Summary: Roxas likes Naminé. Axel wants to help Roxas get the girl. But when Roxas finally is able to get Naminé's attention with the help of Axel, he finds himself crushing on the redhead as well! Oh, crap. And the devious and angelic parts of Roxas' conscience don't help matters much either.

AkuRoku. High school setting, somewhat crack-ish.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, but the writing and ideas are all mine!

Warning: Boy x Boy. Kissing occurs. Maybe some other stuff eventually. And lots of cursing. Because I find it fun to make Disney characters swear. Oh, and my sense of humor is quite perverted.

Author's Note: Alright, so this is a little something I've been working on instead of "Partners in Crime" whenever I've been in a weird mood. Hopefully this funny. Unfortunately I don't think this chapter is as humorous as the chapters afterwards, but hopefully I'll be able to keep your attention. Please review so I know to continue!

Update, April 2009: Went through and edited chapter one. Wow, you can totally see my writing improve as this story goes along. I apologize for the crappy writing quality in a lot of this, hope it doesn't turn you off :) I get better, I swear!

Sugar and Spice

Chapter One: Detention

Letting out a heavy sigh, Roxas walked up the cement steps of his school. He dodged a Frisbee that whizzed past his head and tried his best to maneuver around a couple who was making out. He looked at them curiously; wondering what it would be like to make out with someone… He had never even kissed anyone before. Apparently it must be nice, since people liked to do it so much, but it honestly didn't really look that fun. If kind of looked like they were eating each other's face. Ew. What if the other person ate food that you were allergic to before you made out with them? he pondered. This was a serious concern for him, since he was allergic to a multitude of foods. Would you break out in hives? What if the other person's tongue was huge? Could you suffocate? What if – A couple in front of him who was walking painfully slow ended up stopping in their tracks to kiss, interrupting his thoughts and causing him to walk right into them.

"Oof." Roxas fell back on his butt and his pile of school work went flying. The couple just looked down at him like he was some kind of disease; then proceeded to engage in a heavy lip lock. He groaned as he tried to pick up the scattered papers as people stepped on them.

Yet another great day at Twilight Town High School.

Roxas' heart skipped a beat as he walked into his math class, seeing the gorgeous blonde girl laughing. He walked over to his assigned seat next to her, trying not to stare. Her friends were all around her desk, giggling. He tried not to notice that one of their butts was inches away from his face. As he was shuffling awkwardly through his homework, suddenly a small hand touched his shoulder.

"Hey Roxas, did you understand that homework at all?" Roxas felt his pulse quicken when he looked up into the face of the girl.

"Um, yeah, here you wanna look at it?" he asked awkwardly, handing his homework over to her.

"Thanks Roxas!" The girl smiled at him and he felt himself blush. Naminé, talked to me! She me touched me! And she knew my name! Oh man, I must be dreaming… He cautiously looked at her as she copied down his answers.

"Alright, time to shut up and get in your seats," Professor Xigbar announced as he entered the room, just as the bell rang. The students quickly found their way into their places, staring at the man.

"Hand up your homework…" the teacher commanded, sounding bored. He pulled out a clipboard, glancing up, intending to take attendance. His eye met the stares of two dozen students, who hadn't even made a move to obey his request.

"What?" he asked, weirded out by this.

"Professor Xigbar…what happened to your eye…?" Naminé was brave enough to ask the question that everyone in the class had been wondering.

"Oh, this?" The man laughed, pointing at the eye patch covering a portion of his face. "As if I'm gonna tell you punks. Now let's see..." He glanced around the room of disappointed faces, jotting down who was there and who was not.

"Hmm, big surprise, Axel's not here. Anyone know where the little shit is?" Xigbar asked them casually. Xigbar was one of those teachers who swore and no one gave a damn about it. It was just such a natural thing for him and it was never a big deal.

As if on cue, the tall redhead made his entrance into the room, his black tie hanging loosely from his neck and he shirt untucked from his blue dress pants. The teachers were always bugging him to straighten the appearance of his school uniform, but of course he never did. Roxas noticed a few girls make oogly eyes at him as he walked across the room "No worries, I'm here, class can start now." he announced with a smirk, sitting down in his seat in the back, legs stretched out casually.

Roxas rolled his eyes at the sight of this. Axel was a senior who was still in trigonometry, having failed last year. If there was one thing that bugged Roxas, it was lazy people. And cucumbers. But that was a different story. Anyway, Axel was almost always late to class, if he even bothered to come at all. Roxas wondered if the guy even wanted to graduate. What a loser…Roxas sighed, stealing glances at the girl beside him, who was still copying his homework.

"Axel, yesterday you skipped my class and today you're late. This is getting ridiculous, man. What's your excuse this time?" Xigbar questioned him, crossing his arms.

"I was having a smoke, you understand." Axel grinned, waving his hand in the air as he said this, dismissing the accusation.

Xigbar sighed and pulled out a slip of paper from behind his desk. "Axel, you're a little shit, you know that?" He leaned down and began filling out the paper. "You're late and skip my class, wasting my time by making me have to fill out this stupid referral." He finished filling out the paper and waltzed over to Axel's desk, slapping it down before the teen.

"Detention for the next two days."

A few kids in the class turned to look at Axel, murmuring, "oooo", in that annoying way they tended to do when someone was in trouble. Axel groaned, picking up the paper and studying it. "Shit…"

Roxas smirked. Serves him right.

Xigbar headed towards the front of the classroom, walking down the aisle between Roxas' and Naminé's desks. The blonde jumped as his hand suddenly snatched up Roxas' homework from her desk, looking at it.

"Copying homework, huh?" Xigbar smirked down at her. Naminé bit her lip as he read the name of who she'd been copying off of. "'Roxas'? Well, you two can join Axel in detention this afternoon." Roxas felt his heart drop. What? Detention? DETENTION? Noooo! This is going to go on my permanent record! ...My parents are going to kill me…

Xigbar collected the rest of the homework, not even bothering to ask Axel for his. Roxas groaned and laid his head down on his desk as Xigbar muttered curses about having to fill out even more detention slips.

Why me?

Another ball of paper hit him in the back of his head and Roxas sighed. He turned around to glare at the redhead who was grinning at him. "Would you stop that?" He hissed, quickly glancing over to make sure Xigbar hadn't heard him. Axel laughed softly, flicking a small paper wad right in between Roxas' eyes before the blond could dodge it.

"Nope." Axel replied quietly.

Roxas growled and turned around in his seat sharply. What an asshole. He tensed as he felt himself pelted with another wad of paper. He glanced over at Naminé, who was texting someone on her phone underneath the desk top. She hadn't even noticed that he had been getting tormented for the past hour.

Roxas cursed as a pencil hit him in the temple. He whipped around, yelling, "That's really getting old!"

Xigbar looked up from the book he was reading, "Quiet Roxas," he warned; then looked back down at his book.

Roxas let out an exasperated sigh as he glared at the smirking redhead before him. "You got me in trouble," he hissed.

Axel leaned forward, a small smile stretched playfully across his lips. "You got yourself in trouble," he whispered matter-of-factly.

"Just stop throwing stuff at me!" Roxas begged.

"Roxas, this is your last warning."

The older teen before Roxas stifled a laugh. Finally, Naminé seemed to take some interest in the two boys in the room, turning to see what was going on. Axel glanced over at her and flashed her a smile. She smiled back, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

Oh hell no…Roxas thought angrily. Don't you dare flirt with Naminé!

He watched as Axel scribbled a note on a piece of paper, tossing it over to her after checking that Xigbar wasn't watching. He felt his anger increase as she uncrumpled it and giggled softly, looking back at Axel coyly.

Ugh…this isn't happening…

Axel leaned back in his chair and winked at her, then glanced back at Roxas, who was giving him a death stare. Axel did a double take between Roxas and Naminé, smile fading. Naminé was back to texting on her phone, and Roxas glanced over at her, his gaze lingering a little longer than he had planned. He looked back at Axel to find the other boy's smiling face very close to his now.

"You like her, don't you?" Axel asked, not really needing an answer.

Roxas felt heat rise to his cheeks and he crossed his arms. "No I don't," he said a little too quickly.

"Yeaaaaah, you do." Axel grinned knowingly. "I suggest you stop though. She's way out of your league."

"How would you know?" Roxas snarled.

Axel laughed as quietly as he could, "You and me are more likely to go out before you and her."

Roxas drew back from his tormentor in disgust. "Shut up!"

"Roxas, that's another detention for you." Xigbar called out to the boy without looking up from his book. "I'll see you here tomorrow."

Roxas' mouth dropped open and he stared over at his teacher in disbelief. Again? You've got to be kidding me! And what's worse…I'm going to have to have it with this guy again…

He glanced over at the redhead, who leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the desk. He laced his fingers behind his head as he smirked at Roxas, proud of himself for getting the younger boy in trouble. Roxas glared at him, feeling his hatred for his peer growing.

Naminé waited at the door once they were dismissed and Roxas found his heart racing wildly.

"Hey Roxas, I just wanted to say that I really sorry that I got you in trouble today," she said sweetly.

"O-oh!" Roxas stammered, blushing. "U-um, its okay, um I didn't mind…"

"You didn't mind getting detention?" she asked, confused.

"Um, no I did mind, it's just that I, um…" Roxas trailed off, scratching the back of his head.

Naminé gave him an apologetic smile, "Well, okay I guess I'll see you in class tomorrow…" she said quickly, not waiting for him to finish uncluttering his thoughts.

Roxas watched her walk away and sighed to himself. Stupid…

There was laughter behind him and Roxas turned abruptly to see Axel leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. It seemed that he had completely forgotten all about the annoying redhead.

"Smooooth," Axel laughed. "Oh, man. You really don't know how to act around girls, do you?"

Roxas' anger returned to him as he snapped, "Shut up and leave me alone." He turned on his heel and began to head towards the exit of the school, pulling out his cell phone in order to call his mom to pick him up.

Axel strode up to the boy, placing a hand on his shoulder, leaning forward to look into his face. "I'm sorry; you're just so cute when you're angry." He reached over and pinched the blond's cheek.

Rolling his eyes, Roxas slapped his hand away.

As they walked along together, Axel smiled at him. "What would you say if I told you I can help you get a date with her?"

"I would say that you are full of shit."

Again, Axel laughed and picked up his pace so he was now walking ahead of Roxas, on his way to the student parking lot.

"Just let me know if you change your mind!" he called back at him before turning around the corner.

Scowling, Roxas punched in his home phone number on his cell. He endured the scolding he got from his mother and muttered a "thanks" when she said she'd come pick him up. He slid the phone back into his pocket and walked out the front entrance of the school to wait for her.

He thought about what Axel had said. He wondered if the guy actually could get him a date with Naminé. Axel was well known to be a lady's man, after all, but could he get a girl to be interested in someone else?

Wait. Why was he even thinking about this? He would rather eat a cucumber before asking for help from that slacker. And in Roxas' eyes, cucumbers were the devil.

"I'm not going to be able to pick you up today, Roxas, I'm swamped in work." came the static-y voice of Roxas' mom on the cell phone the next day.

Roxas groaned, "Moooom, how am I supposed to get home?"

"Take the late bus, honey."

Oh hell no. That was another thing Roxas would prefer eating cucumbers over. The late bus was loud, filled with kids getting out of elementary school. Roxas couldn't stand it. Plus, his stop was the last stop on the bus he had to take, so it would take him an hour to get home. But he didn't exactly have any other options.

"Fine." Roxas said with an aggravated sigh, flipping his phone closed without even bothering to say goodbye. This sucks!

"Hey, you need a ride?"

Turning around, Roxas glared at Axel. The much taller boy had actually left him alone during this detention. But it was only because he slept the whole time. Why was he offering him a ride now? Roxas crossed his arms and looked at the floor. Shit.

"Why would you even want to give me one?" he questioned.

Axel shrugged. "To make up for getting you a second detention. I guess I feel kinda bad."

It seemed that Axel's attitude towards him had changed suddenly. Roxas looked the redhead over and thought for a second, though he couldn't quite put his finger on why Axel was acting differently.

Roxas cleared his throat before replying, "I'm going to take the late bus, but thanks anyway," he replied coldly. His mind was going through the different pros and cons of each. Hmm…loud, noisy, smelly little kids, or annoying, slacking, punk? Decisions, decisions.

"Are you kidding me?" Axel asked. "You want to go home on that hell hole?" He waited for a response and when he didn't get one he simply walked past the blond. "Alright. Suit yourself."

Roxas sighed. "Wait."

Raising an eyebrow, Axel turned back.

Ugh. Roxas couldn't believe he was going to do this. "Can…can you drive me home?" he muttered.

"Huh?" Axel asked innocently, smirking and leaning forward. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

Roxas rolled his eyes. Yeah you did, smartass. "Can you give me a ride home?"

"Sure thing, Roxas," the redhead replied smoothly, "I offered, didn't I?"

Roxas was really impressed by Axel's awesome red camaro. When he got into the car he realized he had drooled a bit over it and quickly wiped at his mouth, hoping the redhead hadn't noticed. Roxas adjusted himself uncomfortably in his seat. After making sure to put on his seatbelt (who knows how this guy's driving might be?) he crossed his arms in front of him. He really wasn't happy about having to settle for a ride from this guy.

As soon as Axel started the car, rock music came blasting out. No surprise there.

But wait a second. Roxas recognized those ear splitting chords. The sick guitar solo. The poetic lyrics sung by the most awesome lead singer in the universe. Just hearing it made him want to throw stuff and bang his head against the dashboard – in a good way.

"You like Oblivion?" he asked Axel in disbelief.

"Hell yeah, I like them," Axel replied with a grin, pulling out of the parking spot. "They're my favorite band. You mean you like them too?"

Roxas nodded in reply and when he realized Axel couldn't have seen since he was driving, he quickly said, "Uh-huh."

"Wow." Roxas noticed Axel raised his eyebrows in surprise at this. "I never thought a goody-goody like you would have a good taste in music. Which way to your house?"

"Left." Roxas replied simply; then huffed, "You shouldn't be so quick to judge."

As he turned the car, Axel chuckled. "I guess I shouldn't."

They drove in silence for a little while, Roxas telling Axel where to turn as they listened to the music.

"So what's your favorite song?" Roxas found himself asking. No matter how much he didn't want to admit it, his respect for Axel had gone up a bit. Anyone who likes my favorite band is okay...I guess.

While still keeping his eyes on the road, Axel pondered this. "Hmmm, I guess I'd have to say 'Sweet Memory'. I can just relate to that one, you know? But I love all of their songs, they're so great."

Roxas looked over at Axel in surprise. What the fuck? "'Sweet Memory' is my favorite song too!" He said excitedly. Wow. Maybe Axel was a cool guy after all. Maybe he should take his own advice, and be not so quick to judge. "Oh, that's my house over there," he said, pointing to it.

Axel pulled into the driveway, parked the car and looked over at Roxas. "Look, I know you don't want my advice," he stated, "but I'm going to give you some anyway, because you need all the help you can get."

Roxas looked over at him, confused. What was he talking about?

"Naminé is a really dedicated art student." Axel continued. Oh. Naminé.

Weeeee…Naminé. Naminé, Naminé. He loved her name. It was so fun to say and pretty, just like her. Roxas pried his mind away from her name with much difficulty in order to listen to the rest of what Axel was saying.

"Tomorrow art club is having a meeting, she's the president; you should go."

The blond studied Axel for a minute before replying, "And what would I do there?"

Axel smiled and shook his head at Roxas, "Man, you're slow. Do some art. Show her you have similar interests. Compliment her artwork."

"Oh." Roxas gathered his schoolwork from bottom of his seat and sighed. "I suck at art though…."

To his surprise, Axel's grin widened. "There's an excuse to talk to her then. Ask her to help you."

Roxas bit his lip and glanced out the window of the car at his house. "I don't know…"

Axel sighed and leaned back in his seat. "Look, I'll be there tomorrow, okay? If you need any advice, just ask me."

"Um, okay, thanks again for the ride," Roxas muttered, getting out of the car.

"No prob," Axel replied with a quick wave and pulled out when Roxas closed the passenger side door.

After kicking his shoes off when he walked inside his house, Roxas scratched his head. Well. That was weird. He had always thought that Axel was some kind of delinquent who smoked pot or something. Not a friendly guy who liked the best band ever!

When he flopped down on his bed to read some manga, he thought about going to art club the next day. The very thought of it made him nervous. Being able to see Naminé's artwork was tempting…but what if he made a fool of himself in front of her? Maybe he just wouldn't go. Yeah, he told himself. It will be better if I don't go.

"But you should go." Suddenly a little Roxas devil popped up on his left shoulder. "If you go you can pretend that you are having trouble drawing and have Naminé guide your hand with hers!"

"Noooo!" Roxas angel responded by popping up on his right shoulder. "You shouldn't go and pretend to be interested in art just to get close to Naminé. That could just lead to trouble!"

"That could just lead to you getting into her pants!" Roxas devil retaliated with a maniacal laugh. "Who cares if you don't like art? She'll never know. Take Axel's advice. Go."

Roxas studied his horned and pitch forked other on his shoulder. Maybe he's right…

"Don't listen to him, Roxas!" Angel Roxas begged. "Do the right thing! Don't lie to her, win her heart your own special way, don't listen to that dumby!"

"You talking about me or Axel, bitch?" Devil Roxas screamed, throwing his pitchfork at the angel, causing the winged Roxas to disappear with a frightened squeak. "Listen to me, Roxie, darling," the devil said casually, crossing his arms and leaning casually on Roxas' neck. "You're going to be sixteen soon, don't you want your first kiss before then? Don't listen to that little prude over there. I'm here for you, Rox, looking out for your best interests. Axel's right. How could a guy who has the same favorite band as you be wrong, after all? You wanna go to that art club tomorrow. "

Sighing and rolling over in his bed, Roxas caused Roxas devil to roll off his shoulder, cursing the whole way. The little shoulder demon fell down onto his bed but Roxas took no notice and simply slurped from the can of soda he had grabbed on the way to his room. Naminé… Picturing her smiling at him, her perfect blonde hair glistening in the florescent light radiating down from the school's ceiling, Roxas made himself blush.

"Alright, I'll go," he said aloud, with a goofy smile on his face, still imagining her smiling at him.

"That's my boy!" Devil Roxas exclaimed as he climbed back onto Roxas' shoulder, who took another sip of soda. "You should keep talking to Axel too. I'm sure the guy could give you some advice on how to sex her up as well." Roxas choked and spit his mouthful of soda across the room. "You don't want to be a virgin for the rest of your life, right?" Devil Roxas began to slowly disappear in a cloud of blackness before finally shouting out, "By the way, don't listen to anything that other guy says about no sex before marriage! He's a prude!"

Coughing a little and wiping his mouth, Roxas got up to clean up the mess he made before it got sticky. Those visits he got from those guys were always so weird…

End note: Oblivion and Sweet Memory are actually the names of keyblades, if you didn't catch that. Oh, and Roxas' hatred for cucumbers will be explained later xD