I forgot to put this in because I wrote this chapter before it happened. Someone feels the need to report this story as stolen/plagiarized on every site I post on, leading mods in a circle of links to my other accounts. I did not steal this, I fucking wrote it. I do not appreciate whoever is reporting this as plagiarized as I would never do that. Because this is happening I would like to officially say that I am kellegirl here and on my personal site, kelle611 on Y!Gallery and Deviant Art, and narryaworry on livejournal. All are me, I am them all. If you have a problem with me and are just messing with me then confront me. The way you are linking mods in a circular chase the writer leads me to believe you are just pissed at me personally. Stop it and just freaking talk to me, don't do this, it risks me being banned on the sites I'm a member at and I don't appreciate it.
APRIL FOOLS!! I wasn't done. –Cackles- Yeah, sucky prank, I know, but I suck at pranks. Though this is the last chapter of Holiday Surprises for sure, I really don't have it in me to continue on with this. Holiday Revelry is in the works, should be up in about a week. After this, I'm going to be starting a series using the horoscope signs. That will probably be in the crossover section. The pranks described in this chapter are with the help of the lovely people over on Y!Gallery, though I have made some changes to a few of them.
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII belongs to God. I am not God. At least I don't think I am…wouldn't that be ironic if I was?
Warning: Sephiroth abuse.
Music: I wrote this to Manic by Plumb. Don't know why, but it got the creative juices flowing for the first time in weeks.
Sephiroth woke to the sound of snickering, the soft noise floating into his bedroom from down the hall. Just as he opened his eyes a door slammed shut and the snickering halted, signaling whoever had been making the noise had departed. Glancing at the clock the General groaned, only four in the morning. Figuring he might as well get something out of his early awakening, Sephiroth turned to snuggle up to Cloud only to find the blond missing. A quick glance at his other side showed Zack was gone as well. Sighing heavily he pulled himself out of bed, knowing full well he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep after being woken up. Dressing quickly, the silver haired man left his room, rubbing a hand through his thick locks as he stumbled down the hall. Entering his living room, Sephiroth froze.
Cloud was sitting on the love seat in only his boxers, except it didn't seem as if he really wanted to be there. The furious glare and plastic wrap securing him to the chair as well as the ball gag in his mouth seemed to be pretty obvious indicators of that. Sephiroth honestly considered pretending that he was sleep walking and abandoning the blond until he was ready to deal with what Zack had obviously done, but the narrowed sapphire eyes looking in his direction told him he wouldn't be able to get away with it. Sighing heavily, the General walked up to Cloud and pulled the gag out of his mouth.
"How did Zack do this?" the silver haired male asked, forcing his voice to remain neutral.
"I woke up like this," Cloud snapped, struggling slightly against the plastic surrounding him, "He just started giggling at me then left. Said something about your office and if you go to save your precious office before getting me out, so help me Gaia, I will make you pay!"
Sephiroth barely managed to disguise the twitch his body had made to head out the door as the beginning of a motion to unwrap Cloud. "I would never do that," he said dismissively, his fingers moving along the plastic wrap, attempting to feel the edge.
"Riiiight," the blond sounded less than convinced.
Ignoring the smaller male, the General frowned at the plastic securing the blond. It looked like Zack had managed to get it around Cloud at least a dozen times, probably more given the thickness. "I'm going to have to cut through this," Sephiroth said as he held out a hand and summoned Masamune.
"Whoa!" Cloud jumped slightly, "Not with that!"
"I doubt any of the kitchen knives would be sharp enough without risking injuring you."
The blond chewed on his lip for a moment before nodding his consent, closing his eyes so he didn't have to watch the blade approach his body. Sephiroth made quick work of the plastic wrap, moving with years of experience to remove it without even grazing Cloud's skin. Stepping back, the silver haired male watched the plastic fall away, chuckling slightly when the blond didn't open his eyes or move.
"You know you're free now, right?" Sephiroth said, his lip quirking at the hesitant way Cloud opened one eye and moving his hands cautiously over his now free body.
"Oh shut up," the blond muttered.
"I didn't say anything," the General said loftily, moving away from the cadet into the kitchen.
"I didn't say anything," Cloud imitated under his breath.
"I heard that."
"No you didn't, it was your mind, you're still asleep."
"Gaia I wish I was," Sephiroth groaned as he flicked the switch on the coffee pot. Sparks shot out of the device, forcing the General to jump back in surprise.
"Zack was doing stuff in the kitchen before he left," Cloud called.
"Great," Sephiroth groaned as he unplugged the still sparking coffee maker, "Now I can't trust anything in here." Running a hand through his hair irritably, the General looked over at Cloud. The blond had stood up and was stretching slightly, his boxers slipping down his hips ever so slightly. While instinct told Sephiroth to take advantage of that, his pride came to the fore. "Get dressed, we're going Puppy hunting."
"Eh?" Cloud cocked his head to the side slightly.
"I will not tolerate Zack's antics today, I'm still pissed about what he did to my office on St. Patrick 's Day," Sephiroth explained, "We're going to get him back for once."
"Wait…you, General Sephiroth, are going to get Zack back?" the blond was openly gaping at the older man.
"Yes, I'm going to get Zack back."
"Mr. Straight and Narrow?" Cloud's obvious disbelief was starting to annoy Sephiroth, "Mr. I have never done anything against the book? You are going to-"
"Yes!" the General snapped, "I am going to go after Zack and prank his insubordinate ass into submission. And you are going to help me."
"…we're all going to die," Cloud muttered.
"I am thrilled with your confidence in me," Sephiroth dead panned.
Sapphire eyes watched him for a moment before Cloud turned on his heel and snatched the phone off the table. Not bothering to answer the questioning arch of Sephiroth's eyebrow, the blond dialed and waited for an answer. "If the President is not on fire I will destroy you," a voice croaked on the other end.
"We're pranking Zack," the cadet said simply.
"I'll be there in five minutes! Don't start without me!"
The line went dead and Cloud turned back to a curious looking Sephiroth. "Reno will be here to help in a couple minutes, I'm going to go get dressed before he shows up."
The silver haired male just waved a hand dismissively, turning back to the kitchen and cautiously moving through it in an attempt to find something that could not have been tampered with. By the time Cloud had returned in his uniform, Sephiroth had managed to find some protein bars hidden in the back of one of the cupboards. Tossing one of the stale bars at the blond cadet, the General continued to munch on his. Cloud had just managed to get his teeth through his own slightly rubbery bar when someone began pounding on the front door. Abandoning the inedible protein bar, the blond went to answer before Reno broke the door down.
"We're here!" Genesis yelled, pushing his way into the apartment as soon as the door was opened.
Reno quickly followed after him, a grumpy Angeal in tow. "Where'd you all come from?" Sephiroth asked.
"Reno stopped by my apartment on his way here," Genesis said happily, "And Angeal was with me already, so he overheard Reno explaining what's going on with Zack and instead of letting him warn the Puppy I brought him with!"
"You are far too happy for so early in the morning," Cloud muttered.
"It's not everyday that I get the chance to get that little shit back for putting itching powder in all my underwear," the First Class SOLDIER scowled, "I thought I had crabs! Do you have any idea how mortifying it is to have Hojo inspect your pubes?!"
"…" resounding silence met Genesis' statement.
"Well it's bad," he muttered, crossing his arms and looking away.
"Alright….what's the game plan yo?" Reno asked.
"I was thinking we glue the furniture in his office to the ceiling, paint his motorcycle bright pink, put bleach in his shampoo, and use the itching powder against him," Sephiroth said, his arms crossed over his chest.
"I have some tranquilizers that I stole from Hojo's lab," Reno said, pointedly ignoring the stares his statement received, "If we can shoot Zack in the ass with it then we can shave his head. He'd notice the bleach in the shampoo, why not just eliminate the need?"
"I like the way you think," Genesis grinned, "Marry me, we'll have beautiful, evil babies together."
"Anytime yo," the Turk winked at the other redhead.
"I'm going to sleep in your guest bedroom," Angeal grumbled, "It's my day off and I do not intend to spend it helping you lot get revenge."
"You know Zack engraved a little Hello Kitty on your Buster Sword?" Cloud said casually.
"WHAT?!" Angeal ripped the large weapon off his back and immediately began looking it over. His body went rigid when he found the small dancing cat. "Puppy is going to be neutered."
Zack skipped down the hall, happy in the knowledge that all his traps were set. Sure, there was going to be some back lash, but it would be worth it considering the hidden cameras waiting to film the mayhem. Heading to his little used office, the brunet grinned broadly as he passed Sephiroth. The General was reading a report and didn't look up as the SOLDIER moved past him. It was probably for the best, Sephiroth could always tell when he was up to something just from looking at him. Pushing open the door to his office, Zack screeched. A cold bucket of water had dumped onto his head, drenching him in the process. Standing stark still for a moment, the brunet whimpered and opened the eyes he had closed when the freezing liquid washed over him.
Violet eyes widened in shock when he saw all his furniture gone. "Wha…what?" he looked around frantically, moving into the room as if his desk would suddenly reappear. Standing in the middle of the room, Zack flinched when a pen smacked his head. Looking up, the brunet found his desk, chairs, and file cabinet. Someone had managed to glue it all to the ceiling in a perfect recreation of his office layout. "What the fuck?" he murmured.
Slowly backing out of his office slowly, Zack bumped into the SOLDIER First Class secretary. "I'm sorry Mr. Fair," the small strawberry blond murmured.
"No problem Sparkles!" the brunet chirped.
Scowling heavily, the secretary clutched the files in his arms to his chest. "My name is Christophe," he snipped, "Not Sparkles."
"But you wear glitter all the time."
"You throw it on me!" Christophe seethed.
"It looks good on you," Zack blinked innocently.
Narrowing pale green eyes at the SOLDIER the secretary growled out, "There's something wrong with your bike."
"NOT WOLFY!" Zack screamed and dashed off down the hall.
Zack skidded into the elevator door, smashing into it with more force than he meant. Groaning in pain, the brunet pushed the down button and waited. Finally the elevator arrived, opening to reveal Cloud. "I will get you back," the blond muttered as he passed the SOLDIER, "Just wait."
"Oh come on," Zack said as he entered the elevator and began slamming his finger into button, "It wasn't that bad!"
"Still going to make you pay," Cloud said as he marched off down the hall.
"How's it going?" Cloud said as he entered the security room, glancing at the wall lined with monitors.
"We just stopped the elevator he's in," Genesis snickered, "He's having a seizure."
"Seriously?" the blond asked moving so he could see the monitor with the security feed of the elevators.
Zack was twitching as he paced around the small, confined space, occasionally slamming his fists against the door. "I think he's gonna lose it yo," Reno giggled, bouncing in his seat.
"Is the release mechanism installed or did we not have an opportunity to put that in?" Sephiroth asked lightly, leaning against the wall across from the group.
"I put it in," Angeal said, pulling a small remote out of his pocket, "We'll see if it works."
Angeal pressed the button and the group gazed at the monitor. Inside the elevator Zack paused as photos rained down on his head. A shriek sounded as the brunet looked at the images of his bright pink bike.
Zack curled into a ball in the corner of the elevator, rocking back and forth as he stared at the pictures of his precious motorcycle. He couldn't believe anyone would defile Wolfy like that, but it was clearly his own bike. The entire thing had been spray painted pink before someone added lighter pink flowers and electric pink swirls all over it. One of the pictures caught his eye and he looked over at it. Perched on top of his bike was a small Hello Kitty figure.
"ANGEAL YOU BASTARD!" the brunet screeched.
"Looks like it's time for phase two of the elevator," Angeal smirked.
"Ooh, ooh," Genesis jumped up and down, "Let me!"
The brunet tossed the remote over to his friend before looking back at the screen. Genesis pressed a second button on the remote and the group watched as white powder was dumped into the compartment. Zack screamed batting at the itching powder in a weak attempt to defend himself.
Reno smirked broadly before raising a walkie talkie to his mouth. "Red Fox calling Alpha Team. Come in Alpha Team," he said into the device.
"Alpha team reporting in," a female voice responded.
"Initiating Puppy drop, stand at ready for acquisition," the redhead said.
"Alpha team awaiting Puppy drop, over and out."
Reno typed a code into the computer in front of him and the group watched as the elevator began its descent. Zack was going insane inside the cabinet, scratching his entire body in a desperate attempt to relieve the itching. When the elevator door opened the brunet stumbled out and Reno immediately pointed at a second monitor so the group could watch the SOLDIER's progress. Zack moved through the underground garage cautiously, his eyes darting around desperately as he made his way towards where he always parked his bike. His caution vanished when he saw that his bike was in fact bright pink. The group snickered as he ran up to it, a small cheer going up when they saw the dart shoot into his butt. Zack flailed around for a moment before dropping like a rock.
"This is Alpha Team," the female voice sounded from the walkie talkie as Elena stepped out of the shadows, "Puppy is down." She kicked Zack lightly before looking up at the security camera. "Puppy is really down. Initiating operation flea bath."
Zack groaned loudly as he came to. Looking around he found that he was still next to his bike, his bike was still pink, and that he still itched. Sighing heavily he went to run a hand through his hair, only to find he was in fact bald.
"You know," a voice said casually, forcing Zack to look up, "It was only a matter of time."
"Fuck you Seph! I never did anything like this to you!"
"Yeah you did," Cloud said smugly, standing behind the silver haired male, "And you put pictures of it up online. It seriously was just a matter of time."
Okay, really done now. You have no idea how hard that was for me to write, I hate pranks with such a passion you can not even begin to fathom it, plus I could not spell to save my life. I view pranks as nothing more than a disguised form of bullying and with my history, I despise every bully on the planet. If you don't get a reply for a review right away, it's most likely because I'm at an Anime Convention the weekend after I post this. You should be glad my little prank was not telling anyone about this chapter, I almost went with a fake chapter of Therapy. Oh well, see ya people! –Waves and skips off-