Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing
A/N: This is the last installment of the Broken Series. I tried to make it standalone but I don't think I achieved it. It's the sequel to 'Little Things Give You Away' which is a sequel of 'Attempting Repair' which is a sequel of 'Beyond Repair'. I think it can be read by itself but some issues may not make much sense unless the previous parts are read.
Note: WCInsane - I didn't send this one for betaing coz I wanted you to read this without looking for errors. (I'm sure you'll still see them, but try not to XD)
Warning: Bad language! TONS OF DRAMA. Angst. Mention of non-con (non graphic). 2xOFC, 2xOMC, (multiple)OMCsx1, 2x1 lemon. DARK! I'm an angst whore.
This story is rated 'M' for mature for a reason. It's not pretty. But it ends happily. (grin)
The story comes around to approximately 8500 words, so I split it into 2 parts. Enjoy!
Lifeline - Part 1
Posted on 17th March 2008
Duo knew it wouldn't last. The moment he had promised Heero that he would 'try' he had a gut feeling that it would end badly, very badly. Yet, he hadn't known how bad it really would be until eight months later he found himself pacing at the hospital outside Heero's room, where he lay hooked up to a machine that beeped every second. And yet, he slept. For days he slept.
Promising Heero had been easy. Duo had known what Heero wanted and he had promised to 'maybe' give it to him. Yes, he knew just how much of a slime he was but he wanted Heero close to him damn it! He wanted him there, in his room that he had inhabited for eight years and had left it empty for twelve whole months! That was twelve months too long. So he knew the only way to get Heero to come back was to 'maybe' promise him and at the same time get him to 'promise' that he won't leave should it 'maybe' not work out. See what he did there? He made absolutely no promises but at the same time got Heero to sell his soul to him.
They didn't call Duo Shinigami for nothing.
Handling Heero had been easy in the start. Duo just kept saying 'he needed time' and that 'we need to take this slow' to stave off any unwanted affection from Heero. It hadn't taken long for Heero to move back in. He had meagre possessions, reduced even more because he had discarded things during his year away to make travelling – and running – easier.
Getting him his job back had been easier. Come on! Heero Yuy, ex-pilot of Gundam Wing? Who wouldn't hire him back? The man was a legend! Soon enough, Agent Yuy was Agent Maxwell's partner again and shared the same office. It was almost like everything was back to normal. Almost.
Something was fundamentally different and no matter how hard Duo tried to ignore it, he was reminded every time Heero looked at him with blue eyes a little too bright and a little too hopeful. He was reminded every time Heero touched his hand slightly, expectantly, and then pulled away quickly when Duo didn't respond. He was reminded every time Heero asked him if it was okay for him to lie down next to him at night.
He had refused and Heero had been hurt. But that didn't stop him from trying again a couple of days later. Duo refused again and Heero had tried again a week later. The cycle continued with longer and longer days in between tries until Heero stopped trying.
Duo had a problem. He had to keep Heero interested or the whole situation was dissolve into those last few months before Heero had run away. Heero would go silent and bitter while Duo would bitch and fight and generally be a pain in the ass. He wanted to avoid that. So he tried to do things, seemingly innocent things that would keep Heero hopeful.
He would kiss him on the cheek quite frequently. It was a friendly gesture but the way Heero lit up after it would tell him that he had met the 'Give Heero Affection' quota for the day. He would sometimes place a hand briefly on the small of Heero's back, just to give him a bit of contact and it filled him with glee and a little bit of sadness to see how Heero soaked up the small touch. Then he felt guilty for feeling gleeful about the fact that Heero was easy to fool and easier to play.
Then one day Duo discovered that Heero had self-image issues. He was convinced that his torso was hideous to look at and he fought the doctor tooth and nail from cutting his shirt off after a mission gone wrong. He had a piece of shrapnel sticking out of his rib cage and everyone knew not to pull it out. The minute that metal came out Heero's lung was going to collapse and blood was going to get into it and he would drown in his own blood.
The shirt had to go, but Heero fought and fought and fought until Duo offered a concession. Everyone had to leave other than the doctor and a nurse. Duo thought he was supposed to leave too but Heero's grip on his hand told him otherwise. Heero was caught in a dilemma, Duo knew. He wanted Duo there with him but he also didn't want him to see his scarred body. Duo decided to close his eyes instead and knelt on the ground next to Heero, holding his hand tight. A few minutes in Duo opened his eyes and saw Heero looking at him, his eyes soft as he stared at him seemingly forgotten about the shirt and the doctor who had called for help and two more doctors hovered over him. Slowly Heero's eyes closed as he slipped into unconsciousness under the influence of anesthetics. The doctors had his shirt cut up on one side and were proceeding to cut it off of him by careful snips. Shamelessly Duo let his eyes take in every inch of golden skin exposed, wondering what Heero could be hiding under his shirts that was so hideous.
The answer surprised him when the shirt lay in tatters around Heero's sleeping body. The skin was a natural gold colour, one not caused by tanning, his nipples a dark chocolate brown placed on a hard chest defined by hours of working out and a strenuous job. His stomach was flat and tight, the muscles moving silkily under the skin. And the scars? They were faint, jagged silvery lines almost invisible unless you looked for them.
Hell, Heero had no reason to be self conscious! He could be on the front cover of 'Playgirl' without a problem.
Duo's eyes lingered a little too long on the dark nipples and his belly button. Who knew Heero had an outie? His eyes followed the trail of soft looking hair starting just under his navel and disappearing into the waistband of his dark cargos. His fingers itched with the need to pull the pants down to watch the trail thicken into dark curls.
That was also the first time he felt himself sexually attracted to Heero.
Heero healed up nicely from the accident during the mission, the cut was now a rather large pink scar with jagged lines running across it where he had to get stitches. Duo knew, because he had been watching Heero, waiting for the shirt to ride up as he slept for just one more glance of the shallow belly button, the trail of hair that made his mouth water, the nipples that caused his breathing to quicken and the sharp angle of his hipbones that had him harder than he had ever been.
To be honest, sometimes he didn't wait. As soon as he saw Heero sleep, he would pull his shirt up just so gently that he wouldn't wake up, and then he would ghost his fingers over the soft skin… touching but not touching, close enough that the heat from his fingers left goosebumps in its wake.
Around this time, Duo also started wondering what the fuck was wrong with him. Here he had Heero, a guy who was in love with him and wouldn't say no should Duo ask him to… let's say let him fuck him… and instead he was sneaking about like a damn voyeur when he didn't need to!
He considered just asking Heero to sleep with him, but he couldn't gather the nerve for it. If he had to be completely frank with himself, he wanted a one night stand. A night of passion and sex and complete and utter abandonment that he knew he would not get with Heero. Fuck, if he went ahead and slept with him then it would be equivalent to getting married in Heero's eyes. They'd be bound together for god knows how long and seriously, Duo had no intention of getting tied down just yet.
So while Heero pined after his heart, Duo lusted after his body and weren't they just the most fucked up version of Friends you ever watched?
About four months after Heero had returned from his year long escape and two months after the mission gone wrong, Heero kissed him.
Duo had been asleep on the couch, lying on his stomach with his head turned towards the TV, his mouth open and he was busy drooling onto the brown fabric. The low volume of the TV and the flickering shadows caused by the screen on the dark room lulled him into a deep sleep. He was awakened when he felt something warm and soft on his lips, moving slowly and he opened his eyes halfway to see what it was. He saw Heero's closed eyes, so close to his own that the touch on his lips could only be Heero's lips.
Duo jerked his head back in surprise, his thought processes still muddy due to his nap and he quickly sat up. "What… what are you doing?"
Heero had been kneeling on the ground in front of him in order to kiss him and now he sat back, looking a little flustered and embarrassed. "I just…" He sighed and then looked to the side, "Is it okay?"
Okay? Is it okay? Duo's brain tried to analyze the question but currently all his blood was pooling between his legs giving him a massive hard on. He wanted Heero, who had just kissed him, and he wanted him badly.
It was okay. Duo could sleep with Heero and if their relationship –relationship, Ha! – needed salvaging later then he'll take care of it then. Right now, he wanted to fuck Heero's tight little ass, his urges having gotten stronger after Heero had gone ahead and kissed him.
Duo got up and grabbed Heero's hands, pulling him up into standing in front of him. Then he started leading them out of the living room towards the bedrooms. "Your room or mine?" He asked, his voice hoarse with excitement.
Heero looked a little startled and then a small smile tugged at his lips even as his cheeks turned a dark red. "Mine is closer." He said, his voice low.
Duo nodded and pulled him into Heero's bedroom, not bothering with switching on the lights. The moon was full that night and the pale white light filtered through the large windows, casting dark shadows across the furniture, painting lines on the ceiling and putting Heero's facial features in sharp contrast.
Duo kicked the door closed, the sudden sound of it clicking into place caused Heero to jump. Duo hugged Heero tightly in front of his bed and then kissed him hard, biting his lips and sucking on his tongue, obsessed with tasting him again. He pushed his hands under Heero's shirt along his sides, and started pulling up refusing to break the kiss unless he absolutely had to.
Heero grabbed the hem of his shirt as he felt it lifting and then pulled it back down. Duo growled into Heero's mouth, pulling the shirt up again but he felt resistance. "It's dark, I won't be able to see… please. Please Heero." He said against Heero's lips, saying the words into Heero's mouth and with a small whimper Heero reluctantly let go. Duo broke away from Heero's lips only for a moment to pull the shirt off but then returned to kissing him again. He rubbed his hands on Heero's chest, feeling the slight texture changes where the scars criss-crossed each other before pushing him to lie down on his bed.
A small part of his brain kept telling him how what Duo wants is not the same thing that Heero wants and this can go horribly, horribly wrong and that he should stop. But a larger part of his brain, the one obsessed with trying to crawl into Heero, said that he didn't care. Not right now… and that they'll cross that bridge when they got there.
It was also very adamant at reminding Duo that Heero had promised he won't leave. So it can't possibly go that bad.
Crawling on top of Heero Duo reclaimed his mouth, his hands exploring the large expanse of smooth skin in front of him before dipping down under the elastic of Heero's sweats and slipping them over the curve of his ass. With a small gasp Heero's sweats were around his knees, his erection exposed and his cheeks burning red.
All Duo could think was – Oh god, oh god, oh god! – and – He's gorgeous!
Heero looked slightly embarrassed and hurried to cover up his groin with both his hands but Duo pushed them away, drinking in the sight of his friend – lover – before unzipping his own fly and pulling himself out.
Duo didn't waste time, he lay down on top of Heero and latched onto a nipple, sucking and kissing it thoroughly while one of his hands pumped Heero smoothly, slipped down to his balls and then trailed behind them until he came to his prize.
He let go of Heero's nipple for a moment to lick his fingers, slicking them and then resumed his attentions to Heero's chest. His hand reached between Heero's legs again who spread them open to allow Duo easy access. He sucked on Heero's nipple hard just as he slipped a finger in to distract Heero.
Heero's gasps and moans were different from any other man he had ever fucked. Most of them grunted little manly grunts, or otherwise moaned like they were in pain and sometimes they were so fucking loud you had to swear they were faking it. Heero's were all pants and whimpers and breathy moans that hitched halfway. Real honest to god pleasure.
Heero's hands on his hair, his skin under his tongue and his body tightening around his finger were the most erotic things that had ever happened to Duo. He had never actually lusted after anyone as long as he had after Heero. Normally, he fucked whoever he wanted because he had never really gotten rejected.
This though… this was intense. Really fucking intense.
"The shirt…" Heero breathed as he pushed himself back on Duo's fingers. His eyes were half lidded and his lips were kiss swollen. Duo grunted and pushed himself up to kiss Heero again, slipping a second finger into Heero who bucked against it wantonly.
Heero attempted to pull Duo's shirt off even as Duo pushed a third finger in him and kissed him hard. His hands lost their grip on the fabric and Duo didn't move to help him take the shirt off. Soon enough he had taken his fingers out and moved to pull Heero's legs over his shoulders, bending him nearly in half and he pushed slowly into Heero.
He watched Heero's face closely, the way his eyes squeezed shut from the initial burn and pain, the way his mouth opened slightly and he took short huffing breaths trying to ride out the discomfort.
A couple of seconds later Heero's hips jerked, drawing Duo in deep and Duo took it as a hint to start moving. Duo heard himself moan loudly thrusting into Heero's wet heat. Heero was incredibly tight around him and he wondered what had been wrong with him to not approach Heero earlier.
The slow, regular thrusting soon sped up as their pleasure climbed and Heero wrapped his legs around Duo's hips to lever himself even closer to him. Faster and faster they went until Duo felt his knees weaken and his head swim. A little after that he exploded inside Heero who came a moment later not even having touched himself.
Duo fell bonelessly on top of Heero, kissing whatever skin he could find and wrapping his arms around Heero's waist before drifting off into a deep sleep.
Heero stayed up quite a bit longer, his fingers running through Duo's hair before he allowed himself to slip into sleep with a soft smile on his face.
The next morning Duo woke up before Heero and he felt himself pale with what happened the night before. He was in so much shit it was going to take an army to dig him out. He slowly, carefully, peeled himself off Heero and looked guiltily at the dried cum on Heero's stomach. He tiptoed away, afraid of Heero waking up and rushed to take a long, scalding hot shower.
He left for work without waiting for Heero.
That night was the turning point in their relationship, which went from somehow-getting-by to kill-me-now-and-get-it-over-with. Duo had hoped it would not be a big deal even though he knew what kind of mess he had made. So he did the only thing he was really good at. He ran and hid.
He avoided Heero all day, even to the limit that he got up and left the office the moment Heero came in. He didn't leave fast enough though and he was able to catch the way Heero's face lit up when he saw him and then crumble into hurt when he darted out of the office, bumping into Heero's shoulder in his hurry, without a word.
Thankfully, Heero didn't bring it up. He also didn't bring up the fact that he caught him working on his reports in the cafeteria, or that he had taken the only table in the entire commons that had only one seat. He also didn't mention how he studiously avoided Heero's eyes and grunted in answer to every one of Heero's sentences.
Heero was by nature a quiet guy. Duo knew that if he didn't contribute to the conversation then it would end rather fast. It will end even faster because Heero was forced to hover over his shoulder to talk to him since he had no seat to take.
It ended faster than Duo had guessed. All Heero had asked was 'What's wrong?' and Duo had grunted in answer. He didn't look up to see what Heero had been thinking, but he heard the shuffling of feet as he turned and left.
The 'conversation' lasted seventeen seconds.
Things didn't get better when they got home. Duo left before Heero did and locked himself in his bedroom. Heero came an hour later and knocked on Duo's door.
"Duo…?" Another knock. "Duo, please open the door." His voice was quiet, just shy of whispering.
Duo didn't answer.
He heard Heero shift nervously on the other side of the thin wood and then go into his room. Two hours later he came back out and asked him what he wanted to have for dinner. Again, Duo didn't answer.
Heero left and fifteen minutes later Duo opened his door quietly, aiming on rushing to the bathroom to take a leak and then rushing back before Heero caught him. Just as he was darting towards the bathroom, he heard a quiet sniffle. He headed towards the kitchen, his socked feet quiet on the hardwood floor and he saw Heero's hunched back, his shoulders shaking slightly as he bent over the counter, vegetables laid out on the chopping board and the knife held tightly in one hand.
Duo wondered if he had imagined hearing the soft sound when he saw a drop of water fall on the board, and then another, and then another. He watched as Heero rubbed his eyes with his sleeve rather viciously and then started chopping the vegetables.
"Duo no baka." He heard him whisper, so low that he would never have heard him had not been listening closely.
Duo backed away and headed down into the bathroom. Not bothering to be extra quiet this time.
Things stayed tense between them for days, and Duo hoped that Heero would just move on. He almost wished that they'd have a fight already instead of this accusing, thick silence that had descended on them. This was just like how things had been before Heero had left, only this time he had the consolation of Heero's promise.
Heero couldn't leave this time.
Ami was a secretary in his department. She was tall, slender, had waist length dark hair and the most gorgeous dark eyes. She was also Japanese and had a bust that was not so Japanese.
During one of his escapades from Heero, Ami approached him and asked him if he wanted to have a cup of coffee with her after work. Duo said yes. He didn't come home that night.
The next morning Heero looked at him blankly, his eyes wary. Duo looked back but he was sure his expression came across more like a 'what are you going to do about it' than anything else.
Heero looked away first and Duo counted that as a victory.
Two days later, he publicly dumped Ami in the cafeteria. She accused him of using her and then throwing her away, of being selfish and of being a liar and a manipulator. He said he never manipulated her into sleeping with him so she had no right to put any claim over him. It's not like they were married because of one night.
She left crying and the crowd dispersed. Heero was the only one left standing, his eyes full of realization and his expression tight. Duo recognized that look. It was the look Heero used to get when he was being tortured for information and he didn't want his enemy to know he was in pain.
This time when Heero looked away first, Duo didn't feel like a victor.
A few days passed with as much return to normalcy as could be expected under the circumstances. They made a couple of social visits to the gang, said their 'hellos' and 'how are you' and 'I am fine'.
'Everything is great and life is peachy.'
'Heero and I are getting along fine.'
'There's no problem, Heero's just a little quiet since he came back. Nothing new.'
'No, there's nothing wrong. Ask Heero if you have to.'
'I said there's nothing wrong! Heero's not saying anything because everything's goddamn fine!'
'Leave us the fuck alone. Come on Heero, let's go.'
"Next time, try saying 'I'm fine' with a little more effort okay?" Duo hissed at him once they got back home. "No one's going to believe you if you say it like you're on gunpoint!"
Heero shrugged off his dinner jacket lethargically and hug it on the hook by the door. He gave a small nod at Duo's rant and started heading to his bedroom.
Duo huffed with irritation and then stomped towards Heero, grabbing his arm tightly. "We need to talk." He said as he pulled him into Heero's room. The last time he had been here he'd had the best fuck of his life. This time though he wasn't too sure it was going to go as well.
Heero took a seat on the bed and looked at him, resignation apparent on his face. Duo grabbed the chair next to the study desk and sat down on it, facing Heero. "Okay, let's clear some things up. We fucked. End of story. Okay?"
Heero's expression hardened and his eyes narrowed but he stayed quiet.
"We good?" Duo prompted, his voice getting louder and more assertive.
"Yes, we good." Heero echoed his voice hoarse with anger but he showed no outward signs of it.
"Everything will be fine now?" Duo asked and Heero's eyes snapped up to meet his.
"Yes. Now get out of my room." He spat quite unexpectedly and Duo tensed.
"What the -?"
"I said, get the hell out of my room!" Heero's voice raised and Duo jumped up off the chair.
"No." Duo said holding his ground. Heero rarely ever swore, and when he did it was a bad idea to leave him by himself. Self destruction usually followed.
"So I can't even throw you out of my own room anymore? What more do you want from me? What do you want me to do? Have me pretend like everything's normal?" Heero said as he ripped off his tie and threw it aside. "Maybe you don't care about the normal bit. You just want a maid who cleans the house and does your laundry and cooks you dinner. What's more, your maid also pays half the rent? Perfect don't you think?" Heero's voice gained volume as he got angrier.
"Then when you get extra horny, you can fuck me too. Then you can ignore me until I go away, and I'll come home and make you dinner again." Heero's eyes blurred with tears and one fell. He swiped at it so hard his cheek turned red with the force. "All this time you don't need to say a word. Because I live to serve you, don't I? Hell, just buy me a French maid's dress and complete the image while we're at it!"
"That's not what I meant—" Duo started but was interrupted by Heero.
"Then what do you mean? What exactly are you punishing me for? Because I'm getting tired of being jerked around like a puppet on strings." Another tear escaped and Heero cursed and rubbed at his eyes violently.
There was silence for a few moments where Heero looked to Duo's left, outside the window. Then just as loud he had been earlier, his voice softened. "You promised you'd try." His expression was tight again, like he was trying not to let Duo know how much he hurt. "If you can't… just tell me you can't and I'll just…" He gestured randomly with his hand and then abruptly stopped. "Oh right, I can't leave either. You made me promise." He said with a bitter laugh. "Well played Maxwell. Well played." He clapped his hands mockingly and Duo grimaced at the sound.
"Heero…" Duo whispered but Heero wasn't listening anymore.
"I always thought Quatre was the strategist but clearly you're the best amongst us. You fooled me!" There was the deprecating laugh again. "I really thought you were going to try, that there was maybe a chance that you could return my feelings but instead I ended up looking like an idiot. Really well planned. I applaud you." He moved to clap again and Duo grabbed his hands stopping him.
"You get a house keeper and a fuck toy all at once! And not only that, this fuck toy pays for himself and actually loves you back! Fantastic deal don't you think?" Heero said his eyes wide and he was starting to shake.
Duo wrapped his arms tightly around Heero, hugging him to his chest. He was expecting him to push Duo away but he didn't, instead fisting his shirt in his hands and holding tight. Slowly the tremors subsided and his breathing calmed down.
Duo had been afraid. He had never seen Heero this angry before, never in his life. Not when the colonies had turned against them, not even when they had fought in the motel six months ago.
He had never seen Heero's eyes wild, his breathing ragged and his body shaking as though he was just a hair's breadth away from hurting someone… or himself.
"Shh…" Duo shushed softly, rubbing circles on Heero's back feeling the slight knobs of Heero's spine push against his fingers. "It's okay… I'm here… shh…" He mumbled against Heero's ear as he rocked them both gently from side to side. "I love you Heero… you know I do." He said turning so that his lips brushed against Heero's hair and sometimes against the warm skin of the outer edge of his ear. "You're important to me. I care about you, a lot. You mean more to me than—" He shushed Heero again when he heard him whimper and start to push back. "You mean more—"
"Stop it. Stop lying." Heero said but Duo tightened his arms around Heero stopping his retreat.
"You mean more to me than a maid or just a warm body in bed okay?" Duo pulled back and grasped Heero's face, hands on both sides and forced him to look directly into his eyes. "See that? I'm not lying." He said, forcing as much honesty into his eyes as possible. "See?" He implored Heero to see his sincerity and he watched the anger and rage in Heero's eyes subside, and Heero suddenly looked exhausted.
Heero closed his eyes then, leaning forward until his forehead resting against the sharp angle of Duo's jaw. "Please…" He mumbled placing a wet, open mouthed kiss against Duo's stubble, "Please, Duo…"
Duo took a deep breath, feeling Heero's kisses on his jaw and he hugged him to himself again, tighter than before. He knew what he was going to do was going to dig them deeper in the pit of shit he had created… but he did it anyway.
That night, he slept with Heero for a second time.
A/N: This was the only place I felt I could stop it, so I apologize for the abruptness. The second part is up so I won't leave you hanging.