Well, I just got through watching "Human Nature". And John Smith bugged me big time! Telling Bates' mob it was okay to beat up Latimer, shouting at Martha, acting so orderly…bugged me. Martha and Latimer were the only ones who showed any intelligence, in my opinion (although stealing the watch wasn't too bright, but I guess it worked out in the end later).
So, this is my attempt at giving Martha a say.
"'Number four: Don't let me abandon you.'
You smiled when you said it. You smiled, like you trusted me. And like you couldn't believe that you'd ever abandon me.
I didn't believe you could, either.
Number four. Right up there with the big stuff. Don't let me abandon you. You told me to keep myself around. Keep myself there. You told me everything depended on me. You told me I was important.
So why did you do it, Doctor? Why did you shout at me like I was nothing and shove me out the door?! Why did you treat me like I was a servant, and not someone who's been through thousands of miles and hundreds of years with you?! I was doing what you told me to! I was doing what I had to! And you "dismissed me"! You broke so many of your own instructions, Doctor! And you made me break number four!
I know you never thought it would be so hard! But I wasn't exactly expecting it, either! I didn't know I'd be dealing with acompletely different person! Someone who's so distant and uptight and frankly someone who can be a bit cruel! I didn't know I'd be dealing with someone who'd condone a bunch of spoiled rich brats beating up a little boy just because he wouldn't shoot a gun! I never thought I'd be dealing with someone who's solution to a problem is to give a bunch of little kids guns and telling them to fight a war they can't win! I didn't know I'd be dealing with someone who'd worry about "class" and "place".
I thought I'd be dealing with someone who'd know what he was doing!
John Smith didn't.
I won't say I hope you know how it feels someday, Doctor…because I know you already do. You know how it feels to be abandoned and forgotten.
I just wish I didn't.
You broke number four, Doctor. And I can't blame you for it, because I know you weren't yourself. When we were back in the TARDIS and you thanked me and hugged me…that was you. I know that was you. Because you treated me like I was important. Like I was important to you. And I know I'm being stupid, I know I should have...have planned more, thought quicker...but I didn't. I depended on you to handle everything, when you weren't in any position to...and we both screwed up. I know I should have known what I was getting into, and I thought I did...but I didn't. It still hurt. It was still so hard.
I know none of this is really your fault, so...god, I hope you never see this. I'm just so angry, I had to say it. I know I should destroy this tape, but…well, you'll probably never see it! I'll just keep it with me! You'll never have to think about it…and hopefully, neither will I!
Where are we going to go after this, Doctor? I'd like to go somewhere amazing. Somewhere so completely alien that I'd never have believed it! I'd like to get away from Earth for a while…because I get the feeling that's just what you need.
Anyway, like I said you'll probably never see this. I hope you never do. So, I'll just…say good-bye. Or whatever. Bye."
The recording cut out.
The Doctor sat, staring at the empty screen for several long minutes.
Then, he got to his feet and turned off the monitor.
Martha had left the recording there after she'd left. She'd probably forgotten about it, in everything that had happened since. So had he, until he'd stumbled on it accidentally. And there she'd been, looking angry and sad all at once. The recording had been so good that he'd been able to pick out the tears on her cheeks. She'd been in so much pain, and hearing her describe everything he'd said and done as John Smith to hurt her so much…it had brought the pain of that adventure back a hundredfold.
John Smith should never have been brought into being.
Donna came running at the sound of the crash, to find the Doctor sprawled on the floor with some sparking wires above his head. "Doctor!" she cried. "What the hell did you do?!"
Wincing painfully, the Doctor pushed himself onto his elbows and held out a hand. Donna pulled him to his feet, and saw that he was holding something. It looked like some sort of futuristic helmet, all flashing lights and shiny metal.
"Oh, no," she groaned. "I hope that wasn't important!"
The Doctor stared hard at the thing in his hands…then he flung it casually over his shoulder and crossed to the TARDIS controls.
"It isn't," he said simply. "Not anymore. So, where to?"
I feel a bit better. Hope you enjoyed.