"You son of a bitch, why did you leave me here..."
It was getting late. The gates at the cemetery were closing soon. Above, a steadily darkening winter sky seemed as if it would start snowing any minute. She didn't care and stay put, sitting on the ground with her head against the unmarked headstone. It was cold, but not enough to suit her. She'd rather it be subzero temperatures, and willed the cold to penetrate her body, wanting to freeze to death. She didn't want to have to leave him again. He was both the reason for and the bane of her existence and would remain so until her last breath.
Rabo went through this every day for the past thirteen days. Her logical self reasoned with her, the way he would--control what you can control, not let emotion overrule rational thought, but her attempts to be logical failed. As soon as she would calm down, her body wrenched and broke down, hysterical fits of sobbing, cursing and pleading ensuing. There was a defined hole in the soil by his headstone, caused from her slamming her fist into it repeatedly. She couldn't help it. The one who she waited for always would never return to her again. She needed to remember the way it was though. It wasn't for him to return to her. It never had been.
Theirs was a most unconventional relationship. Certain words were never exchanged. The idea of a true future together was never discussed. Every time they met, she knew it may be the last, but that was never cause to end what they had. She always seemed to know when he was done with a case, always managed to follow him and track him down. Rabo always stayed true to her namesake, following close behind, but never interfering. Sometimes she stayed for a few weeks, never more than a month or two. It was just the way it was.
The last time she saw him alive wasn't much different than the others. He said goodbye. That was it. No 'I love you' or 'stay with me'--just 'goodbye', which was what he always said. Did he see this happening? No, it wasn't possible, even for him, the all-knowing genius of the world. Then again, the bastard had a knack for knowing the seemingly unknown. He probably did know, but didn't send for her. He never would. She only saw him when he was done with a case, and it was for her to find out when that was and track him down. Again, that's just the way it was, no exceptions.
It was somewhere around a year ago when she last saw him. He was in Germany and had just finished up with a case that had taken a good seven months or so to complete. He had been working out of Berlin, and retreated to Regensburg. When she stepped off the train, she looked about and noted how the old and incredibly picturesque town suited him. It was quiet, and heavy snow blanketed the entire town. The bitter wind would blow straight through a person, freezing them from inside out. Germany in the winter was often no joke, and this town, hidden away in the countryside, was definitely no exception.
She knew him well, and had found his location without all that much effort. He didn't even turn his attention towards her when she walked right in to his flat. The door wasn't locked, almost as if he were expecting her. Rabo tossed off her coat and stomped her feet at the front so as to not trudge snow in. Heading straight away for the kitchen, she made coffee, poured two cups and walked over to where he sat. "Thank you", he said, still not even looking at her as she placed the cup in front of him. She took a seat next to him, and they had their coffee in silence.
This sterile interaction was always how it was when she came to him. It was almost as if she had just stepped outside to have a cigarette, and had barely been gone five minutes. This was their routine though, and this was fact. He just had a difficult time connecting with people, and his social skills could definitely be classified as substandard. Rabo knew what to expect from him and when, and waited for him to make the first move.
"I missed you."
And there it was--just one line, but it meant the world because of the value it held.
"I missed you too", she muttered, and she put her arm around him. Rabo scooted next to him, and they sat there, drinking their coffee in the silence that followed.
Gunmetal clouds shifted in the sky above as soft flurries began to fall. She stared above, remembered his face, and wondered if anyone knew what she did. 'His eyes weren't black", she whispered, barely audible. Those eyes were definitely his most unsettling feature. She could still see them, a set of large black pupils that bored into her and always searched for the most subtle gestures. Rabo couldn't hide anything from them. She also saw the faintest ring of gunmetal grey that rimmed his irises. The color was only noticeable if you took the time to really stare into them--something which most people wouldn't even attempt to do. At a glance, they looked like the eyes of someone who's mind had been far gone, sick and absolutely insane. She always saw something else though. To her, they seemed hypnotic and incredibly pure, unfazed by the lies the world told, only looking for the truth of everything.
Her hand slid up the side of his cheek and dug into the roots of his unkempt mass of hair. He stared at her, those unnerving eyes of his wide, almost appearing scared, unsure and innocent. Neither one of them spoke. There were no words of adoration, seduction, or love. She always kissed him first, letting him know he was allowed to proceed as he wanted. His mouth was always so hot and sweet, reminiscent of the strong coffee she'd made and strawberry cake and ice cream he always seemed to be eating. Grinning against his mouth, she silently laughed, wondering how the hell his teeth weren't full of cavities from all that crap he ate. He lived the life all kids dreamt of--having nothing but cake and candy to eat all day.
Rabo smiled, closed her eyes and let the petite flakes fall on her eyes. Almost instantaneously, they turned into wet droplets against her skin. She shivered.
Only his touch ever made her skin shiver like that.
His skin seemed to forever be cool to the touch. She could never figure out whether it was because of anemia, low blood pressure, or just the aura that surrounded him. Cold, long fingers gingerly fumbled with clothing and brushed against her skin, causing shivers that reverberated throughout her. They grunted and panted heavily between the fervent kisses. His mouth traveled down her neck, across her throat, leaving a wet, almost sickly sweet trail of saliva with every stroke of his tongue. She pulled at his shirt, grabbed for his gaunt frame, and dug her fingernails into his back. He seemed so thin, but as her hands ran across his back up to his shoulders, she could feel how he wasn't the least bit frail. Rabo clawed at him, causing minuscule droplets of blood to appear on her nails. In response, he licked, sucked, and nipped on her neck and her collarbone, ensuring that imprints from his teeth would definitely be visible and last for several days. She sighed, reveling in how wonderful it felt to be simultaneously stimulated by the moist heat of his mouth, the smooth, slick edge of his teeth, and the brisk coolness of his fingers. Rabo felt him smile against her skin, and she laughed to herself. It was a rare thing, for him to smile at or because of anything. Her silent laugh became an audible moan as his mouth latched onto her breast to nurse. He always knew just how much it would make her wiggle and squirm for him.
It was dark, snowing, and cold now, just the same as it was that night in Regensburg.
It hurt. It always hurt, but she never complained. She'd once read in one of those girly magazines, that the pain would go away after the first few times, but it never did for her. Maybe he was too big, or she was too tight. Maybe it was because sometimes, they didn't see each other for months on end, and she had never even remotely wanted to be intimate with another person. She didn't know why it never felt the way those romance novels said it would, but it just didn't matter to her.
His hands slid between her legs, stroking and caressing the inside of her thighs as his mouth and tongue continued sucking and teasing her breast. She scratched his back, nails digging all the way in, leaving her mark on his wan skin. He really knew how much she would wiggle and squirm for him! Frantically, her hands traveled up to the back of his skull, pushing his head and mouth onto her breast even more. She rocked against the fingers that were no longer on her thighs but had made their way up to feel just how wet she was for him. She became absolutely breathless due to the way he rubbed his thumb against her most sensitive spot. His mouth and fingers left her, and cool palms spread her legs apart for him. She inhaled sharply as he slowly slid deep in and out of her, his head lowered to the side of her neck, and his breath becoming harsh and ragged. Rabo held onto him tightly, panting with every move he made inside of her. A burning pain caused her to almost stop breathing, but she allowed him to continue. The idea of him so close to her was all she thought of, and she wanted him, she always wanted him. His heavy panting became low, ragged groans, as he picked up his pace, thrusting harder and faster. Her eyes welled up, her lips parted, and she gasped, breathlessly mouthing 'Lawliet...' as his body jerked against hers during his climax. He sighed and collapsed against her, and she just clamped onto him, legs wrapped around and arms gripping tightly while he was still inside of her.
That's when he finally fell into a long overdue sleep. Rabo just lay there, taking in the moment, not moving. There was a lingering feeling of warmth and the slight smell of sex in the air, an after product reminding her of their lust. She remembered holding him, stroking his hair, enjoying his face. She traced the side of his pale cheek with her fingers, and admired his unorthodox features. His overgrown jet hair, now damp from sweat contrasted against his pallid complexion, and fell haphazardly past his eyes. Those unnerving eyes were always shadowed because of sleep deprivation and inadequate nutrition. His nose wasn't thick and broad, but not really narrow. It was perfect. Feeling something wet against her skin, she tilted his head slightly. A thin stream of drool escaped his slightly parted lips and formed a puddle. She wiped his mouth and he shifted, nuzzled against her. In sleep, Lawliet took on the form of innocence personified. Rabo smiled, snuggled against him, and fell into her own deep sleep.
It was dark, and there were no lights save for the ones in the perimeters of the cemetery. She was locked in again, same as she had been for the past thirteen days. A thin layer of snow now covered his grave. There weren't any more tears left for tonight. Her eyes closed, the lids felt as if they were frozen into place.
The word love never was part of their vocabulary, but she loved him and believed that he loved her back. He was her Lawliet, a selfish motherfucker with no social skills and the inability give her a sense of normalcy. It was almost impossible for him to maintain any kind of friendship with anyone, because he trusted no one. He was the one who made her hurt so much and want to die every time she left because he only said 'goodbye'. Rabo was sure that when she did finally die, his name would be on her lips, and she'd be cursing it until her last breath.
Rabo smiled. Slowly stretching, she shook the snow off that had dusted her body and stood up. As she made her way to the edge of the cemetery, she thought of him. She remembered his dry sense of humor, how he was a brat and hated losing, his childish penchant for wanting to live off of cake and candy. They both loved going barefoot, and reveled in the cold ground penetrating the soles of their feet. He would tease her and often wondered what would ever possess a parent to name a child after a part on an animal, the tail, no less. He'd argue with her, and stimulate her mind like no one else did. He thought she was beautiful, intelligent and special, and confided in her all the things he would never say to another being. When he touched her, she wanted to melt, when he kissed her, it was with such purity and care, and when they were together as man and woman were meant to be, there was never even the slightest doubt about what he felt for her.
She made her way to the locked fence and climbed over it. Leaving him started getting easier for her. She took out a cigarette, lit it, and walked away.