Note: I do not speak French. However, a friend of mine does, who wrote a few sentences for Language and told me the translation. I am unsure whether or not it is correct, so bear with me.
Language (Translations at bottom of page)
It was a normal day in the host club.
Well, normal besides the fact that Tamaki had been speaking French all day.
"Haruhi, ma fille bien-aimée, seriez-vous me faire le plaisir de
passer la soirée avec moi?(1)" He asked, down on one knee.
"Nous allons dîner coeur, et vous aurez un avant-goût de ootoro,
et je vais vous aider à étudier pour les examens ... puis nous
allons mettre fin à la nuit se tenant par la main! Qu'est-ce que
vous dites?(2)" He then looked up expectantly.
Haruhi stared blankly back at him, then hesitantly asked, "...What?"
Semi-fortunately for Haruhi, Hikaru stepped in at that point. "Tono, cesser de demander ma petite amie,(3)" He deadpanned at Tamaki with a glare. He then turned to Haruhi and explained, "He said that he could buy a yacht full of whores with unibrows, moles, bushy hair, and a stomach the size of 5 fat men, and they'd still be prettier than you, then went on to tell you to 'quit your bitchin' and get in the kitchen' to cook his dinner. Then he asked why you smell like a rotten banana. But, none of that is true, and Tamaki is an asshole so you should come with me to go sit with Kaoru in order to avoid being insulted more."
"What?!" She shot Tamaki a glare, then something clicked in her head. "...I didn't realize you knew French!" she exclaimed, dumbfounded that Hikaru actually knew something useful.
"Mom's got a lot of business in France," he grinned, then grabbed her arm and started dragging her off to the couch where Kaoru was waiting for them.
"Oh," she replied, then glanced back at Tamaki, who looked quite like a fish, with his mouth opening and closing. The flailing of his arms only added to the comical sight that was the currently sputtering host club king. Her glance sharpened into yet another glare as she tersely muttered, but not quietly enough for him to miss it, "Riche bâtard."
"Hikaru, why are we dating?" Haruhi asked idly, glancing towards her watch.
Hikaru rolled onto his stomach, placed a hand under his chin, and confidently answered, "Because we like each other."
Haruhi mimicked his actions. "How are you so certain I like you?"
"Because you're dating me."
"But I might have accepted out of pity."
"Why would you pity me?"
"Because you like me."
"But you like me back."
"But you don't know that for sure."
"I'm pretty sure I do."
"I've never said that I have."
"But I--" a rolled up newspaper then met the side of Hikaru's head. "Ow, Kaoru, what the hell?!"
Said twin was standing above them, glaring due to a total loss of patience. He then hit Haruhi with the newspaper, who yelped, and yelled, "Shut up, both of you! God, you guys are so stubborn! Of all things to have in common, why the hell are you both so stubborn!?" He huffed and turned around, returning to his previous position. "Now finish your homework!"
"Hey, Haruhi," a certain strawberry blond prodded the crossdresser.
"Hikaru, can this wait? I need to finish my homework," she muttered in reply, not even glancing up at him.
"Go on a date with me."
This time she looked up. "...Excuse me?"
"You heard me," he replied casually, picking at his nails.
"...As friends?" she questioned.
"Of course not, I said date."
She hesitated, then stated, "But you always have some reason for whatever you do."
He sighed loudly, rolled his eyes, and answered, "Okay, then, because I'm bored. So, wanna go?"
"Uh..." she blinked in thought, then decided, "Sure," (sort of) forgetting her books as he dragged her to his (a bit too conveniently for Haruhi's tastes) waiting limo.
It had been an innocent question.
"Hey, Hikaru, are you able to stick your feet behind your head?"
And now Haruhi was mentally cursing herself for not having learned that you do not ask these people conversation starting questions because it can onlyendupinutterdisasteranddoomandCHAOS.
For now, instead of doing something productive, Hikaru was forcing his feet behind his head rather unsuccessfully.
And... she must have zoned out.
Because now he was screaming.
And his feet were both behind his head. (Well, at least he did it.)
"Haruhi, I can't remove my feet from behind my head!" he wailed.
"Well, does it hur--"
"Okay then, I'll try helpi-- ACK!"
As you may have guessed, Haruhi had indeed randomly tripped midsentence.
And how equally mis fortunate that she happened to land face down, head dangerously close to his...
And, OF COURSE, how could one forget that of all possible moments, Tamaki chose that one to walk in?
There was a very awkward, pained silence, until finally, Tamaki screamed.
"OKAA-SAN, MY CHILDREN ARE TRYING WEIRD NEW SEX POSITIONS!"
The pages of the binder were littered with drawings.
Said drawings were of semi-romantic situations between a certain Hitachiin Hikaru and Fujioka Haruhi.
She hadn't known this, of course, for she'd be perturbed and would, most likely, refrain from speaking to him (or so he figured)...
...Keyword being, as indicated by the underline, hadn't.
He had tried stopping her, he really had-- but, of course, he failed, and Haruhi had flipped through his binder to find his notes from the previous class to help during their study session.
Only, instead of notes, she found herself staring at several intricate drawings-- one of her and Hikaru holding hands, one of them sharing ear buds, one of her pecking him on the cheek...
I think you get the idea.
Finally, she broke the silence. "You've got quite an eye for detail, Hikaru," she praised, flipping through the pages to see other drawings.
Weird, wasn't she supposed to be scolding him? Or maybe telling him it was a waste of pa--
"But you shouldn't use up half of your pages just for doodles... really, what a waste of paper," she reprimanded, finding the notes she had been looking for and unclipping them.
(1) Haruhi, my beloved daughter, would you do me pleasure of spending the evening with me?
(2) We will dine heartily, and you will have your first taste of ootoro, and I'll help you study for exams ... then we'll end the night holding hands! What do you say?
(3)Tono, stop asking my girlfriend out.