Ichigo Kurosaki stood in the cool afternoon air waiting for Orihime Inoue to open her door. It was her birthday so he thought he would drop by with a gift. After a few seconds the door swung open to reveal a grinning Orihime.
" Hello Kurosaki-kun!" she said with an exuberance that only she could have.
"Hey, Orihime. Happy birthday!" said Ichigo as he whipped the bag out from behind himself.
"Oh, Kurosaki-kun, I had completely forgotten that it was my birthday! Thanks so much!" replied an ecstatic Orihime.
Ichigo considered asking how the hell someone could forget they're own birthday but decided against it. Besides it was hard to form words when Orihime was trying to suffocate him in a crushing hug.
"Thank you Kurosaki-kun!" said Orihime.
"Don't… mention… it" Ichigo forced out through his constricted airway.
Orihime pulled Ichigo inside before releasing her hold. She then set the bag down on a table and stared for moment. The bag was pink with stars all over it and inside was another bag, this one plastic. She removed the contents of the bag and screamed with delight. She removed the black PSP from the bag and held it up to closely examine it.
"Kurosaki-kun, you really shouldn't have done this!" she said.
" Like I said, don't mention it." said Ichigo, trying to sound like it was no big deal when in fact he was very happy that Orihime like the gift. Contrary to what most would think, Orihime was quite a fan of videogames and could kick some ass in FPS games. Ichigo himself was more then a little surprised to find out this bit of information from Tatsuki, when he asked what Orihime liked.
"I'm gonna get some batteries for it. Wait here, Kurosaki-kun" Orihime disappeared to look through the cabinets for some appropriately sized batteries. As Ichigo waited he heard a horrible howl.
" Shit, why now?" he said as he left to fight the nearby hollow. He stopped in his tracks when he remembered Orihime.
" Hey Orihime, I'll be right back, theres a hollow nearby." He said as he ran out the front door.
" Alright be careful Kurosaki-kun!" she said with concern in her eyes.
The hollow wasn't anything serious but did prove to be a bit more trouble than Ichigo initially thought. After thirty minutes he had killed the monstrosity with his own monstrosity of a sword. As he leaned against a wall and caught his breath he remembered something that made his blood run cold: Orihime was alone in the immediate vicinity of a large plastic bag.
"Shit!" he said out loud. He quickly returned to his body and began rushing towards Orihime's house.
Ichigo opened the unlocked door to Orihime's house and stepped inside.
Orihime was nowhere in sight. Upon walking into her bedroom, he saw her.
She was sprawled on her back clutching her brand new PSP in hand. She wasn't breathing. Slowly Ichigo approached his lifeless friend.
"Ori…hime?" he said as he reached out touch her but instead let his hand linger in mid-air and then withdrew it. He then sighed and turned away.
"Dumb-ass" he said. Ichigo then left. A split second after he shut the front door something happened. The plastic bag around Orihime's head expanded and as it did there was an awful sound like a combination of a moan and a forceful exhale coming from the supposedly lifeless Orihime almost as if her corpse was complaining about it's own unfortunate end. There was a sound like a bone snapping and the inside of the bag turned gooey black before deflating once more.
When Ichigo got home he went to his room to think of how he could explain to everyone else just how the hell he had been stupid enough to leave Orihime alone in with a plastic bag. He knew that plenty of scolding would be coming his way.
Ichigo, Tatsuki, Chad, Uryu, Renji, and Rukia stood paying they're last respect to Orihime. Her body was layed into a pretty wooden coffin with her favorite stuffed animals and her new PSP that Ichigo had just gotten her a week ago. They were the last ones at the funeral. Earlier some relatives of Orihime had attended but left half an hour ago. Orihimes head was wrapped in gauze to hide the massive trauma to her head from when it ruptured inside the bag. Ichigo was surprised to learn that this had happened since he had seen her lying on the floor with her head in tact. As if this dismal event wasn't bad enough they now had another corpse on the ground waiting for a coroner to come pronounce it dead. Somehow Chizuru had made her way into the coffin and was ravishing Orihime's lifeless boobs as tears streamed down her face.
" No, not my precious Hime-chan!" she kept repeating as Tatsuki, enraged at the defiling of her best friend's body, punched Chizuru over and over but nothing would separate her from the decomposing tits.
They finally resorted blowing her into west hell with a 357. Magnum revolver that Chad had been carrying. Chizuru didn't mind too much since she could now join Orihime on the other side. Now the six of them turned to walk away. Tatsuki shot hateful glares at Ichigo for his stupid mistake. Irritating as it was Ichigo knew that she was right for being mad at him. Renji and Rukia were still trying to understand why Orihime would do what she did. Tatsuki, for the 5th time, explained that because Orihime hadn't been to bright, the same precautions one would take with a toddler had to be exercised around her.
They gave one last glance to Orihime in her coffin as the grave diggers set to work burying her. Of course the grave diggers were surprised to find the fresh body of Chizuru which had just been filled with holes.
From that day on everyone had much less stress in there lives without the burden of Orihime's unwavering stupidity. No-one wanted to admit it but life was better this way without the suffocating cloud of retarded energy that used to surround them when Orihime was around. Though there was just a twinge of sadness over the loss. It was the type of sadness one feels at the sight of a stupid animal being put out of it's misery to save it from it's own lack of intellect.
Well there you have it. No plot or anything just something that I made after having a stupid thought about Orihime asphyxiating herself with a plastic bag. If you read all of it then you can assume that you're equally sick minded as me.