Disclaimers: Not my characters but thanks to BBC and Kudos for the use
Rated for bad language – but not from Gene for a change
Summary – Drabble post Episode 7. I wasnt going to add anything more but Alex wanted to put her point across - and yes I am slightly mad but its A2A that has made me that way! Enjoy
She's got to be strong
'Cause so many things gettin' out of control
Should drive her away
So why does she stay?
It's all about soul
(Lyrics – Billy Joel, Its all about Soul)
Alex stared into the bottom of her wine glass wishing desperately that the alcohol would sooth the panic and pain she was starting to feel inside. What had she done? Had she ruined everything, possibly to the point of not being able to get home to Molly? For this to work Gene had to be able to function, to be 'Gene' and all that entailed – including his method of policing.
She had been so certain Gil was innocent, so certain that she was right and Gene was wrong and in the end had pushed too hard. "I did it for you" he said. She remembered the pain and anger displayed for all to see on his face and felt… well, she wasn't certain what she felt really. He was a 'construct' wasn't he? But if he was only a construct then why did she feel so terrible now?
She sipped slowly ignoring the glances of the other customers in the yuppie wine bar she had found. She grimaced when she recalled Evan and her mother gloating over Gene's downfall. She just felt like smacking the pair of them right there and then. What had she been thinking – really? Yes, she had to stop Gene falling further into his pit of violence but that wasn't the way. He was lashing out the only way he knew how and she should have acknowledged that. She was supposed to be a psychologist for fucks sake!
A handsome banker type sidled up to her.
"Ello gorgeous, lost all your friends then?"
"Just piss off, you wanker" she replied. She so wasn't in the mood for this. Alone again she pondered on the question. 'So where are my friends' she thought. Well, it seems I've pissed everyone off in 1981. Shaz was in hospital with Chris in attendance, Ray wanted to give her a good thumping and Gene…where was Gene? And even if she knew where he was, what on earth could they say to each other now? Could they forgive each other?
The barman made to refill her glass again but Alex stopped him and made for the exit.
As she arrived at Luigi's she wondered if he would be there. Didn't really matter as he would probably be either too drunk to talk or possibly have nothing to say to her, which would be even worse. As she stepped inside Luigi was just turning off the lights. He smiled and gestured for Alex to go into the bar. Well, maybe she should have another drink she thought, it might help her sleep. She saw him sitting at the bar nursing the bottle of whiskey with a look of utter despair on his face.
"You drink too much" she said, the only thing she could think of saying.
He turned his head towards her but said nothing.
She sat down slowly beside him, still wearing the jacket stained with Shaz's blood. 'I just need him to be strong' she thought 'I need him to be Gene, I need him……..' her thoughts tailed off as the realisation hit her.
She found a glass and poured herself a large one. She watched Gene as she sipped her drink and tried to read his face but gave up the job as impossible.
She reached out and put her hand on his.
"Don't Gene. No talking, not tonight". She didn't want him to say anything, not yet. They would only end up arguing and she was too tired.
She lifted the drink to her lips again but didn't take her hand away from his. She felt the warmth from his hand seeping into her body and it felt, somehow, right.
So they sat in silence, but later, maybe, there would be a chance to make it right.