Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
Author notes: I did this in response to a challenge where you pick a character, put 20 character names in a hat, and draw them out and have the starting character have a sexual relationship with each of them in the context of a story. This one was very amusing… so amusing that I ended up writing several of these stories. My character I chose was Buffy, and her hat-chosen lovers are Jenny Calendar, Drusilla, Darla, Anya, and Tru Davies.

It's taken me a long time to even realize it, let alone to say it, but I'm a little more self-perceptive and mature now, or so I'd like to think anyway, and I can finally say it without the denials and backtracking and excuses. Even if it's weird and creepy and just plain yuck, as Dawn would say, I can say it and I don't mind it anymore.

I have a thing for older women. Much, much older women. As in, ranging from fifteen years to one thousand years older. And usually, women who have tried to kill me or betray me, or later betrayed me. Women who are evil.

Well, not ALL of them were evil. Some of them were just sneaky. Or only formerly evil. Not wholly, entirely, evil to the core. But even so, the track record I have… it's kinda scary. Literally.

First there was Miss Calendar… Jenny, when we were alone. I know, I know, I can see you cringing and squawking right now. Teacher and student, illegal, forbidden, your watcher's girlfriend, blah blah blah. Bad Buffy, very bad Buffy. Let's just say that in my defense, it was over with long before Giles got the nerve to stutter up the courage to even speak to her. I needed tutoring, it was a particularly exhilarating slay that night that I went to the school for help… I had to save her life, she was grateful, things happened. I'll spare you the details. Later she had a guilt attack and gave me this huge apology, and after that it was pretty weird between us. It made her betrayal of me later, and her murder, that much harder…

Then came Drusilla and Darla… that wasn't actually my own decision, at least at first. After Darla was resurrected and Drusilla re-made her a vampire, Wes and Cordy called Sunnydale to warn everyone. I travelled up to see Angel- and thinking to stake them- but they accosted me and basically raped me, as much as two females could rape another female. It wasn't a threesome deal... it was Darla, and then along came Drusilla twenty minutes later. All, "Oh poor little dolly is hurting, let me kiss and make it better..." And a second rape proceeds. Well, I say rape… but the thing is, I enjoyed it. They didn't hurt me, not really- I think they more were trying to distract me, shake me up. Boy did they. I went home after that… didn't try to kill them, never even told Angel what had happened. And damn if I couldn't stop thinking about them… okay, FANTASIZING about them.

And then Anya. An ex-vengeance demon. Are you seeing a theme here? Like with the others, I didn't really mean for it to happen. As a new human, Anya didn't know how to dance, so one night while out with her and Willow and Tara at a club, I thought I'd show her. I don't remember where Xander was. Wait, I think he was sleeping, and Anya was pissed because he was too tired to have sex with her or 

something. Something like that. Anyway, I'd had a few beers, and you know how well I hold my alcohol. One thing led to another, and we kept dancing more and more intimately, with Anya going right along with it, until we were making out against the wall. We didn't stop until Willow and Tara's horrified stares registered in my mind. Okay, so we never actually had sex. But I swear that Anya would have been willing to right then and there as long as it gave her pleasurable orgasms.

She never mentioned it again, and I passed it off as a result of me being wasted to everyone else. But honestly, for the next six months, every time I saw Anya and Xander together I wanted to scream with frustration and jealousy. And again… for the fourth time, the woman I had been with was killed. Well okay, Drusilla wasn't… but for all I know she has been by now.

Right now, I'm with Tru Davies, and so far she seems to be the pattern breaker. She's my age, for one thing, and she saves lives instead of taking them. I'm not even forcing her to cheat on anyone by being with her. But still… I can't help but watch for her evil side to rear its ugly, betraying head. Sometimes I think I almost hope it will…

Then again, that would probably mean she'd become the fifth woman I was with who died… so, crossing my fingers. Really, really hard.