm wrapped around him, holding him close, his finger stroking the soft hair on the young man's torso, Gibbs was thinking about their life together, until then, and how he had come to find a naked, a magnificent DiNozzo lying naked between his sheets.
'You know…', Gibbs said after a while.
Tony tilted his face towards him a bit.
'Mmh?' he asked sleepily.
'When you… opened that letter…'
'Oh please, no, next thing I know you'll be reminding me of 'Amanda Reed'…'
'No no just listen to me…'
Tony shifted against him, but not in an attempt to get away. He was trying to have a better view of Gibbs' face – which, in his position, and given that he wasn't willing to let go of the wonderful sensation of being in Gibbs' arms…
His boss gazed down at him, stroking his cheek with a calloused finger.
'When you opened that letter… I thought… Some part of me knew that a whacko had put something very nasty in there… and when I saw you there… For a minute… I thought you'd die… and I thought if you did… I'd go mad… I mean… I wasn't totally rational for the whole duration of the investigation… but if you had died…'
Tony smiled at him, shifting so that he was lying next to his boss. He took his hand and pressed a kiss on his palm, before pressing the hand over his heart.
'But I'm here, now. Aint't I?'
Gibbs stared at their intertwined hand on Tony's hand. And he thought it was beautiful. He didn't want Tony to know how weak he could be where he was concerned… But he kept on staring, in wonder, and Tony – his Tony – was smiling, and smoothing hair out of his forehead, stroking, loving…
He gazed up and his metallic grey-blue eyes met Tony's, and Tony was licking his lip out of reflex, and all he wanted was to kiss this mouth and ravage him and tell him how beautiful he was…
But Tony was talking again.
'B'sides… Better I than you…'
Gibbs frowned and opened his mouth to protest, but Tony shushed him, silenced him with a finger on his lips, so he kept quiet.
'If I had ordered you to live… D'ya think you'd have obeyed me?'
Tony's eyes were smiling sadly at him. He didn't know what to answer. Hell, he didn't know what to think. Would he have? Did he have the strength? The confidence?
'I'd have tried.'
'Maybe. Or you'd have died right then and there just to piss me off.'
Gibbs chuckled and kissed his temple.
'I guess I deserved this one.'
'Mmmh… Thanks for being a lovable bastard…'
'I am, ain't I?'
''f course you are… But I love you all the same…'
There was a short pause, and then Tony was smiling at him, lowering his voice.
'You know, you're the first person ever to have had faith in me…'
'Surely there must be…'
'No. My mother died so long ago I can't remember if… she did, or thought like my father. He, incidentally, made it clear when I was a twelve year old boy that I was not his son anymore when I
told him I wanted to be a cop… 'Playing cops and robbers is for children, Anthony', he'd say. 'You've gotta get a real job if you want to succeed in the world… You'll end up in the gutter, m'boy, you'll never do anything right, you'll never have enough money to be happy…''
'He told you that?'
'Well, maybe he forgot the cops guarding his house night and day because he's too chicken about robbers…'
'But… You did a good job at Baltimore PD… Surely…'
'Remember how happy my boss was to get rid of me?'
'That's because your partner back then was an idiot.'
'Yeah. Still, I was supposed to work in a team… Never could do that. Not with them anyway. Perhaps I didn't trust them enough…'
'Well if I hadn't happened to come along, that day, you'd have had no one to cover your ass, because that scumbag of a partner of yours was fucking late. So as far as I'm concerned, you were right not to trust them…'
'As far as my boss was concerned, I should have anyway…'
'Mmh glad he was so happy to hand you over to me, though…'
Gibbs kissed his temple.
'Yeah. Of course, I am…'
'I am too… You know what?'
'My father was wrong. I don't need money to be happy… I just need you…'
Gibbs gazed into Tony's eyes for a while, and his hand stopped stroking his arm.
'That was… Mmh…'
'No! I mean, yeah, but…'
'You make me happy too…'
'That's what I'm here for, right?'
'Yeah. That's right.'
Tony craned his neck to kiss him, slowly, deeply, with more confidence than he had shown earlier, and Gibbs liked it just as much.
Tony ended up half-way on top of him, and Gibbs marvelled at the sensation of his very male body weighing down on him. It felt wonderful. And he could get his hand all over Tony's shapely arse and up his back with no difficulty whatsoever.
He felt wonderful.
Tony bit his chin lightly and, pushing on his hands to tower above Gibbs, he said cheekily:
'Next time, I'm on top.'
'You're gonna have to fight for this', Gibbs laughed.
'I sure will.'
'I'll be looking forward to it.'
'Yeah. And now, bed.'
He slumped to the side and Gibbs had to gather him back into his arms. There was no way he would let the scarred body of his lover out of his reach. Tony grinned at him.
'Good night, you sweet bastard.'
''Night, you dunderhead.'
'You know, you're the only one who can make me horny just by insulting me.'
'Well then, I'm glad you're not seventeen anymore, 'cause I can't get it up just yet…'
'I never thought I'd admit that to anybody, but neither do I…'
Gibbs shook his head.
'Sleep, DiNozzo. We have work to do in the morning.'