A/N: The final installment! -shimmies-

ORGASM!: The Mello Chronicles


"I know you only take on cases that interest you…"

"Nonsense, Rodger. I would do anything for Wammy's. Actually, I am in England - I was about to come over for a visit anyway, since I missed Near's party."

"Thank you, L."

"See you soon."

"Yes, see you."

Rodger set the phone back on its cradle. He folded his hands on the desk and looked at the three boys over the top of his glasses. Near was sitting with one knee pulled up to his chest in a chair, looking suspiciously at Mello and the other two were standing around, looking like they would much rather be doing something else. But Rodger wasn't going to let any of them go until this thing was sorted out and he knew the world's best detective was just the one to do that.

"So," Mello said, looking at the old man, "L's on his way?"

"That's right." Rodger nodded. "And until he solves this mystery, none of you can leave my office."

"It's no mystery," Near objected, "it's Mello. You felt it yourself."

"Now, see here…" Rodger looked at them all seriously. "None of you must ever speak of that again, not to anyone. Ever. … Ahem. As for now, we wait. Mello, be silent and keep your fingers to yourself."

Matt raised his hand. "Well, can he do it to me?"


It was a little over an hour before L arrived with Watari in tow, as per usual. Rodger greeted the slumped over detective at the door of his office and showed him inside and shutting the door after the two entered.

"L!" Mello cried, jumping the man with a hug.

L looked down at the blond boy attached to his waist. He patted him. "Hello, Mello. I've heard you've been harassing people again."

"Nu-uh," he cried, looking up.

"We'll see."

Rodger beat Mello off of L with his cane. "Mello, behave yourself for one moment! Ahem. L, it's good to see you. Please, sit. We are in grave need of your assistance."

L nodded and took one of the empty chairs across from Near, patting both Matt and Near on the head as he walked. He sat in his seemingly uncomfortable position and nodded towards Rodger. "Details," he said, in full detective-mode.

"Yes. Well, it seems-"

"That Mello has a kickass power and should be a whore," Matt said eagerly.

"Matt," Mello groaned, "that's so weird."

"I'm just saying."

"He's been causing unspeakable mayhem," Near said, looking at L and twirling a lock of hair. "I haven't had a moment's peace. They've stalked me."

"Ain't nobody stalking you, Near."

Near sent a wry glare towards Mello.

Rodger did so as well. "We've lost so many employees!"

Matt shrugged. "Can't figure out why. We saw the looks on their faces - you just know they were enjoying it. That Maria lady sounded like she was singing opera or something, it was nuts."

Near blushed. "Disgusting."

"All right, all right," L said, thinking. "Everyone calm down. Mello… if this is for real, where did you get this power?"

Mello seemed to hesitate and then shook his head at the dark-haired man. "I-I can't, L… I can't rat on someone! What would I be then?"

"Someone who's not about to get whacked upside the head," Rodger threatened, holding up his cane.

Mello squinted and then looked at L and Watari. "Do you know how much we're abused here?"

L shook his head. "Fine, Mello, you don't have to tell. I must see this for myself though."

Matt grinned and pointed to his friend. "Mel, hit me!"

"WAIT!" Rodger cried, holding his hands out. "See it? L, no, it's too graphic!"

L frowned. "I'm old enough to handle viewing some sexual activity. It will help the case, Rodger and you want that, don't you? Or do you want the orphans to be cocooned in fear and pleasure for the rest of their stay at Wammy's?"

Rodger sighed. "You're right…"

"Yes. No, Mello, please perform your ability on Watari."

Watari looked at L. "… Sir?"

Matt made a face. "Aw, dude, I've seen enough old guys come for one lifetime."

"Right! I don't wanna do it to Watari," Mello said, sticking out his tongue.

Watari frowned at the blond. "I'm not looking forward to it either."

L groaned, highly annoyed now. "Will none of you sacrifice your dignity for the sake of the case? Honestly."

"I will!" Matt raised his hand enthusiastically.

L dismissed him. "I suppose I will do it then."

Rodger groaned and put a hand over his eyes. "Good Lord," he muttered.

Matt laughed and pointed at L triumphantly, yelling at Mello, "Make it count, dude!"

"Don't need to tell me twice!" Mello wiggled his fingers in L's direction and said his magic word.

At first, L just blinked, looking blankly at Mello - then his eyes widened and he fell off of the chair and onto the floor, back arching off of the ground. He blushed furiously and looked at Mello through half-lidded eyes, moaning languorously; he gasped again and his torso faintly undulated. "Ahh… Mello…"

Everyone in the room was silent and Near was turned away, his face completely red.

Matt and Mello were red too, their eyes wide.

"Dude… s'fucking hot…" Matt said, an eyebrow raised.

"Y-Yeah…" Mello watched as L slowly got up and replaced himself in his chair. He raised his fingers. "Can I do it again?"

"No," Near squeaked, "enough, enough."

Matt smirked. "Aha, look, Near's horny."

"You're telling lies," the pale boy said, still hiding his face.

L cleared his throat, trying to defuse some of the tension in the room. Both Watari and Rodger refused to look at anything but the floor, Matt and Mello were both clearly aroused, not sure what to do with themselves, and Near looked like a pink hedgehog, curled up in a ball.

"Well, I can confirm Mello's, ahem, power," he said slowly. "We now must find out how he obtained it and how we can rid him of it."

Mello blinked. "But I don't want to lose it, L!"

"I do not care, Mello. That is a dangerous weapon you hold."

Matt giggled. "Death by orgasm."

L turned to Near who seemed to be slowly coming out of his ball. "Near, when were you first solicited?"

"The night of my birthday…"

"Oh yeah, about that," Matt said, garnering attention. He tented his fingers at Near. "Did you know you curl your toes when it happens?"

"Matt!" Near cried, horrified, and balling up again like a roly-poly.

"What? It's cute!"

"Matt, stop embarrassing Near," L ordered. His eyes rolled upward in thought and he tilted his head to Rodger. "Now, did Mello come into contact with anything unusual that day? Magic crystals?"

Rodger frowned. "Crystals?"

L shrugged.

Matt laughed, "Dude, this is so like Paper Mario."

"Well, no…" Rodger thought back to that day. "I don't believe - OhmyGodthathorriblemagician."

"… What?"

"Bon Bon the Magician! He was here on the day of Near's party," Rodger recalled, outraged. "That pervert came and ruined Near's party." Rodger patted Near on the head consolingly.

"Agh!" Mello groaned.

L raised his hand, palm up and motioned towards the phone on Rodger's desk. "Call him and tell him to get over here, ASAP."

Surprisingly, Bon Bon arrived in only a matter of twenty minutes, having been bribed by Rodger and offered more money if he came to do a performance. The magician came in his drastic garb and with his magic bag and wand in each hand. He was let into the office and was greeted with not an audience of children but two old men, three young boys and a depraved looking young man.

"Well… is this my audience?" Bon Bon asked Rodger.

"In a sense," Rodger replied, wary.

L looked over at the estranged magician. "Hello, I'm L. I have some questions for you concerning your interaction with Mello on the 24th."

He blinked and then looked down at the blond boy staring up at him. He waved fervently. "Hey, little guy, I remember you! What's up?"

Mello shrugged. "Hangin' out, givin' mad orgasms… usual."

"That's what I like to hear."

Rodger gasped, horrified. "Oh, you are sick, mister."

"What's wrong?" Bon Bon asked, genuinely confused.

"What's wrong?" he echoed. "You corrupted an inno… well, a young mind!"

L interrupted. "It does not matter what he did, all that matters is that we correct it. Mr. Bon Bon, please fix Mello."

Bon Bon squinted at L, feeling challenged. "Well, what if I can't fix him?"

"Then we shall hang you."

"… W-"

"I kid. But do fix him."

Bon Bon sighed and walked over to Mello and (though a bit wary of L) knelt in front of him to be at eye-level. "Okay, kid. Hold out your hands."

Mello looked at L helplessly with eyes he thought would get him off the hook but L seemed unmovable. Matt himself was practically bawling and begging for just one more but Rodger silenced him with his cane.

So Mello gave Bon Bon his hands and Bon Bon closed his eyes. "Back and forth, from hand to hand, return this awesomeness to me again."

There was a blue glow…

And then nothing.

Mello blinked and looked at his hands. He wiggled his fingers at Near. "Orgasm!"

Near bit back a cringe but nothing happened and he sighed lightly, full of relief.

Matt was rolling around on the floor. "Whhhyyyy - W-Whhhyyy! Oh Rodger, whhhhyyy!"

Later that night, after Bon Bon had hit the road and L and Watari left for another case somewhere far away, Matt and Mello were in their room, in their separate beds. They both looked up at the dark ceiling; Matt with no PSP, Mello with no chocolate.

There was a heavy silence.

"Dude…" Matt breathed. "This sucks."

"Yeah, think about how I feel. I never even got to try it on myself."

"Hey, that's right." Matt sat up in bed. "Why didn't you?"

Mello snorted. "I don't wanna do it in front of you."

"Why not? I did it in front of you."

"Well, you're weird."


"Know what else sucks?"


"We can't torture Near like that anymore."

Matt blinked. "Yeah… but now that we know it's so much fun…"


"We can just do it manually."

"… No. Just… no."


A/N: Well, thanks for coming along for the ride! I had fun - how about you? I like doing crack, it isn't hard at all! Sequel? Hells yeah. Want it? Review me.

See ya next time!