Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight ) :

A/N My friend and I realized that Bella and Edward NEVER have a normal conversation!

(Doctorish voice) I mean, how can they build up a healthy relationship without discussing everyday events and opinions? Huh? Huh? So here is there attempt at a normal conversation:

The Conversation Attempt Number 1

"Hello Bella, my love and core reason for my existence and the one that I love!" said Edward

"Hello Edward, my destiny, soul mate and ugh, fiancée that I love!" replied Bella

Continue to stare into each others eyes and then make out.

Suddenly Carlisle appears out of nowhere.

"Carlisle, WTE are you doing here??"

"Hello Edward and Bella. Since I'm a doctor I must say that your relationship is very unhealthy"

Edward sighs "I know Carlisle, I know that Bella is just to good for me and that I could kill her at any second but-"

"Shut up Edward, I wasn't even talking about that!" Carlisle interrupted

"Oh"

"I mean you two never have a real conversation! It's always about "true love", Edward's stupid boundaries and sadistic vampires coming to kill you!" I mean, what are you going to talk about once you're old and bitter and can't stand to talk about "love", which reminds me, I have to call Esme, and there are no boundaries and no vampires chasing you?? Hmm?? Hmm? EXACTLY!"

Carlisle magically disappears again.

"Uhhhh…." Bella said

"We have normal conversations ALL the time!" Edward yelled

"Yeah!" Bella agreed passionately.

They then sat in awkward silence.

"Sooo…"Edward began "What do you plan to do this weekend?"

"Spending every single solitary second with you!" Bella replied

"Rats! That didn't work out!"

"Oh, here's a good one!" Bella chimed in. "What's your favorite subject??"

"Biology. That's were we first met. The day I wanted to kill the entire class by stealthily snapping all there necks and then slowly drink there blood. Sigh, But TRUE LOVE PREVAILED!"

"Oh, Edward! You have such a way with words!"

Stare into each others eyes dreamily.

"Wait! AHH! This isn't working!" Edward whined" Umm, Bella, what's your favorite time?"

"Well, it's not noon. Because every time it turns twelve I think of how you abandoned me (for my safety, of course) Then when you thought I was dead, fled to Italy to commit vampire suicide and I had to run threw that crowd of Italians to save your life, which reminds me of the Volturri! Le gasp!! Now there coming and I'm not changed yet!" Bella says in one breathe before becoming suddenly very sensitive and bursting into tears.

Edward enters super overprotective mode:

"Don't worry Bella, I'll save you!"

Edward stands there in superman pose while Bella cries.

Approximately 10 minutes later.

"Ah, screw this!" Edward said

Edward and Bella skip off to the meadow.

Jacob bursts into the Cullen's house after spending 23 and 1/4 days digging a tunnel that would lead directly into Edwards's bedroom!

"Aha! I'm here to save you Bella and take you away and force you to love me because I just won't give up and move on with my pathetic existence!"

Jacob just stands there looking around.

Carlisle magically appears. again.

"You're to late. I was rooting for you, mate"

(Pirate of the Caribbean moment)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Well, back to the drawing board…"

Jacob goes back out the tunnel and Carlisle starts singing Pirate shanties.

THE END!!