The Crack! Fic to end all Crack! Fics!—

We'll never be the same again!

By: PhoenixJustice

Disclaimer: I don't own Sorcerer Hunters or Inuyasha, I only own this messed up story (D) and make no profit from this, other than seeing my crazy ideas come to fruition.

Warning: Um…silliness, pervy-ness, Tira and Chocolate craziness, yaoi, incest, lots o' humor, smexyness?, boy-crazy fangirls, girl crazy pervs, randomness, Carrot oblivious-ness, etc.

Setting: Erm…sometime before the seventh episode of Sorcerer Hunters and sometime after Inuyasha and the gang defeat the Band of Seven. Not like it matters all too much. XD

Summary: Carrot is crazy, Tira is abusive, Chocolate tries to get into Carrot's pants, Marron says he's pretty, Gateau actually is saying something smart, Big Momma has a blonde moment, Dota goes frantic, Marron apparently likes to rub his brother's butt, and Inuyasha and gang appear.

A/N: What the hell is wrong with me and what did I get myself into? XD

Inspiration: Random plot bunny that came into my head after I started to watch SH, as I seen how pervy Carrot is, and it made me think of Miroku, although I think Carrot is a bit worse; if that's possible P


"Incoming! Incoming Big Momma! There's something falling from the sky!" said Dota, pointing upwards frantically, wings beating against her movements.

Big Momma looks up and her eyes widen in alarm. She starts to point up frantically too, dancing around on her feet, making Dota fly away in frenzy as Big Momma was much bigger!!

"Oh my gosh!" Big Momma squealed, one hand on her face and the other frantically pointing up. "What is that?!"

She doesn't watch where she's going and she trips and falls…

"AGH!!" Xx

…right on top of Dota.


"Girls, girls, girls! Gotta get the girls! Gotta get! Get—"He keeps struggling forward as Tira holds onto his shirt collar, she throws him on the ground a few times.

"Oh come on! Who are you kidding anyway?" said Gateau, doing some pull-up's on a tree limb and looking down at them (he was about three stories up). "Isn't that bit getting old by now?"

"Ollllllllllllldddddddddddddddddddd?!" shrieked Carrot, trying to pry off Tira's hand with a large pair of pliers and failing, switching to a pair of shears which pop up out of nowhere. "What do you mean old? Kidding who?! I am a healthy young man who needs attention from pretty, pretty girls! Preeeeeeeeeeeeettttttttyyyyyyyyyyy! Got to have something pretty!"

"I'm pretty, Darling!!" said Chocolate, waving her hand in the air, not seeming to notice the tremors in the ground everytime Tira thumped Carrot on the ground. "I'm pretty! And I can be everything you want me to beeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"I'm pretty," mumbled Marron out of the blue.

A breeze suddenly rolls in, knocks Tira off her feet and Carrot springs up. Gateau attempts to do another pull-up but his hand slips and he falls down right on top of Carrot.

"Ugh! Xx" Carrot was seeing stars as Gateau stands up, apparently unconcerned by Carrot's safety and pats himself off.

"So what were you saying, Gateau?" asked Tira, also looking unconcerned for Carrot as he staggers up looking dazed, and gets tackled by Chocolate. Tira pries off Chocolate though, as Carrot starts to turn a rather weird shade of green.

Gateau turns from the sight, ignoring Marron's continued mumble of "But, I'm pretty," and starts to box a tree. "Oh! I was just saying that there's an obvious explanation of why Carrot acts as he does…" He whimpers as one of the tree branches smacks him on the ass. "Ow!"

Carrot darts behind the tree with a whimper of; "Help me!" to the tree as Chocolate and Tira come closer. As Gateau tries to remove a rather large saw from his pocket, Marron gets out of his stupor enough to actually notice something.

"I'm prett—oh, wait. I think I see something." Everyone, including the tree, turn to look where Marron was, except for Carrot that was. As they were all looking he attempts to get away, but gets snagged by some of the tree's branches.

A faint upturning of dust seems to come closer, and starts to gather in size and in speed and it was coming right after them! It soon became all too apparent what it was;


Everyone starts to run in a hurry, trying to walk all over each other in an attempt to get away faster. Carrot trips and gets stomped on by the others, but his brother picks him up in one arm and hauls him away, all with tears of fear in their eyes.


The fangirls stop at the tree that the others had been standing at, looking for any scrap that they could take with them. The tree was standing still and acting like, well, a tree. After a few moments, they start to move away and leave—leaving the tree to breathe a breezy sigh of relief—when one of the fangirls looks up, shading her eyes against the sun.

"Ooh! Wait!" she calls to the other group of fangirls who pause. "I think I see something!"

She points up to a branch way up on top of the tree which seemed to have a scrap of cloth on it.

The fangirls cackle gleefully, rubbing their hands together; the tree sweatdrops.


They finally come to a stop, Carrot still being held by Marron as they try and catch their breaths.

"I thought that they stomped out Fangirl-ism in this region! Don't they know the danger of the fangirl?!" said Gateau, looking pissed off—but still pretty afraid; he kept looking over his shoulder.

Marron was ignoring Gateau and the girls and was fussing over his brother who he finally sets on his feet, and starts to pat off the dirt, lingering a rather long time on Carrot's ass though. Carrot seems oblivious, just blinking rather blankly, still looking a bit dazed. Tira was wiping off her glasses and Chocolate was taking the saw from Gateau's pocket which seemed to be flecked with some kind of red…

As Marron continued to rub on—er—pat down his brother, Chocolate notices a gleam in the sky. She points up frantically.

"Hey, hey! Look!!" She falls on her butt and keeps pointing up. Tira gives up on her glasses, throwing them away, "Ow!" , hitting Carrot, and pulling a new pair out of nowhere and putting them on, looking up where Chocolate kept pointing to.

There seemed to be something large in the sky, getting larger, and even more so.

"Damnit Kagome, I'm going to kick your skinny human ass for this!" screeched something that seemed to have silver hair, or was that white?

"AHH!" The Sorcerer Hunters attempt to scramble away, but…



"I'm pretty," mumbled Marron.


A/N: XDD Don't ask. lol. Well, okay, you can ask. This has been sitting on my comp for a few weeks; thought I'd polish it up and post it. I don't know if I'll write anymore on it, that depends if people like it enough, I suppose.