Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS.
A/NMy muse came back . . . with McGiva nonetheless.
Warnings: Tame sexual innuendo
Summary: Ziva and McGee find themselves in a compromising situation.
The sound of the falling object hitting the rocks below could have quite possibly condemned the two Naval Criminal Investigative Service agents to death . . . or at least to a severe reprimand by their boss.
"McGee, I told you to hold onto it, yes?" Ziva muttered frustratingly, shooting the fallen McGee a look that would have made any man cower. Timothy McGee was no exception.
"I . . . err . . . well . . ." McGee stuttered as he felt the heat of Ziva's gaze. It wasn't his fault that the bush he'd accidentally stepped in to reminded him of the dreaded poison ivy. And considering his track record with the offending plant, McGee had hightailed it out of there quick smart . . . But unfortunately for the agent, he had been just a little too over excited, and had slipped on a patch of mud. He'd ended up on the ground, and their piece of evidence . . . their only piece of evidence had ended up at the bottom of the ravine.
"Gibbs is going to kill us," Ziva sighed, emphasising the work kill. She clambered over to the edge of the ravine and looked down. The piece of evidence did not look harmed; in fact, it looked quite peaceful lying ungracefully at the bottom.
"I-it's not my fault," McGee said hastily, pulling himself up off the ground and ignoring the large brown stain on his pants that reminded Ziva of someone who had lost control of his bowels.
"Then who's fault do you think it is, McGee?" Ziva snapped as she turned around, but her frown soon turned to a smirk when she saw McGee's pants. "If you needed to go, McGee, you could have just told me."
"You have been around Tony too much," McGee defended, twisting his body around so that he could see the seat of his pants. "And it's not that bad . . . is it . . .?"
"No, McGee, of course not," Ziva smiled, failing to keep her snort of laugher from escaping, "if you like the whole 'I wet my pants' look."
McGee groaned. "Tony is going to give me so much flack over this, isn't he?"
"It would be un-Tony like of him not to," Ziva replied, amused. "But really, you did bring it upon yourself."
"Hey, it wasn't my fault that the bush looked like poison ivy," McGee countered. "I have a bad track record with poison ivy . . ."
"Oh, I know," Ziva said with a suggestive smile. "This is not the first time you have encountered such a plant."
"Yeah, well," McGee muttered and changed the subject, "what are we going to do about the evidence?"
"Not we, McGee, you," Ziva corrected quickly. "What are you going to do about the evidence? It is because of you we are in this mess."
"Well, I didn't see you volunteering, Ziva," McGee snapped, joining Ziva on the edge of the ravine.
"I did not want to carry that . . . thing," Ziva said, gesturing to the piece of evidence lying at the bottom of the ravine. "Who knows where it has been."
"And you think I wanted to carry it?" McGee argued.
"No, but you are the gentleman, yes," Ziva replied sweetly, giving him a flirtatious smile.
"Ziva! This doesn't help," McGee said frustratingly, turning a little red at Ziva's words. Ziva smirked at the reaction she'd caused.
"Yes, you are right, McGee," Ziva agreed. "We must think of a way to retrieve the evidence before Gibbs finds out."
"You have any ideas?" McGee asked, staring intently at the fallen object. "Because I don't have any."
"A few," Ziva replied curtly. She turned and looked at McGee. "You have the keys to the car, yes?"
"Um, sure." McGee fished around in his pocket and pulled out the set of keys that belonged to the NCIS-issued Charger.
"And there is rope in the car, yes?" Ziva continued.
"I think so," McGee replied, a little unsure where Ziva was going.
Ziva nodded. "I am hoping it is long enough for me to rappel down the ravine and retrieve it."
"Are you sure that is safe?" McGee asked, slightly concerned, forgetting the fact that Ziva was a trained Mossad officer.
"McGee, have you forgotten that I am a highly trained Mossad operative," Ziva reminded him lightly. "This ravine is not a problem. If it were being fired upon by enemy combatants, then it may be a little more difficult . . ."
"You scaled a cliff while being shot at?" McGee asked with scepticism and wide eyes.
"I have done a lot of things that you may not believe," Ziva said sombrely. "But now is not the time. Please hand me the keys, McGee."
McGee handed the keys to Ziva and she took off towards the car. McGee sighed. This really was not his day.
A few minutes later, Ziva returned carrying a length of rope over her shoulder. Skilfully, she chucked McGee the keys to the car as she walked passed him and stopped on the edge of the ravine. She studied the rope for a moment, before switching her gaze to the ravine.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" McGee asked again, slightly worried.
"Do not be such a worry-pimple, McGee," Ziva replied loftily and screwed up her face in confusion. "That does not sound right," she said, referring to her comment about McGee being a worry-pimple.
"I think you mean worry-wart, Ziva," McGee offered.
Ziva brightened. "Yes, that . . . Now are you going to help me or not?"
"Yeah, sure, I guess," McGee replied hesitantly.
"Good," Ziva smiled innocently. "You can start by taking off your shirt . . ."
"W-w-what?" McGee spluttered, turning a bright shade of red.
"It is a simple request, McGee," Ziva replied distractively.
"But, but," McGee protested weakly.
"You did say you would help me, did you not," Ziva said smoothly, never missing a beat.
"Yeah, but I didn't think helping meant . . ." McGee struggled to say the words.
"Meant taking off your shirt?" Ziva smirked and then shrugged. "The rope is not long enough to reach the bottom. We must make it longer."
"By using my shirt?" McGee whimpered and then said stupidly, "Why couldn't we use your shirt."
"I am a woman, McGee," Ziva replied, looking impatient. "And I have a little self respect . . ."
"And you think I don't," McGee snapped. His comment unfazed Ziva.
"Well, considering you already have mud on your rear end, I must say you have a little less self respect than I at the moment," Ziva retorted and gestured with her hands. "Get on with it. I will even turn around if that would make you feel more comfortable."
"But, Ziva . . ."
"No, buts, McGee. If you had not dropped the evidence in the first place, you would not be in this position. Consider it a learning exercise in what not to do when carrying evidence through a national park."
McGee opened his mouth, but Ziva raised her hand and cut him off. "Do you really want Gibbs on your, as Tony would say, six?"
"Good point," McGee murmured. "Okay, but you have to turn around."
"Not a problem," Ziva smiled triumphantly and turned around. Ziva waited a minute or so until McGee had stopped moving around. "Finished?"
"Um, yeah," he replied meekly and Ziva turned around.
She smiled flirtatiously. "Not bad, McGee," she said, looking at his bare chest. "Have you been working out?"
"I . . ." McGee could not form a single comprehensible word as he watched Ziva's eyes flicker over his body. He was very aware that his face, no, his whole body was turning bright red.
Ziva laughed as she noticed the blood rushing to McGee face. "There is no need to be embarrassed, McGee. I think you look very . . . sexy . . ." She smiled cheekily at him and he opened and closed his mouth lamely. "Now, if you would hand me your shirt . . ."
McGee reluctantly parted with his shirt and hugged his body, as if he were trying to cover himself up.
"Now that wasn't so hard, was it, McGee?" Ziva said lightly as she tied McGee's shirt to the end of the rope. Then she sighed. "It's still not long enough."
Ziva looked at McGee. He took one look at her face and said quickly, "Oh, no, definitely not."
"Not what, McGee?" Ziva asked, feigning confusion.
"You are not taking my pants as well!" McGee yelled in an abnormally high pitch.
Ziva smothered a laugh. "Who said anything about your pants, McGee? Unless you want to take them off, that is . . ." She smiled suggestively.
"T-then what were you suggesting?" McGee asked weakly.
"What do you think, McGee?" Ziva replied. "I may be a woman, but I do not want to feel Gibbs' wrath." Without even being bothered by the fact that McGee was standing there gaping at her, Ziva lifted her arms and pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her clad only in her underwear.
"Like what you see, McGee?" she smirked as she noticed McGee's eyes zeroing in on her chest area.
"No," he replied quickly, diverting his eyes. "No, I mean, yes . . . I mean, I'm sure t-they're very nice . . ." McGee almost looked ready to throw himself off the ravine.
Ziva laughed loudly, unfazed by McGee's obvious discomfort. "They're called breasts, McGee. I am sure they are not the first ones you have seen . . . although I am sure Tony would say otherwise . . ."
"Calm down, McGee. I am just teasing. I really am quite flattered," Ziva said finally, trying to reassure the poor agent who looked so uncomfortable with their current situation. "I mean, Tony has seen me fully naked . . . It's only fair, right?" she couldn't help but add, causing McGee even more discomfort.
Ziva sighed. "I am sorry, McGee," she said honestly. "Maybe we should just get on with it, yes?"
"Good idea," McGee muttered, but did not remove his eyes from the ground.
"Okay," Ziva said, tying her shirt onto the bottom of McGee's before looping it around a tree and securing it tightly. "I want you to hold onto the rope as tightly as you can." She handed McGee the end of the rope before throwing it over the edge.
When McGee didn't look up, Ziva sighed irritably. "McGee, you are going to have to look up. I do not feel like being dropped down a ravine today." Slowly, McGee raised his head, and looked everywhere but directly in front of him.
"You are not going to burn your retinas by looking at me," she muttered, "or go to hell. I am fine with the situation."
McGee finally managed to look at Ziva and she offered him a light smile. "Now, that was not so hard, yes?"
"I guess not," McGee said softly, still feeling uncomfortable, but couldn't stop himself from admiring the view . . . and he didn't mean the view from the ravine.
"Good, now hold it tight," Ziva said as she prepared to descend the ravine.
"Be-be careful, Ziva," McGee said to her.
"Do not worry, I will be fine," Ziva reassured him and lowered herself over the edge of the ravine. McGee took a deep breath and waited. It had only been a minute before McGee heard the strangled cry and the sound of falling rocks.
"Ziva!" he yelled frantically, dropping the rope and rushing to the side of the ravine. As he peered over the ravine, his heart pounding in his chest, he saw the rope wrapped around a protruding branch and Ziva tugging at it harshly.
"Ziva, are you okay?" he yelled down to her, the worry was evident in his voice.
"I am fine, McGee," Ziva yelled back in annoyance. "I got the rope stuck . . . It was a stupid beginner's mistake."
"Can you get free?" McGee called anxiously.
"I am trying," she replied, biting her lip and tugging on the rope.
"I-I could come down," he offered nervously. That was one thing he really did not want to do. Luckily for him, Ziva had the same idea.
"No, you would probably make the rope too heavy," she answered. "It would break, and we would both fall and break our backs."
"Um . . ." McGee had no idea what to do next. Suddenly, from down the ravine, Ziva groaned.
"Ziva, what is it?" McGee yelled frantically. "Are you hurt?"
"No, McGee, I am not," Ziva huffed, shaking her head in annoyance. "I am just realising how stupid we have been." She paused. "McGee, if you walk about thirty feet to the right, you will find a ladder . . ."
"A what?" McGee asked dumbly, unsure if he'd heard correctly.
"A ladder, McGee, you know, a thing you climb down on," she said sarcastically. "Climb down it and you can help me."
"I . . ."
"Just do it, McGee," she yelled, frustrated and annoyed at herself because she hadn't noticed the ladder earlier.
"I . . . okay," McGee replied warily and walked thirty feet to his right. And as Ziva had said, there was a ladder and a sign that read:
For weekly abseiling classes, please call (202) 555-8172.
All ages and abilities welcome.
McGee sighed. If only they had known that this was an actual ravine used by the public for abseiling, then none of this would have happened. Gripping tightly to the handrails, McGee carefully and cautiously made his way down the ladder, landing on the ground with a soft thump.
"You okay, McGee?" Ziva called and McGee found it odd that she was worrying about him when she was the one that was stuck.
"I'm good, Ziva," he yelled back, and to completely disprove his point, slipped on a loose rock. "Ouch," he muttered.
He could hear Ziva chuckling as she clung onto the rope. "You are not having much luck with gravity today, McGee," she pointed out, laughing.
McGee groaned, but stood up and looked up towards Ziva. "Now what?"
"You catch me," she said simply.
"I let go and you catch me," she repeated calmly.
"I-I can't do that," McGee said fearfully to her. "I'll drop you . . ."
"No you won't, McGee," Ziva said confidently. "I trust you," she finished seriously.
"I . . ."
"On the count of three," Ziva ordered. "One . . ."
"Wait up, let me get in to position," McGee said, hesitated, but scrambled over and positioned himself underneath, what he hoped was underneath, Ziva.
"One . . ." Ziva started her countdown again. "Two . . ."
"Okay, you can do this," McGee muttered under his breath. "If you don't, she could probably break her back . . . and then what would Gibbs think?"
"Three!" Ziva yelled and McGee reacted just at the right moment as suddenly he found himself lying on his back with a lithe body pressed up against him.
"Not bad, McGee," Ziva panted, her nearly bare chest pressed against his bare one. McGee had to admit that he really did like the friction their bodies were causing.
"Youhave been working out," Ziva said in a low voice, making McGee squirm underneath her. She smirked. "Like what you are feeling, McGee."
And this time, McGee did not hesitate or stutter when he said, "Mmmm . . . yes . . ."
"I guess that makes two of us," she said sultrily as her leg "accidentally" found its way between his thighs. McGee gasped and Ziva smiled wickedly.
"There is more where that came from," she said huskily into his ear. She nipped his neck lightly and just as McGee was going to respond, a voice interrupted them.
"If you two wanted to have sex, you could have just rented a hotel room," Tony said, laughing so hard that his words came out half-jumbled.
Ziva sprung away from McGee and McGee clambered to his feet. Standing in front of them were Tony and Gibbs, with Gibbs holding their piece of fallen evidence.
"B-boss," McGee stuttered, utterly embarrassed by the position in which Gibbs and Tony had found them.
"You missing something, McGee?" Gibbs growled, but the corners of his mouth were upturned. He held up the piece of evidence and let in dangle in the air.
"I, err, we . . ." McGee wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole. He glanced at Ziva, who only looked a little fazed by the turn of events.
"I think they are missing more than just the evidence, boss," Tony grinned, taking note of the topless pair. "You should have seen your faces when we interrupted your little . . . rendezvous. I never knew ravines could be such a turn on."
"DiNozzo." Gibbs glared at his senior field agent and the expected slap connected with the back of his head.
"H-hey, I'm not the ones having sex at the bottom of the ravine," Tony muttered sourly.
"We were not having sex!" McGee yelled, turning bright red. "I was catching her, that's all."
"So that's what you call it these days," Tony smirked.
"McGee is correct," Ziva said, speaking for the first time since Tony and Gibbs had appeared. "I got stuck and McGee was merely helping me down."
"He was helping you in another way there too, Zee-vah," Tony said, waggling his eyebrow.
Ziva sighed and shook her head. "You are very immature, Tony."
Tony shrugged and grinned. "What can I say . . .?"
"It would be nice if you would say nothing at all," Gibbs said gruffly, turning to his agents who had been caught in the compromising position.
"You two have some explaining to do," he said.
"Well, it was . . ."
"Gibbs, I . . ."
They both started to explain at the same time, and Gibbs had to conceal his smile. He would remind them about Rule Twelve later.