Well, I noticed that I have not posted all of my old stories here, so I decided to correct this mistake. This story was written in 2002/3. I am not exactly sure anymore which year. It wasstill some time ago, but I hope it's still enjoyable.
Title: We'll see us again!
Warnings: Angst, depressing, sad, but hope, Duo's POV
Describtion: Heero has to leave for a reason and Duo is alone again. He tries to deal with what happens.
Disclaimer: Nothing mine all owned by Sunrise and Co. I don't make money with this.
This fic is for Helen and also for all her mail friends out there how feel as sad and depressed as I feel now (that has been written around 2002/03, so that sad feeling time has been some time ago).
Yes I did. But not when I received the news. Not when they were still with me. I cried when I was alone.
You are gone. Now I am alone - again. I hate to be alone. And I already miss you. Although you are only gone since a day.
I already miss your voice, your face, your precious smile.
All what is left, is silence. It shouldn't be that way. There are supposed to be sounds of typing in this room. And my voice talking to you, telling you useless things.
You always seemed not to listen to my pointless babbling. But I know you always did. I noticed it by the way you acted when I stopped. You interrupted you typing, only for seconds, but still enough to disturb the rhythm.
This was your way to show me you noticed. Your way to ask me why I stopped talking. To invite me to continue.
But now you are gone. It's useless for me to talk, because you are not here to listen. I changed since I learned about everything. I stopped to laugh.
You said that you love to hear my laugh. It was something that made you happy. That's why I kept on laughing, because I knew I caused you to smile inside.
But now there is no more reason for me to laugh, because you are not here. There is only the quiet room. I sit on the window, looking outside. I am still on Quatre's estate in the room, we shared. The silence is strong, but it also feels right. It's like my mood, empty, clueless.
Only Quatre disturbed this silence once to bring me something to eat. He said I have to eat, but I can't. I don't remember anymore when I ate for the last time.
Yes, I know I am an idiot for acting like this. But this all was a shock, so forgive me. I just can't eat - not now.
I am still in shock. But I will get over this I promise. I will eat and maybe also laugh again. Because maybe you will feel it, when I laugh, no matter where you are. Maybe this way we can still see each other, not with eyes but with our hearts. Just give me time to recover!
Quatre worries about me, I know that. He is a nice guy. He helped me much with everything since you are gone. He's a great friend.
But he can't change that I miss you.
Do you miss me too? Do you have such a friend out there to talk to? I hope so, because it's good to have someone by your side when you feel like you can never again carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.
It was also Quatre who informed me that you asked him to deliver your goodbye. He told me what happened so suddenly with J. That he distrusts us. That he fears one of us could work for OZ and betray the rest one day.
That's why he forced you to go and leave the ones you dared to call your friends now. That's why you had to go with him. It hurt so much to hear this all.
No one would do such a thing. We are all fighting for the same goal.
I know I should not hate him for what he did. He only wants to protect you. But still, can't help it.
Will you forgive me? I already talked with G. He told me everything J did to you, was to protect you. To raise you as the 'perfect soldier' meant a big hope that you will survive the war.
He wants you to survive. If you are perfect, you'll be able to finish every mission, to survive every fight, to survive the war. He wants you to restore peace so that you can live in this new, peaceful world.
But does he know what he did to me? I think not. He ripped a part of my heart away with you. He doesn't know what happened between us. He doesn't know that our relationship became deeper.
Though I think our friends suspect it now that you are gone. Everyone is sad, but nobody is as devastated as me. My actions betray me. And I can't understand. How could J do this to us?
I never lie and I would rather die than ever harm your precious life. We share so many great things. We talked about the past, present and future. We shared our life, our soul, our feelings, our bodies and our hearts.
Maybe I never see you again. I don't dare to think about that option. If you die, a part of me will die too. I won't be able to be the same again, ever. I will be lost, alone.
Please don't leave me alone! I try not to die as well, I promise. Everything which keeps me alive is this single hope, that we'll see each other again one day. If not during the war, then at last after it ends.
I keep hoping with my whole heart.
We will meet again one day, my love.
Just wait - Heero!