This is a dedication to New Moon, and Bella's feelings once Edward left her. It is also a dedication to the song that makes me cry when I even hear the first few notes—
The days feel like years when I'm alone,
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away, I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
It is, if you haven't already noticed, 'When You're Gone' by Avril Lavigne. Please listen to it very quietly in the background as you read this, if it is at all possible.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.BPOV
"I don't want to talk about it!" I yelled down the phone at my mother, who was trying to glean details out of me about Edward.
He was the last person I wanted to think about.
It hurt so much to think of him- to picture his beautiful face, his strong shoulders, his arms, where I felt safer than anywhere in the world…
In every flower I smelt him, on every sunny day I remembered his diamond skin, and whenever a Volvo passed by I would start violently as if it could be him driving to find me.
No chance of that!
At this moment, he is on the other side of the continent, passing time, probably hunting… who knows? Does it matter? The point is, he isn't here with me.
He left me.
Two months ago? Maybe three? Even four? Time means nothing without him. The days just stretch on sometimes, with nothing but memories as my company. And then suddenly time flies by, and I'm caught up on a thought, and everything around me fades… and when I awake, weeks have passed.
He was everything I thought I wanted, and we were supposed to be together. But fate cursed us with one difference. He was a vampire, I was human. And that small fact was what tore us apart.
From the first moment we met, I knew he was special. Not human- much more. I saw it in his eyes, shining warm topaz, and in the unusual shade of his bronze hair. I saw it in his pale skin, in the lavender shade of his eyelids, in the glittering white of his teeth. I heard it in his voice, in tones of cool, smooth velvet. I felt it when he leant closer to me, placed his hand on mine… kissed me softly and chastely on the lips…
I knew I loved him when he told me of his love for me the first time… and when his lips moved persuasively on mine- seductive, taunting, teasing… and his eyes, filled with pure passion and raw emotions of love, elation and happiness.
This was Edward Cullen, and he was my heart's match. The person who completed my puzzle; the other, better half of me.
The one thing I couldn't do without!
If the whole world were to burn, and he was saved, then I could live on.
But if the birds sung, if clouds lazily passed across the sky, if the sun shone down brightly as if to sing the song of summer… and he had perished- then life would be meaningless.
I knew it was only a matter of time before it was the end of my journey. This life had been good; lost in a fleeting moment of ephemeral happiness, the years had flown by… and here I was left, alone, one half of me missing. I was spent- I could no longer cry and express emotion; I was numb!
Would pain ever make itself known to me? Could it be any worse than what I was feeling now? I doubted it. Would the sharp tang of fear in my mouth and blood running out of me hurt at all? Or was I so finished, so dry, that the last thing I would remember was his face? The pain would mean nothing, it would be a release. And wasn't a face in the extremes of pain so similar to that of ecstasy?
Maybe I would enjoy the pain. Maybe I would be set free- for lifetimes of nothingness sounded like bliss to me! Maybe shutting my eyes for once, and not seeing dark images of my personal hell and nightmares that racked my body with sobs of terror would be better than this. Was death my way out?
And then soft notes of a piano broke through my reverie, and a heartbreaking melody began to fill the air. A tune so familiar to me that every night I feel asleep to its soothing tones, and every beat of my heart echoed out its rhythm, and every breath was one more to hear it by…
A melody that sang of heartbreak, that sang of real, burning pain, that sang of death and decay… but also a lullaby of unbearable sweetness, full of delicate notes that stirred the heart, and full of true, moving dedication that lasted forever.
My heart rose, and hope seemed to seep into my very bones. The core of my soul burned with an eternal fire, rekindled again by the sound of this lullaby.
And then the notes died away, and my heart was stilled.
Long before the last note had ended I had decided- I would not live without Edward. However much he had hurt me, I still loved him more than should be possible. More than everything in this world combined.
I wouldn't go another minute without him.
I picked the first thing that came to hand- a kitchen knife, glinting in the early morning light that seeped through the window. I took a deep breath, readying myself, and then—
Quiet footsteps sounded in the passage outside, and I froze. The moment had passed, and the knife slipped from my hands to clatter back onto the counter.
I couldn't do it to Charlie.
But it was not Charlie who stepped into the room this time, to kick off his boots and stretch out in front of the TV… no; this time it was another face. A face dearer to me than my own, a face written in every line of my brain, a face that eclipsed everything… and then his velvet voice spoke- broke the silence- and at once banished everything but a rush of overwhelming love from my heart.
His velvet tones brought me home.
"Bella? Are you there?"
Happy Easter, babes!
I hope you enjoyed this one-shot! I could possibly make it a two-shot, maybe…?
Depends on how I feel, and what you guys think.
Drop me a review…?