A/N: All characters and places discussed here are the property of JRR Tolkein. I am making no money from this, so kindly don't try to sue me.

To the pretender Finrod Felegund, called King of Nargothrond, greetings.

While I am on the whole most pleased with the acquisition of the tower known as Minas Tirith, I have a few complaints to make. First of all, your dungeon facilities are completely inadequate. I am currently being forced to hold prisoners in pantries and cellars. As for your torture equipment, it is non-existant! Everything I have so far had to be imported specially from Angband.

I do, however, to find your defensive arrangements most fine. Orodreth kindly left everything standing for me, greatly facilitating the transition. Do remember to thank him for me. Unfortunately everything is slightly too tall for my orcs, which has resulted in a great demand for step stools. Still, they are coping.

I look forward to future visits from you, although they will have to be held outside the castle as I very much doubt you will ever be able to reclaim it from me. Lovely carvings by the way: unfortunately the orcs keep breaking them and writing graffiti all over them. How sad. I look forward to meeting you in Nargothrond sometime soon.

Until then,

Have a nice day.

Gorthaur (the Cruel)