Hello, first time posting in this section. Know what that means? Be brutal in your reviews. Really not accustomed to this fandom, so gimme a hand if you think I'm getting anything wrong and stuff.

Now, this here is a XigDem fic, kids. The first of many from me. This first chapter may make you go 'wtf', but backstories and the such will follow in later chaps.

Without further adieu, let's get to the story.


Unparadoxical.

Chapter 1: Pulling Out The Best of Me (It Never Comes).


"Come on!"

Almost all of the Nobodies rolled their eyes at their newest member, some already beginning to stand up and walk out of the room via darkness corridors as he continued to speak, pointing and moving his arms about angrily for emphasis.

His frustration was already obvious in his tone as he continued. "You wouldn't want your hearts back if you didn't have the emotion it takes to want anything!"

"We don't feel the loss of our hearts, Nine," Zexion retorted irritably. "We only remember how it is. That's why we're looking for a way."

With that, they all exited the area, leaving Demyx alone in the resonating whiteness of his surroundings.

"We haven't lost our hearts…"


Demyx frowned at the floor outside of the meeting room; once again Xemnas had ordered him to stay after his usual speech for yet another threat because of his "stubborn attitude".

"This is so stupid," he thought, glaring as he took a few aimless steps, just for the sake of moving.

He summoned a dark portal to take him half the way to his sleeping quarters (another dumb quirk of Xemnas', that he had been sure to mention a couple of times specifically to Demyx in an attempt to correct his behaviour: they weren't "rooms", but quarters, as they were an organization, not a group of friends or anything of the sort). The rest of the way, he walked. Although the pristine white sometimes seemed so dull to him that it was annoying, he enjoyed all the little calm and routinary activities he had time for; the life of a Nobody, retired to their own quarters until called on a mission for the hearts they "didn't really want, just remembered" was not suited for him.

He heaved a sigh as his door came into view. "So stupid…"

But the world around him had spun so fast, and before he could decide for himself what to believe, he was pulled into the mess of an organization and their desperate crusade. And maybe if he wasn't afraid of what could happen, he would leave and live normally, even with his new identity.

He gripped the doorknob for a second, feeling something oddly out of place, before turning it and stepping into his room.

"We do have hearts," he spat quietly as he lay own on his bed, thoroughly annoyed by the Superior.

"How're you so sure, kid?"

Demyx looked around instinctively, already recognizing the voice. He spotted the end of a black and gray ponytail and followed it up with his eyes, raising an eyebrow at the Freeshooter sitting casually on his ceiling, reading a book.

"There you are," he said, not quite feeling up to talking to anyone. And yet…

He cracked a small smile. "Hey, Xig."


"You sure we haven't lost 'em? I remember a lil' of that."

"W-Wha?"

Demyx gazed around quickly, unable to spot the source of the voice. Something appeared before his eyes, tickling his nose and making him stumble back in surprise before he could see what it was.

He regained his balance and grabbed the strands of… hair? With a curious expression, he pulled lightly, while gazing up along it.

"Ow, here!" Spoke the voice again.

Demyx blinked, looking at the man who crouched upside down, his feet firmly on the ceiling and his long low-hung ponytail in Number Nine's hand.

He muttered a breathless "Sorry…" as he let go, baffled.

"No problem, kid," the man answered, standing oh-so-naturally from his position and still not falling off the ceiling. "Demyx, was it?"

"Yeah. And you were, um... Xiggy?"

Demyx hadn't had the time to have a good look at all the members of the organization, but Xigbar definitely didn't go unnoticed. Now that they were this close and at eye level, the scar on his cheek seemed bigger, his greying hair and features not making him look as old as from far away, his eyepatch standing out far more and his one golden eye giving off a far more dangerous glint. His tone, however, betrayed no bad intention.

He laughed; Demyx thought it sounded almost like a bark. "Xigbar."

"Got it," Demyx smiled.

"Lemme tell ya something, squirt," Xigbar said, apparently not about to use Demyx's name even if he knew it. "Not everyone here's all that friendly, but we all wanna get back what we lost, so…just take it easy, don't stir anything an' you'll do fine."

The newly-entitled Nocturne frowned. "It's not so easy if they don't like me."

"Nah, it's not that they don't like you. Xemnas has bugged 'em enough about not having the emotions to like or dislike anythin' anyway. They live by the stuff he says these days, y'know."

Eyes downcast, Demyx briefly thanked the heavens for Xigbar's amiable demeanour before muttering "But we do feel…"

The older male said nothing; he simply looked at Demyx for a while, studying, perhaps judging. Either way, some seconds later he smiled widely and grabbed his wrist, walking on the ceiling before the blonde's amazed gaze, leading him down the long hallways.

"C'mon, I'll show you around."

"Alright, Xiggy!"

"Don't call me that."


"Hey," Xigbar greeted back, throwing the Quantum Physics book over his shoulder and making it land on the ceiling, behind him. Physics, as complex as they got, were always the field he specialized in, but in his current state they were sometimes just very amusing, even laughable.

He glanced at the youth on the bed. "What's the matter, Dem?"

The Nocturne put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes, shrugging off the matter.

"Nothing."

"Got in trouble with Xemnas again, eh?"

Demyx didn't answer, but he definitely hadn't fallen asleep. Nine felt his bed shift slightly under him and opened his eyes to find Number Two sitting at the opposite end, his legs crossed and brow slightly furrowed.

"You've gotta watch your mouth a little, squirt. You don't wanna get turned into a dusk, do ya?"

Demyx sat up, making distracted motions with his hands and he spoke. "Of course not, but this doesn't make any sense. We want our hearts back, we want! That's feeling to start with!"

"We want things; that doesn't really prove we feel. We want back a lot of things because we remember 'em," Xigbar explained, "But most of all, we want 'em because of our ability to think, to choose what to get. Feeling doesn't necessarily have anythin' to do with it."

"We have heartbeat, Xig."

"'Course, otherwise we'd be dead in every sense. What we lost is not the heart itself, but the ability to feel."

Demyx's shoulders slumped. Two had never particularly been in his favour or against him in the matter, but…

"But," Xigbar added before Demyx could think any further. "It's not even the heart that feels, it's the brain… Xemnas knows that."

The Nocturne raised his head instantly, a hopeful look on his face. "What's it all about then? Why does he insist on it?"

"Iunno. The heartless did take something from us though, and this might be the only way to be complete again… we've gotta go through with it."

The blonde seemed to consider this for a moment, before giving a hopeless "Okay". The matter, in all its depth, tended to make him go in complicated circles that made his head spin. He'd come to a conclusion already, though: he knew he felt and Xemnas was not going to change his mind.

"Just don't get in trouble again. If you're going through with this, it's best to take it easy and see how everything turns out. Maybe find out what we've really lost. Don'tcha think?"

"So you think we have hearts too?"

Demyx was hopeful once again, and Xigbar honestly didn't know what to tell him.

"Sure."

Nine smiled widely, and Two couldn't help but do the same. The boy hadn't lost the naïve expression he had when he was a damn merman.

"Thanks, Xiggy."

The older man waved off the matter with a hand motion, before leaning forward, his gaze insistently locked into Demyx's eyes.

"So you'll be more careful, right?" He asked with a firm tone.

"I'll watch out," he said, chucking lightly. "I don't think I'd like being a dusk."

After a curt nod, the mostly-black-haired Nobody crawled forward and grinned, displaying his sharp canine teeth, almost rough in his ways as he grabbed the musician's chin with one gloved hand. "There's a good boy," he whispered before testing the taste of the other's lips with a light lick.

"Xig…?" Demyx called, his eyes wide and his body shivering as the single syllable made his lips brush slightly with the other male's.

He blinked.

Xigbar was gone.