Gah! I need to stop abandoning fics to write new ones! Oh well. This is kinda a different thing for me because I usually don't write for SSB. Actually, change "usually don't" to "never" cuz that's way more accurate. But, Brawl inspired me in the worst way. I just had to write this. Uh, yeah, do me a favor and don't flame me because I'm insane and uh, you don't wanna get on my bad side, m'kay? Anyway, I don't own SSB, etc., etc. Let's move on.

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Fox Has Fleas

Chapter I: Soukan (First Issue)

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"That fucking… mutt gave me fleas!" Fox growled as one of his bootless hind legs scratched the back of his ear with obviously canine skill.

Link didn't quite know what "mutt" exactly meant, but he assumed it was similar to what he was considered to the Kokiri children he grew up with: Fairy-less, that is to say, an outsider. The taunts of one of his old friends (perhaps that wasn't quite the right word but Link had always secretly hoped that Mido had, in fact, considered Link his friend) rang in his ears. Come back when you get yourself a fairy! You're only half a person until you get a fairy! Of course, Link found out later that he wasn't a Kokiri thus he never would have gotten a fairy if his old father-figure the Great Deku Tree hadn't assigned Navi to him.

Fox stared at Link as the later gazed off, lost in thought as he mixed some kinda redish liquid together. "You know, I don't exactly know what it is you're tryin' to make over there but uh… It's probably done."

Link glanced down at the healing potion he was making his friend and, indeed, it was done. "Here drink this; it'll heal the open wounds," Link said, handing Fox the bottle.

Fox looked at it incredulity. "Uh… As, uh, appetizing as this looks, I don't think I've scratched myself quite enough for me to bleed just yet." Link, who as usual didn't say a word, merely pointed at the ear Fox was previously scratching. A sliver of crimson slid down his fur. He touched the spot and felt the blood. "Touché."

The potion tasted like shit and it made Fox gag, but he figured he'd trust Link on this one.

Link was already busily mixing another potion by the time Fox was done with the red one. "Oh hell no!"

"You're not going to need to drink this one, don't worry." Link paused for a second, clearly thinking about something. "Why is it that you don't like Wolf? Aside from the current… infestation."

The Lylatian glared at the Hylian. Link smiled in amusement and Fox gave up and rolled his eyes. "We were on opposing sides of an interplanetary war. Old wounds take a while to heal."

"Ah." In truth, Link looked more confused than he did a second ago, but he didn't ask any more questions, so Fox figured he wasn't expected to answer any more questions.

Link bottled the second liquid and walked over to where Fox was sitting. "Take off your clothes." Fox looked confused and frankly a little freaked out but he knew that when Link used that tone of voice, it was best not to argue. Fox took off his jacket, suddenly feeling much more exposed than he would have liked. "Jumpsuit too." Fox whimpered slightly, but heeded to Link's demand, displaying the myriad of flea bites across his chest. "Now, lay down and try not to move until the potion has a chance to soak into your skin."

"Wait, what is it going to do, Link?" Fox couldn't quite figure out why but he seriously hated lying on the floor without weapons, without much clothing (Fox was keeping his boxers on and he would sure as hell not compromise on that point) in this pseudo-apothecary while Link was towering over him, holding a bottle of strange liquid.

"It's going to make you stop itching. Just relax." Was his panic that obvious? Without his shirt, the rapid rise and fall of his chest was probably much more noticeable. Link dripped some of the shimmering-white liquid onto his hands and bent over Fox, who whimpered again.

Link put his hand down on Fox's chest and rubbed the potion in slightly. Fox's leg twitched, his jaws parted, and a happy tongue poked out as he started panting. Link tried to contain a giggle as Fox moaned and stumbled through an unneeded apology. "I'm sorry man, it's really not you its just uh, well, you know, mmm, that feels amazing." Link always thought it was quite amusing that underneath all the gadgets, clothes, and guns, Fox was still a dog at heart. Fox's leg sped up and thunked on the ground in a steady rhythm. His ear twitched and his back arched.

"As much as I would love to keep doing this," Link said as he wiped the last of the anti-itching potion behind Fox's ears, "I'm completely out, and I'm sure you're exhausted." Link smirked down at his friend.

"Hand me my pants, wouldja?"

Little did the two of them know, a pair of turquoise eyes widened from a crack in the door.

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(Ducks hoard of tomatoes)

I'm sorry, I just had to write this! You have y'all's right to opinion and I have mine. But I feel it's important to point out that Fox has been my main character in every SSB game and I've played every Star Fox game since SF64; I know Fox pretty well so I don't exactly find it all that far-fetched that Fox would behave much like a dog if he was getting his stomach scratched. If anyone wants to bitch, I'll go toe-to-toe, I don't care that much.

Next time:

"Zelda, sweetie, I'm sure it's not what it looked like." . . . "Fox is far to chickenshit to admit that he's a fruit to himself, let alone to other people." . . . Samus was going to get to the bottom of this, even if it was the last thing she ever did.

Exciting! Isn't it?

I will see you next time, folks, but until then…

Peace out!