Title: "I Fight for My Friends!"
Summary: And silence spread throughout the arena once those words were said. Marth stared at his partner with his mouth hanging open, the Pokemon Trainer was sent into a spew of ellipsis that covered the whole screen, and everyone else just died. But Ike managed to remain completely oblivious to it all.
A/N: No one really cares if you're tired of hearing people make fun of him for it. I, for one, think that quote is completely awesome and Ike should win an award for his delivery of it. Awesome.
I don't own Brawl, Notorious B.I.G's Mo' Money Mo' Problems, or Yael Naim's New Soul.
Any warnings? Uh, lesse...there's slash, but you probably won't even notice it. Cursing. There is also a rape-influx of Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance references. And Red is the Pokemon Trainer, mmkay?
Oh yes, another warning. The stupidity in this fic far surpasses the stupidity in all the other stupid fics I have written. Enjoy, don't enjoy. I don't care, just review.
"I Fight for My Friends!"
As the announcer started his countdown, Ike managed to land one sweet Final Smash on the opposing duo. Marth watched from the background (while food was being tossed into his mouth) as both Charizard and Pit flew off the stage in a nice, fiery explosion.
A laugh soon erupted from his throat; unfortunately for him, the food got stuck in his trachea, so his final pose was him curled up on the floor, choking.
The stage dissolved around the two teams, and, almost instantly, they were in a large, white room being showered with confetti. Both Marth and Ike were up front, while Red and Pit were a few feet behind them.
The Winner is...Blue Team!
The Altean Prince, sporting an arrogant smirk, brushed his bangs out of his eyes–though, they just settled back in place–and flipped his sword, readying to say some awesome bullshit in Japanese.
But the Commander of the Crimea Liberation Army beat him to it. After a totally uncool (in Marth's opinion) stunt, he placed the Ragnell on his shoulder and said, in the most uninspired voice ever, "I fight for my friends."
And silence spread throughout the arena once those words were said. Marth stared at his partner with his mouth hanging open, Red was sent into a spew of ellipsis that covered the whole screen, Pit was just adjusting his shorts, Charizard was ROTFLing and every Smasher who had been watching the battle just died. But Ike managed to remain completely oblivious to it all.
Heh. Everyone back at home would love me for saying that. Except Naesala, of course.
A few miles away from the Smash Mansion was the Smash Bungalow. Here, the Smashers who did not make it into Brawl lived out their days. They were allowed to come to the Smash Mansion every day, between the hours of 8am to 12am. Of course, most of them didn't follow the rules–especially Roy and Young Link–and ended up staying longer.
Their daily activities included nothing; the most the fivesome did was wake up late, go to the mansion and come back. Though, in the early hours of the day, Mewtwo (along with Blaziken) would send incessant hate-mail to Lucario. This is what they usually entailed:
I hate you, and I hope you end up burning in hell. Go die. Oh wait, you ARE dead. What'choo gonna do about it? Lolz, I punched Sir Aaron in the face. Lance and Steven are better than Cynthia, and Riley sucks ass.
I hope Charizard kicks your stupid butt. And your type combination is cheap and it sucks. Like you. BLAST BURN, baby.
P.S: Dream Eat your face off. -Mewtwo
Blaziken would leave after that, because his trainer always needed him to go compete in some lame contest ("I'm in the Cool Contest guys, not Cute. Pichu, shut your mouth and stop laughing at me!").
Other than that, nothing ever happened. And today was no different. At 8:45pm, the group bounded into their respective modes of transportation and set off for their five minute journey. Dr. Mario had given them a few shots, so they had to sleep it off–this was the reason why they were setting off so late.
Young Link was using a rad set of shoe-skates, Roy and Pichu were in a sleek blue motorcycle, Mewtwo was flying behind them and Dr. Mario was using some sort of crappy racing kart (named "Med Mobile").
"So, Mewtwo!" Roy called back as he sped up to 12mph. "You thinking about doing some illegal acts on the mansion tonight?"
"No." The Psychic Pokemon telepathically turned the General's offer down.
"What? Did you say 'yes'?"
"Actually, he's shaking his head. I think he said 'no'."
"STFU, Young Link."
The group continued the rest of their quest in silence. Once they reached the overly ornate and large golden gates, they slowed down.
"Mewtwo, use teleport."
"For the love of Arceus, Roy. I'm not your Pokemon to control."
All eyes were set on Mewtwo after that comment, which was not said telepathically. It took the Pokemon two hours before he finally relented and teleported them inside.
Everyone's head snapped to the entrance as the band of hoodlums crashed through the doors. Falco immediately went into a slew of curses and "Actually, I prefer the Arwing to the Landmaster", to which everyone replied ('cept Wolf), "Then why don't you freakin' get one?"
Roy's motorcycle continued towards the once-peaceful group of television watching Smashers, and he only stopped after he ran over Mr. Game & Watch.
"Hai guyz!" He greeted, getting off his rad ride and kicking down the kick-stand. Pichu followed suite, along with the rest of the I got left out of Brawl because they think I'm lame even though I could kick their asses group. "So, anything new happen since fourteen hours ago?"
"I didn't ask you, Ness. Shut your mouth."
Link, who was sipping a Strawberry Snapple, gazed over at him. "We just heard the most WTF-tastic phrase ever." He responded in that oh-so sexily hot deep voice that made the girls faint. "'I fight for my friends.'"
"Yeah," Roy narrowed his eyes, "I fight for my friends too, Link. So what phrase are you talking about?"
"'I fight for my friends'." Nana repeated.
"Yes, just go ask my buddies in Elibe. I fight for them too. Now, what-"
"You douchebag," Wolf screamed, rubbing the space between his eyes. "'I fight for my friends' is the fucking phrase. Is everyone here just stupid or something? God, you're all like McCloud back in Star Fox 64."
And the silence that had enveloped the arena before soon flooded back into the living room. Mewtwo looked as if he had seen Mew in the shower, Dr. Mario's expression resembled that of a child after getting their Tetanus shot, Pichu was busy taking in deep breaths, Young Link started to cut himself with his Fairy Sword, and Roy simply coughed.
"Who said that?"
Metaknight, who had been busy training with Kirby, appeared right in front of the red-head's face and said, "Commander Ike."
Once Roy heard that name, his face turned sour. "Oh, that little bitch said it, huh? Hoho." He hopped back onto his motorcycle, reeved it up and–driving over Game & Watch's body–headed straight for the Mario 64 like staircase that lead up to the dorms.
Sadly, at the 15th out of 35th step, he got stuck, so the I got left out of Brawl because they think I'm lame even though I could kick their asses group had to push it up the remaining ones. Roy, however, stayed in the motorcycle; he also left the kick-stand down so he was partly to blame for the immovability.
Once they had reached step 34, Young Link had to stop for a milk break; this random act of stupidity caused the group to fly back down the staircase and land in a fiery explosion. Dr. Mario ended up in a coma, but no one noticed, because no one really cared about him.
"...Lucas, where the hell did that come from?"
"Dunno, Ness...I dunno..."
With Battle! Dialga and Palkia! playing in the background, the Melee Smashers dragged themselves up the flights of stairs with heavy hearts. Once they reached the top, and after five turns to the left, they ended up in front of Ike's dorm room. Taking in a deep breath, Pichu used Quick Attack and threw himself against the door, which crashed open.
Roy stepped in and struck an Objection! pose. "Ike! You...uh..."
It was probably the worse sight to behold, but they had to behold it anyway. Marth, in his bed, was laying on his side, reading an obviously yaoi novel. By the looks of it, Only the Ring Finger Knows. Ike, on the other hand, was sleeping in the same bed, reading an article on CNN via IBM laptop. Dude, it wasn't a DELL.
At least it's not that damn MacAir. La la la la lalala la la lah...
Mewtwo furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "What are you two doing?"
Ike looked up from his spot and stared over at the Melee group. "I didn't see you there." He muttered, in the most uninspired voice ever. "What are you all doing here?"
Marth managed to ignore them. He was successful.
"So, Ikey-poo," Roy sneered, tilting his head back in an overly arrogant way. "I hear that you have a new phrase that has nothing to do with 'Prepare yourself'. Please, I must hear it."
One of Ike's eyes twitched, "Only Soren can call me Ikey-poo. And Queen Elincia, if she feels like it." He snarled, slamming the hood of his laptop down. "And why the hell does everyone bug me about 'I fight for my friends'? It's not even that bad–you're all just making a big deal out of nothing. Man, it's like the more phrases I say, the more foolish things I hear."
Once those words were uttered, Dr. Mario was (miraculously) revived and ran into the room. "Did I just hear...Mo phrases, Mo problems?"
"That translates to 'No', you foolish humans."
But the doctor didn't hear that. Instead, he pushed passed the General and struck a stupid-looking pose. "I don't know why, I say these things. It's like the mo' phrases I come across, the mo' problems I see. I don't know why, I say these things. It's like the mo' phrases I come across, the mo' problems I see."
In the background (now dressed like the Fanta Girls–wanna Fanta?) Roy, Pichu, Mewtwo and Young Link were busy being the back-up singers. "What's going down? Oh, somebody tell me, what's going down?"
Finally Marth, letting out a content sigh, closed the novel he was reading and placed it on the small desk near his bed. "Oh, Roy? Didn't see you there, babe."
The whole rip-off musical production fell apart once Marth said 'babe'. Though, at the same time, Red and Pit walked past the open door.
"OMG!" Pit screeched, pointing like a groupie. "It's General Roy! Hai, General Roy! You're so awesome!"
Red, upon watching his best-friend turn into a fangirl, threw himself over the banister to end his life. It didn't happen, though. Because Jigglypuff and Pikachu wouldn't allow that.
Roy cracked his knuckles and placed his hands on his hips. "Yo, We Like Ike, I still don't understand how a pansy like you made the cut, but I didn't. Let's go, one-on-one, you and me. Right here, right now."
"What? Are you afraid? You're such a stupid pup."
And that tore it. No one ever called Ike a 'stupid pup'. Shinon did, and one could only imagine what happened to him after he was bitch-slapped half-way across the continent of Tellius.
However, since he didn't really hate Roy, Ike restrained himself. But the ass-kicking that would befall everyone's favorite redhead was only delayed for two seconds. In that two seconds, the Pherean noble ran over to the bed, tripped over nothing and fell on Marth, elbowing the man in the face.
Roy had hurt Marth.
And Ike snapped.
La la la la...
Indeed, Ike did fight for his friends. And if you try to mess with them, he will (no doubt) kick your ass.
Friends. Ike fights for them.
Even the ending never ceases to amaze me. LOLZ, REVIEW IF U WANT, GUYZ. Hehehurz.