" Itachi." said Sasuke with a snarl. He was standing a short distance away from Itachi on top of a large building. While Itachi couldn't tell much about the building, the scene was impressive, like the end of a movie.
Behind Sasuke lay the broken corpses of the Akatsuki, which the younger Uchiha had carved his way through to get to Itachi. He had gotten quite strong and was now powerful enough that Itachi and he could fight equally. And, finally, Sasuke had finished the job and killed the blonde boy so his Sharingan were at full power.
" Foolish little brother, shall we fight?" suggested Itachi. Sasuke charged with a howl, his Mangekyou activating. Itachi activated his and their eyes met, locked in a genjutsu battle. Sasuke fought valiantly, but Itachi used his awesome ninja skills to dig out Sasuke's eyes and put them in a pickle jar. After an awesome battle where he had nearly lost to his brother he threw the lifeless corpse of Sasuke of the building and the credits began to roll…..
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Smiling, Itachi sat up and rubbed the sleep from his Sharingan. He'd had his favorite dream, the one where he tore his brothers eyes out and put them in a pickle jar. He felt unusually full of life. He dressed and left his room to join the others in the Akatsuki kitchen.
" 'sup bitch." said Hidan as he walked in. The evil priest was always the first up for his rituals.
" Oh, nothing really. Hey, are we killing anyone today?" asked Itachi in a singsong voice, helping himself to some toast.
" Uh…probably." said Hidan, blinking. That was more that Itachi said in some weeks.
" War! Un! What is good for" sand Diedara, skipping in. " Making bigass explosions, that's what!" he said with a hip thrust. It was his duty as a artist to freak the others out.
" Sing it with me! War!"
To Hidan and Diedara's shock, Itachi had joined in. Not wasting the opportunity, Diedara sand a duet and blew up the toaster in a combination exploding clay/fire jutsu attack.
" Whats's with you today, un?" asked Diedara as Hidan pulled shrapnel out of his neck.
" I don't know!" said Itachi, sitting down in a slouch. " I just feel good."
" I bet he's a impostor, un." grunted Diedara, watching the Uchiha.
" Yeah. Probably that little gay brother of his." said Hidan, hefting his scythe.
" You three, knock it off." said Pein, walking in. " We have a mission today."
" Do we get to kill heathens?" said Hidan hopefully.
" With explosions?" asked Diedara.
" Yes." said Pein with a sigh. " You three are the only ones here, so get to it. Zetsu will go with you and give you the details. Move it."
" That is?" asked Hidan, looking at the small monastery.
" Yup." said Zetsu.
" Goody! Lets go!" said Itachi, skipping towards the entrance. They barged ina dn were faced with a number of shocked looking monks.
" All of you, form a line!" commanded Itachi. " First, we'll be sacrificing you to a evil god, then we're gonna have Zetsu eat your bodies, and then the hermaphrodite will blow the everlifing fuck out of this place. Understand?"
" You serious?" said Hidan, walking up. " Usually you guys just kill a bunch and I can't do any proper sacrificing."
" Why not?" shrugged Itachi.
" And the bodies?" said Zetsu, licking his lips.
" I brought salt, pepper, ketchup, and mustard." said Itachi, handing the condiments to the plant man thing.
" And I get to blow stuff up without you being all 'Uchiha's are best" and shit, un?" asked Diedara.
" He didn't say…"
" Sure!" said Itachi with a smile. " And, between you and me, I think those explosions are actually quite pretty."
" Fake Itachi is the best!"
" So he's real?" asked Kisame, looking at the meal that Itachi had prepared. He'd cooked everyone in Akatsuki their favorite dinner. Kakazu had the cheapest Mac and Cheese that money could buy, Tobi had a lollypop, Sasori had WD40, and for Kisame there was a trussed up surfer (just like mom used to make!).
" Yep." said Diedara, smiling ear to ear.
" Eat up!" said Itachi, flittering about and filling up their drinks.
" Wow. This didn't cost you anything." said Kakazu, taking a bit of the macroni. " Good job."
" What brought this on?" asked Kisame, taking a bite.
" Oh, I had my favorite dream." said Itachi cheerfully.
" I hope you have it a lot then." said Pein, glad the asshole Uchiha was finally doing more than just standing and looking cool.
" Popcorn?" asked Itachi, bringing in a large bowl of buttery popcorn. He'd paid for them to get cable in the lair, so everyone was watching their TV. Kakazu couldn't complain about of large it was or how much money they were wasting because Itachi paid for it out of pocket.
" Yeah, un!" said Diedara, grabbing the bowl and putting both hands in. Munching sounds came from the popcorn as the mouths on his hands ate for him.
" I don't want any now that he's touched it." said Hidan in disgust.
" I have separate bowls for everyone!" said Itachi, brining in more.
" Fake Itachi is the best!"
" Man, I hope he had that dream again." said Kisame hopefully. Last night, after the free massages, Itachi had promised a pancake breakfast. Everyone was up early and waiting for him.
As everyone waited with baited breath, the Uchiha slid into the room, looking rather unemotional.
" Damn." swore Hidan as Itachi sat down.
" I really wanted pancakes." sighed Kisame.
" What would cheer you up again, Itachi-san?" asked Tobi, who usually made breakfast.
" Hurting an Uchiha." said Itachi emotionlessly.
" Oh! Right then!" said Tobi, tearing off the mask and revealing his true Obito-ness. Itachi stabbed him and raced into the kitchen where he began to sing merrily and make breakfast.
" Fake…Itachi is…the best." wheezed Tobi, sitting up abut pulling the kunai from his chest.
" Damn right." said everyone in unison.