Happiness, Fear, Change, Pain, Trust, Pity, Faith

House and Wilson Drabble

Alternate Dialogue 2x11 Need to Know

"You don't like yourself, but you do admire yourself. It's all you've got, so you cling to it. You're so afraid if you change, you'll lose what makes you special. Being miserable doesn't make you better than anybody else, House. It just makes you miserable."

"You think I want to be miserable?" House asked incredulously. "Well, I don't. I'm just not sure…how to be happy, but I'm pretty damn good at being miserable."

"You don't know how to be happy?"

"People pretend they're happy, but they're not. Just because I choose not to hide my misery, doesn't mean I'm any more miserable than anyone else."

"So…you think that happiness is impossible?"

"It's possible, but it's brief and fleeting. It's a rare event. You, however, walk around all day with a fake smile plastered on your damn face! You want the approval of everyone around you. You want other people to think your life is perfect, but it's not!"

"So now you're accusing me of pretending to be happy?"

"Yeah, I am."

"House, my life isn't perfect, but just because I don't sulk in self-pity all day doesn't mean I'm faking happiness. The idea's absurd."

"It's not. You wouldn't be taking anti-depressants if you were really as happy as you seem."

"What? How'd you find out-"

"You should be upset. You've divorced three times, you live alone in a hotel room, you're brother decided to live as a homeless drug addict, and every fucking day you go to work and watch little kids die of cancer. Who wouldn't be depressed? I just wish you'd show it and stop acting like your better than me."

"Better than you? I never-"

"Well what are you doing right now? Telling me that Stacy leaving is an example of how I want to be miserable. Maybe I'm miserable. Maybe I can't seem to find a damn thing in my life worth living for, but what gives you the right to accuse me of wanting to be miserable? I don't need you in my face telling me how screwed up I am."

"Greg, you just pushed the love of your life out of your life. What am I supposed to think?"

"Maybe I wasn't sure what to do. Maybe I was too scared that I would be fucking up her life. She moved on, I didn't."

"Stop acting like this is some huge sacrifice for you! It's not. You're just scared of things changing."

"Yeah so maybe I'm scared of things changing. I'm just going to give this a guess, but I'm pretty sure it has some connection to my moving around a lot as a kid."

"Huh?"

"I moved all the time all over the world, you know father a marine and everything. Every time I moved…I'd lose everything. My home, school, friends…everything. After a while, it just became easier not to connect with people, to be a loner. Now I don't even remember how to let another person in. I pushed Stacy away because I didn't want things to change. I didn't want to risk losing everything, so I thought I might as well kick her out of my life sooner better than later. She would've left me anyways and I don't think I could've dealt with it."

"House…"

"Change is the only constant."

"You can't live your whole life scared of pain. You're just a coward. You're not brave, self-sacrificing, or noble! You're just a coward scared that if you show concern for another person's well-being than…I don't know what you think will happen. You just believe that people are ill-capable of showing genuine compassion. What's so wrong with showing someone you care?"

"I just don't want anyone's approval. I don't want to act a certain way to gain someone else's pity or admiration. I just…I want the truth. I don't want people to pretend they love one another or that they care when they don't. I don't want people to pretend they're something they're not. You don't really care whether I'm happy or not. You just see me as your little charity project. You and Cameron…"

"I do care about you, Greg. How can you say that?"

"How can I be sure? How do I know you really care?"

"Trust, Greg. You should be able to trust that people aren't always acting on selfish motives. Sometimes people just care."

"Trust people? How the hell can I trust people when I've been lied to all my life?"

"What are you talking about?"

"'Oh, son, I'm sorry I used you as a fucking punching bag. I just couldn't control myself. I love you, son. Please, just don't call the police.' The sad thing is I always fell for it."

"I'm…I didn't know…"

"I don't want your pity. I don't want anyone to know anything about me. I don't want to be miserable either. I don't want things to change. I don't want people to fake happiness and pretend they're something they're not. I don't know how to trust people and I don't want to be blissfully ignorant of human's selfish motives."

"Greg…you're right about me wanting to be perfect. About me wanting everyone's approval. It's what my parents always emphasized on. They only cared about their reputations…our reputations and I can see why you see change as something to be feared, but change can be good too and…Greg, you're right about humans being flawed. A lot of people don't care. Some people can't be trusted, but you should be able to trust…say me. I'm not your friend just to make me feel better about myself and I really care about you. I love you and…I wish you'd dwell more on those brief, fleeting moments of happiness. When…you lose a patient, you're entitled to be upset. You should be upset, but then after you've sulked, you better invite me to your place so we can have an all-night marathon of the L-word. Just have a little faith in humanity or at least have a little faith in me."

Wilson gave House a weak smile before turning away to the door. House just stared and processed what the younger man said. Wilson was almost out the door when he turned back to House.

"By the way, I'm off the anti-depressants."

Fin