March 18, 2008
To whom it may concern,
It's rather a wonderful world out there, knowing that you might meet the one person who is meant for you. A soul mate, a prince charming, a lover: a name is always put on the label the person who is meant for you. Whatever you call him, he will have the same duty – the duty of capturing your heart.
I have a saying in life, and it can be used for every girl's scenario. When a man gives you a rose, accept it and open the door of opportunities. You first wonder if you should ever love again. Then you ponder if you want to be heartbroken. Again, to your heart's weakest point. Being loved is not supposed to hurt. It is not supposed to be agonizing, excruciating pain. Men have made me like this. Men have made me close the gap in my heart. Men have made me feel unwanted and used. However, are all men like that? Are all men players who just want my body? Are all men inconsiderate? Am I supposed to accept an offering? Am I supposed to accept a gift? From the men who have crushed my heart? Should I accept men who are offering to give me hope, love, and sincerity, not to be used or unwanted? Maybe I can give another try. I can give men another chance. Another chance to those who will accept me for who I really am. Can my saying really work?
Duty to your heart is a familiar saying I have been hearing from my fellow friends who have finally met the true loves of their loves. They have been very enticed by their love life and I have, once again, become the third wheeler, or in my case fifth wheeler. And it seems like that will be the case for a very long time.
I was born in Forks, Washington, a small rainy town of about 3,120, where my father and mother lived. My parents had married young; they had married right out of high school. It's been a repeated event that being married young would never work. In my parents' case, that was absolutely right.
When I was six months old, my mother had carried me away from Forks and my father, blaming Forks for everything. Ever since then, my mother and I had been living separately from my father until Phil Dwyer, a minor league baseball player and a very young man, captured my mother's heart. They had gotten married, and I felt out of place.
Finally I had agreed to live with my father in rainy Forks when I was seventeen. I lived with him for two years before heading to university to major in English literature. While my stay in Forks, though, I had many suitors in line for me. Four exactly, and I had dated two of them. The first was a very sweet boy but it got very annoying of how clingy he got and possessive he got. Dumping him was a tad bit difficult. The next boy was the sweetest boy I could have met. Yet, my fairy tale high school love was smashed when he dumped me for another girl. That's my high school loves in a wrap up.
University wasn't any different. Actually it was quite the opposite from high school. English literature had gone very well, yet as far as love life – there was none. No one had asked me out; no one had captured my interest. This is why I am writing in this. I have ultimately given up on love as men cheat on me, use me for my body and other various things. Deviously, they had been able to capture my hearts, tear it into two and still not have a guilt ride.
This is why I am writing to you, whoever you are. I want someone to be able to love me for who I am, and not love me for how I look like. I want somebody to not want me to change who I am and love my personality. Who am I, you might ask? Well, that I will give out now.
My name is Isabella, and I want you to love me.
Xx Isabella xX
She closed her notebook shut and trailed her fingers across the golden writing of her red notebook. As she flicked back her brown hair in place behind her back, she stood up from her seat in the library and cautiously walked to the most desolate part of the public library. She looked right to left and placed her bound, red notebook in one of the shelves right in between Shakespeare's many books of poetry. It was no wonder that very few people roamed around that area of the library. No one had the patience and intelligence to actually understand what he was saying on their own, only if they had to read it for school.
Bella Swan's eyes darted from right to left as she grabbed some poetry books and stuffed them into her bags. She fast paced walked towards the checking out desk. Smiling instantly when she saw the librarian, she quickly stuck out her library card and presented the few books she chose. After everything was checked out, she grabbed the books, her library card, and bursted out the door before somebody saw her rush out.
Once she was outside and was greeted by sunshine, her face beamed and her expression glowed as she remarked, "I think today will be a different day." Her expression changed when she realized what might be the consequences. She smacked her hand on her forehead as she walked towards her truck.
"I don't know what to do, Alice!"Bella exclaimed to her best friend as she sipped on her coffee. Alice Cullen, on the other hand, just rolled her eyes as she sipped on her own coffee.
"It will work, why are you fretting?"
"I'm not,just…"Bella sipped again to forbid herself from talking. Alice stood up as she grabbedBella by her arms.
She guided her to the door and replied, "Bella, you need to go back to the flat. I'll be there soon, just don't think about it too much, 'kay?"
Bella glared at Alice before turning on her heels to walk to her car. Alice was sipping coffee at her favorite café when she noticed a man with blonde hair. She stopped midway my drink when she noticed someone behind him. It was…Stephen? Stephen Harper was one of her friend's, Janine, boyfriend, and she had never seen them separate ever. She concluded that the man with blonde hair must have been one of Stephen's friends. She sipped coffee to avoid arousing suspicion, and her heart instantly leaped when the man with blonde hair sit down beside her as all the seats in the café were taken.
She felt edgy when he sat next to her, but tried to not show him. She looked out the window and saw Stephen talking to a woman with brown hair and a blonde haired girl holding her hand. Looking back at the man beside her, she assumed the worst.
She looked down at her black coffee, trying not to show the disappointment she had. She was, surprised, however when the man said, "Hi."
Her eyes looked nervously at him when she hesitated, "Uh…hi?"
The man giggled, "I'm Jasper Whitlock and don't be startled. I love starting conversations."
She looked sideways at him and realized that a name such as Jasper suited him very well. She answered, "Alice Cullen."
Jasper smiled as he nodded. At this time the waiter had come by the table and asked for an order. He pulled down the waiter and gave him something and whispered something into his ear. The waiter nodded nervously as he shuffled down to the kitchen. She looked at him puzzled. Jasper simply shook his head, a gesture telling her not to worry. He smiled, "So…uh, I think I've seen you before."
She felt her heart flutter, "Uh…I'm your bud, Stephen's girlfriend's friend. Well, one of them, anyway."
Jasper nodded before looking out the window. Stephen had already left and the woman with brown hair waved at him. Nodding in her direction, she brought his attention back to me she looked at the brunette, then back at Jasper. Jasper noticed my edginess and laughed. Looking back at Jasper in surprise, she raised her eyebrow.
Jasper chuckled, "She's not my girlfriend, Alice. That's my daughter's nanny, Eliza Stone. Though you do have to admit, she's a great looker. Too bad she's dating, huh?"
She took each piece of information slowly and was shocked when he said daughter. She asked, "Daughter?" Her voice cracked at the end of her question.
Jasper nodded, "Hazel Whitlock. My ex-girlfriend named her that. A cutie, isn't she?" He looked out the window and smiled at his daughter who was waving.
She felt the world drop on top of her. He had a child, already? Was he married? She looked at his left hand, but didn't see a wedding band. She commented, "Yeah…nice…cute."
Jasper chuckled which made her head shot up. She looked at him in surprise.
He simply said, "I'm not dating, Alice, if that's what you are wondering. I've stopped dating for four years, ever since I found out about Hazel."
She sighed in relief, hoping not that Jasper caught it. However, he did. He chuckled once more before leaning over the table to be face to face with her. She felt her heart fluttering 100 miles per hour, maybe even more. She simply 'Hmmm'ed.
Leaning back in his seat, Jasper put an arm around the seat beside him which was empty. "You are dating any one?"
She was about to nod yes when she shook her head. Jasper looked at her in surprise, when he cocked an eyebrow.
She simply said, "I used to be engaged."
He raised his eyebrow, "To whom?"
She tried to get the name out of her lips, but it was incredibly hard. Somehow she managed to say, "Josh Hardy."
What surprised her the most was his reaction. He tightened his jaw and puckered his lips. "Josh Hardy, huh? Great person. Used to go to swimming together."
She nodded and was about to ask Jasper something when he interjected and said, "Her name was Korina Anderson."
Widening her eyes, she looked at him in shock. "How did you ever know I was going to ask that?" she stuttered.
Jasper shrugged. "You looked like you were going to ask, so I told you."
She said, "Ahh." She added, "My real name is Mary Alice Brandon Cullen."
He smiled at her, "Ah, I see. Very romantic, like your appearance." She blushed whilst he just had a smug expression on his face. Then she took a sip out of her coffee when the waiter came with Jasper's order. He received the one cappuccino and one tea he ordered. He pointed to the cappuccino, "It's for Eliza."
She nodded once again before sipping her coffee out of her coffee mug. I asked, "What happened?"
Jasper sighed before answering, "She was my father's secretary. Yes, you guessed it, she was older than me." I must have had that look on when he said that. He continued, "We fell in love, had an affair, and she left me Hazel as soon as she had her. Never heard from her again."
Her eyes widened, "Wow, and to think I had it rough."
Jasper asked, "What happened?"
She sighed before replying, "Josh was my boyfriend for six years, before he asked me to marry him. After six months we were engaged, he left me saying that there was someone else. Just a few weeks ago, I went back to his apartment to find him engaged again to his ex-girlfriend."
Jasper's eyes widened once again, "Wow."
Shaking the thought, she said, "It's nothing." She looked at her watch and realized it was time to go back home. "I've got to go to work."
Jasper nodded before standing up as well. He leant out a hand for a handshake. Hesitatingly, she accepted it. When they were shaking, Jasper said, "Well, I hope to see you soon. It was great meeting you." He first broke the handshake before leaving the café. He turned back and smiled at her before leaving. She waved at him like a dumfounded idiot before realizing he left her a piece of paper on her hand. She looked at it and realized it was a number. She smiled at the exit, "Yeah, hope to see you too."
Bella slammed her bag on the table of her flat she shared with Alice as she stormed through the door. She sighed heavily as she leant against her doorframe and collapsed against the door. She put her head in her hands and muttered, "Why am I moping like this over a stupid notebook fiasco?"
She took out her cell phone when she heard that a text message was coming. She stared at it and realized it wasn't coming from him, but from Alice.
She had texted, "Guess what! I met the most awesome guy in the world today after you left!"
Bella sighed as she smiled for her best friend. At least, she thought, my friends will have a normal life. Yet, she wished that her notebook would bring her a lucky suitor with all her heart; a person who would have the duty of capturing her heart.Like it? Please say so in a review.
Forgiveness is the scent that a rose leaves on the heel that crushes it.
PS. Smell the Roses shall be updated soon…very soon!