Heya! This is a crack one-shot I wrote when I was incredibly hyper...so expect total randomness! And a bit of ooc-yness'
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, blah blah or any one else who shows up.
Flamethrowers, cow tipping and sleepovers.
I was a dark and stormy night... sorry I've always wanted to write that! ' Any way it wasn't stormy but it was nighttime and our favorite group of mix-match ninjas where on their way home from an awesome party at Ino's. Half of the shinobi where buzzed but Lee, seeing as he's an extreme lightweight, was completely blasted.
"That wash a aweshomy party man!" lee yelled causing many people to yell for him to shut up.
"Lee please don't yell" Neji said as he supported his intoxicated friend.
"That one chick wash HOTT!!"
"Lee, that was a pole not a woman" Shino calmly explained. Every one busted up laughing.
"OMG!! I just got an awesome freaking' idea!" Sasuke yelled girlishly which scared every one. "Lets have a slumber party!"
"Yeah!" lee yelled, everyone else sweat dropped.
"Oh come on! Pweeezzze!" Sasuke begged giving everyone his best puppy dog pout. After that excruciatingly horrifying experience, the group agreed.
As they continued on a figure in a black cloak jumped out from the shadows, grabbed Naruto from behind and began pulling him away.
"AAAHH! Help meeee!!" Naruto yelled as the figure pulled him closer to the shadows. Sasuke kicked the person in the shins; causing him to jump and making his hood fall off. The group gasped.
"OH MY GOD!! IT'S OROCHIMARU!!" everyone yelled in unison.
"Orochimaru, who's that? I'm Michael Jackson!" the man who looked a lot like Orochimaru said.
"Michael who?" Naruto asked.
The man looked crestfallen at this question. "You don't know me? Oh well, you're still a cute lil' piece-o-boy!!" the Michael Jackson said with a little giggle as he hugged Naruto tighter.
"N-n-no." Hinata stammered "N-no one MESSES WITH MY NARUTO-KUN!!" she yelled while pulling out a flamethrower.
So after Hinata fried the sexually confused 80's singer child molester with a fake nose, they continued on. But Neji and a still peeved Hinata, had to go home.
As the group of ninja walked on ward, Naruto stopped. "Look!" Naruto said pointing to the left and hitting Sasuke in the nose with his arm. (A/n I've done that) Naruto was pointing to a large random cow pasture sitting in the middle of the village.
"Lets go cow tipping!" Shikamaru squealed.
"Cows! Where!!" Shino asked all hyper like, as he looked around for his precious cows.
Everyone jumped over the fence, and ran to the nearest cow. Lee reached out to push the bovine over, but the cow jumped away. It landed on its' back hooves (?) and got into a fighting pose. Lee, who had fallen down, jumped up and he and the cow got in a huge Kung Fu battle.
Lee threw a punch at the cow, but the cow parried. It aimed a kick at Lee. Lee dodged and swiped the cow's feet out from under it. A voice broke through the epic battle.
"MOONEUW(1)!! That's enough" a man had approached the ninja. "That was a very good fight! Nyah!" The mans had a voice that sounded as though he had a large bullfrog shoved down his throat.
"Ha-ha! You sound funny!" Lee said as he fell over.
"You may call me Betty!" the strange men said.
"Uh, but we didn't ask for your name thou." Shika pointed out confused.
"Oh. Well Mooneuw and I are going to find the Chosen One and his talking tongue, then we'll defeat him with the help of French aliens now, Bye." Betty. Said then he and the cow Mooneuw walked away.
"Wow...that was random..." Sakura said with a blank/confused face.
"Let's GO!!" Lee once again screamed as he jumped up. "Yosh, the power of youth and all that other gay stuff that Gay sensei and I believe in!!" with that Lee once again fell over on his back.
"Naruto help me get him up." Sasuke yelled. Shika kicked Lee in the ribs. Lee responded with a loud snore.
"He's asleep!" Sakura said dumbfounded.
Kabuto popped out of nowhere. "Well I guess he's now a melato-nin(2)!!"
Queue the crickets!
"NOBODY EVER GETS MY MEDICAL JOKES!!" Kabuto wailed, sulking away to Sasuke's emo corner to have an emo moment.
"Well that was strange..." everyone nodded, in agreement to Shino.
"YOSH!" Lee yelled in his sleep.
"Boobies!" Gaara yelled as streaked though the cow field. Everyone fell over anime style.
"Can we go now and have my sleepover now?!" Sasuke asked/whined.
"Augh! Fine! Just don't do the puppy dog pout again! I don't want to have to kill you!" Naruto threatened.
So the group of ninja tramped over to Sasuke's house, dragging Lee by his ankles.
When they entered the house, and where seated in the living room Sasuke squealed "lets have a campfire!" he then threw randomly stacked wood into a pile in the middle of his living room and started a fire.
"Won't that burn your-""lets play truth or dare!" Sakura squealed, interrupting Shino, who sweat dropped.
So all the ninja plus an unconscious Lee sat around the fire.
"Me first!" Sasuke volunteered. "Hmmm, Naruto! Truth or dare!"
"Um, DARE! BEILEV IT!!" Naruto yelled back (a/n they yell a lot)
"All right then, I dare you to wear the first article of clothing I pull out of my clothes drawer!"
"Fine! I accept" Naruto agreed.
5 minutes later...
"Well that answers the main question on my mind" Sakura said as she watched a blushing Naruto sit down. "Boxers or briefs..." Sakura finished.
For Naruto had been forced to wear not boxers nor briefs, but a pink, frilly, lacey MAN THONG!!
"Sasuke?" Shino asked
"Why do you even own that?" he asked.
"Well it use to belong to Itachi. I wear it while I train to defeat him!" Sasuke explained.
"It will make me stronger!" Sasuke yelled, jumping up and striking the good guy pose.
"What ever, Sakura T or D?" Naruto said.
"I'll do truth, cause I don't want to end up in a thong too."
"That's boring! Are you sure ya don't want to do dare instead?"
"Yes Naruto I'm sure! So just ask the question already!"
"Your no fun... fine do you really love Sasuke?"
Hah! That's painfully obvious! She's my biggest fan girl, next to the blonde girl! Sasuke thought.
Sakura blushed "well to be honest, I don't love Sasuke!"
"WHAT!!" everyone yelled.
Sakura struck a dramatic pose. "I've found another!"
"WHO!!" shouted Sasuke?
Mooneuw walked into the room "mooie!" Sakura yelled as she flung herself into the cows' arms (?!)
"Mooie?" asked everyone, as Sakura and Mooneuw where talking.
Itachi walked into the room and looked at Sakura and the kung fu cow then Naruto and his pink man thong. "Am I interrupting something?" he asked.
"ITACHI!! What are you doing here!?" Sasuke yelled/ asked
"Hmm?" Itachi asked looking away from Naruto. "Oh well I came to steal all of your toilet paper, like I always do on Saturdays."
Sasuke looked horrified." but you told me it was the underwear gnomes who stole it! You lied to me!! How could you?" he yelled in surprise.
Everyone gave Sasuke the WTF stare.
"You lied...to me!" Sasuke sobbed "your not the real Itachi!!" Sasuke pointed an accusing finger at Itachi. "Who are you?!"
'Itachi' sighed, "you're right, I'm not your brother."
"Then who are you?" Shino asked.
"I'll show you, but not in front of them." 'Itachi' said pointing to sakura, Mooneuw, and the completely silent Ten-Ten who was just there.
"They must leave the compound before I tell you"
"All right" Ten-Ten said grabbing Sakura, Mooneuw followed.
"Lock the door when you leave!" 'Itachi' called after them. They did.
"So if you're not Itachi, who are you?" Sasuke asked.
"Well I'm not Itachi as you said. I'm really a horse!" the imposter said pulling off its cloak to reveal a black horse.
"BOOBIES!" Gaara yelled appearing in a poof of...sand? Kankuro appeared beside him.
"What the heck?" Sasuke asked.
"We heard you where having a sleepover so we came. "Kankuro answered.
"Hey guys!" Kiba said appearing in a poof of ...fur? "Same here, can I stay too?" he asked with a puppy dog pout. Sasuke sighed. "Fine!"
"Hey where's Akamaru?" Naruto asked. Kiba stared at him for a looooong minute before saying "he's getting a flea treatment" he glared at Shino who shrugged.
"Why is there a horse in here, boobies?" Gaara asked.
Sasuke looked at the horse "he was pretending to be my brother."
"Actually I'm not a horse, I'm a weasel" said the horse tearing off his disguise. Everyone stared at the weasel.
"I've lied, to be honest I'm not Itachi a horse or a weasel. I'm-"it ripped off it's weasly disguise, "Michael Jackson!"
All the ninja stared at the child molester. All the 12-year-old boy ninja.
"Didn't Hinata, like kill you?" Shika asked.
"Yeah" lee agreed groggily.
M.J. just smiled.
Then it clicked.
The boys ran to the door. It was locked.
Shikamaru, Naruto, Shino, Sasuke, Lee, Gaara, Kankuro, and Kiba turned to face the man.
They where locked in a room with Michael Jackson, and their only hope, were standing outside the compound with a cow.
They where doomed...
Oh man please don't kill me! I feel bad for Shino-kun and the others!
1: his name sounds like Moon-You.
2: melatonin is a chemical that the human body creates at night that helps the body relax and sleep. So do ya get the joke now?